whatever at this point
i don't exist, i'm not real, who cares if i disappear or not!!!!!!!

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whatever at this point
i don't exist, i'm not real, who cares if i disappear or not!!!!!!!

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Does anyone else headcanon Dess as having behaved Lake Mungo Alice Palmer style before her dissaperance? Maybe even experienced a lot of paranoia? Acted aggressively outward? Trusting less and less people and got more and more agoraphobic? Trembling in the car as Rudy drives her over to the Dreemurrs, knocking on the door and deadpan saying she wants to see Asriel, the only person she can still recognize? Smoking pot to quell the grinding of the "oh god i'm gonna die" and "jesus fuck what if?' I'm gonna headcanon her as on anti-psychotics because I am too after I experienced exactly this but like. Doesn't it add kind of an extra dimension
when your brain is so fucked the stuff you deal with could make for a fire horror movie concept. daughter loses her mother and quickly realizes as she grows she sounds, laughs and acts exactly like her and both others and herself have to deal with the grief while practically embodying her daily, making the grief inescapable. nonreliguous guy has a deep introspective conversation about the concept of an afterlife and higher powers as a teen and develops a debilitating and horrifying detatchment from reality trying to find The True Answer, thinking deeply about live, existence, and the universe, ultimately realizing there is no concrete answer he can meaningfully grasp. a self-inflicted lovecraftian horror. you can steal these if you want these are things ive thought about regarding my experiences.
⤨ MUSE INFO ⤪
◍ Name: Eddie Wells ◍ Age: 45 ◍ Gender/Pronouns: M | he/him/his ◍ Orientation: Heteroromantic Heterosexual ◍ Height: 6’3" ◍ Notable Physical Features: Tattoos: abstract pattern on left, "beer" on right, under ear ◍ Trigger Warning: Blood/gore, violence, depression, smoking, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, suicidal ideation, self-harm, psychological torture, flashbacks, dereality ◍ Likes: His family, cars, being helpful/useful, praise, attention ◍ Dislikes: Most people, himself, his reputation, police, his home town ◍ Appearance:
◍ TLDR: Eddie is a man that was falsely accused of an incredibly violent crime and deemed a monster by his hometown. He got out of prison early but has been met with hate from both his family and his peers. While Eddie is deeply emotional and devoted as a person, he is also depressed, antisocial, and internally very angry.
◍ Background: Eddie Wells grew up in Chadder Vale, and though a bit of an emo and an outcast no one really had a problem with him. He married his wife Jo and opened up a auto garage in town, being one of the sole people to take care of everyone's car troubles as he introduced his two daughters into the world and provided for his family. He met a man named Jakob, a Polish immigrant who had no money and no real prospects where he was. Eddie gave Jakob a job at the garage, and for a time they lived peacefully like this. Eddie would enjoy taking his family on vacations to a nearby lake and was mostly happy with his life. But one night he got drunk after work, and once he left he came in contact with a man named Jim Bracknell. Jakob exited the bar they were in a bit later and saw Jim on the ground bleeding out and Eddie passed out halfway up the street with a bottle in his hand. When Jakob was approached by a set of mysterious individuals, however, he was threatened and told not to come forward with what he saw. Without witnesses to attest to what crime was actually committed, Eddie was sentenced to prison for 10 years, leaving his family behind with nothing. Jo and his daughter Katie both went into work at the bread factory for five years while Eddie remained in prison, growing resentment and hate for the world and himself as he tried desperately to remember what it was he had done. But he couldn't remember the attack, and he had no idea what had gone down that night. By some miracle, he was released after 5 years without serving his full sentence. Jim had been forever scarred by the incident, and everyone in the town had come to know Eddie as "The Monster of Chadder Vale". As a result, Eddie's family also suffered prejudice from the community around them, though his daughters and Jo did all still have friends. Upon his return, not only did the town want nothing to do with Eddie, Jo and his daughters had also grown a deep resentment for him, and they all blatantly told him how much they didn't want him there, how much of a problem he was. Jakob was now in possession of Eddie's old garage, and he wouldn't give Eddie a job back into it for fear that no one would come to the garage if he did. Haven lost his family's love and his work, Eddie began to spiral into a deep depression. He was also being accosted by visions and night terrors all the while, spitting back his worst fears into him; fears that were being reflected in real life. After his youngest daughter Lily told him that she wished he was dead, Eddie finally snapped and led her off into the woods to the lake he used to vacation to. There he stepped out onto the icy surface of the lake with the intention of falling through and drowning himself. Jim Bracknell saved his life, wanting answers for the money that was consistently left of his doorstep. This bag of payment turned out to be from Jakob, suffering the guilt of never having said anything about Eddie not being guilty of the real attack. After realizing this, Eddie was thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, trying to come to terms with everything he'd suffered to that point.
◍ Abilities: Eddie is a skilled mechanic and a competent fighter. Though, he would much prefer using the former of these skills than the latter, he isn't afraid to teach someone a lesson that's earned it.
◍ Personality: Eddie is an emotionally sensitive individual that desires praise and connection from the people around him. Unfortunately he doesn't particularly care for most of the people around him, and he isn't the best when it comes to social skills. He has a deep sense of responsibility for his family, and though his family is lower class and living without much money, he has a need to do what he can to help and care for them in any way within his power. He doesn't make friends very easily at all, but he can be a loyal companion should he ever form a bond with someone.
◍ Relationships: Eddie has a wife named Jo and two children, the eldest being Katie and the youngest being Lily. Besides that, Eddie has no friends or people he cares about particularly. Romantic relationships are off the table for him, but it wouldn't be impossible for him to form friendships and familial bonds, even if it would be somewhat difficult. Currently Jo and Lily are trying to come to terms with not entirely hating Eddie, but Katie has left Chadder Vale for Manchester and Eddie still hasn't quite fully earned anyone's trust back.
◍ Hobbies: Eddie is in a state of his life where he doesn't have any particular hobbies besides smoking on a steppe somewhere. He's locked reeling in his mental prison and the loss of the love of the people he cares most about. Even learning that he wasn't actually the one responsible for the attack on Jim Bracknell has kept him preoccupied from engaging in any kind of hobby. A healthier Eddie would still enjoy working on cars, however.
Christianity tw ( mentions of sin, God, Jesus ).
Also warning, this post is going to be harsh because i am unmasking in my ASPD and i have been irritable all day and this really fucking pushed it.
I just wanted to check my regressor blog to you know, vibe and regress. And i get this ask in my inbox.
Now, before i get too wound up. This is probably a scam or copypasta, something no one will actually care about. But on some off chance it isn't, i am going to go off.
First off, you cannot just go into someones inbox and try to convert them. This is just as bad as going door to door to do it.
Secondly, what about the religion i may or may not already have? I do not talk about religion online as i don't care and mind my own business.
Third, you cannot be preaching about Sin or honestly any religious text to random strangers on the internet because they might have religious trauma, schizophrenia, psychosis, and guess what asshole, i have all of those things. You're lucky i am in a grounded space at the moment or i could have tweaked the fuck out violently.
I will not be silent online when i have to be silent in real life. I don't care about your christian views or religion the more you push it onto me but just for oh so many more reasons that anyone with a brain cell can put two and two together.
I am a system with mixed beliefs. But i am not Christian and therefore i do not suffer from your pathetic "sins". If you think i am sinful so be it.
I will sin away, being queer and disabled and traumatized and in love and fat and trying to make my way in the world.

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I was having like a ruminate on ur most grievous social failures and what you should’ve done and what I would do if it were remotely appropriate kinda night for idk hours and im like wow this is excessive even for me then I was like oh yeah ik how to make it stop and went “nothings real” and then it actually stopped. I forgot that I can just decide to not have a sense of self it’s like force quitting an app that’s freezing the whole damn computer. I’ll unlock more coping mechanisms eventually
For longer than I'd like to admit, I've been convinced that nothing's actually real, and is just some odd kind of like, torture type thing. Idk how to explain, but like. Everything goes wrong in my life, I get treated like shit, and I have no real exit, and then there's people telling me "oh, you have to keep going though" even though it's just constant suffering with no actual escape, and it's just. Fuck, I don't know, I probably sound crazy. I can't trust anyone anymore I don't think. Why would I be put through this? Probably because I'm just a terrible person who currently doesn't remember what they actually did. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't get help. They'll all think I'm out of my fucking mind. I am out of my fucking mind aren't I? I can't take this anymore. I can't. What the hell am I even talking about anymore? I don't even know.
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count your days