Nov 19, 2013
-Do you know what I think?
-No, no one cares.
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-Do you know what I think?
-No, no one cares.
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-Have you seen something that makes you're chest sink, it feels like it has collapsed? You feel alone and you can't tell anyone about the feeling but you still have a sense of abandonment. The realization that you can't do anything about it washes over you and you can't grasp the concept of "Hope". The idea of hope feels as empty as you're sunken chest and waking up in the morning depresses you. You feel disconnected from who you used to be and who you used to be is just... gone.
-What are you're plans for tomorrow?
-I might exercise maybe do some drawing and go for a drive.
-Really? I don't think you will, you're going to lay in that bed and hope no one notices you.
-Today will be different, I might go get a coffee and hope I can make new friends.
-So you will just walk up to some stranger and say "Hi"? They will think you're a freak, you don't want them to see you like that.
-What else am I meant to do? tell me.
-You just have to wait but I doubt someone will knock on you're door and introduce themselves? If they did you aren't really in a good position to make a good first impression.
-I can just catch up with all my old friends then.
-You haven't talked to most of them in a while and they probably have better things to do than hang around with some broken hearted drunk.
-I am still going out for coffee tomorrow.
-Have you ever had one of those moments when you hear something or see something that just makes you depressed? When you would just hear lyrics she used to sing or see an article of clothing she borrowed. You see her name on a computer screen or notice the books she left in the back seat of the car. All you can think of is what she is doing, who with and you wonder if she even remembers you. Then you feel like you're obsessing and you know you shouldn't care because you're too good for her anyway. Do you think that you could have said something to stop it happening in the first place?
-Are you talking to her again?
-Yes, what's wrong with that?
-You haven't talked to her in years, you stopped talking to her for a reason.
-What's so wrong about getting back in touch with her?
-You know you can't be with her.
-There isn't anything wrong with meeting up with her.
-I know you, you're going to try and get it back to that romantic stage again. You can do better than her, look for someone else.
-I know I can do better but now all the available girls are five years older than me or have kids. Where am I meant to look?
-Just have some respect and find someone who you deserve for once.
-I don't feel like I deserve anything.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
-Sometimes I wonder why you try to impress people.
-What do you mean?
-I mean why do you bother dressing well and hiding behind all of these lies? You're never going to have an attractive face and no one will like the "real" you.
-Well what can I do? I have to hide behind the lies, good manners and over-niceness so they won't focus on that.
-Look what happened every other time you tried to impress people that way. They walk all over you, how much to you give up just to make someone happy? Not just money but time and effort as well. Where are you after all that?
-It made them happy isn't that enough for you? It doesn't matter where it left me, it left others happy.
-What about you?
-It doesn't matter about me. There will be someone who cares about me eventually.
-No there won't, you may as well just make yourself happy before you get too lonely.
-Too lonely?
-Well More lonely anyway, all of you're friends are moving on to better things. You're going to stay where you are desperately trying to make everyone happy, just to leave you sad.
-I am moving forward by the end of the next year I'll be in a different country, away from everything that makes me depressed.
-It won't change anything, you will always be depressed.
-What did you do today?
-You know what I did today.
-It's ok the cry, it's normal.
-It's not something I want to do.
-Nobody wants to, sometimes you just break down. Just like you did in the kitchen this morning. You need to talk to someone, you really do.
-I really don't need to, I can keep this up. I have for years before I lowered my guard.
-How long can you keep telling people you're "great" and that you have "Been doing really well" when in reality you lost you're job because of a bad break up and you're back at home again.
-How would telling them that change anything? They won't think of me as this super-positive person anymore. I can't let them see my faults.
-Faults are what make You, "You".
-I don't want to be Me, I want to be someone better... The person I actually want to be.
-You really need to see someone.
-Are we going out this weekend?
-You know we aren't.
-Didn't you get invited to that thing?
-Maybe.
-We should go. If there is some girls there it would be even better, yeah?
-I am just not up to it.
-Yes you are, you're just being depressive again.
-I just can't be bothered after work.
-You get off at 10PM why not? Everyone is going to hate you again.
-Ill make it up to them on the Sunday.
-Like you did last time?
-I just forgot... Ok.
-Whatever, they are starting to hate you already. Go out again like we used to, blind drunk with a random chick under our arms.
-I don't want that anymore. I want to be with someone who actually cares about me.
-Really? That matters, We had fun.
-Yeah, we did.
-Just think about it.
-I have and it always ends up the same way. I feel disposable and you never seem to help.
-"disposable"? You will be using them.
-That's not the way I think and you know that. Why do you do this all the time?
-I want to help you. You need to stop thinking of others and do something for yourself for once.
-I am not as important as everyone else is.
-I know, doesn't mean you can have fun.
-Just leave me alone for a while, ok?
-You know i can't do that.