What the Hell Are They Wearing?

Hey, everyone! We’re so sorry the commentaries suddenly disappeared! Our Vimeo account got suddenly shut down, which I’m choosing to blame on George Shelly and you should too. I tried to upload the videos directly to Tumblr but it was taking too fucking long. Seriously. Seasons were changing. 

Right now I’m in the process of uploading the videos into a Google Drive folder. I’m not sure if you’ll be able to play them from there, but there’s a download option, which does work. I know this is extremely inconvenient and it sucks so please send all anon hate to the US government, which apparently thinks copyright law is important or something. Whatever. 

Uploading is a slow process and we have almost 50 commentaries in total so it’s pretty slow-going. Also, I’m moving out of the goddamn country, which is a major time suck for me, so all the videos won’t be up immediately, but they’ll all be there eventually (probably in the next few weeks). 

The good news is that there are commentaries available right now!!! Just follow the link at the bottom of this post and you can access the folder and watch whatever’s available. (I’ll also share the link in a separate post) Again, I’m so sorry this is so incredibly inconvenient but this blog runs on inconvenience and disappointment so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Finally, if you have any ideas involving where to upload these videos, please share! I’m frustrated and on the verge of uploading them to PornHub.

Commentaries Folder

I know you’re at an airport and everyone deserves to be comfortable while traveling, but let’s not get crazy. Let’s start with the hair. You’ve cut it since I’ve reviewed you last, which is a blessing straight from JT himself. HOWEVER, that does not mean you and your mop are automatically in my good graces. There’s some basic hair maintenance to observe here. First and foremost, have your assistant or mom or whoever the fuck you send to CVS on your behalf to buy you a goddamn hairbrush. It will change your life, I promise. You might even find all the sunglasses and headscarves that have been sucked into there over the years.

This next thing is extremely upsetting to me. Do you remember, Harry, when you were like 3 and One Direction was first starting out? Do you remember that thing you and your little friends did? That thing that haunts my dreams to this very day? No? Let me remind you.

DOES THIS RING A BELL?!?!?!?

Harry, there’s really no fucking reason to have your hoodie strings tied here. None at all. They’re not even cinching the hood. They’re not doing anything but annoying me. Untie the strings, bud, and maybe we can talk. Why do you even have your hood up, anyway? You’re in an airport. I’m 110% sure that you’re not going to get rained on. Though it seems sunny, based on your choice of headwear. What’s the fucking weather?

Anyway, I like your scarf and coat, though the lining of the coat looks dangerously like denim. So nice work there. (Side note: Harry, if you need a ghostwriter for your autobiography, “Dangerously Denim”, hit me up. I need a job.)

Finally, 

THIS IS A CALL OUT POST FOR JOHN F. KENNEDY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

Look at that shit. 

This blog has seen a bunch of fucked up shit, but bad grammar usually isn’t included. How hard is it to put an apostrophe there? The world is already a bad enough place, no need to make it worse. 

tl;dr: Haircut/scarf good, hood/unbrushed hair bad, grammar atrocious