#dear j.

To J., the soft words you never heard after the fallout.

It’s been four days,

since you’ve spoken,

four days since a text;

and suddenly losing you

for good

is real.

four days of pretending I’m okay

and crying when I realize

I absolutely am not,

Four days of anger, rage, wrath,

Silence, thinking,

Heartbreak...

I miss you.

My best friend

Who couldn’t be a lover.

My best friend

who could never be

my significant other.

Life right now is so strange,

and without you by my side

I can’t recognize myself

anymore.

it’s confusing, it’s hurtful, it’s strange and

Without you

It will never be the same.

My dreams with you

were never meant to be,

but despite everything

I miss you,

Your stubble under my fingers and

the way you’d look at me

right before you’d learn in and

take my breath away,

With every new detail that I discover about you, it becomes another reason for me to fall. But at the same time, it also becomes another reason for me to keep my distance. It reminds me of stolen daydreams and the admiration from afar that I had promised myself to keep.