God, I feeel like a stupid clown, like I always have to act happy and cheerful even tho im not. Cause the moment I drop the smile people treat me like I’m crazy and over reacting or it’s nothing to what they are dealing with and I need to get over it. All my life I’ve been told by all different to be happy and take what ever happens to me cause I’m not going through as much as them when in reality I hide so much of it so they don’t need to deal with it. I wish I had people to talk to but pretty much everyone in my town hates me cause I act like a “clown” and the people I know either ignore my sadness or have to much going on with other people so I don’t want to burden them. On top of that I always have so much people and things to carry on my shoulders that the moment I stagger or complain I’m automatically in a mood and I need to keep going cause asking for help is wrong. I have people in my life constantly that belittle me and me small even tho I try to make them happy. Sometimes I want some one to compliment me, or say something nice to me without me having to fish for it, sometimes I wish someone would do a favour for me without making me feel extremely guilty. I can’t even ask for favours or really rely on people anymore cause someone destroyed my confidence cause they threw a fit and pulled apart my flaws and then demanded an apology but now they get pissed when I don’t ask them for something or deny a ride with them. I get anxiety when people do things for me now cause I’m scared that they will demand something from me. I’m constantly scared of people now cause I’m always doing something wrong these days, I’m always the person to try and fix things and make people feel better but sometimes I wish people came to me instead and looked after me for once
