#defictionalization

Fake Languages You Can Actually Learn: 

Klingon — a pretty famous fictional language from Star Trek. You can even learn this one on Duolingo. (Apparently, one Klingonist raised his child from a newborn with Klingon as their first language (along with English), though the child gave up Klingon at the age of five.) Klingon Dictionary and Klingon Handbook KLI (Klingon Language Institute) 

Unlike with some other retroactively created languages, supposedly Tolkien started by inventing languages before writing, with the most famous and elaborate ending up being the Elvish languages. http://councilofelrond.com/content/guide-to-learning-elvish/. Among these (Westron, Sindarin, Quenya, Khuzdul, Entish, Black Speech, Adûnaic, Rohirric/Rohanese), you can learn to speak the Elvish languages Sindarin and Quenya, as well as possibly Westron and Adûnaic, to an extent… There is a book, "The Languages of Tolkien's Middle-earth" by Ruth S. Noel, that might help…

Na’vi – Created by linguist Paul R. Frommer for the making of the Avatar movie. You can learn Na’vi here on https://learnnavi.org//their YouTube channel or here: https://kelutral.org/   

Dothraki – from A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones. You can learn Dothraki on https://dothraki.org/. This language also has a subreddit (r/learnDothraki) and a Living Language book. 

High Valyrian – You can learn High Valyrian from ASOIAF/Game of Thrones. It has a course on Duolingo.  

Second Tier:

Mando’a – http://mandoa.org/. From my understanding, this is the most fleshed-out Star Wars language (the language of Mandalore and the Mandalorians.) The Oyu'baat community and Project Shereshoy both have reference materials on the Mando’a language (and culture.) Mando'a Lessons - YouTube 

Ewokese — A Star Wars language from the planet Endor. You can’t really become fluent, but there are quite a lot of words you can learn. The same is true for the Jawa and Huttese languages. The Complete Wermo's Guide to EWOKESE

Jawa – The Complete Wermo's Guide to JAWAESE

Huttese – The Complete Wermo's Huttese Transcript  

Might be helpful: Galactic Phrase Book & Travel Guide 

Chenuh – The language of the Chiss from Star Wars. While it was not canonically fleshed-out, fan-made projects made learning Chenuh possible. On the other hand, the Chiss have superior vocal capabilities, so you’ll never be perfect.   The Cheunh projekt by the_wicked_memer Writing system for it by Zombiepixlz-gamr Resource list compiled by deathcupcake 

Ur-Kittât (Sith) – Star Wars language of the Sith species. Imperial_Cadet on Reddit and YouTube is working on analysing and developing the language. 

Dovahzul, Skyrim’s Dragon Language → Thuum.org

Eragon’s languages – Paolini.net covers the Ancient, Dwarf, Nomad, and Urgal languages from Eragon.

How to Speak the Ancient Language from the Inheritance Cycle

Yautja – The Predator language. Alphabet

Translator (with Yautja alphabet)

Dictionary: here or here (English alphabet)

This does not account, however, for the other aspects of the language like their ‘silent hand’.

(Keyboard)

Bonus: A Few Alphabets: 

Aurebesh/Galactic Basic Standard – a Star Wars alphabet (‘Aurebesh’) seen here. You can learn more information on https://aurebesh.org/. Once you learn that, you can even have Aurebesh key caps (here, here, here). (<-- I don’t like the fact that some of the non-letter keys are just Star Wars symbols; it doesn't seem to me like people in the galaxy would just have a key for the rebel alliance, etc.)   

Gnommish — the language of the People, or faeries, from Artemis Fowl. This language is traditionally written in spiral order outwards. There’s a guide to the original alphabet in the Artemis Fowl Files. (This one is less complete than the others, as it is only an alphabet and occasionally contradicts its canon; it is mostly here for sentimental value.) Gnommish alphabet (Note: The new Gnommish looks like this, and was the version created for the movie.)  

Standard Galactic Alphabet — The “Minecraft Table language” is, in addition to being used on Minecraft enchanting tables, actually from the Commander Keen games. Unfortunately, it won’t get you very far, because, while it IS a real translatable alphabet, these translations often lead to nonsense ramblings and useless information in the Minecraft games. Here's what it looks like. 

So... I was struck by the thought that I kinda wish some food nerd would go through the Dungeon Meshi dishes and analyze them and sort of give a "this is the real world thing they're making" run down.

And then I realized I'm a food nerd that can do research.

So.

We're gonna try this out, starting with Volume 1. I don't promise that I know everything about cooking. I don't promise I'll always be able to make the thing I'm looking at (I am broke, and I don't have my own kitchen). But I can at least look at a dish and figure out what they're doing and how to replicate it, at least sorta.

Dungeon Meshi Volume 1-- Huge Scorpion and Walking Mushroom Hot Pot

The two main components of this dish are the Huge Scorpion and Walking Mushroom.

Walking Mushroom

Looking at the images in the manga, Walking Mushroom seems to just... be a mushroom that can walk around. There are no organs, the interior seems pretty uniform in substance...

Like, literally, that's exactly what sliced mushrooms look like. Senshi cuts the mushroom into ~4" strips (judging by their size next to the small cabbage-like vegetable, and comparing those plants to his hand in the image of him gathering them. I am assuming dwarf hands are roughly the same size as human hands).

There's a variety of edible mushroom that is probably as close as we're going to get to the size of a Walking Mushroom, growing a cap up to 3' wide, but it seems to only grow in termite mounds in a very specific part of the African continent (please forgive my USAmerican, White education leading me to not being able to identify the specific region), so... if you can get that at all, it's probably crazy expensive (as it should be, unless you're literally getting it from the mounds or local markets yourself). Portobello or similar large culinary mushrooms are probably just fine. The Mushroom Feet are literally just mushrooms, so no worries there.

Huge Scorpion

Ok, so... there is a difference between arachnids and crustaceans. As a start, arachnids have book lungs and crustaceans have gills. Arachnid guts are different from crustacean guts, just because of environment. Hell, crustacean limbs grow differently from arachnid limbs.

That said, everything I see in Dungeon Meshi implies that, from a culinary standpoint, Huge Scorpion is a crustacean-

So, really, it's just a big lobster. Take a lobster, cut off its legs, antennae, and the tail fluke, and you're going to see something that looks pretty similar to the huge scorpion in Dungeon Meshi.

Seaweed

Next is seaweed, which... is just a thing, but also kind of an imprecise term, I think. Basically, "seaweed" just refers to any marine algae that is multicellular and macroscopic (big enough to see). Arctic Moss seems to be a real thing which refers to a couple things- the aquatic moss Calliergon giganteum and the terrestrial lichen in the genus of Cladonia, which includes Reindeer Lichen.

Reindeer lichen is edible, in a number of ways, but it's also not seaweed. So we look at Calliergon giganteum. I cannot get an answer as to whether this particular variety of moss is edible. So... fuck it, say Senshi used Reindeer Lichen, at least we know that's edible.

"Star Jelly" is... I don't know. The main result I find when googling it is that it's the sort of general term for various slimes that show up on lawns and other vegetation, etc. Which means it could be anything from amphibian spawning jelly to who the fuck knows what.

However, one thing it could be is a cyanobacteria known as Fat Choy, a commonly used "vegetable" in Chinese Cuisine:

Looks like jelly? Yep. Looks weird enough that you might imagine it comes from a star? Yep. Edible? Yes!

(I mean, maybe don't eat a ton of it, or get it from irreputable sources. At least some Fat Choy contains a toxic amino acid which may or may not have negative health effects, but I'm not a doctor, so all I'm saying is "be aware of this." It's an expensive delicacy, which means that it is a particularly lucrative target for counterfeiters, and China does not have strong, or strongly enforced, food safety laws).

The Hard Stuff

So that leaves "Invertatoes" and "Dried Slime."

Neither of which seem to have a good direct analogue to the real world. Well... sorta.

Invertatoes seems to refer to the plants. The name calls to mind potatoes, and potatoes do indeed grow in the ground and are starchy. It's probably fair to just use any kind of starchy tuber as the "invertatoes." Maybe cassava, since those are large enough that it's at least somewhat believable that "Fantasy Land Cassava" could look like that (although that doesn't fit the "these are normal plants that grow upside down" unless we're being really generous).

The problem is that it's sort of implied that the cabbage-like vegetable seen in the hot pot comes from the same plant, and everything from a potato plant other than the potato itself is toxic. They also don't look like that.

I literally don't know what those cabbage/lettuce-like leafy vegetables are. They're not seaweed, because the two varieties called out definitely don't look like that. They're not, so far as I can tell, the greens of any kind of starchy tuber--

EXCEPT.

So, I was taking one last look at tubers to see if I could find something that seemed to match, and I think Invertatoes could be likened to something similar to chicory. Particularly endives. I never knew endives were related to chicory (ie, "that thing that I'm aware is popular as a coffee substitute in the South, but I don't have much desire to try it, and I wonder if it even has caffeine..."), but, apparently, yeah. Endives are a member of the chicory genus.

So, yeah, lets say that Invertatoes are a sort of fantasy plant similar to the various members of the chicory genus. The trunk can be replicated with chicory root, and the leaves with endives.

That leaves Dried Slime. Dried Slime makes up the noodles in the hot pot, which implies that the noodles are gelatinous, and probably low in gluten. Senshi's explanation of the slime makes me want to think of it as a macro-unicellular lifeform, but... I'm not sure that's accurate.

While it's definitely not an accurate way to describe a jellyfish, I could definitely see a non-biologist describing jellyfish in a way similar to the way Senshi describes the slime. I could also see some fantasy terrestrial jellyfish thing hunting in a similar manner to the slime. Moreover, there are edible varieties of jellyfish, and they're processed in a manner very similar to what Senshi describes for processing slimes. And one way of preparing edible jellyfish is to thinly slice it into noodles.

Hot Pots

I... think this is using a very specifically Japanese sense of "hot pot" (which makes sense), because in Japan, hot pot can refer to a dish called nabemono, while in general, hot pot refers to a particular kind of dining in China where you get a pot full of boiling stock/broth and a bunch of raw ingredients, and you put the stuff you want into the broth at the table. Nabemono is more of "put a bunch of stuff in a pot, and cook it. Serve it boiling." Which is to say, it's soup.

Senshi puts the scorpion meat and mushroom into a pot on its own, and lets it start boiling-

Then, while it's boiling, he goes and finds other ingredients, coming back with the invertatoes and the slime. The two are prepared simply-

Seasoning isn't included in the ingredients, but I can understand this as a choice for presentation. We do see Senshi add something to the broth after tasting it, and I think it's fair to assume it's one of soy sauce, mirin, fish sauce, or similar. I think it's actually really interesting that we see Senshi add seasoning, but we're not told what it is-

Because... that's cooking. You can follow a recipe, but ultimately, you need to taste your cooking and make your own decisions. Senshi lets the soup cook, tastes the broth, decides it needs something, and gives it a bit of time to let the flavors meld before serving it up.

Dungeon Meshi Lobster and Mushroom Hot Pot

So, we're looking at something like this for the "Huge Scorpion and Walking Mushroom Hot Pot"--

Lobster- ~5 lbs or more (a 1 lb lobster yields about 4 oz of actual meat, which is a single serving), cut into large slices

Portobello- 2 mushrooms large diced, 2 left whole with the caps scored

Reindeer Lichen and Fat Choy- to taste

Chicory Roots- ~1 cup, diced

Endive greens- ~2 cups

Jellyfish, thin sliced- as much as you like

Add lobster and mushrooms to water, and allow to boil. While it comes to a boil, prepare the other ingredients, then add to the water. Let the soup come to a full boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes to an hour (can simmer longer, but this will affect the texture of the ingredients. Longer simmering will result in more melding of flavors, but also degraded solid parts).

by N/A

Buy on Amazon (2008 Edition)

In other news, this is a game that is coming out.

An over 600 follower special!

I haven’t seen anyone talk about the Book of Spinjitzu lately, and definitely haven’t seen many analyses’ of it so figured it’d be a cool treat to celebrate the long-since-overshot milestone!

Fair warning, like when I get into far too much detail with anything regarding the show, this could get looooong.

So for those who don’t know, the Book of Spinjitzu is a work akin to Gravity Fall’s Journal number 3 as it is the defictionalized publication of Sensei Wu’s journal. It covers events from his childhood up to season 11 and possibly beyond as the foreshadowing and world building here is top notch!

One section before the events of season 1/2 kicks off details Wu’s basic training regimen for the ninja, which is a very different list than the popular one that was circling around of Lloyd’s Green Ninja training.

It’s very interesting as it actually provides diagrams (in classic Lego art-styling of course) of various moves, from stretches to strikes.

Now I’ve been curious to see if the stretches listed are actually IRL ones in Ninjago packaging since I got the book, so that’s where we’ll start off.

(If this blows up I may do a Part 2 covering the strikes, but that could take a while as researching martial arts in relation to Spinjitzu gets convoluted very, very quickly.)

Leg Warm Up:

While at first glance this just appears to be a cheeky reference to how you move a minifigure’s legs, but nonetheless I decided to see if it was plausible.

Now, the first instruction listed here is an actual stretch, referred to as a Standing Lunge Stretch. It’s designed to loosen up something called the Psoas muscle, which is at the base of your spine and acts as a connection to the legs, as well as a stabilizer for the body’s core. Since it’s chef function is to move the hips, this is an excellent stretch for a kick and rotation heavy martial art like Spinjitzu!

(And in my reading this stretch helps counteract damage caused by looong periods of sitting so it’s also a quick way to stay ninja while in quarantine. XD)

Shockingly, the rest isn’t just describing a minifig walk cycle, but it’s actually an IRL dynamic stretch!

Specifically a Forward Leg Swing, which is designed to loosen the hamstring as well as hips. Not only does this fit in with the above as being an excellent choice for Spinjitzu, but it’s also a recommended stretch before running, which the ninja sure do a lot of!

Arm Warm Up:

Fairly simple, and once again appears to be another reference to minifig movement on the surface. But hey, the last one had an IRL equivalent so why not this one?

Here’s where things get interesting. The Arm Swing IS an IRL set of dynamic stretches, however not just with the overly simplistic instructions given here. This is only technically the first part of the set and even then not fully explained.

In the real stretch, after those movements, you swing your arms out to the side and then cross them over your torso, which works the muscles of the shoulders, back, and chest.

A very good stretch for the ninja’s line of work, but the instructions given here are truly just a tongue in cheek nod to the minifigures. Verdict? Somewhat Bullshit.

Head Warm Up:

Now this one I knew from experience was a tried and true stretch, I do it all the time! Nonetheless, I was curious about the technical side of it, as I learned it in passing from my stepdad.

In professional terms, the first set of instructions pretty much describes the IRL Side Rotation to a tee!

As for the second set of instructions? That’s a Forward and Backward Tilt, once again perfectly described!

These obviously work your neck as well as the shoulders, and it’s awesome to see something accurately taught in an unexpected place!

Hip Warm Up:

Here is one that actually looks like it could be genuine, but does it hold up?

Honestly? Not really.

In the many, many health websites I visited to research this list, most of the hip stretches were in laying positions, or involved the legs in some way. I even searched up core stretches/exercises and nothing matched!

So, in the name of science, I followed the instructions myself....and I felt absolutely nothing being stretched. It’s essentially a toned down version of when you hula-hoop, and honestly didn’t do anything even with the hands on hips version.

So I really want to call Bullshit^tm, but I swear I’ve seen athletes do this before so I’m honestly at a loss here.

The Verdict:

Overall, it looks like the author of the book managed to accurately research some information, while just kinda filling in the blanks in other areas.

What was truly impressive was that the stretches that I thought for sure wouldn’t have IRL equivalents actually did, while the one that seemed pretty tame didn’t!

In short, it was far more accurate than expected!

The book on it’s own, with no outside instructions, could provide an outlet for the kiddos of the target audience to get some energy out but for a fan expecting an actual regimen, it should be taken with a dash of salt unless you take the time to look up the moves from actual heath and fitness resources.

Well, shit. Someone defictionalized the Saug 9mm SMG from Call of Duty. It could use a muzzle brake or at least a threaded barrel end for suppressor, but it looks pretty bitching.

Mario Paster/haddock_creations made a functional Dragon Eye from Race to the Edge. (How to Train Your Dragon)

(Also worth noting that there are some fairly recent plans by someone on Reddit to make one. I haven’t seen more from this, but this was only seven months ago, so there's still a good chance we'll see something come of it.)

Dragon Eye II: Haddock_creations also made the Dragon Eye II/later. Hiccup Haddock on youtube also made one/here. Both of these work.