#delete -

it's always this blog where i start to feel the most uncomfortable. i think it's because people tend to have their own views, and very strong views might i add, on the character that i feel like my own interpretation is lost in that. i don't mind the negativity surrounding the views on the characters. the s.eeds are antagonists in the game, even villains who have committed heinous acts, but note, i said the seeds. a lot of people tend to treat j.oseph as the sole villain. he's not. and tbh the resistance is not much better, the whole of m.ontana is fucked. anyway all this to say, i don't know how to continue here without remaking and just staying friends only :' ) until i'm actually ready for people to interact i might just put this blog on hiatus, but considering i just started a replay i don't think that's going to happen so what probably will happen is a remake or... redesign and blocking everyone who i don't know.

i feel like being medicated would help sometimes but i dont trust medication in a lot of ways and it also feels like. feeling everything is important its killing me a bit maybe but it feels vital to feel that and not turn away it feels like a betrayal to back down but its not like im able to DO anything as i am. i dont know. im not gonna pursue it at any rate because im not throwing another fucking thing on top of everything else required to keep me alive for some fucking reason but im so sick of being in pain in a hundred different ways constantly with nothing to distract me. the moment i have to take a break from art it just ENGULFS me i dont know what to do. i dont