#dear.....

Dear Thotties,

Dear person I had a crush on -

I can’t even remember when we first met, it seems so long ago now. Hah! It was actually kind of funny, those first few - years - I guess … I was so annoyed by everything you did pretty much. Everything. But then we began to grow older, things started changing; we started changing. We hung out together more, you became less annoying more and more. I didn’t mind so much that you always seemed to be touching me. I didn’t mind your derpy off-handed jokes. I didn’t mind the awkward dance moves. I no longer minded that you always seemed to sit sooo close to me. I didn’t mind the strange odd hour texts from you and “Hey, let’s do something?” seemed to be more and more fun. I started to look forward to seeing you. And then BAM! like a ton of bricks - I knew why. 

I had a crush! 

On you …

At first I was terrified by the thought; you had a boyfriend. It wasn’t at all possible. It was inconceivable to even think that just maybe you could feel the same about me. Oh wait … I had a boyfriend! This couldn’t happen ….. but it did. Slowly, my crush kept growing and growing and growing. I was the one becoming awkward and weird now. You never really seemed to notice though, or I don’t think you did. I kept it to myself. This crush. Months passed. World’s spun, and at times almost too fast. Things changed. People changed. The two of you broke up. My relationship was spinning in horrible directions. 

And again, life changes. South Korea. Of course, I seen you during shows and occasionally we’d even have the chance to talk. The talks became longer and longer, more daily texts from South Korea to Japan and vise-versa. ‘I miss you…’ the texts began to read. Back to Japan. I was so happy to return to my home, and you. My crush by this time had become something more. 

Hanging out changed to dates. It was quite gradual, almost as if falling in slow motion. But this time for you too. We’ve had a few bumps from then until now, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. My crush. My ninja prince, pan to my tink, my life, my love, my every breath I take, my everything.

I’d still pick you-

Dear Dad -

First of all I know that I have been a little shit this past year or so and my becoming an adult is probably very hard on you. But I need you to know that I am twenty-two now and I can do most things on my own now, not laundry, but most things and you don’t do laundry anyways; Kyoko does so yeah you don’t have to think about that. But anyways, when I was a child I idolised you I always told everyone I wanted to be just like you. I did. I wanted to be like you so much. I wanted to be rich and famous and travel the world and do all those things you did. But then I became almost like you I suddenly realised I didn’t want to be like you. I never want to make Yugo cry the way you did with mom. I never want to just leave him for days, weeks and sometimes months on end home alone, not even knowing if I’m okay. I never want to be rich, famous and selfish. I don’t want to have children that make wishes that ‘Daddy will be there more’ - I want to be an adult that is there with my family. I want to be an adult that people are proud of and want to know because I am a good person, not just because I am rich and famous. I want to be the kind of person that does good things with the money that I have. I will never send my child on trips for ‘his best interest’ when it was really for your best interest to not deal with your own child’s “issues”. I want to be that parent that deals with “issues” and helps to make my child a better adult. And no matter what. I do forgive you of all these things because I am a better adult. 

Dear manager-san aka Jonny-san -

I know that you are very busy, but I would like to ask you to please consider letting SixTones (STONES) debut this year? I promise you that we will do good and that we will try our best in honoring your name as well as the company name. We have all tried our hardest and feel that we are better as a unit than as individuals. We have grown together and work our best when we are six. Please please pleaaase, Jonny-san… consider my request.

Thank you so very much-Kyomoto-kun or you can just call me Taiga.

I’m mad at you for making me feel completely insane for not being mentally stable,

I’m mad at you for making me feel like i cant talk to anyone,

I’m mad at you for making me feel sorry for sticking up for myself,

I’m mad at you for making me feel like I’m not good enough,

I’m mad at you for making me feel so incredibly anxious going to school now.

I’m just upset that you make me feel like I’m a burden more then i already do.

i wish i hadent cried everyday the last week, 

i wish i didnt hate myself this much, 

i wish i was fine and didnt have mental illness,

i wish i could do everything the way you wanted me to,

i wish i didnt wish that ^

and basically i just want to die but thats okay i guess.