#dee does analysis

involuntary shapeshifter ctubbo is so special to me. it’s about the lack of identity that is so distinctly ctubbo — you turn into what people expect of you, not just emotionally but physically. you got your hair color from your best friend, blonde to match him because he said it made you look like twins and you wanted that closeness so bad you couldn’t breathe. your eyes used to be blue, but they’re deep brown now like somebody who died a little after your trust in him did and since you’re president now instead of him, you’ve gotta look the part. (your horns are from a different president, and you’re pretty sure it’s the fear of turning into him that put them on your head.) your hair’s going darker the longer you spend away from your best friend. your fingers are longer these days, a little spindly because they fit into the gap between ranboo’s fingers better that way, and the shape of your eyes goes squinty, which is a little easier to look into when eye contact hurts. well, one of them does anyway, because burn scars keep the other half of your face from shifting along with the rest of you like the fireworks were a reset. your death is the only thing uniquely yours.

cookie outpost arc slapped and i will not hear a word otherwise. it was So Good. the character tensions were so fucking good in every direction. beeduo at each others sides without a bit of real communication between them vs cabinetduo on opposite sides and Fully Understanding that the other is never gonna back down. but neither of them actually ever goes for retaliation like it’s ALL EMPTY THREATS. tubbo has nukes quackity has an entire country but the thing is they Know each other. and it’s a stalemate until they give up being on opposite sides and go back to being allies again. meanwhile beeduo are supposed to be allies (they’re married for christs sake) but they keep lying to each other the entire arc. holy fuck. camaraderie vs trust for fucking real

ctubbo is used to things being taken away from him so you would think he’s good at letting go by now. you think he’d learn when he bandages fingers broken from everything torn out of his grasp and tries to coach stiff knuckles into opening up even when the thing he wants is so close it taunts him. wilbur and phil are his family but they aren’t really and ranboo was his husband but they never really were married and he has lived a lot of places but never long enough to have somewhere to go home to. tommy quackity even techno is his enemy but not really it’s everybody everywhere. after everything you want is so close and so out of your reach, how do you keep from clawing at the scraps? do you learn to keep your hands in fists instead?

idk man i just think about cquackity eating cschlatt’s heart and the fact that cquackity is a man who loves and the way he’s a little afraid of that love now. those things all tie back together, right, because he loves too much and he doesn’t get it back, or if he does it just comes back to hurt him. the lover who will never be loved enough in return. and there’s this excruciating lesson he learns that love is pain and love is temporary and love is something to tear out of your chest like the dead fucking heart of the motherfucker who loved you enough to teach you the lesson. it’s like, his heart is in you now because yours was too much of a traitor to keep. tear it out yourself with desperate fingers and sharp-grinning teeth and replace it with this rotten mockery of what it is to love, and maybe this time it will keep you safe.