Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 3, Episode 13, Part 1, Aka Pickle- Gate
Lorelai and Rory are informing the Grands about their plans to traverse Europe after Rory graduates.
Two screen shots with incredible future meme potential. Emily: Richard, they want to sleep in a park like a couple of squirrels! What are people going to think when they see a grown woman bunking down with a bunch of 20 year olds? Lorelai regularly bunks down with a certain 18 year old boy here at home, soo... Time to prove me right, Predictable Gilmore!
Speaking of squirrels..
Hey look everyone, it's Dean. Let's point and laugh at him. Ha ha! He looks so stupid! LOL! I hope he takes his helmet off and a chunk of cinderblock falls on his head and renders him permanently comatose! lmao! Please tell me this is the episode where Dean asks Jess for extra pickles so Jess threatens to filet him and dump his lifeless body in a ditch.
Okay Patricia, I'm going to need you to chill. And where is my barf bucket? Time to simultaneously cross off "Miss Patty is Horny" and "Dean and Jess Sexual Tension" off my episode Bingo card (which I've been spotty about remembering to complete).
You know, the general sentiment seems to be that Miss Patty is absolutely slaying, but if she thinks this doofwad is worth wasting that pickup line on. it's likely she hasn't actually gotten laid in years. Or she might want to get checked for cataracts.
Jesus. Patty and Lorelai should both be on some kind of sex offender registry.
Oh Lucas. You sure know how to make a girl swoon.
Luke: This book just talks about fancy tablecloths and dish design and nothing about the food. Jess: You're going through a lot for this lawyer. Luke: She's not just a lawyer, she's also a lady, a very nice lady who probably expects good food on fancy plates and sparse yet elegant decor. This is what you do when you're dating.
Okay, sooo, no good food, fancy plates or elegant decor for Rory. Got it. Here's what Jess and Rory eat from:
IT'S PICKLE TIME!
Let's keep score, shall we? Of who comes out on top (snicker snicker) in this interaction.
This might be the one and only great snappy comeback that AmyShermanPalladino has ever assigned to the character of Dean. Dean delivers a brutal verbal blow. Jess is not completely unphased. He's clearly a bit shooketh, but probably just because Dean is hella annoying and is invading his personal space. He lets it go. 1 point to Dean. In Dean's defense, it wasn't actually that lengthy an order, certainly not "an order for the entire state of Connecticut" as Jess calls it (it was only 6 burgers) but it shouldn't have been a problem for Jess if he were just writing it down like the good little diner monkey he is. No points added or subtracted for either fella. Dean didn't really didn't do anything wrong, and Jess should have been doing his job.
Half a point to Jess for this quip. Could have used a little more spice, but a solid effort.
AMAZING. Calling Jess a female while also observing the job he does. 1 point to Dean because I started imagining Jess in a 50's diner waitress getup after that. Dean is at 2, Jess is at .5. Come on dude, you gotta catch up.
MEOW! Dean is on fire! With homoerotic longing, that is. Aching, yearning, crushing. Another point award to Dean, who stands at 3 points and Jess stagnates at a measly .5. Okay, okay, I'll bump the "Taylor's Errand Boy" quip up to a full point. 3 to 1.
Luke is lucky this place existed before Yelp reviews were a thing.
Half a point for Jess doing the bare minimum and writing down the order, and also because he's a cutie patooty. Dean stands at 3, Jess at 1.5.
Okay, when Dean first gave the order, it stood at a reasonable six burgers. It's now ballooned to over 15 overly complicated sandwiches, PLUS four hot dogs, two salads, five fries, five onion rings, an order of pickles, and a partridge in a pear tree. Half a point back to Jess, because he's been bamboozled and this order is truly fucking insane. This is why online ordering was invented. Lacking that, you don't just pull up to a restaurant and place an insane order like this on the spot. You call ahead, Dean Boy. It's just good manners, which you are sorely lacking. Even if he can write down the order, who's going to cook all this stuff so quickly? You know this place is woefully understaffed and Luke and Caesar are the only two people who cook for this entire place. 3 to 2.
Damn, Dean! You're really killing it today. Making up for all those years of hilariously stupid "You're the one who's going" and "you're wearing a tie" insults. Metaphorically killing it, that is. Jess is doing some actually killing. You should be scared. 4 for Dean vs 2 for Jess.
He's killed before and he's killed again Dean. Do you want to end up like Shane, Dean? This is how you end up like Shane. You might not be so lucky to be reincaranted after your death as a graceful yet vengeful bloodthirsty swan either. You should probably back down and take your order to Denny's instead. Due to the sheer insanity of threatening to filet a customer over some pickles ,Jess wins, of course.
AN UNEXPECTED NOPE! Bless. D: These men work for Taylor which means if you get it wrong they're going to send it back. You could be making this order until you die. (psssst, Dean, you know Jess isn't actually the one cooking the food, right? You goof a doof. This is only going to be a burden on poor Caesar I guess because Luke just skedaddled a few minutes ago). Also, both of you will have the good fortune to escape Stars Hollow and probably not die there. Rory, on the other hand. J: (with a knowing, homocidal smirk): Reads back entire order.
