#dearvoidd

I havn't done too many bad things in my life but falling into infatuation as a sick womens proxy for basic love and decency has got to be the worst.

I wanted of REAL life- REAL love..., I rejected living in the sweet cloud of fantasy so I may build a real life and in doing so, I forgot to dream. I didnt know what to build or if I even wanted to build at all. I didn't know what I even would be building for. You dont need to be lost in the golden hazed twilight woods but a person needs to dream.

I don't think that the old ghost is at rest just yet but there may be a chance it will fade. I don't need a haunting to keep me from being lonely and I don't don't want to carry a dead horse around. Now, I've got a dream. An aerospace engineer. A deep, warm laugh. A sweet helping hand. I'm dreaming the most wonderful things with my eyes open. I sigh at the moving pictures. I sigh at my engineer.

I saw his hooked name

I marveled at the mediocre as is the wish of the cosmic dame.

Then I rolled over to my back

and tried desperately to shut my eyes

but they fly open. They slowly close and fly open once again

there is a picture inside.

Burned in living color

was the hooked name.

branded in my vision

how is it possible to be stuck to something you know you dont really want?

I never stopped caring for that violently magnetic memory, that ghost of youth that walks the earth in split form both dead in my mind and alive somewhere off in the distance- unreachable and forever changed.

How is it possible to find nothing familiar or lovely about another person and still never let them go. What is this? This cannot be pure enamourment or infatuation so what is this?

There is no love

There is no lust

there is no connection and yet I think of them always. Why?

why...