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all the demonkin posts are so angry and edgy and full of hate, like we're all creatures of rage and spite, and it makes me feel like a really invalid demon because i'm not mean or angry. i relate more to angelkin stuff, but i feel weirder reblogging that since i'm a demon.
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i am a demon. i feel immense love for an angel and want nothing more than to protect them and see them be happy. i hated the cliché, x falls in love with y and they're on opposite sides of the war. it's too played out, too predictable. but when i see them, i could give it all up to walk amongst the angels with them. it feels wrong, in the pit of my stomach deep down *of course* it's wrong, etc etc i dont care. i just fear that in our time apart, they may have met someone better. an angel, maybe.
sometimes i wonder what attracted me to demonkin. ive known about it for a long while, but never participated fully, and it feels right but i can't help asking why. maybe because i rejected christianity at a very young age and just never understood the fuss and, although I'm an adult now, I'm still coping with being the black sheep of my family. or maybe, the reason i rejected it in the first place was a life-long calling, something trying to intervene early, but god knows I'm fucking stubborn.
Sometimes when I hear people refer to people they hate as demons (or "literally the devil"), it makes me feel terrible and I want to go off and hide somewhere. It feels awful being reminded that people see my kind as so abhorrent that we can be used as an insult like that.
I remember a few things. I’m a demonkin but I can’t remember what I used to look like. I can feel wings and horns and sharp teeth when I try to remember as I was but I was never interested in mirrors or vanity so I have no idea what I looked like. My skin color changed from black to a peach depending on how I wanted it and my name was Askî. I remember the different life’s I have lived and I wish I could find other kin who knew me before I hid myself inside humanity.
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i'm a satanist primarily because i'm demonkin. my therapist found out, and she doesn't seem fond of it. she told me i should start going to a church. a god-worshiping church. just thinking about walking into a church puts such a horrible feeling in my throat, someone like me can't go into a church like that.
*demon—feel like i need to specify* the fact that i’m not in the porcelain like body i was annoys me. i used to feel like art. i’m not in that anymore and i feel as if all my belongings have been stolen. my memories and my body, poof, gone. it’s cruel.
pt.1...i was in love with an cherubim, who spent her nights guarding the gates of Eden and playing music to serenade anyone who could hear her. i loved her song, it was enchanting. her divinity was mesmerising and her virtues were the holiest. being a different kind meant i could only fawn from a distance, otherwise i feared she’d fall. but she knew i was there, she knew i watched and i could feel what she felt for me. love.
pt.2...i met her again in this life. the eyes are the windows to the souls and hers are identical, one green one blue and gold running throughout them both like a stream. her music is still just as divine and she plays for me whenever i ask, because even in this mortal form. our love is eternal. i will find her in any form she takes, she is mine.
