#dear batman

Central Square, Holiday Market, Cider Stand Dear Batman, Did you always know? When I see you on TV or in the news you always look so sure of yourself. You’re always mid-blow, so sure of where your fist is headed. Or at a photo op, looking so sure that you don’t want to be there. I used to envy that sureness so much. When I was a kid, I used to practice fighting the way you do. I used to envision my fist connecting perfectly. It was calming. I think I was more sure of myself then than I am now. The future felt like clenching and unclenching a fist. Was it like that for you? 5 year olds now, they know with complete solidity that they’ll be you. That they are you. A 5 year old picked a fight with me once because I was wearing a sweater with your symbol on it. “That’s mine,” he said, “I’m Batman, you’re SPIDERGIRL the JOCKER I HATE YOU” and then he kicked the air, sort of. He was so sure. He was so entirely sure I worried I was writing letters to some 5 year old in Reeboks and not the much more reasonable guy who dresses up like an animal to fist fight in the inner city. I was shaken. “Sorry,” I apologized, “I’m just a big fan, Batman. I like you a lot so I wear a sweater. That doesn’t make any sense but--”. “You’re Shrek,” he replied. And then his mom dragged him off the bus. But he knew he was Batman because you knew. When I clench my fist now, I don’t know anything. I feel like I’m holding a bunch of jumbled words together, hoping they’ll get balled up into something useful. Were you his age when you knew you’d be Batman? In high school? Before the SATs or after? Was it a relief? I only just found out the SAT is a scam. For years, so much of my worth was tied up in that. I paid money to take the exam twice. I cried.  If I knew it didn’t matter from the beginning, that the SAT would have nothing to do with my Punching Criminals in the Jaw career plan, I’d be relieved. I don’t think it was like that for you. Maybe you did really well on the SAT and could have become anything and gone anywhere. Maybe your Batdad forced you into a Batvocational school so that you could inherit the (bat)family business. Or maybe not. Anyway, the SAT didn’t have anything to do with what I wanted to be either. Do you think people find happiness once they’re sure of themselves? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you really happy, but that probably comes with the territory. It’s something to consider, though. Smiling Batman? That’s terrifying. Love Sincerely, SPIDERGIRL THE JOCKER (Shrek)

D Line, Grand Street, MetroPass Vending Machine Dear Batman, Man, I hope you’re not anywhere near the subway today. The trains are pretty gummed up thanks to your last beef with Killer Croc and you could cut the tension in here with a knife.  Every single time we stall in a tunnel there’s an en masse sucking of teeth. Two guys just spat on the floor of the train car. Babies have bypassed crying altogether and have moved straight into vacantly staring into an invisible abyss. We are all 10 minutes late. It’s not that this is a huge divergence from the routine on weekends, but everyone’s got a target now: You, mostly. I don’t mind so much, to be honest. Depending on where I’m going this is probably the most relaxing part of my day. I like trains. There’s comfort in the roar of a train pulling into the station, the rush of wind. I like to hide in the window seat. No one notices me in that corner, but I can see everything. Most of the trains look exactly the same, but I know which ones are mine down to the exact car. I know if I fall asleep I’ll wake up just in time to catch my stop. And one day, if I need to, I can just keep going and going. And I never have to come back. Years ago someone carved PRAY into the seat in front of my corner. When I run my finger along the letters I feel what a gun owner must feel, pistol tucked away under a mattress. Or maybe what the upper middle class feels, with their health insurance and disposable income. The carving is messy and sharp and a little frantic, and some days the PRAY looks a little more desperate than others. I do, sometimes. To what, I don’t know. Anyway, it’s nice to have small tokens of comfort sometimes. I hope you have that, or find that. If you want to try the trains instead of the Batmobile one day I can teach you how to balance without even needing the poles. You know, when this all blows over. -Friday

D Line, Gotham Stadium Station-Uptown Dear Batman, Is there a superhero Facebook? Do you ever get a message from someone you knew in high school? Someone smart and funny, who was your friend and could be your friend right now, but they aren’t. And there’s no real reason they aren’t. I think this is the kind of thing people are talking about when they say “things are too different now”. But I’m not that different. I’m the same height (short), the same weight (skinny), and in the same place (economically destroyed). If anything I’m too much of the same. Why doesn’t anyone just say “time happened”? I’ve been staring at a blank message screen for 20 minutes. She ended it with “hope you’re doing well” and now that’s all I can think to say. Here’s my draft. Do me a favor, take a red pen to it and leave me the corrections in this general area: Hey [Redacted]! It’s so great to hear from you! I hope you’re doing well. I’m so glad I used to know you and wish the very idea of knowing you again as the human you’ve become combined with the human you used to be didn’t make me a little sick. The convergence of your past and present self is beautiful. It makes you. It’s been nearly 7 years since I last saw you. That’s so many new cells! That’s a brand new person. That’s an entire rebirth of you. I want to celebrate new you. I want to buy new you an expensive coffee like an adult, but mostly I’d like to get through mulling over the idea of talking to you without breaking into a sweat. It’s hard, [Redacted]! I used to lay in bed some nights listening to my own heart beat, following the throb until I could hear it in my own head (co-qui. Co-qui.). Until I could feel my own blood moving. It felt good to feel time pass. To do nothing. Just to be a part. But time was on our side back then. Now I’m not so sure. Now things are super [swear word] awkward. Did you mean to do this to me? Did you think “Wow, that feeling you get when you walk directly into someone walking in the opposite direction of you, but every time you try to correct yourself, the other person’s moved in the exact same direction? I LOVE IT. How do I make that a part of us in a way that I can’t take back, old chum?” Anyway, hope you’re doing well! It’s good to hear things are great and I hope they’re going great! Haha, you’re so right about [Redacted], by the way! I bet that place hasn’t changed at all. Hope you’re doing well! -Friday I’m not really in a good place to see where I went wrong. I’m pretty sure it gets repetitive, but I keep covering my face the closer I get to looking at the page. I don’t think this kind of thing happens with you and the Justice League (maybe the JLI?), so you’re probably distant enough from the situation to see what went wrong. Anyway, hope you’re doing well! -Friday