#deprssing

Okay, I'm gonna say it...

I am afraid to be on a relationship.

There, I said it.

It's not that I'm scared of the ideal of 'relationships"

It's just I'm scared of being hurt and used.

I met a guy who i really liked and I think he likes me to

But I was to anxious and my fear started to take over

I kept ignoring the guys signs.

That's when I started to think.

Why am I scared of going out with a guy that I might actually like?

Look, I've met guys

And I thought I might of liked them

But intill I met him my feelings were diffrent.

I mean this is a great chance, isn't it ?

But something was holding me back...fear!

This is how it all started.

My fear.

One day my crush asked me out - great right?

Well it turned out that it was all a joke.

Even my best friend knew about it!

I pretend that "hahah you got me"

once I went home I cried.

Few years later

Then I had this little thing (one night) with a Fuck boy - we all know who this can be.

After that I felt used, ugly and just like my feeling were dirt

And this is how I kept feeling.

Like everyone who I gave my love just walked over it.

Just like dirt.

I always looked for approval from other people.

Then when I met him

I felt it.

Like there was something...

But I couldn't bring myself to be forward

I didn't want to be used, hurt, I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to be a burden.

I've never had a boyfriend because I looked in the wrong places and I was afraid of what a relationship was going to be like.

Hoping I will date someone but at the same time I didn't.

All because of my fucked up head and my fear.

So many more things play in this factor.