#denor

Threes and Ones: Sufin

Enneagram Ones and Threes are both competent, serious minded, and idealistic. This is a highly task-oriented relationship, with both partners driven to hard work and to be intensely aware when they are not measuring up to their own expectations and high standards. Both parties can bring selflessness, self-discipline, good work habits, and the ability to put aside their personal feelings for the sake of the objective good that needs to be done. They both strive after excellence, both as an ideal and as something to personally embody. Sometimes they succeed so well that this pairing virtually glows with self-confidence and the thrill of their own talents. They strive to make each other proud, someone the other can look up to and show off to his or her friends and family. They enjoy planning and organizing their lives, dividing up responsibilities after seeing who is better at which tasks. Both thrive on respect and give each other personal space. They will try to solve problems in the relationship by discussing the issues since neither likes emotionally charged bickering or unresolved issues. Ones help Threes to be more grounded and realistic; Threes help Ones stretch themselves and not be so perfectionistic. They are both industrious and persistent, efficient and concerned with excellence and with making a real difference in the world.

Threes and Nines: Gerita 

This is a fairly common pairing. Nines bring enormous support, encouragement, and a sense of pride in the Three's accomplishments. Threes can feel that with the Nine behind them, they are able to be themselves, explore their potential, and become the best they can be. Threes can help Nines to properly value themselves, to have more self-respect, and to invest in their own development. Nines can help Threes relax and find enjoyment in simple things—Nines give them permission to not drive themselves so much. Both types are sociable, idealistic, caring for children, animals, and the underdog. Both are usually hard working and want to achieve a degree of material success that will enable them to take care of others in a kind of extended family where everyone would be safe, comfortable, and thriving. Threes energize Nines and bring change and excitement to the relationship. Nines bring a feeling of safety and steadiness, the assurance that the Three is loved for themselves and not just for their achievements, and the feeling of not being judged or evaluated at every moment. Threes feel that they can let down their hair and really be themselves with Nines who accept them just as they are. 

Fours and Threes: FrUK

Enneagram Fours can teach Threes how to talk about themselves on a deeper level and help acknowledge and process their feelings. They can also bring Threes more sensitivity, a feeling for beauty and for the non-practical but fulfilling aspects of life. Fours can bring a sense of style and presentation, rich communication, and sense of refinement. Threes can bring tact and diplomacy to handling Fours' emotional reactions and their sometimes too-sensitive feelings and self-doubts. Threes can bring a sense of hope and ambition to the relationship, practical goal-setting, coaching and behavior management techniques that help Fours get out of a slump or a period of low energy. Threes can coach Fours on how to get on with practical matters and to act professionally despite the shifts in their feelings and self-doubts. Both are aware of "image" issues and about how others perceive them, and so this couple will be noteworthy for its energy, flair, sense of style, and enjoyment of the finer things of life. They may both feel a connection with the other that goes beyond words or reason, as if the other is some kind of soul mate.

Potential Issues

Both Threes and Fours have issues with self-esteem and with needing attention and validation from others. These two types secretly compare themselves with others and have openly competitive tendencies. Threes will tend to give less attention than Fours to the relationship itself, and Fours will typically want far more emotional involvement and intimacy than Threes are comfortable with (or even capable of providing). A related problem is that neither type really sees the other as they are: both see the other through projections of what they need and expect the other to be. Fours may see Threes as a rescuer and as embodiment of everything they lack, whereas Threes may see Fours as an exotic, mysterious sexual or artistic trophy that enhances their desirability. Perhaps worst for this pairing is that they inadvertently keep reminding each other of their own brand of self-concealment and phoniness—a constant source of irritation to each other. They can become snippy and sarcastic, gossiping and complaining about the shortcomings of the other to their own friends. Both can also be covert and indirect about sabotaging the other out of revenge, if their relationship should end. 

Fours and Eights: Rochu/Ruspru 

This can be one of the most inherently volatile pairings. Both Enneagram Fours and Eights can be dominating of their environments—Eights are socially dominant, Fours are emotionally dominant. Both types bring passion, intensity, energy, and deep feelings to all aspects of the relationship. They are attracted to each other's storminess, and the other's "hidden" qualities: neither is what they seem to be on the surface. Both types are also highly intuitive—Fours by being self-aware and knowledgeable about how they are feeling, and Eights with their intuition about external phenomena. Fours tend to depend on the Eight's practicality and ability to protect and provide for them, whereas Eights tend to depend on the Four's sensitivity and mysterious sense of challenge—the Four's emotional life and heart may be one world that the Eight cannot easily conquer. Both feel that the other can meet their intensity—that the other will not be boring or non-responsive to them. They make each other feel more alive—something that both want. Intensity, vitality, passion, and immediacy are the hallmarks of this couple, and they relate to each other from an unusually high emotional pitch—there is always something happening in their relationship, and they like it this way.

Potential Issues

Both types want to be free from having anyone control them. If they feel that the other is trying to control them, both types can become enraged, easily triggering gargantuan battle, financial and sexual intrigues, and rampant feelings of hatred. Both Fours and Eights are emotionally stormy and prone to periods of rage, depression, vengeance, and various forms of acting out. When conflicts between them reach a certain pitch, arguing replaces real connection, and fighting (and possible physical violence) becomes an increasingly common element of their communication. They can get into the practice of fighting and making up because both are more exciting that way, and can also begin punish each other by withholding attention and affection and verbally putting the other down, often in public. They also tend to draw their friends and family into their conflicts, trying to make others choose sides.

Fours and Sevens: Rusame

Enneagram Fours and Sevens tend to be intrigued by each other since they are a generally a case of opposites attracting. Fours tend to be quiet, introverted, self-doubting, emotional, and pessimistic, while Sevens tend to be outgoing, extroverted, self-confident, mental, and optimistic. Sevens help Fours overcome shyness and a possible reluctance to try new experiences. Fours help Sevens stay focused on what they really want—and to respect and allow their feelings. Fours and Sevens bring to their relationship the charge and mystery of their differences—that they think so differently, react so differently, and find pleasure in such different ways. They can therefore become intrigued by the other, finding him or her endlessly fascinating, always ready with something new and unexpected. Both Fours and Sevens bring a capacity for joy and ecstasy, spontaneity, emotion, and for passion. They both have a love of the new and a sense of adventure and romance that can keep their relationship fresh and lively for themselves and be a source of joy and inspiration for others. 

Possible Issues

Unless some strong passion (romantic, mental, or spiritual) keeps them together, they are likely to fly apart if there are any deep disagreements or conflicts early in the relationship. Both types tend to be impulsive and to be easily frustrated with others when they are disappointed or if their life circumstances do not go as they expect. While Fours may admire and even secretly envy the Seven's resilience and high energy, they may also find themselves worn down by their fast-paced lives. Fours can see Sevens as too noisy, superficial, and insensitive-and occasionally coarse and insulting without realizing it. Sevens can also see Fours as hypersensitive, ineffectual, impractical, moody, and self-absorbed. In addition, if the relationship worsens, Fours usually become more withholding and hostile, sniping at the other from a safe distance. Sevens become more impatient, abrasive, and can be verbally abusive. Fours may want to talk about everything that has gone wrong with the relationship in great detail with the Seven. By contrast, Sevens typically want to move on to something more promising and upbeat. The result is that underlying problems do not get resolved adequately. Once this relationship curdles, virtually everything each admired and was attracted to in the other becomes irritating and insufferable.

Sevens and Sixes: Denor/Amebel

Both Sixes and Sevens are mental types, and there can be a great deal of mental stimulation in this pairing. Sevens are entertaining and tend to lift the spirits of Sixes. Both are quick mentally and often have rapier wits: they enjoy bantering with each other, verbally sparring and seeing how absurd or funny they can become as they push each other to more outrageous limits. Sevens are particularly good at generating new ideas while Sixes are good at mastering the practical steps that are necessary to get things done. Sevens help Sixes put fears into perspective, and sometimes to move beyond them entirely. They thus make effective team members in which the Seven lays out the big picture and gets people excited about new possibilities while the Six moves in with the logistical and tactical know-how, following through with the details. Sixes bring commitment and loyalty to the Seven, often an expertise and groundedness that the Seven comes to trust and rely on implicitly. Sevens bring a driving sense of optimism and possibility, high energy, a sense of adventure, and fearlessness with regard to failure. They can teach Sixes how to be resilient and how not to fear the future, while Sixes can teach Sevens the difference between optimism and pipedreams.

Potential Issues

Despite how well Sixes and Sevens can reinforce each other's strengths when they are healthy, in the average to lower Levels, the picture can shift quickly. Sevens do not want to hear about problems or obstacles: they want things to be done the day before yesterday. Sevens are future oriented, while Sixes tend to be aware of the past, of precedents, and the lessons of history that would prevent things from going badly again. Sixes very much want to find someone with whom they can have a long term commitment, Sevens tend to be fearful of long term commitments and enter into them somewhat reluctantly. Sixes tend to feel that Sevens are too hedonistic, selfish, extravagant, and when the chips are down, they wonder if they can be relied on.  Sevens tend to feel that Sixes are too anxiety ridden, worry too much, and make themselves (and everyone else!) crazy raising every question and objection before trying anything. These two opposing philosophies reflect the very different expectations Sixes and Seven have from life and from a relationship, and unless they can be reconciled, it will be difficult for this couple to remain one.

Sevens and Twos: Ameliet/America and Canada 

Both Enneagram Twos and Sevens can be outgoing, friendly, funny, high-energy people and very enjoyable company. Twos admire the nerve and gusto with which Sevens plunge ahead in life, making everyday an unpredictable adventure. There is a kind of mental electricity and excitement that Sevens generate—the aura of sheer possibility that Twos find intoxicating. The Seven helps the Two to remember to do nice things for themselves on a regular basis. They remind Twos that if they are not taking care of their own health and fulfillment, they will not really be able to be helpful to others. Healthy Sevens feel their emotional and physical needs are largely met by a healthy Two. The Two helps the Seven feel relaxed and fulfilled, reducing the temptation to wander. Both Twos and Sevens are idealistic, but Twos can more easily and consistently translate this impulse into altruistic action. Together, they can be remarkably generous and thoughtful as a couple. The Two and Seven combination can have a positive effect on people that is virtually unmatched by any other couple: they can be warm, welcoming and generous, making others feel loved and invited to the party.

Twos and Nines: CanUkr

Twos and Nines are similar in a wide variety of areas and reactions; both types are interested in nurturing others and in helping people to be better, more comfortable with themselves, and more at peace. This pairing has an outstanding warm, kindly, and good-natured quality about it that each side reinforces. Twos bring to the pair a more outward and interpersonally engaging energy: they would most likely be the first to introduce themselves at a party or to go to someone's aid and comfort if they perceived that the other person had some kind of problem. Nines bring a quiet steadiness and uncomplicated directness that allows people to flourish and things to get done with a minimum of stress and conflict. Even if Twos become upset about their relationships, or are feeling moments of self-doubt about how loved they are, Nines have a way of calming them down and of providing a great deal of unquestioned acceptance. Both types are drawn to each other to provide soothing and support; their home and hearth, pets and love of nature are extremely important to them. Much of their best communication is non-verbal, physical, arising from their simple, direct presence to each other. They can develop almost a psychic link with each other. This is a very mellow couple, whose emphasis on hospitality reminds people of how healing it is to be around loving, generous people.

Ones and Nines: Latliech 

These types understand each other from the inside as it were, and can see many of their own traits in the other. Each type brings a certain idealism and desire to change the world to make it a better place. Both are able to delay rewards for a long-term good they seek. In short, Nines tend to take a bit of the rough edge off of the criticality and seriousness of Ones, while Ones give clarity and direction to Nines. Further, Ones feel that they have a mission in life, and they are able to inspire Nines to become aware of their own purpose and to want to follow it. This can be a highly altruistic couple who balance idealism with humanity. As a couple, they are gracious company, hospitable and generous, but they also need time to be alone with each other. They have a mutual love of nature and animals that may bring them closer together, as well as their love of their children and family. Nines soothe Ones, while Ones remind Nines to strive for excellence.

Fives and Ones: Estfin/Estonia and Latvia