I recently got an ask from a TERF: How do you define "man"?
I have no reason to believe this ask is in good faith, but it's something I've thought about. Even if it was on good faith I really don't want to promote someone who is as terrible and bad-faith to trans women as this asker. So I'll answer it here.
Man, women, and various other genders have existed under different definitions for different places and cultures for all of human existence. Though they're terms generally associated with physical characteristics that tend to come with XY and XX chromosomes (though there is a lot of variation), they're also associated with certain experiences, social roles, and behavior. Every person will have a different experience of what it means to be a man or woman depending on their family, experiences, and culture. Many people have a strong and ingrained idea of whether they're a man or a woman independent of body or social assignment. So how do you define man? Like many words, it's contextual. I think the most kind and healthy way of fronting defining it is to let people define what they need it to be for themselves. Ultimately words will be used in all kinds of complex ways regardless of dictionary definitions and we'll never unify all human speech, but it can be an interesting exercise.
So, I feel the most comprehensive, accurate, and kind way to define "man" is to say anyone who understands themselves to be a man.
I myself feel most right when the people around me and I myself recognize myself as a man. Being a man has allowed me to access more of my feelings and be in a healthy relationship. It's given me a greater understanding of myself. I am not a traditionally masculine man for my society, not in expression or body. I'm gnc. My gender has been somewhat drifting and fluid over the years. Maybe I'll understand my gender as something else in the future. So I identify as a nonbinary or genderfluid man. But I am a man and my own man.
