Reposting this here from dA
I'm putting up false names here so no one gets their feelings hurt if they read them, but you should know who you are if you are reading this. This isn't easy for me as it's part of my life that I've put behind me, something I don't like to talk about and don't want to really admit...but it's something I need to do. So first off I'm sorry for this. Anyway I've been an Atheist for going on fifteen years now, or at least a person without faith for that long and I think it's time I explained why - fully. Years ago, my dad was diagnosed with a form of Asbestos related Cancer, now for anyone who knows what that means I'm going to give a very brief explanation-so forgive me. Asbestos cancers are a very dangerous and quick killing form of cancer, they can lie dormant in the body for up to twenty years, many baby-boomers who worked in factories using Asbestos have been diagnosed with it. And the timescale my dad was given was 6-9 months, which was a long estimate. Luckily he lasted just over three and bit years and we had time to enjoy our lives together, getting good family memories. But. The stress of helping care for my dad, who was quickly losing all control of his body due to the cancer, the chemo treatments and his ever increasing lack of appetite, helping my mum with all the daily household chores, taking on a large amount of the day-to-day things do to with the house and the neighbours, plus my schoolwork and general pains of living a life made me very, very impressionable and mentally weak. During the second year of my dad's treatments I met a girl called Debby, she was a sweet, kind and caring young woman who was never anything but understanding and helpful to me. She was engaged to a guy called Trevor. And Trevor was not the kind of person I thought he was at the start of our "friendship". He seemed to to be as open and understanding as Debby, they invited me and other friends to their home and their parents (Trevor's) for Sunday meals and I would go every other week or so. Round about the third or fourth trip, the Father of the family, Dean asked me and my friend Steven whether we'd want to go to a Church service the next Sunday, Steven said no, he didn't have the money to make it (later I'd found that he had been pretty Anti-Religion for years) But I had enough cash and felt welcomed by them, so I said yes. The first service was quite an experience, if you've been to church you'll know it's mostly a quite and sombre thing, slow singing and quite reflection mostly. This wasn't, it was very upbeat and jovial, yet that's not the important part, the important part was how they manipulated me. I learned this this "spontaneous" thing was no such thing after the third week of going, on the first week they asked whether there were any new members to the congregation and immediately Debby and Trevor signalled from where we were sitting that I was. I had to stand up and tell everyone in the church who I was and what was in my life. They were very welcoming of me, but that's the kick...that's the beginning of the manipulative nature of them and how they operated. I was taken to my rawest and most vulnerable by airing my current problems, given comfort and supposed safety, but what they did was instil in me a need to believe things they did. Debby and Trevor suggested after the service that I pray to god that night, that I bare my soul to him and beg for his love to enter me and I'd feel his love fill me up. I cried that night in bed doing that exact thing and you know what, it worked. I felt a glorious warmth fill my chest over my heart as I asked for his love to enter me. And you know what that really was, it was a psychosomatic response to my pain and grief needing to be released and asking for assistance, to actually admitting I was hurting and that grief finally being let out and let go of. But to my mind, it was God finally touching my heart and filling it up, I fell for that hook, line and sinker and was completely brainwashed. My other close friends, Steven, Mike and Alfie could all see the change in me, I started suggesting to each of them that they start coming to the services, because I felt lifted up and freed and I wanted them to feel the same thing. They still joke with me on how insane (their words and they were correct) I was acting at the time, but I couldn't see it. The creepiest thing ever was something I blanked at the time, but when a friend of mine called Rachael explained she was a Wiccan, Trevor gave both me and Debby the advise to completely block her on the net and ignore her in real life. That is also classic mental manipulation, it's isolation torture, locking a person off from their friends and leaving them alone to slowly break down until they are willing to do what you want. It was disgusting that I went along with it and I nearly lost a good friend for doing that. Anyway, Halloween rolled around and Mike was getting a Halloween party set up, we'd have a scary movie marathon, soft drinks, alcohol and junk food for a good 12 hours, it was going to be amazing and I was excited. I asked Mike if I could invite Debby and Trevor and he said yes (I remember a slight hesitation before he said yes lol) so I got online and talked to Trevor that night. He said that he and Debby weren't into drinking beer, I then countered with the fact that there would be soft drinks. He then asked if any "occult" activities would be going on, I explained it was just a scary movie marathon with friends. He then said the one sentence that I am ever so glad he said, because it was the beginning of a wake up call for me. "We don't want to be associated or around Alcoholics and drunkards" That sentence hit me very hard, I don't remember the full conversation we had but it was all based around him not insulting my friends. When he wouldn't apologise for it, I told him to fuck off and blocked him. Luckily Rachael was online and she helped me calm down somewhat, until Debby came online and asked why I was swearing at her Fiancée. I replied that he called Mike, Steve and Alfie Alcoholics and drunkards and wouldn't apologise and that I needed time to calm down. He then came on Debby's chat window, told me it was him and said "I was being insulting and abusive, he always knew I wanted to break him and Debby up and didn't want to talk to me" basically doing what he had insisted we do to Rachael to me. What he didn't realise was though, that we both had wider circles of friends than just him and Debby and weren't that interested in them either way. I started to question things about God and faith at that time, I went through a full year of transitioning from a Fundi Christian, to Wiccan, to Pagan, to Naturalist and finally to Atheist. During this time I started reading up on things, primarily listening to others online who had gone through similar stuff to me and asking questions, getting good answers and best of all, started actually reading the biblical texts. After that year and my dad has passing away, I've recovered somewhat from the pain and grief of him passing and I see that Debby is online, I unblock her and send a message, just a "hi, how are you?" we start talking and things seem fine, I invite her and Trevor to come see a movie with me and the guys. Debby turns up and it is the most uncomfortable 2 hour movie I've ever had to sit through, later that night Trevor comes online and blasts me with insults saying that I planned to corner the both of them and insult and mock them by this movie. He tells me to never contact them again and blocks me off. It's then that I start reading into cult mentality and the acts of brainwashing a person, of using emotional manipulation to gain power over someone, to control their lives and everything came crashing down on me. I've not said this yet, because it would lose impact on this part but it's needed. Debby and Trevor "suggested" that I should keep the trips we were having to the Church a secret from my family, to not tell them what I was doing, to just say I was going to hang with them for a short while. And I did. When my parents asked why I was being so secretive about things, I'd lie to them, I'd make up false truths and I'd skip out to meet with them for their church services. I was fully indoctrinated into a Cult, I was actively trying to bring more people in and I was breaking ties with all people outside the cult. The only mistake Trevor made in my manipulation was to insult my friends too soon, I'm certain that if by the January after that Halloween, if he'd said that and he'd been working my mind for that little bit longer, I'd have broken contact with them too. And that I'm guessing he'd have suggested I do the same to my family. And that's the story of my lucky escape from a Literal Cult, who last I heard were still doing street preaching and had began work of writing their own version of the bible, a "true" version.
