#deranged.fh.posting

The way people talk about toxic fh portrayals on here and toxic relationships in general is not only concerning from a safety perspective but it felt like walking into a party with a big arrow that says “this guy was in a toxic relationship in REAL LIFE!!!” and everyone looks and you and goes ewwww can you be normal. Can you write characters just breaking up normally. Like I dont know man can people read into mcrp without seeing condescending posts in the maintags about it. i could only block so many people bc new guys kept showing up to share their two cents

So I'll choose for the both of us, And you'll just go along because You've trusted me, for no good reason, Love no matter what the season

fanart of when fh won third life, something that happened and I didnt just make up. based on this hypothetical (in the tags)

you know what? sure man. scott can say whatever he wants I guess

God this is still so funny. “montage of some of our best moments and memories that I have with him” and it’s:

moment they first met (ok)

passing by him down the stairs (ok)

ruining tango’s cow operation (fun activity they did together!!)

zoomed in footage of jimmy dying (???)

yeah sorry I was in a weird mood (better version under cut). it’s metaphorical btw i dont think he’d actually do this

I read a good Jimmy analysis post a while back on how important Jimmy’s pride is to him, and how he’ll back himself up when no one else will, often to his own detriment. And this is such a key part of his character, right. Jimmy doesn’t often withdraw or get all nervous and shy when bad shit happens to him, he gets louder and angry and all riled up about it. He projects his insecurities outwards and then picks battles over anything he perceives as an insult.

So it is strange how that seems to be… almost missing in third life. In that series specifically, he withdraws more often than not, he fears making independent decisions, and he makes concessions he typically would rather make a stupid hill to die on than consider:

Joel and Martyn tell Jimmy they feel lied to, and Jimmy is quick to ask how he can make it up to them, agreeing to give them cows for free. Jimmy is threatened by Grian and Scar into giving up his diamond chestplate and he folds easily, then goes home to tell Scott he just “wasn’t thinking.” Jimmy gets blown up by Grian’s tnt trap and says the walls around the flower valley need to go up, he says he’s never leaving his house again, and after it’s all settled he’s afraid to even walk home without Scott.

Honestly the only time he ever picks a fight in true Jimmy fashion is in Episode 1 with Martyn over some stupid sign placement, and then with the red army negotiations when he burned the banner— but that, notably, wasn’t a personal pride thing! It was a very Jimmy way to go about it, but he got defensive because he thought they were going to hurt Scott, and spitting in their faces was the best way he knew how to protect him (as this is how Jimmy typically protects himself).

He’s just very tame, overall. Defanged. He doesn’t stand up for himself like he usually does.

And yknow. If I had to take just. A personal guess as to why that is. I think the difference primarily stems from 3l!Jimmy’s tendency to take on personal blame for things that aren’t even his fault. A Jimmy character feeling bad about the things he’s done isn’t new, he often does do regrettable things, but what sets 3l!Jimmy apart is that he excessively self blames for what are often unsubstantiated reasons.

Grian’s tnt trap triple kill (emphasis on Grian’s) is the most dramatic example. After Jimmy accidentally activates it, he repeatedly stresses just how bad he feels about it, and apologizes to skizz directly, telling him he feels like he’s “ruined everything.” Jimmy blames himself entirely for this incident, to the point where it allows for him and Scott to team up with desert duo, who DIRECTLY SET UP the trap and OUTRIGHT TOOK CREDIT FOR the kills, in the next episode without even a mention of caution or bitterness. This is irrational; if Jimmy were to ask any given person if they genuinely think the deaths were ENTIRELY his fault, I don’t think anybody would seriously say that it was.

Except for Scott. Scott would say it is, and that’s the issue. He did say it, actually, first implying it (“Jimmy I told you that we needed to shoot it from a distance!”) but then outright telling him (“You killed two people!”)*. Scott later backpedals a bit, telling Jimmy that it was Grian and Scar who gave him the loaded gun, and it wasn’t him that brought it. While nice, that sentiment was seemingly too little too late.

* (both of these are said in the scene at about 25:33, ep4 of Scott’s pov in case anyones curious. assuming my timestamps from a year ago are correct if theyre not lmk. I also have rough timestamps for like everything else referenced in here in one big document so if anyone needs them feel free to ask)

This is all to say: I think Jimmy’s self blaming tendencies and, by extension, his unusual lack of self confidence this season are a result of his relationship with Scott. While the TNT trap incident was the catalyst for those feelings being brought so front and center, I believe that Scott created an environment which normalized Jimmy taking on personal blame for things aren’t his fault beforehand, or at the very least disproportionate amounts of it (so when he legitimately fucks up and makes a disastrous mistake, it’s the only thing he thinks to do). Primarily because Scott, himself, blames Jimmy for a lot of things, but also because Jimmy doesn’t understand the motivations behind a lot of how Scott treats him, and has to retroactively fill in the blanks with what makes sense. Full transparency: I am staking this ladder claim on both his undying admiration for Scott seen throughout the entire series that would require a thought process like this to support, and one (1) interaction between him and Martyn in episode 1. However, I’d still argue it’s a significant interaction.

MARTYN: I just seen you get slapped around, like what’s- what’s going on?

JIMMY: I just- Y’know- just. well we’re living opposite each other…

MARTYN: Are you happy living with Scott?

JIMMY: WE’RE LIVING— We’re living opposite each other! And he builds fantastic. And mine just looks like- I’m just not a builder, y’know? Just not a builder.

And. Personally. To me. Answering “What’s going on?” with “I’m just not a builder” in regards to Scott pushing him around implies that Jimmy made a connection between him being a bad builder and Scott’s reaction. In reality, Scott “slapped him around” because Jimmy showed up too early for a deal that he didn’t know about. But Jimmy doesn’t accept that as the reason, and instead traces it back to a personal fault, something he will go on to make a habit of until he dies in the desert.

After all, it becomes very easy to explain away various mishaps and misfortunes as “oh I’m just not a builder” or “oh I must not have been thinking,” when Scott’s favorite activity is implying Jimmy is incompetent and can’t be trusted to do anything on his own. (Some fun scott quotes being “why do I let you do things” “as long as we dont let jimmy do anything we’ll be fine,” and most directly, “see that’s why I said, ‘I dont trust Jimmy with anything’ because he’s incompetent”)

And it’s funny, right? Because Jimmy isn’t one to just let people put him down like that. When other people in other series tell Jimmy that his house is ugly, Jimmy will defend it with pride and stand up for it twice as much to compensate. But when Scott calls his house ugly, he tells Scott to stay put while he quickly runs to try and fix it, and then hurries back to ask if it’s better. Because he admires Scott, he never stops admiring him, he’s always expressing that (“you’re good at everything” “you’re full of good ideas, aren’t you?” “how are you such a good builder?”). And he doesn’t get defensive when Scott says these things, not in the same way— He tries to, but it comes across more desperate than anything (“say something good about me!”) because he places Scott on such a high pedestal and yearns for that approval. Scott is different.

This is how, despite all odds, it gets to him. And it changes how Jimmy perceives himself. Scott doesn’t trust Jimmy not to fuck up any given task, so Jimmy doesn’t trust himself in later episodes, especially post-Dogwarts explosion. The cake scene, while admittedly a very cute moment (so I do hate to cite this here but it’s a good example), works because Scott left a cake in Jimmy’s room without saying anything, and knew that the first thing Jimmy would do is get scared and come get him. Because that is the first thing 3l!Jimmy thinks to do when he’s scared! And it’s entirely unsurprising how it got that way! In the very first episode, Scott tells Jimmy that if it wasn’t for Scott finding him in the beginning, he would’ve been the first to die. It’s generally a joke to point to fh and go “Jimmy is like Scott’s pet lol, Jimmy is like a lost puppy without Scott” but there really is some truth in that, and I find that to be somewhat haunting considering Jimmy takes so much pride in his independence usually. Jimmy’s hesitance towards making independent decisions can also be traced back to Scott finding Jimmy’s independent decisions inherently frustrating but that’s already part of the FH dissection essay I have in my drafts and this post is long enough already. There’s also a whole other discussion to be had about how Scott’s say is the final say no matter what and Jimmy knows that which further deincentivizes independent decision making (REPEATEDLY POINTS TO “I’ll try and sweet talk him, but if he starts hitting me, what can I do?”) but that is also for the essay

I dont know where I was going with this. I think I made my point in the third paragraph but I feel lots of things about these characters and have lots to say so as I kept writing I got more and more emotional and now I think I’ve driven my little block people shaped autism car into a brick wall. I think I’m going to go throw up and then let the earth reclaim me. yeaj that sounds good