#gender thoughts

Wanting to change a thing about your sex might mean you're trans, or you might think of it the same as body modification. I don't think it's my business to care which and I think it's a travesty that there are so many barriers to doing something harmless with the flesh you are born with.

"I don't know why I'm even thinking about my gender identity. I'm fine. I don't even have like ACTUAL issues like the people who are ACTUALLY this identity do. I can't believe I'm even thinking about this when real people with this identity are suffering."

"My gosh, I'm so cringe asking my friends to call me by a different pronoun. I can't believe I'm just like cosplaying this identity in front of everyone as if I have any kind of real claim to it. This is just like when I was a kid and would tell people to call me by other names because I didn't like my birth name (a thing totally unrelated to gender identity for sure), this is so childish why am I doing this."

"Someone just called me by the pronoun I put in my profile, they don't even know I'm faking it. I can't believe I had the gall to get excited about that. I'm so ashamed."

"Why am I wasting the doctor's time talking about gender affirming care? This is such a waste of everyone's time and money when I'm not even really this identity! Other people need this way more than I do, and by pretending like this I'm bumping them down the list!"

"I feel so much better after gender affirming surgery. That doesn't mean I'm like... actually this identity though. I really should stop playing around and pretending like this."

Fun fact: It doesn't go away! If you're thinking like any of the steps on this list, there is no point where suddenly you became a real trans/nonbinary/genderfluid/whatever person and are given an official certificate that proves you're allowed to say "This is my identity." And even if that did happen, you'd be like "ah man I can't believe I faked my way into getting this certificate I don't deserve." The reason is because you're already real and valid, and the only person who can decide your identity is you. There is no committee to accept your formal application to join the secret club.

justshiagenderthings

on a real note there really is something to be written about having watched the men’s ma’atam/tatbir (fyi a far less extreme version of what comrade maedhros does, usually just with your own hands/soft lashes) happen from the more docile, non self-flagellating women’s side all your life in muharram and your first ever even vaguely gendery thought as a child being an intense longing to be part of the physical procession of guys weeping and whacking themselves, even though you’ve always been agnostic and remain so.

Seriously tho- I'm a lesbian, homosexual, bisexual, transgender and a queer person all at once!

Time-travel murder victim defies her murderous mother-in-law? YOU GO GIRL. Regular heroine defies mother-in-law? Maybe give going-along a chance?

Reincarnated heroine maneuvers to improve her husband's political standing? If she doesn't, the kingdom falls. Regular heroine? Chill out, schemer.