#defcon 4

I know you’re at an airport and everyone deserves to be comfortable while traveling, but let’s not get crazy. Let’s start with the hair. You’ve cut it since I’ve reviewed you last, which is a blessing straight from JT himself. HOWEVER, that does not mean you and your mop are automatically in my good graces. There’s some basic hair maintenance to observe here. First and foremost, have your assistant or mom or whoever the fuck you send to CVS on your behalf to buy you a goddamn hairbrush. It will change your life, I promise. You might even find all the sunglasses and headscarves that have been sucked into there over the years.

This next thing is extremely upsetting to me. Do you remember, Harry, when you were like 3 and One Direction was first starting out? Do you remember that thing you and your little friends did? That thing that haunts my dreams to this very day? No? Let me remind you.

DOES THIS RING A BELL?!?!?!?

Harry, there’s really no fucking reason to have your hoodie strings tied here. None at all. They’re not even cinching the hood. They’re not doing anything but annoying me. Untie the strings, bud, and maybe we can talk. Why do you even have your hood up, anyway? You’re in an airport. I’m 110% sure that you’re not going to get rained on. Though it seems sunny, based on your choice of headwear. What’s the fucking weather?

Anyway, I like your scarf and coat, though the lining of the coat looks dangerously like denim. So nice work there. (Side note: Harry, if you need a ghostwriter for your autobiography, “Dangerously Denim”, hit me up. I need a job.)

Finally, 

THIS IS A CALL OUT POST FOR JOHN F. KENNEDY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

Look at that shit. 

This blog has seen a bunch of fucked up shit, but bad grammar usually isn’t included. How hard is it to put an apostrophe there? The world is already a bad enough place, no need to make it worse. 

tl;dr: Haircut/scarf good, hood/unbrushed hair bad, grammar atrocious