Why I Left Facebook for Good
Having a lot of “friends” but not being able to connect with them has given me a great sense of anxiety. I have questioned my social skills and hated myself for not being able to endure small talks. I also felt empty every time I see 60 people online but no one to talk to.
It finally dawned on me how Facebook has made me feel miserable.
I had a lot of friends but we don’t have meaningful conversations. Whenever I try to initiate a deep conversation people seemed reserved. Conversations turn out awkward and dry, one that gives you a hint that a couple of exchanges later would turn out to be a “see you later” which really meant never.
After venting out my frustrations and crisis to a close relative and not getting a response, I realized that people really just go to Facebook to feel good, not to make connections. I realized people never really cared. And the emotional outpour that were supposed to be in the chats leaked to my timeline, as I write cryptic posts of everything that I felt. I know no one cares, but where will we go?
Talking on the posts but nobody listens. It’s like you’re in a crowd full of people, everybody talking to themselves. Some passers-by may notice and leave a reaction but nobody really cares enough to ask how you are and if you’re still able to carry on.
Relatives check up on you to see how you’re doing. Not to try to help you in case you’re in pain but to have something to talk about with the other aunts after church day, on how Nina seems to be “out of hand” and “partying like an animal”. Saying how “my daughter never does that” and using her daugther’s diploma to prove their decency.
Everything you do in the social media can be criticized. Being there alone makes you susceptible to the judgement of others. What used to be a portal where you can be yourself and air out your opinions and freedom of speech becomes a logbook of your flaws and potentials. You limit either the rants or self-indulgence. It’s like every post has to prove something. Prove that you’re just posting innocent things or prove that you’re more than what they think of you.
Plans we make with my Facebook friends never come to fruition. It’s as if having my name in their friend’s list gives them the assurance that we’re still friends and that they just have me in their speed dial any time they thought about it. We plan reunions that never happen because we don’t miss one another. We’re just on Facebook and we seem present, but we never really were.
As long I’m on Facebook, I’m easily reachable. Too easy that people no longer felt the need to reach out to me anymore. I also feel the same for many of my Facebook friends.
Funny that when I have initiated closing my account, Facebook shows pictures of friends and says “xxx will miss you” yet all those people shown were the ones who didn’t reply to my messages. I had to let go of all the bullshit. And I felt that I needed to act fast.
Then... I finally got my life back.
