#destinycut

          the sharp chill against his cheek shakes him from his stupor, and listlessly, almost as though still in a daze, his gaze slowly lifts to identify the culprit — or rather, he should call it the benefactor instead. after all, this time, the person in question brings not spite’s fuel but compassion. he stares at the can for several long seconds before wordlessly accepting it, clutching the drink while returning his stare to its original focus: straight ahead, but seeing nothing at all.

          late, perhaps, may be an understatement. he’d accidentally returned to the base at the same time kido was just beginning her morning routine, locking eyes with her for a moment before quickly turning away, heading back to his room. he said nothing, she said nothing, but they both knew what would have been said. the last conscious thought floating in his mind before he drifted off into a brief sleep: curse my carelessness. kido, likely hoping not to worry shintaro too much, had only conveyed the bare minimum, but considering who exactly was on the receiving end, it's all too likely that he could guess anyways.

         no wonder that shintaro gives him coffee, a gift all too helpful, then. in the prevailing silence, he pops open the can and takes a sip; it’s jarringly cold, it’s bitter, but he likes it. ( it’s almost a familiar taste — a harsh taste that won’t leave his mouth no matter how hard he tries, the sensation of never being warm again — but this is definitely easier to swallow. ) 

         there’s no reaction that surfaces on his face as the other attempts to express his care, for it’s something he knows, he’s heard, yet somehow it still doesn’t feel real. in particular, if such words come from him — he’s been utterly terrible to shintaro, the boy whose suffering he turned a blind eye to, the boy he wrongfully dumped all blame on, the boy he harmed in a struggle to relieve his own pain. are they just textbook lines, to be used on people who don’t seem right despite understanding nothing? are they echoes of a persona, to be repeated to fulfill the image of a caring person? are they genuine, with true feeling behind them? he doesn’t want to know. he doesn’t want to think. ( what he deserves from shintaro is his ire, not his concern. )

you come to me on the day of my birth and start rumors like this,

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how da r e you