#dearfuturedaughter

dear future daughter,

ahem. this is a public service announcement. read this with clair de lune playing in the background. thank you, and you’re welcome.

it was the day after my 18th birthday. wow that’s such a shit opening. okay, pause, rewind. restart.

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you have three possible types of friends that you’ll make. the type that you start out close with, and eventually drift apart with. this relationship starts and ends with a calm flow of happiness, excitement and ultimately, a very present sense of either accomplishment or satisfaction. you did it. you made that encounter with someone completely new, into a fully developed film roll of memories, grey lines and years of learning their person. years of coaxing that turtle head to peek through the small gap in their shell. it’s one that’s been a long time coming. and one type of relationship that you’ll ultimately smile back on in your later years. even the final drift, is never really final. you know you’ll always see them around, catch up with them. you and them. you’re both going to be okay whichever path is taken. wherever you guys end up. this is the type of relationship that has your back. has your reassurance in check. 

the second type of relationship you will seek and find, is the “what could have been”. the random times you’ve been able to talk to them for hours. but then never even say hello to each other in the hallways. you’ll both have moments of ‘hey, why aren’t we hanging out more often”, but you’ll both also never make the move. it could be lack of effort, laziness, awkwardness. literally anything, that sadly, detaches an invisible thread. a thread that floats away to the multitude of roads that you might have taken, if not for your decision at each intersection. but i guess, if it’s fated, then perhaps, they will reappear in your life when you need them the most. but don’t rely on this, obviously. if you have someone right now, that is this loose thread, don’t let them go just yet. make an effort, future daughter. your mother has lost many threads that she has wished to catch hold of. and she’s only 18. you got many more years ahead of you to regret. HAHA life. but seriously. listen to your mother maybe?

okay, so the third. lucky number three. this is the one type of relationship that you don’t even realise you have, until you get hit. in the face. just kidding. 

until you get hit with that wave. you know that famous painting, the japanese one with the tsunami wave and mount fuji in the background? think the artist is called hokusai. well. it kinda feels like that, but with a shit load of emotions that you’ve never felt in that quantity. ever. i can’t express it to just a couple of adjectives so here goes an analogy. a little story to maybe uncover this. 

my 18th was obviously going to be special. i know and am grateful to be in a state of life, where my friends and even family, are ever present. they are here, and i know they are. and i’m so fucking appreciative of that. the party didn’t end till some of my dudes caught some chilled zzz’s and some caught safe passage home. the next morning, my very special dudes (pictured in the pictures)- strategically woke up when we felt like it, and got ready for a surprise. we piled into the car, filled the tank up and they drove me to somewhere with really really nice music. it was an hour until our destination was reached. a nature reserve outside of the city. far into the mountains. no reception. it was my fucking spiritual grounds man. 

i fucking love the mountains. 

the air was clean, the silence was vast but not lonely. and my mates were here, breathing it all with me. we drove around, ate, listened to my trash music on a portable speaker your uncle got for me for my birthday. and it was not until a couple of hours roaming the everywhere and anywhere, that we decided to head back to home. the final drive, man that was the thing that hit me hard. the sun was rolling down the hill, slowly and steadily, lighting my face into a pure glow that i can’t fucking fathom to emit into words. the windows were fully down, i smiled and closed my eyes as the sunset’s orange basked onto my face and the 100kmph wind blew my flyaway hairs everywhere. i nearly cried you know. i had the fucking droplets in my eyes, and in that moment, i couldn’t really tell you what i felt. this song, good ol days by macklemore and kesha, was playing as our bgm. the lyrics hit hard then and there. here’s a little excerpt that struck:

“Rooftop open and the stars above Moment frozen, sneaking out, and falling in love On the grass, dreaming, figuring out who I was

I wish somebody would have told me that That some day, these will be the good old days All the love you won't forget And all these reckless nights you won't regret 'Cause someday soon, your whole life's gonna change You'll miss the magic of the good old days

Never thought we'd get old, maybe we're still young May we always look back and think it was better than it was Maybe these are the moments Maybe I've been missing what it's about Been scared of the future, thinking about the past While missing out on now We've come so far, I guess I'm proud.”

and man. i am proud. and i’m so fucking grateful for all the memories my friends have given to me, for how far we’ve come, for everything they’ve done for me. i’m so fucking grateful for all these types of relationships that i’ve had the chance to experience and tell you about. i’m wrong. there isn’t just three types dear, darling daughter. i’m so so so wrong. there’s so much. 

so fucking much more. and i hope you’ll be able to tell me all about each and every single one, one day. 

i’m thankful to these hoes. i hope they will still be around somewhere when you read this.

somewhere close to home. 

lisa le. 2017. at 18 years old. 

Hello there,

As women, we all have a story to tell that other women could learn from/relate to. Dear Future Daughter (tomyfuturedaughter.com) is a platform for passing on that wisdom. If you could tell your future daughter what you’ve learned throughout your life, what would you say? And how would you say it? 

dear future daughter,

you know.. if i ever tell you, “it’s for your own good.” tell me loud and clear; “what the hell.”  There’s been many occasions where your grandparents and i, have not seen eye to eye, and quite frankly, lately, it seems like tension is our only interaction in days. I cannot imagine the way in which they grew up, how they were raised, how they were taught to protect and love. All i do know is is that the ability to communicate is key. it is the only thing that can control the outcome of any given circumstance. words are being shouted, sentences are being said..but nothing is going through.  i mean, if it was, then we wouldnt be unhappy. we wouldnt be negative, frustrated. and look, i wont lie to you, lately all the household that I was raised in, has been nothing but a void of emptiness. complete silence. everything’s at a standstill. and i hate it. 

and so, the advice for how to get out of this feeling, this complete shit emotion? well, you talk to me. and hopefully by the time you read this, i’ll have an answer waiting for you. 

l.l

Dear future daughter,

Tonight was blissful. There was a purity in the ambience and stillness of the night. Seeing my closest friends and having a less-than-classy dinner at the nearest healthy burger joint made my already happy day, happier. 

We chose the furthest table from the other diners and sat down in our little secluded area; chatting idly until our food came. The noise level always peaks higher and higher as the moon becomes brighter and brighter outside. Maybe we are descendants of wolves? Wolf-children? Feeling the most alive at night? Who knows. 

All I do know, is that the company of those that make you smile and make your seemingly-mundane-average cup-of-Joe life seem exuberantly special - are the ones you know you’ll be telling your children about one day. 

What else happened today? Hm. Oh; hey I spent $157.20 on real and artificial plants. Thanks Ikea. The result: Room seems most definitely more complete now.

And now; as I listen to Chet Baker and close my eyes; I smile. Because I know that with the lows; there are most definitely the highs. Waves crashing. Windmills turning. Autumn leaves falling. Another sunset and another moonrise. 

There’s a word I discovered recently: Apricus.

It means “Exposed to the Sun, warmed by the Sun rays.” It quite tickles my fancy. Haha, I like it. 

A happiness and a warm beat of the night. That was today.

Goodnight, future daughter. 

Be whatever you wanna be..

..but average.

____

Dear older child:

Lead the one(s) under you, in the manner your mother and I have taught you. You will have different opinions on things as you grow I’m sure, but show them our ways, so if what doesn’t work out as best? Relieves you of its pressure of failing them. Don’t overthink. Suggest what you will and feel free to ask what you may, but leave the heavier lifting to our principles, in regards to them. You have a job to cover, as we do you all. It may not always seem fair, but please know that being the standard for those who you gird up, is a privilege.

You may not see it as you rise, but you will when it’s appropriate.. just wait and see...

You’re already appreciated. 💪🏾🖤

____

Dear younger one(s):

Don’t think that you’ll get away with anything, because of your innocence. We will keep you away from what wants to contaminate you, as much as possible but know that we won’t always be able to watch you forever. While we have you? We’ll will do our very best to be a shield and a protector. We aren’t not perfect at everything but prayerfully the good qualities of our heart, you will reap good reward from. You’re making us better, and we thank God for your existence, just as much.

Watch the older of you and see how they are. Take what you will and disregard what may not be best for the being you are to become. You’re on the way, and We both, thank The Lord for you, each and every day.

,,I want you to love yourself. There is a lot more to it than just saying it, you have to mean it. The first step is becoming comfortable with who you are, what you look like and the ideal woman you want to be someday. It is better to be admired for your mind than your body. Be honest and kind, but firm and assertive. Self-respect is one of the most important qualities a person can assume, do not take that lightly.“