#derekweek21

He had no idea how long he had been there, shivering and sobbing on the ground, before he heard it.

“Derek!” someone called suddenly, pulling him out of his stupor slightly, but the voice sounded far off. It almost sounded like Stiles, but that couldn’t be right. Stiles was gone, Derek knew that. He feared that he would never come back, that they would never be together again. In fact, maybe Stiles left on purpose because he didn’t want to be with Derek. Not that Derek would blame him. He knew all too well how broken and damaged he was.

“Derek!” the voice called again, sounding much closer now. “Derek, come on, wake up!”

That got his attention. Wake up? But Derek was awake.

Even as he had that thought, though, the world around him began to lose shape, gradually descending into blackness. He felt his panic rise even more.

“You’re dreaming, Derek, it’s just a nightmare!” the voice insisted. “Come on, you have to wake up!”

And he did.

Wakefulness slammed into him like a freight train, his eyes jerking open suddenly, and he startled badly at the hand on his shoulder and the face right above him. He jerked away immediately, needing to get away. He was supposed to be alone. Everyone was gone, and he should be alone. There shouldn’t be anybody here. Somebody must be trying to kill him again. Yes, that was it. It was the only explanation that made sense.

Luckily, before he could properly act on the fear of an attack, the voice spoke again, much more softly this time. “Shh. Derek, you’re okay, it’s just me.”

Derek stopped trying to get away for just a moment, not quite relaxing, but pausing just long enough to take in his surroundings. His training was coming back to him, and he knew he had no chance in a fight if he didn’t know what he was up against.

The first thing he noticed was the scent. The scent of Stiles. The warm, heady, perfect scent of Stiles.

He looked then, really looked, at the person lying next to him in his bed. He let out a strangled sob at the sight of the man he loved. “Stiles?” he asked, still breathless from panic, but daring to let in a shred of hope.

“Yes,” Stiles assured him, hesitantly reaching for him as though he was afraid Derek would try to get away again. “Yes, it’s me.”

In the span of a moment, the fear that had overwhelmed Derek so completely was replaced with relief. “Thank God,” he said, his voice broken. “I thought I had lost you.” He became aware of the tears streaming down his face as Stiles, reassured that Derek was with him again, drew him into a tight embrace. Derek gratefully returned it, burying his face in the crook of Stiles’s neck, letting the contact and the scent comfort him. “I thought you were gone,” he whispered again several minutes later, after most of his sobs had subsided.

At that, Stiles pulled away just enough so that he could meet Derek’s eyes, his own serious and intense. “That will never happen, Derek. I’m not going anywhere.”

And Derek wanted so desperately to believe him. Wanted it like he had never wanted anything before. But he couldn’t quite silence the memories of those who had come before. Paige, who had died at his hands well before her time. Kate and Jennifer who had betrayed him. Braeden, whose job had taken her away from him. His betas who had all died or left because of danger he had put them in. Even his family, who… Well. They had all left him, in one way or another. Why should Stiles be any different?

Apparently, his silence conveyed more of these fears than he had intended, because then Stiles was speaking again. “I mean it, Derek. If I have any say in the matter at all, I will never leave your side as long as you want me here.”

Derek took a moment to study his face. There was nothing there but open, brutal honesty. Stiles wasn’t saying anything Derek didn’t know, that Stiles hadn’t proved to him time and time again. But they both knew that Derek needed to be reminded. He carried more trauma than any one person should have to carry, and Stiles was the only one who could truly pull him through it. He was the only one who gave him any sense of hope for the future, that he could be happy.

But those fears still plagued him. “You might not have a choice,” Derek said bitterly.

Stiles sighed, drawing him even closer. “I know.” There were no platitudes, no attempts to convince him that he was wrong, and Derek was grateful. Stiles had also been through far too much, and he knew the pain and the fear of loss better than most. He knew it wasn’t something to be discounted. He was plagued by the trauma too, and Derek knew that.

Neither of them said anything for a while, simply drawing what comfort they could from each other. But then, Stiles continued, sounding intensely vulnerable. “Just… Just promise me you won’t give up on us, ok? Don’t push me away.”

It was a fair request, but the implication and the fact that Stiles felt the need to say it still stung a bit. He wished that he had never given Stiles any reason to doubt him, but it wouldn’t be the first time Derek had tried to push him away, convinced that he was safer on his own so that nobody could break his heart again. But Stiles, stubborn, perfect Stiles, never let him. It was just one of the many reasons Derek loved him. He’d never had anybody, except perhaps for his family, who had loved him so completely and unconditionally, and he never wanted to take it for granted.

“Ok,” Derek replied, and he felt Stiles relax next to him.

Neither of them said anything for long enough that Derek knew Stiles was close to being asleep again, but he needed to say this, suddenly feeling like the world might truly collapse around them if he didn’t. He needed Stiles to know. Running his fingers gently through the hairs at the nape of Stiles’s neck, he spoke quietly into the silence. “I love you, Stiles, more than anything. You know that right?”

Derek felt more than he saw the smile grow across Stiles’s face. His response would be barely audible to most, but Derek heard it clearly, and he felt warmth radiate through him at the mumbled, “I know. And I love you too,” just before Stiles fell into sleep.

Derek vowed right then and there, though not for the first time, that he would never let Stiles go a day without being reminded of how loved he was. There would be countless more nights like this, he was sure, where one of them was plagued with nightmares, completely overwhelmed by their fears, but Derek knew they would always be there for each other, to comfort and to guide each other back home.

And, well, if Derek were to lose Stiles unexpectedly, he would make sure that it wasn’t because he had any doubt about how Derek felt about him.