#desverissimo

“Hey, that is not fair! You pushed him away; you can’t exactly blame him for leaving!” Emma knew she was right. She had pushed him away. “Just tell me what to do. I don’t know where to go from here,” she said sadly. Carol smiled and replied, “Emma, stop thinking so much. Tell me, what is your heart telling you?”

“Nothing, my heart can’t talk. It doesn’t actually have a mouth,” she said sarcastically, before seeing the look on Caroline’s face and sighing. “I don’t know, ok? That’s why I’m here- I need you to help me figure that out.”

“Well I can tell you this much- I don’t think I’ve ever seen you happier that you were that night with Killian. I know you think he’s some heartbreaker whose going to leave you crying, wondering what happened, but trust me when I say that that’s not the case. Maybe it was, but it isn’t now.”

Emma looked down, not sure what to think. “How do you know that though? I mean how could you possibly know that isn’t the case?” she whispered. Her eyes drifted up after a moment of silence, gauging Carol’s expression. “Because he came to me, Emma. He asked me to make you see that he isn’t just some guy. He told me…” she paused, taking a breath before continuing, knowing what she was about to say would probably confuse Emma even more. “He said he needed to make you see how much he cares about you. And I believe him. He really cares about you, and I think if you went to him right now, he wouldn’t be leaving tomorrow,” she said. Emma’s eyebrows pulled together and her lips curved down as she tried to understand. “Look, I don’t know what else to tell you, hun. He really likes you, and I honestly don’t think he wants to leave tomorrow- I mean, his original plan was to leave Sunday; I think he’s just trying to escape the pain of, well, of not having you return his feelings. I have to go meet Rob, but promise me you’ll at least consider going to talk to him?” She asked as she stood, putting her blue jacket on. It reminded Emma of the hoodie sitting on her couch, the one that still managed to smell like him. She looked up and nodded, smiling slightly, before watching Caroline leave.

~

Emma couldn’t sleep. As much as she tried, she just couldn’t stop thinking. Carol told her she thought Killian was leaving because of her, because he was hurt. Somewhere between 1 and 2am she realized that the pain he was possibly in was the exact pain she had felt when she realized Neal had played her. He was right after all; she had strung him along. She knew nothing would happen, not really, but played his little game anyway. She turned onto her side, looking out the window. The curtains had a small gap that she could see between, and she watched the deep purple clouds roll in. A single light of lightning flashed far off in the direction of the ocean. She sighed, and tried to sleep once more, but when she closed her eyes all she could see was his face when she told him she didn’t want him. The image surprised her, jolting her even more awake as she sat straight up. Her knees pulled forward so her elbows could rest on them, her head in her hands, body trembling. Why wouldn’t he leave her alone? Even in her memories he was finding ways to piss her off- no, that wasn’t true. He never really upset her, she actually found his little remarks and ploys endearing. He was infuriating, sure, but he had never really made her angry. She got up and walked downstairs, not really aware of what she was doing until her fingers grasped the soft material of his jacket, waking her from her trance. She dropped it suddenly. What the hell are you doing?! Are you crazy? She thought. A low sigh escaped her lips as she lowered herself onto the couch, pulling the jacket on. As soon as her arms were through the sleeves, she toppled over so she was lying down. It wasn’t long before she drifted off to sleep, the sound of raindrops and the smell of sea brine filling her senses.

~

Killian woke early, he had fought for what little sleep he had gotten, and he supposed he finally lost the battle. He walked out the door of Rob’s place; he felt like he was suffocating in there. “Bloody hell…” he muttered as he walked outside, only to see a rainy mess outside. He flipped his hood on, and began his walk to the docks. The only place he truly felt at home was on a boat, and he thought maybe being around them would help him breathe easier. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

His head tilted up to look as a bolt of lightning lit up the sky, his jacked hood falling to his shoulders. He lowered his gaze and saw the particular dock he and Emma had sat and talked at. Suddenly his chest burned and he the ground became very interesting as he pressed onward, not bothering to pull the hood back up- the rain made him feel more awake, more alive. He stumbled to the edge of the dock, looking out over the stormy water. He wasn’t one to cry, not ever really, but everything came crashing down on him and he sank to the dock, sitting down and clutching his abdomen. What the bloody hell did she do to me? He wondered. He couldn’t remember a single moment in his entire existence where he felt this much pain. She was the most upsetting, infuriating, maddening woman he had ever met. But she was also the most beautiful, and witty, and inspiring. She somehow changed him, his brother even said so. “Kill, do you realize you spent an entire day stringing lights and planting flowers for some chick? What happened to you?” he said. Killian clenched his jaw and muttered, “What’s it to you, eh? Tell me you wouldn’t do the same if Caroline denied her feelings for you. Tell me you wouldn’t do it, Robin, go on tell me.” A small smile crept up on Killian’s face as he remembered the fight that had ensued. His brother hated being called Robin, but Killian had been angry, upset that his own brother was mocking him for falling for a girl. He abruptly sighed, wishing he had some rum to help ease the pain in his chest. He knew the real reason he had wandered to this dock, but he had a sad feeling it would be for nothing. He knew she was a stubborn person, but he had hoped she wouldn’t be so stubborn as to ignore her feelings after everything he had said. He shuddered at the cool breeze that blew by, making the cold rain feel like ice on his skin. Shaking his head, he dragged in a deep breath, pretending the tears on his cheeks were raindrops.

~

Emma woke after only two hours of sleep. She groaned as her muscles refused to work properly, stretching to make them work. She looked out the big window at the boats in the water, sighing as she made a realization. That was where he would be. That was where he was waiting for her.

~

Killian rubbed his eyes as the storm grew stronger, thunder beginning to roll. I should leave. She isn’t coming and it’s a long drive home, this is pointless. Except it wasn’t. He knew it wasn’t.

Because just as he started to give up on her, the dock shook from her footsteps.

~

“Killian?” Her voice was cautious, guarded. She wasn’t sure what state she would be finding him in, but hoped he was sober enough to hear her out. His head turned until he could look into her eyes, and she felt her resolve crumble at his expression, desperately trying not to run to him right then.

~

Killian wasn’t sure if he was hallucinating, but was sure that if he was he didn’t want to stop. Emma stood not fifteen feet from him, soaking wet from the rain. A low chuckle left his throat and he stood when he saw what she was wearing. He made his way to her slowly, almost daring her to run from him now. “Nice jacket,” he said with a smirk that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He assumed she hadn’t realized she was wearing his blue hoodie, because her eyes widened and she looked down, her cheeks turning red. What he would give to touch those cheeks again, to kiss those lips. “I wasn’t sure if you would be here,” she said. He smiled and replied, “Wasn’t sure you’d show up either, love.” He inched closer, wishing she would get on with it already. Her eyes were open, honest, and red. His face knotted together with concern, hoping the tears weren’t shed because of him. He was close enough now to see her hands shaking, to hear her labored breath.

“You were right, and I’m sorry,” she said quietly. He was confused for a moment before realizing what she was saying. “I am scared. Because I’m not actually sure I’ve ever felt this way about anyone. I loved Neal, but….this, this is so different. I don’t know what this is and that scares the hell out of me.” By the time she said the last sentence her lip was quivering and her voice just above a whisper. He let out a sigh and closed his eyes, taking it all in. She had actually come, and here she was, telling him she felt this too, that she knew there was something there. “I don’t want to run anymore, Killian. Not unless it’s with you.” His eyes opened then, staring straight into hers, searching for some kind of sign she wasn’t telling him the truth. When he couldn’t find anything, he closed the distance between them and took her face in his hands, kissing her in one swift move.

~

Emma didn’t register what was happening until his lips were on hers, moving to a rhythm only they knew. Her hands moved to grip the sides of his coat, pulling him closer, as his hands slid down to her back, gripping his jacket on her back. She smiled and pulled back a little, enough to see him. She took it he didn’t like that idea too much, because a soft groan left his lips that refused to leave her skin. His right arm tightened around her and pulled her in as his left hand tangled into her curls, now wet from the rain. Emma sighed as his lips met a sensitive spot behind her ear, and pulled his face to hers, forcing him to look her in the eyes. A new light filled his blue eyes as a genuine smile took over his face. Emma shook her head slightly, not really believing he was hers. His lips touched hers once more, much slower this time. This kiss wasn’t rushed at all, and he seemed to be taking his sweet time driving her mad. She supposed it was revenge for making him wait so long to kiss her again, but damn. A soft moan left Emma’s mouth against her will as he tugged at her bottom lip, his hands exploring her body. Her hands resting on his chest pushed him back; she needed air desperately. “Love, how am I supposed to kiss you if you keep separating us?” he whispered as his lips nipped at her neck. She was relieved to hear his breath come in raged breathes- she’d hate to think she was the only one struggling to breathe through this. “Killian,” she muttered. Their eyes met before he rested his forehead on hers. “Thank you,” she sighed. A labored laugh came from Killian before Emma corrected herself. “No not for the kiss, well yes for that, but that wasn’t what I meant.” His fingertips traced the lines on her face and he smiled; knowing she was worrying herself over nothing. “I meant thank you for not giving up on me. Most men, they wouldn’t have put in the effort. So thanks, because… I don’t think it’s even possible to be happier than I am right now.” Killian smiled, loving that she opened up so easily this time. He kissed her once more before they made their way back to Emma’s- it was too early for anywhere to be open, and it was cold and rainy out- or at least, that’s what Emma told herself when she invited him over. The two walked hand in hand down the deserted streets, stopping occasionally to steal kisses.

1. What’s your favorite thing about tumblr?

favorite thing? my wonderful shipmates<3 [in all seriousness though i really do love yall and the fact that tumblr has brought us together and allowed us a place to fangirl and complain about how colin has ruined men for us]

2. Read any good books lately?

YES! i actually read it a few years ago but recently reread it- 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. If you havent read it- GO READ IT NOW IT WILL MAKE YOU SOB AND RESPECT LIFE AND ITS JUST AMAZING OKAY.

3. Favorite fictional character? 

oh dear. lets see...its kinda impossible because i read/watch tv A LOT but... Favorite girl- Katniss from the Hunger Games. well, book version of katniss anyway. She's witty and has this sense of lonliness to her thats almost a flaw but isnt because of how she handles herself. I probably identify with her a little too much... Favorite guy- too many. I guess I'd have to say Flynn from tangled because hes the guy i want to be best friends with, and yet marry at the same time lol also hes just perfect in every way and no one can tell me otherwise.

4. What’s one thing about yourself that you really like?

that im not afraid to act like a little kid sometimes and make a fool out of myself :P

5. What’s your favorite silly pickup line?

are you from Tennessee? because your the only ten i see! [hehehe]

6. What’s a show that you need to catch up on?

uhm doctor who. pronto. 

7. What song have you been listening to a lot lately?

good question! song thats been on replay is Tell Me A Story by Phillip Phillips. its perfect. his whole album is perfect. Also, all too well by taylor swift.

8. Pants or skirt?

PANTS. i may be a girl, and a somewhat girly one at that, but id choose jeans over a skirt any day

9. What’s your favorite dessert?

 cheesecake! mmmm

10. What do you love most about your OTP?

that its quirky and they have amazing banter- something i want with a guy

11. What was your first fandom?

oh boy...ok first fandom- after finding out what a fandom was lol- was probably harvey and donna from suits. they are just wonderful and heartbreaking and perfect for each other and awklsdfjghhgfd

OKAY MY TURN if I've tagged you:

1. What's your favorite hobby? 

2. Do you have a secret/embarrassing talent? What is it?

3. If you could go anywhere in the world, right now, where would you go and why?

4. Favorite band/singer and favorite song by them?

5. Describe yourself in 3 words

6. What are your otps? (yep all of them darling)

7. Whats your favorite movie?

8. You get to go to a movie premiere and pass out of excitement when you see ----?

9. What do you want to be when you grow up, or if you are grown up, what is it you do?

10. favorite season [as in weather not tv ;)]

“You know exactly what I’m doing here, Emma. Let’s not pretend you don’t,” he said quietly. Something was off about his mannerisms. He’s nervous, Emma thought to herself. She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, not in the mood to fight him anymore. She was tired to be honest, and she just wanted to emotionally curl up on her couch and sleep for a week. Ever since meeting Killian, her emotions were all over the place, and she was remembering all the pain in her life- it was exhausting. He moved towards her slowly, cautiously, until he was directly in front of her. Emma’s heart skipped a beat as he softly bit his lip, and Killian took her hand in his. A smile crept up on his lips as he whispered for her to follow him; she obliged willingly, genuinely curious as to what he had planned. The two walked hand in hand out the back door of the building, and a soft gasp from Emma broke their silence. Killian turned towards her, a smile on his face. She could feel his eyes watching her as she moved around the beautiful oasis around her.

~

Killian loved the way she moved- every step was calculated and yet it was as if she had no control over where she was going. He watched as she trailed her fingers along the plants he and Carol had set up earlier. Flowers and trees surrounded them, the creek that went through the area fit right in with his setup as well. Lights were strewn across the treetops, just as they had been at the Halloween party. He thought if he could recreate that night, the magic that had made her open up might return as well. He had waited for her to return to work for 20 minutes; Carol had assured him she would, and despite his doubts he waited patiently for her return. He was glad he had now, she looked so beautiful under the lights- more beautiful than he remembered. She turned to face him, eyes wide with wonder, and asked when he did this.

“Well, Caroline had told me you were taking today off to spend with your boy. I thought it was as good a time as any to make this,” he motioned with his arm, a smile touching his eyes. She shook her head before saying, “This is amazing, Killian, don’t get me wrong…But why did you do it?”

He moved towards her as her answered her question. “Because I wanted to see you smile.”

Her eyes narrowed, but he knew she wasn’t upset because her lips twitched upwards. “You’re such a liar,” she told him. He smiled and took her hand in his, watching her eyes dance between their intertwined fingers and his eyes. He lifted her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly. Her shoulders sagged as if she had released all her tension at that moment. Killian waited until her breathing returned to its normal pace before he started in with the real reason he had done all this. “Something is holding you back from me, love. We both know it; difference is you know what it is. I don’t. I can’t just sit here wondering what might have been with us, Em. I need to know why you…can’t do this.”

~

Emma struggled to breathe steadily as his eyes bore into her. His thumb drew slow circles on the back of her hand, comforting her in case she got emotional again. She pulled her hand away, though; it made it harder to think. Her hands ran threw her hair as she walked away from him towards the edge of the garden he had made for her. Without turning to face him, she began to explain. “I’ve been hurt a lot in my life, Killian. I can’t take a chance that I’m wrong about-“

“No, stop. Emma, look at me,” his voice was stern, on the edge of frustration. She turned to look at him, his eyebrows were pulled closely together as his gaze landed on her. “You said that yesterday, that you can’t take a chance you’re wrong about me. What does that mean, Emma? Because to me it sounds like you want to trust me, that you want this to work, but are afraid. What happened to you to make you this way? Who did this?” The more he talked the more stressed he looked. She came to him, touching his arm. “Killian, he isn’t important. We don’t need to talk about it.” He closed his eyes, frustration flashing on his face for only a moment before he replied. “No, he is important Emma. Don’t you see? You refuse to see what’s here because you’re still hung up on some other guy. I cant,” he sighed and looked at her before finishing his sentence. “I can’t stop thinking about you, you’re driving me bloody crazy, Emma! You don’t even realize it either, do you? You just sit back and think about the other guy while I kill myself trying to prove to you that I want this, that I want you.” She was stunned, no one had ever talked to her like this before. Emma froze, not knowing what to do. Killian let out a soft laugh and pulled at his hair, moving away from her to get some air that didn’t smell like vanilla and cinnamon, like her. He settled for a seat on the small bench on the left side of the oasis, and Emma went to sit next to him.

“His name was Graham. He was the sheriff when I moved in and we…well that’s not important. He died before we could really start anything. I think that’s what hurt the most- the regret of not telling him how I felt earlier. I guess a part of me just…hasn’t let go of him yet.” She looked at him, hoping he wasn’t still upset. “I’m sorry, lass, really I am. But that’s not the fellow that’s holding you back. If anything he’s a reason for you to try this- so you won’t have any regrets.” Emma looked away, willing herself not to show her pain at the memory of the one man she had ever loved. She had kept him in the back corner of her mind for so long that summoning up his memory was a bit overwhelming. She had known all along he was the man Killian was referring to, but hoped she could get away with only using Graham to explain her reservations. He was a big part of why she was closed off after all-she really hadn’t gotten over his sudden death yet. Emma took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to put her thoughts and feelings into words. Killian placed a comforting hand on her knee, sending shivers up her spine as she began to explain herself once more.

“When I was 17, I met this guy…He uh, well he gave me a sense of adventure. We, well we um…” Her hands twisted and turned in her lap. She wasn’t sure how to begin without making him sound like an even worse guy than he already was.

“Darling, just tell me, I won’t judge. I can tell you right now, I’ve probably done far worse things in my life thank you ever could have done with him. I just want to know, to understand. Start with his name, what was it again?” he edged her on. “Neal. His name is Neal,” Emma said in a sigh. Killian saw a look of pain he had never seen before mask her face; she truly looked like the mere mention of that bastard’s name would send her over the edge into a mask of depression. It made him sick. “We we kind of stole our way through towns. We lived in a car that I had stolen from him, which he had stolen from someone else…I can’t explain it, it sounds so stupid now, but back then it was exciting. He was exciting. I’d never known what it was like to have someone care for me so much, and I guess that’s why I fell so hard for him.” She paused, recalling the painful end to her relationship, and placed her hand over Killian’s which still rested on her knee in an attempt to calm herself. His hand turned over, slipping his fingers between hers to offer a sense of reassurance. She looked at him as she finished her story, saying it quickly to get it out faster. “We did this heist once; it was going to be the last one before we settled down together. We were going to move in together in Tallahassee…I went to a train station to pick up a duffle bag for him, after we met up and I gave him the bag, we separated. He was going to bring the watches- they were inside the bag- to get them fenced. We had a meeting spot, and I waited for him there longer than I should have I guess, because a cop showed up. He said that Neal had called in, giving a tip that I had stolen the watches.” Emma wore a sad smile and whispered, “I never saw him again. What he didn’t know was he had knocked me up... I spent 18 months in jail, without so much as an explanation.”

~

Killian didn’t know what to say. It made him nauseous that someone would do this to her. He would never leave a woman like that- regardless of who she was. But especially not Emma. He didn’t know why he felt so strongly about her; they had only known each other a few days. Still, he felt oddly protective of her, and wanted nothing more than to make her happy. Call it fate, love at first sight, destiny, but it was something that pulled him to her so powerfully. He didn’t want her to be in pain anymore. He wanted to be the reason her pain was gone. The only problem was, he had no idea how to do that. He didn’t know what to say, or how to show her. He never had this much trouble around a girl, and it made him a bit weary of her. He refused to shy away, though. The last thing he would ever do was leave her at her time of need. Her head rested on his shoulder and she sighed. “Thank you, I know that couldn’t have been easy,” he whispered. His arm slid around her, his hand running up and down her arm. She looked up at him and frowned. “Killian, I know you think that my telling you everything will make this okay, but…I just don’t think I’m capable of being in a relationship, of love. I’ve never had anyone love me, not really. I mean, if Neal had loved me he wouldn’t have left right? I don’t even know how to love.” He started to protest, so she stopped him with more words. “No, please let me finish. I need you to understand why this won’t work. You and I, we’re just not good for each other. I could never love you, not like you deserve. I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, you’re a really great guy.”

~

Killian couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Emma stood and began to walk away before his brain started functioning again. He grabbed her arm, and with as much conviction as he was capable of, said, “Why do this to me? Why kiss me? Why string me along, like we might have a chance, if somewhere deep inside your heart you didn’t believe we did?” Emma opened her mouth but Killian shook his head and continued. “No, you see, now it’s my turn to talk. That bloke hurt you, I get it okay? I do. But you can’t just use him as an excuse forever, Emma! At some point you’re going to be forced to open up. You say you aren’t capable of love? Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love your son. Go on, do it.” He was furious. There was no way he would just let her walk out of his life that easily, not when he knew so surely that they had something people search for their entire lives. If looks could kill, Emma would be dead by now. Killian’s stare bore straight into her soul, willing her to tell him that she didn’t love her kid. He knew she did, and desperately wanted her to admit she was wrong. “I, I can’t do that. But it’s different, you know it is,” she began.

“Bloody hell, Emma! It’s the same thing! You love that kid! So don’t stand here and tell me you’re incapable of love when you know it’s a lie. The least you could do is tell me the truth,” his voice was almost a whisper now, full of emotion. How did she get to him so easily? He wondered. He swallowed back his pain, and moved closer to her, needing her warmth near him. “Em, you’re afraid. So am I, and that’s okay, you know? Love is scary. Losing yourself completely in another person, that isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s supposed to be scary, and exciting, and amazing. Please, Emma, please.  Just, don’t lie to me. Tell me why you really won’t do this,” he signaled between the two of them, watching tears fill her eyes. “That’s all I’m asking.”

~

“Em, I know you’re afraid. That’s okay. But at some point you have to move on. I know you, and I know that there is no way you would have kissed him back if you hadn’t seen something in him that night. Think about that, then call me and tell me how wrong I was about him, okay?” Her friend said. Emma knew she was right, and she hated it. After a minute of dead line, Emma replied. “I don’t think I’m wrong about Killian, Car. But you do have a point…I guess I probably wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t have a reason. So I’ll call you later after I…uh, deal with him I guess.” She hung up, not too happy about having to admit her friend had been right, and collapsed on the bed.

~

Killian watched the girl storm off upstairs, barely holding himself together. Once she was gone, he sank against the counter, wishing he hadn’t come. Head in his hands, he heard a door slam shut and struggled to narrow his thoughts. The woman got under his skin, and as much as he hated to admit it, her denying what they had there really got to him. He didn’t understand why she was being so closed off. It had been days since they kissed and she had ignored his calls-there hadn’t been many, but he had called- and he needed to talk to her about what happened. He honestly felt like they had something that might be worth the potential heartache. He turned his head to the side and took a deep breath to steady himself. He looked a little closer, and realized his jacket was lying in a crumpled up heap on her coffee table. A smile touched his lips as he rose, a new sense of hope washing over him. He wasn’t one to get worked up over a girl. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had tried so hard to get someone’s attention- usually they came to him. Maybe that was what attracted him to Emma in the first place- the challenge. He lifted the hoodie to inspect it, and realized it had probably been moved recently- the TV remote was underneath it. He heard a noise upstairs and followed it, hoping Emma would talk to him now. He approached her door and waited outside for her to finish her conversation when he heard his name.

“I don’t think I’m wrong about Killian, Car. But you do have a point…I guess I probably wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t have a reason. So I’ll call you later after I…uh, deal with him I guess.” He wasn’t exactly sure what she had been talking about, but he hoped it was about the kiss- that meant she recognized at least that he wasn’t the only one to blame for it. He softly knocked on the door, and called out her name.

~

“Emma, please. Talk to me,” he said through the door. Emma didn’t know what to do; she had barricaded herself into her room after all. There was no escape. That was all she ever knew after all- the chase. Thing was, eventually the chase ends, and it just leaves you drained and tired and makes you want to curl up in bed with a movie and a pint of ice cream. She had been left before, hell, she had even done some leaving of her own, and she couldn’t bear the thought of going through it again. She knew she wasn’t being fair to him, but she had a son in her life now. She wasn’t just thinking about herself. “Em,” he said. His voice was quiet now, pained almost. The shortened name sent shivers up Emma’s spine as she walked to the door, lowering herself to the ground and leaning against the cool wood.

“You should leave,” she stated. A sigh came from the other side, and she knew he had lowered himself to the floor as well by the sound of it. “Emma, look. Caroline told me you were weary of this…whatever this is because of your past. But how are you supposed to move on, to really move on, when you cant even trust yourself to be with another man?” Emma’s face broke down, and she was glad she hadn’t opened the door for him to see this. Her past failed love washed over her in a sudden wave, and she was reminded exactly why she COULDN’T trust Killian. “If you know of my past then you know why I can’t do this, Killian. I can’t take a chance that I’m wrong about you.”

“Please,” his voice was strained now, literally pleading with her. “Open the door, love.” She took a deep breath and thought it over. Chances are if she opened the door he would try to kiss her again, but if she didn’t open the door he might never leave. Slowly she rose, turning the lock and opening the door.

He stood quickly, not thinking she would do as he asked. Her eyes flicked down to his hand and what he held before she turned a shade darker, looking back into his eyes. “Found this on your table. Tell me, why was it out?” He asked, his eyes cautious. She swallowed before answering.

“I don’t really know.” He shook his head, saying, “No, you know what that isn’t good enough.” He threw the jacket on the floor and backed Emma into the wall in one fluid motion. His smell was intoxicating, the heat of his body running through every nerve in her body. Her heart began to race immediately, and she knew if he moved any closer she would not be able to avoid his lips with hers.

~

Killian saw something in her eyes, something in the way her heart raced. He knew the affect he had on her was the same as the affect she had on him, he just needed her to admit it. But when she looked at him, he saw something in her eyes he didn’t want to see- pain. She was in pain, and he hadn’t even noticed. He fought the frown that tugged at his lips and touched her cheek lightly. She shuddered under his touch, barely holding it together. Her eyes closed and she leaned into him for support, and he just held her in his arms for a long moment. He tried to remember what it was he wanted to say, and to ignore the fact that she has so close, fingers pulling at the front of his shirt, clinging to him. “Emma, I’m sorry I’ve upset you. That was not my intention, love.” She shook her head against his chest, her hands slipping around his waist. He made an attempt to ignore the electricity he felt on the path her hands traveled, and closed his eyes. He placed a hand over her head, holding her to him, and stood there until she broke the silence.

“I can’t do this,” she said quietly. Killian knew it was coming, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. He put on a smile and pulled back from her. “I know, lass. I’m sorry I came over in the first place.” He needed to get out, needed to leave before he had a chance to process what was happening. He was already falling for this girl against his better judgment, and he hated how helpless he felt around her, how out of control he felt.  She made no move to stop him as he walked out of the room, and he turned and left her home without a word spoken. Once out the door he froze. It came crashing down on him then, the pain and the regret. If only he hadn’t come. Maybe things could still be salvaged if he hadn’t come. He turned into the door, his forehead and hands resting against it. No, he thought. It wasn’t over, not yet. He could still change her mind, he just needed her to see he wasn’t like the others. He walked away down the street in the brisk autumn air, smiling to himself and formulating a plan.

Killian knew she was watching him, and he carefully kept his face void of any emotion to prevent her from seeing what he was thinking. She looked amazing; he wasn’t going to deny that. What he was going to deny was that he loved the way her eyes fluttered when his eyes met hers, or how she wore that costume just to get a rise out of him, much the same as he had intended with his own outfit. She was an intriguing lass, that he was sure of. He was very aware of every movement she made, right down to the shift of her gaze. He watched her through his periphery vision all the way to the town hall. They really had gone all out, right down to a valet at the front door. Orange and black balloons stood tall on either side of the double doors, arching to meet at the top. He pulled up and held out a hand to Emma to signal that he would get her door for her; he could practically hear her eyes roll. She slid out of the seat with more grace than he thought she was capable of, and moved past him, grazing his arm with hers. He smiled, knowing she had done it on purpose. He knew her tactic, it was a good one sure, but his was better. He used the fake hook attached to his left hand to grab her arm and spin her towards him. “Not so fast, love.  I believe it’s tradition to enter a ball with your escort,” he whispered. There, there it was. She fluttered her eyes in that way he loved, and took a breath before nodding her head. He smiled slightly before offering his arm. She placed her hand into the nook of his elbow slowly, before saying, “After you.” He tried to ignore how good she felt next to him, or how she lightly squeezed the inside of his arm, and walked them inside the old building. This was going to be a long night.

Emma talked to Carol for the first 15 minutes she was there. She desperately needed a distraction from Killian. Carol noted how attractive he looked in his costume and Emma glowered in response. “Please, do not encourage this,” she said. Carol laughed and looked past Emma before grinning and moving away towards Rob. Emma sighed, knowing he was behind her, and tried to enjoy her last second without him.

“May I have this dance, Miss Swan,” he whispered in her ear. How did he get that close? She put on a brave face and turned without moving away from him. The result was the two standing face to face, lips just inches away from each other, noses almost touching. She could feel his warm breath across her face as she watched his eyes shift to her lips. She licked them and bit the lower one, teasing him. His eyes shot up, narrowing at her, clearly not up for any games tonight. He pulled her towards the dance floor, and she tried not to panic. Dancing. She hadn’t thought about that- she wasn’t very coordinated, and she didn’t want to give him any more reasons to mock her. Suddenly he spun her into him and into position to dance to the slow song. He held her hand in the fake hook- hand, and his real hand rested on the small of her back. She raised an eyebrow at him as he pulled her closer. He was a good dancer; she didn’t even have to think really about not falling or tripping. For that, she was grateful.

“Do you know the story behind this ball, love?” He asked. She turned her head towards him and shook it “no” as she waited for him to continue. A smile covered his face, and he continued. “Well, it’s a good tale. Legend says, this town used to have magic, but not like you’d think. It was more…” he licked his lower lip and his eyes narrowed as he looked for the right word before looking Emma in the eyes and whispering, “Dark.” The corner of his mouth twitched back up to that perfectly imperfect smirk of his and he continued with his story. “Things have always been a little different here than anywhere else I’ve been. They say it’s because of the magic in the air, but if you ask me it’s all a ploy to get us to buy into the picturesque Storybrooke. Either way, the story says that one Halloween, a brave lass not much unlike yourself fought to protect the land from magic, and the townspeople held a ball in celebration.” She wasn’t quite sure what he was trying to get at, but didn’t have much time to think about it. Someone bumped into the couple causing Killian to pull Emma to the side. They ended up in a more crowded part of the dance floor, and Emma couldn’t help but think it was on purpose- Killian had taken advantage of it and pulled her closer to him, so their bodies were more pressed together.

Killian looked down at Emma as she glared at him, and smiled. “So tell me, Miss Swan, what brought you to this quaint little town?”

Emma looked to the side, debating whether to tell him or not. It was very personal, and she didn’t know if she wanted to tell him of all people, but when she looked back into his eyes she caved. She said it quickly in an effort to make it sound like less of a big deal than it really was. “I have a son; I actually gave him up for adoption when he was born. 8 months ago, he found me.”

He took a moment to process this before replying. “And you stayed.” It wasn’t a question, but Emma answered anyway. “Yes, and to be honest, I couldn’t imagine losing any more time with him.” Why was she being so open? She couldn’t remember the last time she mentioned Henry on a date, let alone a first date. Killian held a sad smile, before asking if she wanted to get some fresh air, sensing she didn’t really want to talk about the boy. She agreed, and the two made their way through the crowd to the back door.

Twinkling lights created the illusion of thousands of stars in the night sky. Lanterns lined pathways, and pumpkins sat on the outskirts of the dirt trail. Killian gently placed a hand on Emma’s back as he led her down a path to the right. She looked back at him questioningly, but he just smiled and said, “Trust me, darling. I wouldn’t take you somewhere if I didn’t know it was safe.” She seemed a bit taken aback, and he relished the sight of the slight smile the crept up onto her lips. She nodded and continued to walk. “Just be warned- I know how to use a gun,” she told him. He chuckled and replied, “Yes, but I don’t think you’re hiding a gun so what good does that experience do you?”

“Who said I wasn’t wearing a gun?” She asked, eyebrows raised and the ghost of a smile on her face. Killian’s eyes widened and flickered down to look at her body without him even thinking about it, and she laughed. He collected himself and took a deep breath before slipping his right hand into her left and began walking. He could see the confusion and shock at the sudden closeness he inflicted on their little walk on her face but he gave her no attention. She tugged his hand back to stop them; she wore a look he couldn’t quite place his finger on. “Why are you here, Killian? You said you didn’t like it here. So what brought you back?” He closed his eyes and let a sigh escape. He didn’t mean to talk about this, but he couldn’t avoid it now, especially after she revealed something so personal about her own past. “A girl I once loved, she died here on the 27th of October. Every year I come to pay my respects.” He wouldn’t look Emma in the eye, so she carefully placed her fingertips on his cheek and turned him towards her, knowing full well where the act might lead. The look of longing she had seen earlier flashed across his face, and he was reminded of the promises he had made in his life and hadn’t kept. The promise he made to take her away.  He didn’t want to get into it, but her eyes drew the truth out of him slowly. “Her name was Milah, and we were very young. It was my fault she…passed. The worst part is I saw it all happen. She was right there and…” He couldn’t keep going. Not because it was too hard to, but because it seemed pointless to talk about her when Emma was looking at him. To be honest, not even Milah had “seen” him the way Emma had. Emma had a way of looking at him, by looking through him. It was almost enough to make his head spin, just that little look.

Emma didn’t know what to say. She was at a loss, but she did know that all of a sudden the man standing before her had a lot more depth to him. She looked at him, and saw someone else. Someone who had been hurt. Someone who knew what it meant to finally love, and then have it torn apart. Someone like her. She gave him a sad smile like the one he had given her, and squeezed his hand. His face changed slightly, and she felt his hand shift until his fingers lined up with hers and then slipped in between them. In theory, it wasn’t a big deal. In practice, however, it had been. The way the man moved his thumb across her palm was not something that should be allowed- the intimacy of the contact made her head spin. The cold air made her shiver slightly, and he smiled. Without shifting his gaze from her, he slid out of his leather jacket and handed it to her. Emma put it on, not fighting it this time, and breathed his smell in.

Killian loved the way the jacket looked on her. She thought he didn’t notice, but he saw her smell the collar as she pulled it close. Her eyes rose up to his, and he touched the flash of color that hit her face with his fingertips. He couldn’t help but think about what it would be to hold her in his arms, and the innocent thought turned into a desire he couldn’t quite shake. Slowly, he moved closer until their bodies were practically touching, daring her to stop him. His hand was still on her face, and he could feel her heart begin to race through this fingers. He smiled, and took his hand off her cheek-silently cursing the fact that the hook was still attached to one of his arms- to pick her own hand up and place it over his heart. He watched her breath catch as her hand came to contact with his skin. The vest was definitely a good choice, he thought. Her eyes danced with promise, flickering between his lips and eyes. He smirked and licked his lips faintly as he began to close the gap. His left arm- the one with the useless hook- wrapped around her to pull her against him.

Emma didn’t know what she should be thinking, or doing, or not doing. All she could think about were his fingers trailing up and down her arm that bridged the gap between them, the rapid beat of his heart under her hand that matched the rhythm of her own, and the space disappearing between them. She closed her eyes as his lips crashed into hers- the kiss was slow, almost painfully slow. A sigh escaped her mouth as she felt him pull back, tugging at her bottom lip. Her fingers wrapped around the edge of his vest and pulled him towards her, needing his lips on hers. She could feel him smirk at the way she clung to him, but she didn’t care. His lips drew hers apart and the kiss deepened. His tongue explored her mouth and she gasped for air. His arms wrapped around her, illuminating any space there could have been between them. Emma’s arms moved around his neck and she found herself running her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer still. His lips left hers and traveled down the line of her jaw to the bottom of her neck. Emma struggled for air and yet pulled him back up to her. He paused though, looking her in the eyes. She smiled as he whispered her name, and then his mouth covered hers once more. Her arms slipped down to rest on his practically bare chest as his arms moved up her back, his hand in her hair.

Emma pulled away when she heard someone come up behind them. Killian’s lips followed hers, not wanting to end the kiss just yet. Her will power crumbled as he gently swept his tongue across her lip, and gave in to him, no longer caring that they were being watched. The man was an incredible kisser- he knew just how to move to drive you crazy. He pulled back slowly to rest his forehead against hers and they struggled to catch their breath. Killian brushed his lips over hers and lightly kissed the tip of her nose before stepping back. He heard her sigh, and she opened her eyes to question him with a single look. He just smiled and took her hand, kissing it softly, before leading her down the path to the docks.

~

Carol found the two there almost an hour later. They were laughing, and Killian’s arm was resting behind Emma, almost as if it were there for her to lean on if she wanted it. A near empty bottle of rum sat next to them and they looked up in surprise as Caroline and Rob approached. Emma’s eyes flashed with recognition at the sight of her friend, pulling her away from the man on the dock. She stood abruptly, knocking the glass bottle into the water. Killian and Emma shared a look before laughing yet again. Great, she’s probably not even going to remember liking the guy after tomorrow’s hangover she thought bitterly. She hoped Emma could hold her liquor better than she appeared to be able to. The four made their way to the cars, and went their separate ways. Rob and Killian too one car, and Emma and Carol took the other- Killian nor Emma could drive, or at least they weren't being allowed to. Twenty minutes later, Emma was under her covers fast asleep, dreaming about a man with blue eyes and a killer smile.

“…Killian, this is Emma.” Emma shifted her weight slightly as she looked at the man designated as her date for the first time. Shit, she thought. How was she supposed to keep her wits when he looked like that? He wore a dark blue zip up hoodie and washed out jeans, which would be fine if his eyes weren’t the brightest blue she had ever seen. She stood in the hallway awkwardly as he checked her out. She watched the slow smirk creep up on his lips and in an effort to prevent any redness she knew was bound to plaster her cheeks, she focused on the fact that he was being incredibly rude. His eyes met hers, and she felt her breath catch ever so slightly as the man stood and walked towards her. The room was dead silent, and Emma wished someone would say something already. His eyes never left hers as he glided across the room. She felt the heat slowly rise to her cheeks and clenched her jaw in anger- he would not get to her that way. Killian’s smirk widened, and Emma silently cursed her parents for passing on whatever gene that made her turn red at that very moment.

“Killian Jones, pleasure to meet you miss Swan,” He said as he gently took her right hand in his and kissed her knuckles, eyes never leaving her- although he did raise an eyebrow, almost like he was challenging her- and the smirk still in place. She yanked her hand back, knowing full well what he was trying to do and determined not to let him have his way. A soft chuckle escaped his lips as he moved in slightly to whisper, “Feisty are we?”

Killian watched as the rise and fall of Emma’s chest quickened. She was glaring at him again- he’d have to get used to that he supposed. The blond brushed past him making little contact, but enough to make his arm tingle at the faint touch of hers. He turned his head to see her sit on the couch, and then shifted his gaze to Caroline. From what he could tell about her, she wanted her friend to find happiness, and for whatever reason she thought Killian would bring it to her. She smiled knowingly and pulled Emma aside. A short minute later, Emma was in front of Killian, and the crooked smile was back on his face as he listened to her ask him if he’d like to take a walk with her. “I’m not so sure, love; you could be crazy for all I know. You may have to…convince me otherwise,” he taunted. He could tell Rob was trying not to laugh behind him; he had to have known Killian wouldn’t make this easy on the poor girl. Emma didn’t cave as he had hoped, however; she just walked out the door expecting him to follow. “Or you could do that…” Killian mumbled as he made his way out into the cool night.

Emma was furious. How dare Carol set her up with this guy? There was no way she was going to the Ball with him. He was an arrogant ass and she under no circumstance was going to put up with it. “Take my coat, love, it’s cold out.”

“I’m fine,” she mumbled over her shoulder.

“Damn women, just take the bloody coat.” The next thing she knew his sweatshirt was draped over her shoulders. She turned to glare at him, and was startled by how close he had been. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt, not much of an improvement from the jacket she noted-his eyes were still piercing. His face bore no expression, and she waited for a snide remark from the man. Instead of speaking he just turned and began to walk on, glancing over his shoulder to see if she would follow. Emma sighed and reluctantly trailed after him down the path in front of the house. “Where do you live?” Emma asked abruptly.

“Pardon?”

“Your accent. It’s stronger than Rob’s, so you must still live wherever the two of you grew up…right?” She explained. The familiar smirk crossed his face as he looked over at her and replied, “Noticed my accent, did ya? Someone’s paying a bit more attention than I’d thought.” Emma rolled her eyes and regretted the decision to ask. A moment of silence passed between the two before he responded.

“Dublin. We grew up in a small town outside of Dublin, but moved here when I was about 14, he was around 12 I suppose,” Killian stated. Emma looked over to him and noticed a look of longing on his face. He bit his lip before continuing. “He chose to move back here after he went to college. I, however, didn’t see the appeal of your fair country. So I attended college back home. That’s why my accent is more prominent,” He answered. He stopped walking and touched her arm just barely to stop her as well. Her eyes flickered to his hand before looking up to his eyes. Killian lost his train of thought when her eyes met his, not something that happened often, and the side of his mouth twitched as she shifted slightly and swallowed. He made her uncomfortable. He swept a piece of hair out of her face, just to see how she would react. Her eyes narrowed slightly before she pulled away from the moment and turned back to the house. A sigh escaped his lips.

“Hey, come on. You’re not honestly leaving are you, lass?” He asked her, hoping she would return to him. They’d hardly had a chance to talk. She stopped, but didn’t turn around. A breeze blew through the town at that moment and a shiver went down his spine. He was suddenly acutely aware that she was still wearing his coat, and that she didn’t appear to be giving it up any time soon. “At least gimme my coat,” he said, growing more irritated as time passed. She wasn’t saying anything and he only had so much patience in the cold October air for women who refused his advances. She turned with a smile on her face and said, “No, I think I’ll keep it,” before turning and walking back to her car. “I’ll see you soon, Killian Jones,” she said before shutting her door and turning on the old yellow bug. Killian stood on the path, watching the girl go, unable to move. How did he not see that coming? Why had he given that blasted girl the coat in the first place? She drove off then, leaving Killian all alone with a realization bouncing around his head- their date to the ball was still on.