#deadpoolsmut

I have a story that will contain more chapters of this one shot on Wattpad, puhleseee check it out bruvs 😛

My Wattpad user: t0x1c_TraSh

/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿⠀⊹ 𖥔 ⌖ : ̗̀⁍/Music plays off of a small radio on the side of you, as you draw an elephant with shitty crayons on a blank piece of paper in your lap. You hum to the soft tune of fireworks by Katy Perry playing softly in the background.

screams of people and loud commotion are heard down at the burger mart parking lot. You take a small peak down the off the roof and come to see a giant elephant throwing shit around screaming incoherent bullshit. Sighing you shake your head.

"Oh hello there! Didn't see you." You smile at the audience.

"As you can see, I was kicked to the curb, like a sad little puppy, as the big daddies fight aliens, they decided to take me, Deadpool by the way, and make me calm a vegan elephants tantrum! Fucked up right?!" You huff shaking your head. "Anyways, immortal if you're watching this, this one is for you." You grab the camera pressing a fat kiss to the lens.

Standing up on the burger mart roof you lean back cracking your spine and neck. "Alright! Maximum effort." You jump off the roof flipping until you hit the floor in front of Mr.Fluffy.

"Oh you got your big guns out today!! yeah bud!?" You sassed at the man dressed up as a cute little elephant.

"SHUT IT YOU PRICK!" The elephant screams.

"Yeah well, what's your name!?" You yell back from across the burger restaurants parking lot. People stare at you with questioning gazes.

"Can you stop being an asshole and get this over with already." You hear immortal groan in your ear piece.

"Shh, we don't wanna hear it minor lover!" You sass.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?! WILSON WHEN YOU GET BACK IM GOING TO-"

You rip the ear piece out throwing it aside, allowing it to get ran over by a random car. Pulling down your mask you zone back into the fluffy cute elephant throwing metal benches at civilians just trying to enjoy their food.

"NONE OF YOU WOULD EAT A DOG! WHY IS A COW ANY DIFFERENT." He yells pointing at everyone. "IF I CAN SURVIVE ON A ALL PLANT DIET, SO. CAN. YO-" his 'evil monologue' gets cut off by an ice cream cone being thrown at his face.

The elephant turns to see you giggling with some ten year old.

"BOOYAH!!!" You yell.

"Thanks for the cone kid," reaching into your suit pocket, you hand him a fifty dollar bill. "Go buy yourself something nice."

"Hey! You assho-"

"Zip it fluffy!! I'm about to do to you what limpbizkit did to music, in the late nineties." You say reaching behind your back for both of your katanas while sprinting at him.

He hollers a guttural scream picking up another metal bench throwing it right at your fucking face. Sliding you twist your body slicing the bench in half with both of your swords.

Mr.Fluffy stomps his foot sending a shockwave throughout the whole parking lot, throwing you back into a giant bus.

Groaning you shake your head. "Effing-A, not nice Mr.fluffy! Not nice at all!" You yell coughing up blood.

"I'm about to fucking Bruce Lee your ass!" You scream running up to him, Jumping up and drop kicking him in his chest with both legs. He gets thrown back into the window of burger mart. Hundreds of people start screaming, running out the hole in the restaurant.

You skip in the giant hole in the glass, kicking dust and broken shards all over the floor.

You see Mr fluffy laid out on the floor.

"Hey! I'm not done yet, wake up fluffy!" You scream in horror kicking him in his rib cage. The elephant grabs onto your ankle throwing you to the side making you crash into a bunch of stacked up burger buns.

"Ha! Sticked the landing this tim-" Fluffy cuts me off by picking me up by my head with one hand slamming my face into the metal counters until it engraved into the actual fucking metal.

"Shut. The. Fuck. UP!" The elephant yells as he continually slams my face into the counter.

I reach to the side quickly turning on the burger grill. Throwing my head back hitting him in his chin, I turn and grab the neck of his fuck ass but adorable costume throwing his face into the sizzling greased grill.

He screams in pain as his face starts to melt off, making the whole place smell like plastic.

"Yeah! How do you like it fuck face!!" I scream throwing him back into the wall. He flys back making another giant hole into the wall. He slides against the pavement until he comes to a short stop.

You walk over sitting on his back cross cross applesauce. As the police arrive shortly.

"Oh hello there!? Decided to finally join the party yeah?" You say with your mask half off munching down on a cold burger.

"Can you please get off the suspect. We need to take him in for questioning."

"Fuck!" You hold your heart looking at Cecil. "You fucking witch, stop popping out like that!" You point at him throwing your burger over your back.

He holds the bridge of his nose feeling irritation creeping up his spine already. He's only been in your presence for five minutes.

"Just shut the fuck up and head over to Guardians HQ, now." Cecil states in his usual brooding manner.

"Whatever you say Voldemort."

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🍓୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🍓 ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🍓୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🍓

"Sup fuckers!" You yell kicking the door open with your foot. Rex immediately bounces up giving you a high five. "Y'all miss me?" You muse at the people who ignored you ever since you stepped foot in the place.

"No, you're annoying as fuck." Dupli-Kate says with a snarl.

You point at her throwing an arm around Rex, though he was way taller than you, you were only about 5'7.

"You shut the fuck up, your fucking someone who amounts to the age of Father Christmas." You sass.

Rex snorts throwing his head back in laughter.

"That has nothing to do with you." Kate seethes.

"WILSON!" Immortal screams while flying really, and I mean really fucking fast towards you. You scream throwing Rex in front of you.

Bulletproof flys first holding immortal back by his chest. As black Samson holds his arms back pinned behind him.

"Oh you need anger management, immediately!" You yell pointing at him.

"You fucking dim-witted, annoying, insufferable, irritating, waste. Of. Chromosomes." Immortal yells thrashing against his restraints.

"I will eat you and fucking shit you out, like thanksgiving evening, you pedophile!" You scream back while hiding behind Rex again.

"That's enough!" You hear Cecil yell throughout the hq. "I come back and you both are arguing like four year olds, get a grip!"

"He started it." You huff.

"You, shut the fuck up, I've had enough for today." Cecil groans.

"Listen take the day off, relax, you all need it." Cecil says shaking his head. "And clean this place up, it smells like a kids gym and Fritos in here!" He then puts his hand in his pockets disappearing into wherever the fuck he goes.

"Jeez girl, you really know how to tic people off." Rex praises.

I shrug my shoulders. "Learn from the best, one day you will be as good as I." You whisper clapping him on the back.

"Alright! Time for papi to take a shower!" You throw up a peace sign walking down the hall to the locker rooms. You take off your suit looking down at the many bruises and cuts healing before your eyes.

You step into the shower groaning at the feeling of your overworked muscles loosening at the hot water. walking back to your room in the guardian's hq, sighing as your eyes start to droop.

Opening your door you see none other than unicorns and chimichangas all around the walls and bedsheets as well as nyan cat stuffed animals.

It's like if a unicorn fucked el chapo until the sun came up.

You throw on your white heart boxers and a off white T shirt that says 'chimichanga slut' on the front.

You weren't the usual beauty standard, your face has a jagged scar running from your left eye down ur lip and to your jaw. Your left eye was glossed over in a white marble color due to the damage you got from the GDA's tests on making your dumbass super human.

Fucked up isn't it. At least it isn't your whole body that's messed up, shit you couldn't imagine it.

You lay back on your bed pulling up your pink unicorn bed covers. Pulling down your nyan-cat face mask. You laid back falling unconscious to a dreamless sleep.