“The Willing Whip”

Name:  Abdirak yi Zhal, born Abdirak yn Vidar el Einarsson yi Zhal

Origin: village of Zhal, Calimshan

Birthdate: 30th of Marpenoth, 1462 DR

History:

Abdirak's father, Vidar Einarsson, was a Northlander mercenary from the rugged isle of Ruathym; he came from a family of sheep herders, but yearned for the adventure of seafaring life like in the skalds tales, so he left his tiny rural mountain village as a lad. He largely worked protecting merchant ships traveling the Sword Coast from attack by pirates, but was shipwrecked off the coast of Calimshan after a terrible storm, not far from Memnon. With little but the tattered clothes on his back and his axe, he hired on as a guard for a caravan headed to Calimport. Earnest and quite serious, with a strong sense of honor—though boisterous when drunk—he endeared himself to the merchants.

Abdirak's mother was a wealthy Calishite, born Nazira yr Yasmin el Zaman, the daughter of Pasha Iskandar el Zaman. The Zaman family is very old money, and began building its wealth in the salt and spice trade back in the days of the last Shoon dynasty, but expanded into the art and antiquities trade. All of this is simply a cover for the real family business, which is dealing in rare magical components and Netherese artifacts. Through the extensive Zaman trade network built over the centuries, Pasha Iskandar has a wealth of contacts all over Faerûn at his disposal, and has developed his own sideline as an information broker; wife Yasmin was as powerful as her husband in the elite social circles of powerful wives and had a network of her own. Nazira was raised in the lap of luxury in Calimport, with the best of tutors, and her parents catered to her every whim. Iskandar in particular doted upon her, and she wanted for nothing. But she was intensely curious and chafed at life behind the estate walls; while she loved her family dearly, she wanted to get out and see the world she read so much about in her many books. Something quite unseemly for a young Calishite of status.

As it happened, the caravan Vidar escorted to Calimport belonged to the pasha, and after hearing tales of his tremendous strength and daring along the journey, Iskandar--mindful of his many enemies--kept Vidar on as a personal bodyguard for the family. Perhaps in part because he lacked sons, the pasha took a shine to Vidar...but so did Nazira. Vidar was quite unlike the bevy of suitors beating down her door, who sought only the wealth and social status of her family; he was kind, and noble, taking a genuine interest in her as someone of like age (early 20s). Her curiosity amused him a great deal, and he entertained her with stories of Ruathym and his life on the sea, fighting Nelanther pirates and clandestine dealings with unsavory merchants.

But he was equally impressed by her intellect, her great passion for learning, and her mischievous sense of humor. The inevitable happened for a pair of beautiful young people spending a great deal of close time with each other, and Vidar and Nazira fell in love. They tried to keep the affair a secret, but Yasmin soon discovered it. She warned Nazira that this was a step too far, that a foreign “barbarian” was maybe suitable as a plaything if she had a care to keep it quiet, but he could never be anything more, and she would only bring disgrace upon the family were it known. Like all Calishite daughters of privilege, Nazira was to wed at her station or above, and there was even more pressure on her as the only child to marry well. But she would hear none of it, her heart set on the Northlander warrior. He felt much the same about her, and truthfully had been somewhat relieved Yasmin found them out—that strong sense of honor made him hate the deception. Despite Yasmin’s admonitions, the earnest young Vidar somewhat naively thought if they were honest, it would be permitted.

Instead, Iskandar became outraged when Vidar asked for formal permission to court Nazira; despite his personal fondness for the lad, the pasha saw it as a profound insult that a mere servant would even presume to vie for the jewel of his house, much less a foreigner; in a sense he even felt betrayed, and suspected that the lad had worked his way into his confidence solely to steal away his daughter. Nothing could have been further from the truth, and Vidar swore he meant him no harm or insult but that he simply loved this girl and wanted to build a life with her honorably, but his pleas fell on deaf ears and Iskandar nonetheless moved to cast Vidar out of his household, forbidding him to come near Nazira again. Nazira was beside herself, and could not bear to be parted from the only man she ever loved. She declared that if Vidar was to be cast out, then her father would have to cast her out too, because she was never going to leave her beloved. Iskandar pled with her to come to her senses, but she would have none of it, and so she walked away from her life of privilege to be with Vidar.

The pasha was heartbroken, but feared losing his daughter entirely should he attempt to force her hand any further, thus let them go in peace—but without his blessing, believing that eventually such a spoiled girl would soon tire of a life of hardship and return to the fold and the comforts of wealth. He greatly underestimated the steel that lay inside her, however. Despite her previous admonitions, Yasmin was not unsympathetic to their plight, and so she secretly helped the young lovers slip out of Calimport in the middle of the night, booking them passage in a caravan bound for Tethyr, sending them with seed money and supplies for the journey. She would later feign ignorance, though Iskandar always suspected she had a hand in it.

Vidar and Nazira never made it to Tethyr, however; when the caravan stopped at a small village upon a wadi at the eastern edge of the desert, named Zhal, they decided to stay there instead. Despite being little more than a forgotten, isolated caravanserai and a few scattered farms and desert groves, it was beautiful, and Vidar welcomed it after the complications of life in Calimport. By then Nazira was with child, and a few months after she and Vidar were wed by the village priest at a tiny shrine to Lathander, she gave birth to Abdirak--named for her ancestor, a great wizard of the Shoon dynasty.

Life in the village was idyllic and pastoral for the young family. Vidar returned to his roots, working as a sheep herder to get by, and Nazira cared for little Abdirak while learning to work the land. Abdirak remembers very little of Zhal, however; “I remember watching the women go to the well at sunrise, and I went with my mother.” When the farmer Vidar worked for passed away without sons, he purchased the land with his savings and he and Nazira worked the land together, cultivating grapes and pomegranates. She devised a clever irrigation system, feeding the groves between inundations. It was hard work, but they were content.

Three years passed before tragedy struck. Zhal and the surrounding region were subject to a seasonal monsoon which provided the bulk of the rainfall for farming and sustenance, and during one such monsoon storm, Nazira was swept up in a flash flood while helping to secure the family vineyard. While she survived, she became sick from the flood waters, and as her illness progressed it became clear it was beyond the village cleric’s abilities to cure. He told them to seek the Ilmatans in the mountains, for everyone spoke of their legendary healing prowess.

And so Vidar made the difficult decision to pack up his family and take Nazira on the difficult journey. After a tenday they arrived to St. Dobla's Abbey, an Ilmatan cloister known for helping women in need, begging aid. The Ilmatan sisters tended to her, saving Nazira's life. Neither she nor Vidar had been particularly religious; Vidar shouted the name of Tempus in battle but thought little of him or the gods of his people, not after his misfortunes. Nazira worshiped Sharess as an idle rich noblewoman but that life was so distant to her that it may as well have been someone else. But life at the abbey changed them both. Perhaps because they had hit rock bottom, and lost everything but each other and their son, the kindness shown them by the Revered Mother of the House and the rest of the Ilmatan sisters deeply moved them. Nazira in particular came to believe Ilmater led them there. Vidar and Nazira both devoted themselves to the Crying God, with Nazira even taking holy orders and learning the healing arts.

And so Abdirak spent the next ten years of his life being instructed by Ilmatan nuns. It was a very regimented life, filled with prayer, religious instruction, and strict rules meant to instill discipline and humility, but he thrived there as a quiet, obedient child. This is not to say he did not enjoy the frivolities of youth--Abdirak had a natural kind of charisma and was very well liked by the other children who lived there, often holding court with the others during periods of free time. But he was always very intense, curious and intellectual in a manner far beyond his years. The sort of child who devoured books of theology as much as adventure tales.

Growing up at the abbey was when Abdirak first became aware of his fascination with pain. For as long as he could remember, even as a small child, he enjoyed the discomfort of spicy foods and candies, though he couldn’t understand why. But this curiosity only grew at the abbey. He would stim for lack of a better term first by snapping the sacred red cords tied around his wrist--meant to evoke Ilmater's holy symbol--and then, by striking himself over and over with his leather belts. He always felt a peculiar peace come over him when he did, but the peace would always give way to guilt, for he had always been taught pain was something to be endured, prayed for deliverance from, but not enjoyed.

Many of the Ilmatan sisters practiced self-flagellation, though not nearly as intense as the kind Loviatans practice. Still, Abdirak would secretly watch them at their devotions, enthralled by the sight for reasons he didn’t understand until he got older and his body began to change. When it did, one of the younger nuns, Sister Karina, was of particular interest to him, and he began having recurring dreams of her catching him spying upon her devotions and punishing him with her flagellum. Always, he would awaken ashamed and frightened of what his desires wrought, forbidden as they were to Ilmatans. Still, he could not help himself; while books of vice were nowhere to be found there at the abbey, the illumined manuscripts and tomes full of bloody saints and suffering martyrs aroused him, leading him to fantasize about causing them agony. It terrified him though, the intensity of what he silently called the "darkness" within himself, and he prayed to Ilmater to be rid of it, but it only seemed to grow stronger. When he confessed it to his father--if only in part, deliberately downplaying the severity out of fear and shame--Vidar sharply told him with the zeal of the converted that his feelings were heresy, and that he needed to pray harder for Ilmater to take them away from him. He also made Abdirak swear not to tell anyone else about it.

It was probably for the best that Abdirak's parents decided to leave the abbey at around that time, before his burgeoning curiosity led to experimentation with his peers, rather than just with himself. To the Revered Mother, they claimed it was because after so many years, Vidar longed for the sea and Nazira longed for the city, but as an adult Abdirak suspects they thought a handsome boy growing into manhood in an isolated abbey full of holy women was a recipe for disaster, particularly one with his proclivities. So with a small purse and many blessings, they bid farewell to their gracious hosts, and caught a ship in the south to Baldur's Gate, leaving Calimshan behind.

The family settled in the Lower City. Vidar found work at the docks as a merchant marine once more, and was gone out at sea for long stretches, leaving Abdirak with Nazira, who threw herself into religion between working long hours as a healer at the local apothecary to cope with her beloved's absences. It was a burden, but a necessary one, and she found comfort in Ilmater's promise that her suffering was not in vain.

Abdirak was not precisely left to his own devices, but he had much more freedom in the city and much less supervision--a somewhat dangerous combo for a thirteen year old boy who inherited the curiosity and wanderlust of his parents, and had been sheltered in an isolated abbey for most of his life. He continued academic instruction at a local Ilmatan temple, but roamed the city at his leisure once his daily lessons were finished, his natural curiosity leading him to explore libraries, taverns, and festhalls alike. He befriended a vast array of people with his natural charm and magnetism, from the lowest commons to the children of patriars. It was one of the last, a half-elven scion of House Sashenstar named Liandar, with whom Abdirak quickly became closest. A handsome and dashing boy his own age, Liandar was a frequent patron of the Blushing Mermaid, which is where they met. Liandar grew up obsessed with his famous explorer grandfather's tales of adventure and fancied himself a bard, as hungry for knowledge and new experiences as Abdirak, and he was enthralled by Abdirak's tales of life in Calimshan. They became boon companions, kindred spirits as they were, exploring all Baldur's Gate had to offer together.

In Liandar, Abdirak found someone with whom he felt he could truly be himself, without fear of judgment or condemnation, for whom he did not have to keep up the facade of the pious Ilmatan. And Liandar didn't care a whit for Abdirak being a commoner; far from it, the young nobleman threw open the Upper City to Abdirak, and it became his playground as much as the rest of the city. Abdirak seized the opportunity it afforded him, escorting Liandar to garden parties and tea salons, charming the well-heeled with his eloquence and scholar's mind. And given their age, it was probably inevitable they would become one another's first lovers.

In many ways, they were some of the happiest times of Abdirak's life. The lads pilfered books of vice from the extensive library in the Sashenstar estate, and experimented as curious lads did. Abdirak was an expert at ropework, owing to his father's lessons in seamanship, and replicated with ease the intricate patterns he'd seen in Kozakuran treatises upon Liandar's all too willing self. Something awakened in him, hearing Liandar plead during these trysts, when he was so vulnerable; what he'd called the "darkness" inside him, what he'd been trying desperately to suppress to no avail in the abbey, returned in force. But to Abdirak's amazement, it did not frighten Liandar at all, but rather enthralled him, and he rather eagerly explored such forbidden desires with him. And Abdirak began to notice hushed whispers among their peer group in the Upper City, rumors of secret masques where men and women alike were whipped and bound for pleasure. Abdirak eagerly devoured such salacious tales, for they spoke to his curiosity, and that curiosity was noted by the more daring youths of privilege that he and Liandar cavorted with. Soon, invitations would follow.

Thus began something of a double life for Abdirak. By day, a pious young scholar of the Lower City devoted to Ilmater, on the fast track to becoming a priest. By night, indulging in kinky hedonism with his lover and a host of their young companions at secret wild parties at posh estates in the Upper City. In these trysts he discovered he enjoyed receiving pain as much as dealing it, and as handsome and charming as he was there was no shortage of young nobles eager to partake of these pleasures with him. He reveled in all of it, and became the talk of the clandestine circles he and Liandar ran in.

Nazira, for her part, remained ignorant of her son’s extracurriculars—thoroughly cautious as he was to keep his Lower and Upper City lives carefully separate—and she was happy that Abdirak seemed to be thriving there in the city. She was charmed by Liandar and adored the lad when he eventually introduced her to him. But she feared for Abdirak spending so much time in the Upper City, and feared that their class differences would tear them apart and Abdirak's heart would be broken. She warned Abdirak often of the dangers of love which transcended station, thinking of her own estrangement from her family; she warned him that even should Liandar truly love him, his status as heir to a powerful patriar family might mean his family would force him to put Abdirak aside for a suitor of means.

And Vidar greatly disapproved when he found out about the relationship, for similar reasons--though he loved Nazira dearly, and did not regret a single of the choices he'd made in life, he did not trust that Liandar would be willing or capable of making the same sacrifices he and Nazira once did, and the last thing he wanted was for Abdirak to get hurt. Even if he wasn't, Vidar did not want that manner of life for his son. It was the source of a great many arguments between Abdirak and his father; in truth, nothing would have pleased Vidar more than if Abdirak had forgotten all about that boy, because he feared he would bring nothing but trouble, no matter how much he liked him. (But Vidar did like Liandar, mind; if he thought he was slightly too polished in a politician's manner, always saying what he thought others would want to hear, Vidar attributed it to his patriar's upbringing and thought the boy good and sincere beneath it. He did not trust his family, though.)

Against this backdrop of growing tension within his household, Abdirak’s double life began taking a toll upon him. He increasingly found it difficult to reconcile the pleasure he felt in his "dark" desires with the Ilmatan dogma he was raised with: that pain was a burden to be endured and not enjoyed. It had always been difficult for him, but once he stopped running from his desires and began reveling in them, he grew angry and resentful at the notion that something he and his lovers felt such pleasure in was something to be treated as the gravest sin. He was wise enough never to openly question what he was taught, for he remembered well his father’s revulsion at even his mild expression of interest in pain as a child, but Abdirak became disillusioned by the fact he found no satisfactory answers for these contradictions in the Ilmatan texts he studied.

At last, one day he made a fatal miscalculation. Abdirak brought Liandar home for a tryst during his mother's regular hours at the apothecary; what they didn't know what Vidar's latest stint at sea was ended early when the merchant vessel headed for Neverwinter had to return to Baldur's Gate for emergency drydock. The lads were caught in flagrante delicto that day by Abdirak's father. It would have simply been mortifying and not endangering were it not for the fact Vidar walked in to see Liandar bound in shackles pleading for mercy while Abdirak struck him over and over with a leather riding crop.

The pious Ilmatan flew into a rage, cursing his son for the depravity he dared commit under his own roof, that this was the gravest, foulest betrayal of Ilmater's teachings to treat pain as such. Liandar, hastily released and clothed, was terrified his powerful family would find out, and offered a bribe to Vidar for his silence, but that only infuriated him more, the notion his honor and devotion to Ilmater could be bought. Abdirak told Liandar to flee, that he would handle it. In truth, Vidar would not have exposed Liandar to House Sashenstar, for no one would have believed the word of a mercenary and merchant marine at any rate, but also his own wounded pride at as his perceived failures with his son forced his silence. And it was in stony silence that they awaited Nazira's homecoming that night.

Three times, Vidar and Nazira bade Abdirak to renounce his actions, to pray for Ilmater's forgiveness, to go to the temple and be cleansed of his sin. Three times, Abdirak refused, saying that to renounce the pleasure he had with Liandar would be renouncing his love for him, and that was something he would never do. He told his parents that he was tired of pretending to be good and pious for a god who cared nothing for his own suffering, who refused to take away this one thing inside him that was the cause of so much agony. Instead, he renounced Ilmater.

And then Vidar angrily told him to get out.

With nowhere else to go, Abdirak went to Liandar's manor. But tragically, House Sashenstar would prove no refuge. Abdirak pled with the guardsman to let him into the estate, passing a note meant for Liandar, then waited and waited for Liandar to come--all night, even. But those gilded gates were barred to him, and Liandar never came.

Sunk into the deepest despair, Abdirak wandered the streets of the Lower City until just before sunrise, collapsing in a heap upon a shadowed doorstep in a part of the city he rarely frequented. He awakened some hours later, into the morning, inside a long forgotten temple, small and relatively nondescript. Not much more than an altar with freshly lit candles and flowers--and a handsome drow priest in mourning garb, wearing a silver veil. He brought Abdirak fresh fruit, warm bread and cheese to eat, and introduced himself as Brother Shadow, keeper of this temple, one devoted to his Lady. When Abdirak asked him if he was a Sharran, he said softly that although he was no stranger to loss, the goddess he held so dear had long perished, and he tended the shrine in her memory, that her name not fade--Ravenna, the Lady of Merciful Death. And when he asked Abdirak what brought him there, perhaps undone by such tender concern, he wept and told the whole of it to the priest.

It was an encounter that would change Abdirak’s life forever. Because Brother Shadow listened with compassion, and then Abdirak heard the name of Loviatar for the first time. Oh, she had been spoken of in euphemisms and harsh whispers all his life, from St. Dobla’s Abbey to the Shrine of the Suffering, but much like a boogeyman one fears to name, simply "The Accursed", "The Enemy", etc. And it had always been with contempt and with fear. But when Brother Shadow spoke her name, it was with reverence, and it was like a bell rang in Abdirak’s heart. While the drow himself did not worship the Maiden of Pain, his fallen Lady Ravenna counted her as a loyal companion, and he once sought expiation from her priestesses there in the city, in the worst of his despair. Abdirak listened utterly enthralled by the drow speaking of the release he felt with the kiss of the lash, purged of the grief and guilt he felt at failing his Lady, with only serenity remained—how with pain, given in love, came peace. It resonated deeply with Abdirak, in his own despair; and it soothed him, to hear of pain spoken of not as something terrible to be endured, but as a gift. He knew then, beyond any doubt, that Loviatar’s way was his. He begged Brother Shadow for knowledge of the temple.

And so the drow wrote a letter of introduction, and gave it to Abdirak with instructions to seek out the House of the Sanguine Thorn in the posh Bloomridge District across the Lower City. He did so the very same day, and from the moment he set foot inside it, he felt at home in ways he could scarce explain--a manner of peace washed over him. The young elven priestess who welcomed him was beautiful and serene, accepting Brother Shadow’s letter with curiosity, and when Abdirak said he wished to learn Loviatar’s way, she told him the high priestess herself must make the determination, and brought him to her.

At the time, the temple’s high priestess, or Entrusted Whip, was Lady Amaltheia, a tall and striking beauty of marilith heritage—though she kept this hidden well with glamours. All Loviatans are skilled heartseers, trained in observation and psychology as much as in methods of pain dealing, but Amaltheia was skilled beyond reckoning, and personally evaluated every prospective acolyte. She received Abdirak in her study, and after reading the letter, she listened intently as he told her why he wanted to serve the Maiden of Pain, revealing to her the whole of his darkest secrets—his experimentation with Liandar and the others, fascination with pain from earliest childhood in the abbey. Things he had never told even Liandar, such as the wet dreams he'd had about being beaten by the beautiful nun there.

To Abdirak’s relief, Lady Amaltheia did not react with distaste at the revelation that he had been raised by Ilmatans. To the contrary, it heightened her curiosity toward him—unlike many Loviatan priestesses, who took great pleasure in slaying Ilmatari clergy out of hand, Amaltheia took a great deal of pleasure in turning them to the Sacred Pain, so the revelation that Abdirak was indulging in secret BDSM play with his lovers while studying to become a priest of Ilmater absolutely delighted her. Truthfully it was that more than anything that swayed her to accept him at the temple, but there was one test Abdirak would be subjected to before he was.

As it happened, Abdirak arrived at the temple the day of the Vernal Equinox, a high holy day for Loviatans; the Rite of Pain and Purity, the most sacred of Loviatan rituals, was to be carried out that night. This ritual is normally conducted under the tightest secrecy, with the temple doors shut firmly to outsiders and no fetes or gatherings held--by all rights, Abdirak should have been barred from it as a mere seeker. But Lady Amaltheia believed his arrival that day was a sign from the Goddess herself, and so took the completely unheard of step of inviting him to attend the Rite. He was forbidden to partake of course, but Amaltheia invited him to bear witness to it--a secret test of character, to determine whether or not he had truly heard the Maiden's call. Her subordinates were scandalized, but none dared question the wisdom of one so favored by Loviatar, and so at sunset Abdirak knelt unobtrusively upon the balcony which overlooked the innermost courtyard: an enormous, immaculately kept rose garden covered in a carpet of brambles, dominated by a statue of the goddess.

What he saw there that night moved him to tears, and shook his very soul. A procession of all the temple's clergy, overwhelmingly (but not entirely) female, was led into the courtyard by Lady Amaltheia herself. Not one of Loviatar's servants was any less than spectacularly beautiful, in a diverse range of features and sizes, and all were nude save for the holy symbols hung from their necks--the sacred nine-tailed scourge. They made a slow, stately procession into the garden, each bearing a slender taper, which they lit from one of two braziers at the entrance, and placed in holders that formed a massive circle of light about the carpet of brambles. Drummers beat a slow rhythm, and the priests began to dance upon the thorns. Abdirak was lulled into an almost meditative state watching it, mesmerized by the beauty of what he saw. The drumming intensified, and the priests lost themselves to the rapture of the dance, singing praises to Loviatar with each prick of their skin. Abdirak had never felt such intense yearning in his life as he did that night; every instinct he had was to fly down to join them in their revel, and it was only his strong sense of discipline that held him back. But as the Rite continued, and grew more frenzied, crimson mist settled upon the garden, bathing the priests as they danced and sang upon the brambles, their feet, calves and shins covered in blood. Instinctively, Abdirak sensed a great Presence among them then, gooseflesh rising on his arms and the hairs on his body stood on end; and he knew without being told that it was the Maiden herself.

Loviatar herself appeared then in the crimson haze, and she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life--tall, dark, and mysterious. She turned her gaze upon him, smiling enigmatically, and he found himself lost in her eyes--black as midnight, gazing into his very soul. When she reached out and coiled a hand about his throat, he welcomed it utterly without fear even as her grip tightened, something deep within him stirred and awakened, and she bid him welcome with a gentle kiss upon his brow. He wept then, utterly without shame; all of his inner turmoil melted away. He had finally found the place he truly belonged, his true calling in life.

When the Rite was ended, Abdirak told Lady Amaltheia his vision of the goddess, and so with great satisfaction the high priestess--her instincts confirmed--brought him to the inner sanctum. That very night, he committed to walking the path of Sacred Pain through a solemn oath, and his first offering to Loviatar: the pain of circumcision, the First Pain as it's known to all who undergo it in her service. As he lay dazed upon the altar, Abdirak saw her face once more, and smiled. He emerged an acolyte, the lowest rank of novice within the temple.

While the radical restructuring of Loviatar's faith that occured in the mid-14th century DR by order of the goddess herself saw the discarding of its strict, elaborate centralized hierarchy in favor of a much simplified system of rank without a single central authority figure, individual Loviatan temples still largely operate under a social hierarchy based on seniority, and the Sanguine Thorn was no exception. As a lowly acolyte, Abdirak was little more than an indentured servant. His direct superior was Sister Leilatha, a girl only slightly older than him by elven reckoning, who’d only just become fully dedicated to the goddess—the very same priestess who first welcomed him to the temple. She was severe in assigning him all manner of menial tasks, much of it tedious manual labor of the sort the higher ranking clergy scoffed at, but was nonetheless vital in maintaining the temple: mundane custodial work, landscaping the immaculate gardens, scullery duty, the grinding of herbs for medicines and perfumes, etc. The slightest of errors in performance of these duties was corrected with corporal punishment. In truth, the seemingly endless toil and harsh punishment was meant to instill discipline within prospective priests, which was the foundation of all Loviatan practice.

In addition to physical labor, Abdirak received intensive theological and academic instruction as well. As one always possessed of a scholarly bent, he soaked it all up like a sponge, and the more he learned of Loviatan ethos--known alternately as the Sacred Pain, the Kiss of Loviatar--the more it resonated with what he had always instinctively felt: that not only was there no shame in his dark desires, they were holy. He had never felt so affirmed as in those early days, even though there were few other males at the temple. It mattered little to him, being surrounded at last with likeminded souls who spoke openly and warmly of that which he had been forced to repress and shun. By his logic, all of the physical labor he was subjected to merely served as time he could use to contemplate his lessons.

In truth, Abdirak thrived in the strict environment, ironically due to his childhood in the Ilmatan abbey; he was no stranger to hard work or strict rules, and instinctively grasped the true purpose behind all the toil, even if part of him did admittedly grow impatient at times to begin to practice all of the theory he devoured from Leilatha between his endless chores. He was still an eager adolescent, and what good was it to know for example the precise number and location of pressure points upon the sentient races--humans, elves, dwarves and the like--if he was never permitted make practical use of them?

Still, despite the delight of her whip hand the rare times he erred, Abdirak exceeded Leilatha’s expectations wherever possible. He was an utter perfectionist, determined to show her—and Lady Amaltheia—his worth. And perhaps he had something to prove to himself and the world—that not only this was where he belonged, but having been abandoned by first his parents and then Liandar, he was still worthy of love and acceptance. While he reported directly to Leilatha, Lady Amaltheia took a keen personal interest in his instruction, and in many ways she became a stern but loving maternal figure to him, something he sorely needed. She regularly met with him, drilling him on all he was learning: theology and church doctrine, history, languages, etc. But Amaltheia was much more interested in his views and feelings on all he was being taught, and they spent most of these sessions in intense conversation. In this, Abdirak also impressed, matching wits with his high priestess with ease, and he greatly enjoyed those talks.

By far his favorite task in his days as an acolyte was attending guests at the many fetes and gatherings held at the temple, however. These affairs were frequently put on for lay worshippers of means, curious seekers, and those with little interest in Loviatar but who simply enjoyed to watch or partake in kink. All revelers were strictly vetted and expected to follow the firm guidelines in place regarding consent and conduct--those who did not abide by the temple's bylaws at such affairs were branded as heretics (sometimes literally, depending upon the offense) and cast out, blacklisted from returning upon pain of death. Such lists of heretics were circulated throughout Loviatan temples across Faerûn as well; one could not expect to be welcome in the Black Spires in Amn nor even The Maiden's Demesne in Bezantur across the continent in far off Thay if one misbehaved at a Baldurian fete, and Loviatar's strictures against dealing pain to the unwilling distinctly did not apply to heretics.

As an acolyte not quite of the age of majority, Abdirak was strictly forbidden from the pleasure dungeons and any physical contact with guests, but was instead tasked with the art of menial service in the upper level salons where the well-heeled simply conversed and luxuriated away from the more intense festivities elsewhere. This, too, was a form of training however, and Abdirak learned much of the art of submission simply in serving wine and cordial in a graceful and unobtrusive manner, observing and anticipating the needs of guests before they even asked, and kneeling for hours at a time with downcast eyes; this was a kind of pleasure for him as well, rather unexpectedly so, and he excelled in this as in all his duties.

Howver, it was not merely for the sake of his training that Abdirak served, for these events were vital to the functioning of the temple. They brought in a great deal of income both from the fetes themselves, but there were also many converts made from them, who in turn gave generously to the temple and spoke well of it to their peers, spreading acceptance of Loviatar's worship. While it was by no means illegal in a city as cosmopolitan as Baldur's Gate, her rites were greatly misunderstood and viewed as unsavory and even evil by many, and many lay worshippers of status feared for their reputations should they be known publicly as Loviatans; Abdirak recognized more than one patriar from his time in Liandar's elite circles, magistrates and other pillars of the Upper City. Therefore secrecy was paramount, and Abdirak was taught to respect it with great care. Much secular business was conducted there at the temple, for that reason, knowing that whatever occurred within those walls firmly remained there.

Perhaps because of his immensely strong work ethic, sense of discipline, and scholarly mind, Abdirak became a fully fledged priest and earned his scourge in record time: upon his sixteenth birthday, when he reached the age of majority. Per tradition for Loviatan priests, he received his first piercings, upon his nipples, and upon his nethers: a guiche, and what is known colloquially as the Bane's Crown, the equivalent of the irl Prince Albert. The pain of his piercing and the recovery period was, naturally, a part of the offering, and he did not flinch, but moaned praises to the Maiden of Pain all the while.

Now a Lesser Lash, Abdirak began the practice of self-flagellation with his holy scourge during his morning prayers, reveling in the offering of his pain to the goddess; he was also expected to attend the Candle Rite held once a twelveday, and participate in the Rite of Pain and Purity as a dancer celebrant rather than the supportive role to which acolytes were limited. Most crucially, he was now free at last to practice Loviatar's arts upon others, not merely himself--and was expected to do so.

And Abdirak soon set himself apart among his peers at the temple with his zeal for and his skill at the Maiden's arts. All of the intellectual theory he had absorbed and meditated upon for countless hours, all of the techniques he studied so intensely, he put into practice with a passion and an artistry that left even seasoned Lashes of the temple breathless. He was a true switch as well, enjoying the receiving of pain every bit as much as doling it out, and was just as talented in the arts of submission. Equally gifted and eager he was with aftercare, seeing to the comfort of his penitents with a nigh uncanny ability to read them, honed during his years of observation and service as an acolyte.

And while he derived immense sexual pleasure from all of it--he would not be a priest of Loviatar did he not, and he always made an offering of it to the goddess--the greatest measure of pleasure Abdirak felt was in the closeness with his beloved goddess, knowing that he pleased her always, that he was loved and adored for who he truly was. Not a time he meted out pain did he not feel the presence of Loviatar with him, savoring his zeal and his pleasure both. As it was during the halcyon days of his play parties with Liandar, Abdirak's reputation preceeded him within the temple, and soon even his fellow priests were eager to receive his ministrations, during formal worship and personal time alike.

As a Lesser Lash, the fetes he had attended since his days as an acolyte pouring wine in the salons were now fully open to him as well, the doors of the pleasure dungeons flung open wide. And at Abdirak's very first fete as a Lesser Lash, he encountered none other than his ill-fated lost love Liandar--and Liandar's wife, the Lady Jacinda. The pain of seeing him once more after so long was excruciating, but in this too Abdirak found meaning. Liandar had come to knowledge of Loviatar's temple through their old social circles, and to Abdirak's great surprise his old flame sought penance for what he believed was his great betrayal of Abdirak years earlier. With all his newfound skill, Abdirak worked his arts upon Liandar before the revelers, his wife included, until he was limp and sated. In a sense, it was a manner of closure at last for them both, and while they reconciled in the administering of aftercare, both men had changed a great deal in the intervening years, with Abdirak wholly devoted to his faith, and they resolved to part as friends.

In truth, while Abdirak greatly enjoyed the company of many of his peers at the temple--Sister Leilatha among them--and often had sex with the revelers at fetes, he did not especially wish to pursue relationships per se. Because it was also during his time as a Lesser Lash that Abdirak first learned of and became obsessed with the Vasharani Codex, a sacred text said to be the collected writings of a Loviatan mystic of 10th century DR Turmish. Mother Vashara was the last known anguissette--Chosen of Loviatar--and was known to receive prophectic visions while in the throes of ecstatic pain. Among these visions, Mother Vashara spoke of a great calamity that would arise from Baldur’s Gate to imperil Faerûn in the coming centuries, and that another anguissette, her successor, would emerge from the cradle of darkness to restore balance to the city —and in so doing, save the world.

The text fell into obscurity even among Loviatans, but renewed interest in it came during the Time of Troubles, for among her writings Mother Vashara correctly predicted the Bhaalspawn crisis, its end with the ascension of Ravenna, last of the Bhaalspawn, to divinity—a name that stunned Abdirak to see, thinking upon the priest who set him upon his path. The Vasharani Codex also predicted the fall and return of Bane, something of immense interest to Loviatans given the goddess was once his divine consort. And in 1372 DR, when Loviatar’s mystics across Faerûn began to speak of the imminent arrival of the prophesied anguissette, the Sadiques--the elite caste of Loviatar’s priesthood--were charged with finding her. When none did, the search was suspended, as it was believed alternately that the appointed hour had not yet come, or that the prophecy was somehow false or misinterpreted, and it fell once more into obscurity.

Abdirak became utterly consumed with these prophecies, and most especially this mysterious anguissette, and much of his free time was spent trying to gather any scrap of lore or information he could in hopes he would find her. Youthful hubris perhaps, but once he put his mind to something, Abdirak would never waver; it simply wasn't in his nature. He did bring the matter up with Lady Amaltheia, however, because of his immense respect for her. In truth, she had suspected Abdirak was the prophesied anguissette, which is why she’d recruited him in the first place, but was quickly disavowed of the notion because no true anguissette so reveled in meting out pain, only in receiving it; they were divinely marked by Loviatar herself to experience transcendent ecstacy from the most excruciating pain, the Maiden's Perfect Victim. Abdirak vowed during that conversation that he would be the one to find her, and that he would work toward proving himself worthy of becoming a Sadique to that aim.

It was a bold and audacious claim; as Sadiques were the most elite caste of Loviatar’s priesthood, they existed outside the temple hierarchy to act as independent agents of Loviatar’s will, and answered only to the Exalted Scourges who oversaw entire regions. But it was a notion very much characteristic of Abdirak and the intensity of his convictions. Amaltheia knew better than to dismiss him out of hand, but urged caution, advising him not to let chasing legends consume him to the point he lost sight of his duties.

Still, after only four short years, at the age of twenty Abdirak was deemed worthy of ascension to the highest rank of priest within the temple, the Lash; the youngest ever to do so at the Sanguine Thorn. Upon the Summer Solstice, at the height of the Rite of Pain and Purity, he received the next set of his piercings, upon his tongue--known as the Kiss of Loviatar--and the hafada ladder upon his sack, known as the Claws of Loviatar.

Abdirak's duties increased as a Lash, for now he presided over rituals and the instruction of acolytes, and heard confessions from lay worshipers and those not dedicated to Loviatar but who sought expiation for their sins. And he was equally skilled at oratory as he was with the scourge, giving impassioned sermons on the Sacred Pain which swayed hearts and minds. Word spread like wildfire among the city's elite of the handsome, charismatic young priest of Loviatar whose scourge hand was as loving as it was cruel.

He was perhaps the greatest weapon Amaltheia had in her arsenal to draw the well-heeled to Loviatar's faith and grant it a measure of respectability it had never truly enjoyed in Baldur's Gate. And he was sought out specifically for his services by wealthy seekers and penitents—for in addition to the fetes regularly hosted at the temple, Lady Amaltheia contracted a select few Lashes out to a number of wealthy patrons for private assignations, and Abdirak was by far the most coveted. The temple's coffers soon overflowed to bursting with offerings to Loviatar made in his name, but the fees he commanded meant little to him beyond what use they would have for the temple. Abdirak truly loved his art, not merely for the physical pleasure he derived from it (though that was immense; as in temple fetes, sex was not expected of Lashes during these assignations, but was permitted at the priest’s discretion, and Abdirak almost always indulged), but because beyond all else he had the soul of a healer and his great sense of compassion compelled him to grant this manner of solace to those in need of it. He was the truest of believers in the Sacred Pain, and the passion of his great conviction meant he did nothing by halves.

It was at this time that another young upstart making waves in the city began spending time at the temple's fetes. Enver Gortash had much in common with Abdirak--both were cast out from families who deeply misunderstood them, and they became fast friends. But while Gortash paid homage to Loviatar and gave the Maiden her due, he was dedicated to Bane and thus it was control and dominance he sought. He regularly attended functions at the Sanguine Thorn because that was where some of the most powerful movers and shakers of the city gathered, and the vows of secrecy to which Loviatan priests were sworn made it the ideal place to conduct business of an unsavory nature.

But also it was a place to indulge his own hedonism, and Abdirak gladly obliged--for all his nature as a versatile switch, Abdirak was such an immensely skilled sadist that he rarely got to enjoy his masochistic desires and receive pain from others. And Gortash indulged him gladly, not stinting the offering to either of their deities; he took special pleasure in leaving his mark on Abdirak, and many of the latter's scars are mementos of their trysts. But Abdirak left his own mark upon Gortash after a fashion, feeding his belief in the sacred bonds between Bane and his dark lord’s one-time consort—but also physically, as Abdirak was trained as a body modification artist, and granted Gortash a number of piercings below the neck for a handsome sum, Bane’s Crown among them. And eventually, Gortash was among those wealthy patrons of the temple that contracted Abdirak for assignations. Abdirak always anticipated ones with Gortash the most, as he meted out pain as well as any Lash of Loviatar; he was magnificent in his cruelty.

After one such tryst, Gortash even demanded Abdirak's silver hair, always worn for his whole life past his waist, be cut such that no one else would ever be able to pull it again like he had. And so, ever after Abdirak kept his hair in the short undercut for which he’s known in the present, and Gortash kept his shorn silver locks as a memento and a trophy, pleasuring himself with it from time to time. Abdirak had never cut his hair before that night; while he was not precisely vain, he was well aware of his beauty as he was expected to cultivate it as part of his priestly duties—the better to appeal to seekers—and he considered his long, silvery locks his most alluring feature. The pain of its loss was sweet to Abdirak, and an offering to the goddess.

It did little to dull Abdirak's lustre among the idle rich of the city, however. Life at the Sanguine Thorn continued much the same for him, his days spent in worship and hearing confessions of the repentant, meting out pain to alleviate their suffering. His nights were filled with sadomasochistic revels in the pleasure dungeons and private assignations at estates, the well-heeled practically throwing themselves at his feet to experience the singular skill of his artistry in giving pain. In many ways, Abdirak’s life was perfect. And while he should have been content living out his heart's darkest desires there as the crown jewel of the clandestine world he so comfortably called home, there was still a restlessness deep within him, and he increasingly began to feel that he was called for more than this--that he was meant for yet greater things in Loviatar's service.

His every waking moment not devoted to her worship was spent studying the Vasharani prophecies for some clue or hint as to where her anguissette would be found, for his conviction that she walked among them in Faerûn was as strong as ever. Too, his restlessness was driven in part by the talk of growing unrest in the city. Beyond the temple's well-manicured gardens and high walls, Baldur's Gate had been thrust into turmoil following the assassination of the immensely popular Grand Duke Imoen Harshaw, and there was a noticeably heightened tension among the lay worshipers as the city's powerful factions vied with one another to fill the vacuum of power. Abdirak's mind was ever fixed upon Mother Vashara's dire warnings of a great calamity to come, and unlike the Loviatans of the past, he did not believe the Bhaalspawn crisis of a century past was the whole of it.

Five years into his service as a Lash, news came of the death of another luminary: Lady Sadirah, Exalted Scourge of the North. As the highest ranked clergy of Loviatar’s church, Exalted Scourges oversee the different regions of Faerûn, providing guidance and discipline to the Entrusted Whips. Abdirak had only met Lady Sadirah once, as an acolyte serving wine for her and Lady Amaltheia, for she was largely content to leave the Sanguine Thorn to its own devices. But her death sent shockwaves throughout the North, for she had held the title for decades and was well-respected. A conclave of the remaining Exalted Scourges was called at the Black Spires of the Maiden, the great temple of Loviatar in Amn, and every Entrusted Whip under Sadirah's purview was expected to attend as well. Lady Amaltheia handpicked Abdirak and Leilatha both to accompany her.

This conclave was a pivotal moment in Abdirak's life. It got him on the radar of the clergy beyond Baldur's Gate, namely; Lady Amaltheia was well-respected among her peers, and spoke highly of him. But it was when he was chosen to open the Rite of Pain and Purity, and gave so passionate an invocation that it stirred even the Exalted Scourges into a frenzy, that he made his name outside the Sanguine Thorn. Many were eager to test him, and the days that followed were quite satisfying to him.

By consensus of the remaining Exalted Scourges, and decree of the Goddess, it was agreed upon that Lady Amaltheia should be Lady Sadirah's successor. Abdirak could not have been more proud of his much beloved mentor, but it was bittersweet, for Amaltheia had been his rock of support for so many years, and it would necessitate her remaining there in Amn. No longer would they enjoy long, philosophical conversations in her office well into the evening, or after his assignations.

Many expected Abdirak to be her successor as Entrusted Whip of the Sanguine Thorn, given their closeness and his prominence within the temple, but while he would have been honored to be chosen, it was not a role he wanted—it would have kept him rooted to Baldur’s Gate, unable to fully pursue his search for the anguissette. And Amaltheia knew this well, for she knew him better than anyone. But Sister Leilatha did relish the notion, and so she, in turn, became the new Entrusted Whip of the Sanguine Thorn, a fitting reward for her long years of dutiful service. Amaltheia believed the temple would thrive under her leadership, for as seniormost among the Lashes she commanded a great deal of respect, not least of which because she directly trained the star priest of the temple. And there was no jealousy or rivalry between the Sanguine Thorn’s favored Lashes. Abdirak was genuinely overjoyed for her, and they celebrated in much the way one would expect—in full, approving view of the high priestess who made it possible.

Lady Amaltheia's first act upon her ascension to Exalted Scourge, once the Sanguine Thorn’s succession was settled, was to put forth Abdirak as a Sadique. While he had certainly always been her beloved protégé, much like with Leilatha’s promotion, this was not simply a reward for his loyalty and his years of service, but an acknowledgement that he was perhaps the priest she knew who most encapulsated Loviatar's teachings, as a Sadique must; in order to become one, to truly understand the fulcrum of pain, one must savor the giving and the receiving of it in equal measure, and Amaltheia knew no other who did so much as Abdirak. And he had done more in the advancement of the Kiss of Loviatar than any other she had known and trained, so much that she knew that he was destined for greatness even beyond the walls of the Sanguine Thorn. And, on a personal level, it was her way of showing that she believed in him and his pursuit of the anguissette. As a Sadique, he would answer to no one but her. In exchange for being her envoy and agent, he would have free reign to conduct his search, with unfettered access to church resources.

But Amaltheia did love Abdirak dearly, and the strength of his convictions moved her greatly; if anyone would find this anguissette, she believed fervently it would be Abdirak, who enjoyed Loviatar's favor as much as anyone ever had, and was brilliant, cunning, and driven enough to succeed. And so she resolved to give him whatever aid he needed.

To that end, Abdirak was anointed a Sadique during the Rite of Pain and Purity which took place on the Winter Solstice, some months following the Amn conclave. He returned to the Black Spires, and received his final piercings then: Loviatar's Ladder, up the length of his frenum, which was considered the sacred gift of phallus-bearing Sadiques alone and a mark of station; Amaltheia wielded the piercing lance herself upon him. And then he underwent suspension for hours upon hours; so long he did not know, his mind drifting into an altered state of consciousness he could scarce comprehend. But he felt the presence of Loviatar quite strongly, and with her kiss came a manner of clarity he had never felt before. She whispered to him that his purpose was to find her blessed anguissette, that it was the very reason she had called to him. Everything he had believed so fervently was true.

When it was over, Abdirak resolved forth to travel Faerûn and fulfill his charge. While Sadiques exist apart from the temple hierarchy, he was still gifted lavish private quarters at the Sanguine Thorn by Leilatha, and he availed himself of their comforts between his many arduous travels. Truthfully, he would spend the next several years on the road searching for any scrap of lore or written record he could find on anguissettes, from Alaundo's prophecies in Candlekeep to the libraries of Bezantur, even traveling as far as the distant holy land of Dambrath and the great temple of Loviatar at Cathyr.

And he learned a great deal, far more than he ever could have had he remained in Baldur's Gate, but it came at a cost. The solitude he experienced upon his long journeys was something that was alien to him, quite unexpectedly so, for Abdirak had by then spent years firmly ensconced within the Sanguine Thorn, and thrived while ministering to the faithful--whether with words or whip. Always, his days and nights had been filled with camaraderie and companionship, with his peers, with lay worshippers, with revelers at the fetes, upon assignations.

By contrast, it was a lonely road he found himself upon as a Sadique; his time in the wilderness, he calls it. But this manner of pain was, as always, something he believed drew him closer to Loviatar; something that honed his spirit, made him sharper, and he never believed his charge a burden even during the worst of his loneliness.

From time to time, despite his best efforts at prudence, he was accosted by bandits or highwaymen--ignorant fools to a one, for Loviatan priests were feared the continent over by the superstitious for their love of torture, and most were too fearful to provoke their wrath. While Abdirak did not typically relish combat--he found violence without purpose crude--he was built tall and muscular like his Northlander father and had been trained to fight since he was old enough to pick up a weapon, his body was honed to physical perfection over the years, and his sense of discipline was unmatched. Many who believed a lone priest on the road easy prey were gravely mistaken and made to pay for their folly. Loviatan priests are hearty folk, as an understatement.

Meanwhile, back in Baldur's Gate, Leilatha invested the Sanguine Thorn's wealth in any number of mercantile operations around the city, seeking to raise the temple's profile, but particularly in Gortash's ventures. It was when Abdirak returned from Bezantur a second time that Gortash held a masque at the temple to celebrate his birthday, and he asked Abdirak to attend as his companion. It was more than a little strange to Abdirak attending a temple fete not as a priest but as a patron, but he genuinely enjoyed any time spent with Gortash, and after months of hard, seemingly fruitless travel with his goal nowhere in sight, it was a blessed relief to simply lose himself in frivolity wih the promise of cruel hands. Tongues wagged, of course, for Gortash's profile in the city had risen considerably since Abdirak's own ascension to Sadique, and his old friend had been styling himself "Lord" Gortash. When they retired to Abdirak's private chambers and its pleasure dungeon, Gortash confided in him that he had become Bane's Chosen, though to what aim he would not say, only that he meant to bring order to the city.

It was an earthshattering revelation to Abdirak, for Bane's church had long been dormant in the Gate, even when Loviatar's temple began making strides...its role in the Time of Troubles had condemned it to infamy, and it was one of the very few faiths outright banned in the otherwise open and ecumenical city. That the Accursed would re-emerge would be profoundly unsettling to many, and it was why Gortash was circumspect. But his revelation renewed the fires of conviction within Abdirak regarding what had been a rather fruitless search for the anguissette. For it had long been taught by the Loviatans that Bane’s Chosen had a special relationship with Loviatar’s, and surely the emergence of His meant the emergence of Hers as well--sooner rather than later. But, too, it was known that Loviatar was wroth with Bane, and had even turned from him to forge her own path. That the goddess did not make any displeasure known regarding Abdirak's continued relationship was a sign to him that it was of import; a relief to Abdirak, despite his zeal, for outside of Lady Amaltheia and his peers at the Sanguine Thorn, Gortash was the person closest to him.

Abdirak continued his search with a renewed sense of purpose; Gortash maintained correspodence with him, frequently waxing rhapsodic about the alliance between their temples, and his fervent desire to bring them closer as a part of Bane's grand design. But increasingly, Abdirak had come to believe quite strongly that the anguissette would be a tiefling or a drow, obsessed as he had become with the particular part of the prophecy that stated she would emerge from the cradle of darkness. As such, his travels at last brought him back to the Sword Coast in 1492. With Elturel's sudden disappearance and re-emergence from the Nine Hells, Abdirak believed he would find if not the anguissette, then a much needed lead in the region and so concentrated his search there. It was at this time he began to hear the first stirrings of the Cult of the Absolute, spoken of in whispers here and there, which grew louder throughout the Western Heartlands as so-called "True Souls" emerged preaching of the Absolute's power, gathering followers among goblin tribes and others. While he could not connect all of these strange events, news from Leilatha of a sudden rash of murders in Baldur’s Gate made him suspect the growing unrest in the region was connected. Mother Vashara's prophecy was ever firmly in his mind.

The breakthrough came at last when he heard rumors traced back to drow cultists of a z'elendarin, said to have fled Menzoberranzan some years prior. Abdirak learned much of Lolthite culture during his time in Dambrath as the Crinti noble class there still hold many of the same beliefs and traditions as their drow ancestors despite their devotion to Loviatar, and thus knew that “z’elendarin” was how Queen Cathyr, the first anguissette, was named by them--"pain-bearer". The drow of her time believed her blessed by Lolth to feel exquisite pleasure in agonizing pain, which is why they allied with her, establishing the creole culture that would come to rule Dambrath for centuries.

Abdirak knew without a shadow of a doubt that this exiled z’elendarin was the prophesied anguissette, and undaunted by the fact that locating her would be much like a needle in a haystack, tripled down on his search, seeking out any sign of surface drow, specifically concentrating on finding any manner of community of Eilistraeans, as he knew from his studies that their duty was to aid exiles from the Underdark and it was likely his best chance of finding this z’elendarin. On his travels in years past, Abdirak had encountered tales of the goddess herself manifesting to mortals up and down the Sword Coast; at the time he'd paid them little heed, engrossed as he was in his mission, but turned his attention to revisiting them in light of his conjecture, believing it would prove his best possible lead.

However, the spring equinox was imminent, and with it the Rite of Pain and Purity. Abdirak would momentarily set aside his search and return to the Gate, leading the ritual at the Sanguine Thorn at Leilatha's request; in truth, even the Loviatan faithful were in need of reassurance, and their beloved Sadique ministered to them as only he could. In the throes of ecstatic worship, Abdirak received a vision from Loviatar herself: what he recognized instantly as the symbol of the Absolute, shattering in a silvery burst of moonlight, leaving naught but silver thorns in its wake--and the Hand of Bane in specific, covered in blood. What precisely it would portend, he did not know; but his conviction that Eilistraee's followers had a part to play in this somehow was confirmed by the Scourge Mistress herself. A tenday he spent fasting and meditating, undergoing sacred suspension, seeking the truth of these visions. In the height of delirious ecstacy in pain, Loviatar spoke to him once more, warning gravely of the threat the Absolute posed not just to the city, but to Faerûn and all of Toril.

But before Abdirak could return to his mission, an invitation arrived at the Sanguine Thorn for him from the Upper City--with Gortash's seal. It seemed. Abdirak accepted gladly, and in the afterglow of their tryst, Gortash confided in him as he often did. He said that he knew of the unrest in the region and that Baldur's Gate could not afford further instability, which is why he was seeking to unify the city as Archduke. To do so, however, would not prove so simple a thing, thus the need for an external threat. He revealed to Abdirak that he founded the Cult of the Absolute to that end, and was counting on the Sanguine Thorn's support of his bid. It was not merely Gortash's extreme fondness for Abdirak that caused him to show him his hand, but his zealous belief that he and Loviatar's anguissette would usher in a new era for the Gate, subjugating it in the name of Bane.

Abdirak was badly shaken by these revelations, however. As a scholar, and a student of history, he heard echoes of Sarevok Anchev's designs from a century earlier and gravely misliked it, for fanatics were not so easily controlled. And Loviatar's words were seared upon his memory; if the Absolute posed a great threat, that necessarily meant Gortash did. But he did not let his misgivings show; indeed there was much Abdirak kept from Gortash, chiefly his search for the anguissette, as it was deemed a temple matter. He did, however, confront Leilatha when he returned to the Sanguine Thorn the next morning, but she denied any knowledge of Gortash's connection to the cult, swearing only that she was supporting him to raise the Sanguine Thorn's profile; she was firm in the belief that once he became Archduke, Loviatar's worship would no longer be confined to the shadows, and the Sacred Pain would thrive as it did in Bezantur. Abdirak did not gainsay the wisdom of it, but reminded her--pointedly--that the Kiss of Loviatar must only be accepted willingly, and that the tyranny Gortash would impose upon the city in Bane's name would cause many to suffer who did not choose to.

In truth, despite his grief over what his old friend and lover had become, Abdirak's convictions only became that much stronger in the wake of the truths that had been revealed to him. In the tendays that followed, he investigated rumors of Eilistraee's manifestations up and down the Sword Coast, all the while his dreams were filled with visions of a drow maiden clad only in moonlight dancing through flames, upon a bed of thorns as in the Candle Rite.

But it was a chance encounter at his old adolescent haunt the Blushing Mermaid of all places that proved the turning point in his search for the mysterious z'elendarin. A group of moon elves affiliated with Clan Auzkovyn--a nomadic band of surface drow devoted to Vhaeraun and Eilistraee who dwelled in the forests of Cormanthor far to the east--had only just returned from a pilgrimage to a temple grove in the High Forest where the goddess was said to have manifested. Abdirak covertly eavesdropped on their conversation, discreetly passing the barkeep coin to ply them with ever stronger drink, in the hopes it would loosen their tongues. In the course of the evening, he learned the Eilistraeans conduced a sacred hunt the same night as the Loviatans were observing the Rite of Pain and Purity in the Gate. Not unusual, for as he knew, the passing of the seasons was marked with many such rites in many faiths, not merely his own. But, deep into their cups, Abdirak overheard them discussing the revel that followed the hunt, and a particular priestess from Menzoberranzan who craved pain and submission.

Abdirak seized upon the opportunity, casually introducing himself as one who knew much of pain, and wished to meet this priestess. But it seemed she was sent on an important mission by the high priestess, and none had heard from her since she left the forest.

He left the city at first light, intending to retrace her path to find any sign of her. But that first night on the road, he had the most vivid of his dreams of the drow maiden yet, and instinctively knew it was her: the anguissette. She danced into the shadows bearing a singing sword illuminating the darkness, reaching out with her hand; again, the Absolute's symbol shattered, leaving silver thorns. Abdirak awakened believing this meant her purpose was to destroy it, that this was his purpose, in finding her. He decided to change tactics then; for years and years he'd searched only to meet what seemed an impossible dead end. But if she were meant to destroy the Cult, infiltrating it to learn as much as he could would be invaluable; perhaps that mission she was sent on by her own temple was this very thing, and she was conducting her own investigation. Abdirak was still in Gortash's confidence, which would make gathering information rather trivial. He knew from their correspondence that the Cult had made a large encampment to the east, in the Western Heartlands, from which to conduct raids of the surrounding area.

And so he reached out to Gortash, claiming that he sought to aid him in his design, and offered to instruct the cultists on interrogation techniques. Gortash enthusiastically accepted, and invited him to the eastern encampment under the command of one Minthara Baenre, a drow general, to do so.

Thus, Abdirak came to dwell in the goblin camp. He observed as much as he dared, particularly when a group of adventurers had been abducted, chief among them an archdruid. And every night he dreamed of the anguissette; in his heart he knew she was drawing closer.

And then the fateful day came at last, while he was at his evening rites, that Gisèle walked in. He sensed her presence before he even saw her, and his heart soared; when he looked into her eyes and saw the turmoil within them, he knew her for what she was. He would have to test her, of course; but beyond even that, beyond what had become his life's work for the past fifteen years, an obsession that would utterly consume him, he was a priest of Loviatar and this was a woman before him who suffered greatly and needed the only solace he could provide. So he gave it, and a peace washed over him that he had never known--peace, and incalcuable pleasure. Loviatar's presence settled upon the chamber, so palpable; and Abdirak's heart sang, knowing he had found his anguissette at long last. But he grieved to learn she had been infected with one of the cult's tadpoles. Even were she not the one he had been seeking for half his life, Abdirak would have been incensed by it, as the removal of agency and free will it represented was the vilest of heresy to him.

In the end, Abdirak joined Gisèle's band of companions, teaching her all he could of the Sacred Pain and guiding her as her spiritual advisor, while vowing to save her from the ceremorphosis that was to be her fate. During their sojourn in the shadow cursed lands, he performed the long and arduous ritual of granting her Marque, the elaborate, unique back tattoo that was her birthright as Loviatar's chosen. But more than that, he became her lover, confidant, and friend. He helped her find the peace that had always alluded her, in acceptance of her nature; she had come to believe it a curse, but his ministrations, physical and otherwise, helped her to heal in ways even she did not know she needed. What she did not realize is that Abdirak saw much of his younger self in her, his absolute youngest self, fearful of the "darkness" within. In helping her to heal, he was healing his own childhood wounds.

But the mission was clear: Gortash had to be stopped, and Gisèle was the only one who could. Bane's Chosen would only be undone by Loviatar's, as Mother Vashara predicted. To that end, he told Gisèle all he knew of him. When they at last reached Baldur's Gate, Abdirak brought Gisèle to the Sanguine Thorn to meet Leilatha--and Lady Amaltheia, whom Abdirak had sent word to in Athkatla shortly before the companions embarked upon their journey to the Shadow Cursed Lands.

Amaltheia herself put Gisèle to the test, taking her to the pleasure dungeons before Abdirak and Leilatha, and declared her a true anguissette. But Abdirak, seemingly having achieved his calling at last, was still restless. Finding her was only the half of it, in truth; he vowed to see Mother Vashara's prophecy fulfilled in whole, and the Gate saved. But Leilatha strongly objected, arguing that Abdirak could have been misinterpreting the prophecies. She believed that the anguissette was meant to aid Gortash in his ascension, to serve as his consort even as Loviatar was once Bane's. In truth, Leilatha had invested quite heavily in Gortash's ventures, betting the temple's future upon his ascension to Archduke. 

In the end, Abdirak swayed Amaltheia to his side, with Gisèle's help, and she gave her blessing upon their endeavor. The Exalted Scourge ordered Leilatha to give Gisèle the full aid and backing of the Sanguine Thorn. Leilatha's ego was bruised mightily and she was infuriated by what she felt was the betrayal of her lifelong friend and companion. Despite Amaltheia's blessing, Leilatha did not trust Gisèle because she could not comprehend how Loviatar would cast aside Bane to conspire with Eilistraee, and believed Abdirak merely besotted by her.  Abdirak, for his part, knew through his heartseeing that Leilatha was merely lashing out because she felt foolish at having been used and taken in by Gortash, and Gisèle was a convenient scapegoat. He tried to make her see reason, but she refused, and they fought bitterly. But Gisèle intervened, and challenged her to seek Loviatar's will where Bane was concerned. She submitted to Leilatha's scourge, taking the brunt of her fury, and the truth of all was made clear to her. They reconciled, and Leilatha agreed to help them.

(Note: this storyline forms the Act 3 climax of Abdirak's companion quest, "The Willing Whip". If Gisèle chose not to intervene, Abdirak and Leilatha would have become bitter rivals, and Leilatha would have tried to assassinate Gisèle, Abdirak killing her in the attempt.)

Ultimately Gisèle accepted the alliance with Gortash when he offered it to her; Abdirak bore witness in the name of Loviatar, and deliberately fed his zealous belief that Gisèle was proof of his right to rule. It was with a smile as he watched her go with Gortash upon the assignation that would seal his fate. Though the part of him, the very human man who had fallen so deeply in love with her, feared greatly for Gisèle should her ulterior motives be exposed, Abdirak trusted in the geis to protect her: that should Bane's Chosen kill Loviatar's, he would suffer 10,000 years of torment. He had come this far by faith in the Scourge Mistress and he would not waver. He could not. And it was Abdirak who pled the case for her to their wary companions, and particularly to Karlach, who felt betrayed and could not understand why Gisèle would do such a thing. Abdirak's intervention with her was, in a sense, the mirror to what Gisèle had done for him with Leilatha. And so they accepted the plan.

Together they all aided Gisèle in her pursuit of Orin, and helped her retrieve the last of the netherstones.

Of course, Gortash could not control the brain even with all three stones, Gisèle saved his life, and he found himself stripped of his Bane-granted gifts. In the worst of his despair, Abdirak and Gisèle offered him the only solace they could. And she swayed him to her side, as she had always planned. As Loviatar wished--and Eilistraee. When Gisèle defied the Emperor in the Astral Plane by freeing Orpheus, and at last made an enemy of him, Abdirak was the first to step forward when it was stated only an illithid would be able to stop the brain then. Without hesitation, even knowing that by becoming an illithid he would lose his soul and be denied communion with Loviatar in death. In typical Abdirak fashion, however, the pain of such a notion he savored as one altogether fitting for a Sadique.

Gisèle immediately rejected it, in her typical fashion, of course. She rejected it out of hand, and vowed to find a way to destroy the brain without ceremorphosis being forced upon anyone she loved. 

Leilatha herself led a cadre of Lashes from the temple at the final push in the Upper City against the Netherbrain and the Emperor, as part of the forces Gisèle could call upon for aid. In the end, Gisèle was able to call upon the divine essence of her previous existence which lay dormant within, and harnessed the power of the crown, destroying the brain and freeing herself and everyone of the tadpoles once and for all.

His mission accomplished, Abdirak returned to the Sanguine Thorn, savoring the pain of separation from his beloved anguissette as a true priest of the Scourge Maiden, but content that he had fulfilled his life's purpose--one of them, at least. Administering the balm of pain to the penitent will always be his highest calling, and no one in the Gate has forgotten this unlikely hero's role in saving the city--or Loviatar's.

Skills:

Abdirak is a polyglot: he speaks Common of course, but also the High Calidrian dialect of Alzhedo (his mother's native tongue), and the Ruathen dialect of Illuskan (his father's native tongue), as well as Elven, Thayan, and the Dambraii liturgical language known as the Maiden's Tongue. He is also an expert in leatherworking and rope use.