Ed: he’s sober? The guy with the insane pushback widows peak in history, kinda zesty, halfway zesty, probably bisexual but says the f slur way too often, kinda looks like Elon musk?? Elon musk has a turtle build, he has less of a turtle build, looks and sounds like he has unresolved therapy issues he needs to resolve, pickles, submissive and breedable, bottom bitch

Kelly: don’t like her, looks like a toothbrush (without the toothpaste) flavorless, looks like she’s shank me in the shower (Zoey core), I did get my earbuds stuck in my toilet paper (not the other way around) this reminds me of her somehow, Michael Jackson ahh, looks like Beyonce’s not slay sister bince, kinda looks like a white supremacist, would say KKK shit and walk away with a smile, reminds them of Nicole from class of 09

Alara: the void of that forehead is swallowing me up, why does she have the lesbian flag, her four eyebrows are giving me sensory issues, I’m trying to find my stupid thingy and I blame her for it, her hair is sort of hairing but not in the way I want it to, we all have her mistakes (about me liking her), looks like she’s shedding, she doesn’t like clowns?? Everytime I think of her personality I think of a bridge because I’m trying to connect her eyebrows to her hairline, smells like cherry creamsicle, she’s gay, she’s hay

Talia: likes the forehead makeup better, looks Asian, the side ponytail is giving me mass histeria it needs to BURN LIKE THE WITCHES WHO WORE IT, DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE SIDE PONYTAIL

Issac: why he have a strap for his dick, does he have a laser penis, horny robot, looks like I’m staring into Evie’s eyes, I’m deflating, he seems like he wants to fuck everyone there (including bortus), the ugliest robot design I’ve ever seen, chainmail, onward and yonward ahh fit, suicide? So me core

Bortus: curly from mouthwashing, human sausage, why does he look like he has a brain on his head kill it kill it, what he thinking about, he’s being oppressed? He’s been mewing, homosexual gaygaygaygay, I feel hair everywhere

Claire: omg that’s Kamala Harris, she looks like a political figure, who’s loose to Elon musk, is she the one who fucked the slime? That makeup is on fleek, (after learning she fucked the robot) never mind, can she drop the skincare routine, I can treat her better than the robot, milf age

Is

Derulo: HE SLEPT WITH THE CAPTIANS WIFE AND THATS WHY HES A SLUT,

Gordon: who the fuck is gooblin, he looks like a man who’s ready for divorce, he looks like he’s having a secret affair with his boss, (learns that Ed is his boss) point still stand, Ed fucked the blue guy, nice wrinkles I guess, has the same hair as the kid I liked from lab rats???, approaching male pattern baldness

John: now this is a guy I can stand behind- quite literally he’s 6’4, I thought his name was gonna be jaquavius the 3rd, had two satellites on the side of his head, don’t like his haircut, I’ve been reading all of their names wrong, joon