I wasn’t as productive yesterday as i could have been last night, but I still did a lot. When I got home I cleaned the table off. Got a lot of trash out, I cleaned the spare room a bit. I did my 5x5. did come laundry. I did play some guitar but it wasn’t a ton. and I was in bed by 10:30! but I did watch porn last night and this morning. I’ll do better with not watching it. Now I want to get my kitchen picked up and ready for my Pa. he will be here in about an hour. Should be another good day.

Cont on 8/23

I don’t know why I can’t just relax. I mean I do, but I feel like I always need to be doing something. Even when I’m doing something. I think it maybe have something to do with having to plan things. On a different note. I got lost in thought and forgot what I was going to write. I feel like I should go out, but really I just want to be social. It’s hard. I talked to my dad for a sec. I talked to my cashiers at Albertsons and Starbucks, and other than that I haven’t talked to anyone. Not even through text. It’s my own fault that no one hits me up. I was gone and not that I’ve been here, nothing. I tried. Oh and I deleted Facebook. I feel people got butthurt or they just forget about me. Whatever. I know I keep using excuse that I need it for the music stuff, but whatever. What If I just have a bandcamp/spotify and I get stickers made. That just say Duck Musk and maybe have spotify/bandcamp at the bottom and I just put them up when I go out and that’s it. No social media not nothing, I won’t tell anyone!

Cont on 8/22

It’s not even 5 yet. I’m going to finish this beer then I’m going to get another on and take a shot. I want to paint. I think I will ask gma if I can have that stuff or invite her over so we can do it together. Invite Mom and Mel and dad and Makayla. I want people to come over and do things with me. Whatever. I’m ready to be better at everything. Look how alright I do with not being good. I still manage to eat well, get fucked up, have a car and house. I have a whole house to myself. It’s so tight. I’m so concerned with getting people over to have when I just need. We’ll I just need to find a girlfriend and get them to move in. Easy Peasy. I will do more art. not just music, but I just want to draw or take pictures or paint or sculpt or build! I will. Fuck drinking. I’m over it. It I can get some acid to day might be the last day I get drunk. Till April... but I can do so much If I don’t drink. I can buy tools and actually redo the bus and get a motorcycle. I want it so cad. I will make it happen. By the end of March.

Cont on 8/21

After this sunset, jammies are going on! I really like lifting. Like I want to do it now, but I have to wait till tomorrow. not super into cardio but I will incorporate it. It’s going to be a good January. January Goals.

January Goals

No drinking at all. I just have to do it. I know I can do it. I’ll make a sheet and put it on my wall or fridge.

No Porn. Including reddit. I can jerk off as much as I want, but I can’t use porn.

Jan. 4th Pay pet deposit, and ask if Crystal would be okay with me taking Mona back.

Lift at least 3 days a week.

Stay with calorie goals

Only smoke weed on Fri and Sat.

Only eating out twice a week. bonus points if its only once or not at all. Get everything from the MC Class the weekend before.

Pass the MC Class and get my MC License.

Get under 200 lbs

 Try not to eat too much meat. Once a day.

It will be a good month if I can make these goals happen. I will.

Cont on 8/20

I have to buy this house. I will for sure rent it again come September, and by the time 2020 September, I will  be ready to by a house, and I want it to be this house.

525 5th Street

Boulder City, NV 89005

I have the ability to make it happen. JG Delete Facebook. I’m over it. Not JG but I am going to get fucked up tonight. By myself and its going to be something. Probably bad, but whatever. I just don’t care right now. Maybe I’ll care tomorrow. I’m okay with getting fucked up to night. I would love some company, but I feel weird. Not weird, but I don’t want to give the wrong idea. I just have to say no. I have to be in control, and if I can’t next month, I will look into AA and do that. I just don’t have any other options at this point. I’m even drunk and realize that is something that need to happen. If I don’t change. I mean. There’s also a really easy way. One that doesn’t require meetings and you know fully committing to being and ALCOHOLIC.

Cont on 8/18

Am I excited to read this

Stocksmile ended because of me. Okay. Jeag didn’t help at all. We would have kicked him out at some point. I suck. I need to listen to my own music. I do. I listen to what I want. Maybe I move. Maybe I get out of here next Sept. What If I do get the bus et by next Sept and I just leave? I could have like $5000 that will get me a long way. I’ll check it out on Monday.

Cont on 8/19

I could last me a long time if I keep it cheap. Okay. Could be cool. But what would be the ultimate coolest is retiring early. I have time to think about it so whatever tonight. tonight is farewell a farewell to drinking. Only makes it better that I’m alone. Tsvet did invite me to the Henderson Breweries but I’m broke. I have so many options. I want to talk to some one about them. Marlon mention about me getting free counseling. I’m interested. I just want to open up to someone. I wish it was someone was romantically involved with. I has to be someone close to me.

Cont on 8/16

Let’s see whats up 8/19. Just take a look. I got really drunk last night. I don’t even remember going to bed. I guess 4 beers and a half bottle of tequila will do it. I do remember throwing up last night. That was fun. But I’m over it. I could have a lot better day if I didn’t get hammered by 8 o’clock. At least I slept through the hangover, and I’m up early again so that is really cool. I’ll hit him up in a minute. After the first of last sets have him come early! and I didn’t drunk text anyone or drunk FB. I am deleting it though. Probably new years day! I’ll get the numbers I need and then that will be it, do it for good. I can use reddit and stickers and send it to labels and see if they’re done to just share it. Hit up Vegas Weekly and even P.I.V. Session. I don’t need F to promote my music. I just don’t care anymore I get nothing out of FB

Pictures from these days