i’m picky about people, not picky about labels. a lot of my queer messing around was with people who had yet to define anything or who wanted to test out some secret yearning, and i still feel fluid like me and my peers did in that formative stage 25+ years later, even if i have more experience with and understanding of preferences and boundaries.
it can be hard not to feel like people are trying to nail me down in order to exclude me. it’s definitely happening on an institutional level. it doesn’t have to happen on an interpersonal level.
simultaneously, the idea that i HAVE to have total freedom of sexual expression in a partnership is absurd to me. i adore specificity. what gets you, my loved one, to a place of ecstasy? where does the edges of your desire meet mine? where’s the overlap? what can i learn to do with you that is keyed to our connection? that provides endless fascination to me. i keep hearing from partners that they fear they are not enough just because my proclivities are more wide ranging than theirs. like it’s a somehow a loss to love them and be with them and share in their journey, and i am just waiting for the right temptation to wake up from my self-delusion.
the identity that is most important to me is Beloved. being and bestowing. baseline compatability aside, my preferences serve me not the other way around.
