#deadloxie

well there was some person named valerie that i used to talk to on tumblr when i was askfemalesky. we would roleplay all the time, talk all the time, we were best friends for about half a year, then we eventually stopped talking and i moved on when more rp blogs were created for MCYTers.

i used to talk with a person named pixelgamer07 around the same time as val. he was cool and we’d talk pretty often but not as often as i did with valerie. we’d roleplay and discuss things and our friendship drifted off a little after valerie.

and there was another alex i was friends with (i think that was his name) and he was really into startrek :P our friendship stretched out and we had some weird crossover thing. it was strange. but he was fun to roleplay with, even if he wasnt as advanced as i was :P

and there was a person named askfemlox, then femlox, then it was deadloxie. we talked a bit since she was an ask female deadlox blog and i was an ask female sky blog. we roleplayed when i was nooby and we eventually stopped roleplaying after a while. id figured she was too advanced for me and she had a lot of AU’s i couldnt catch up with so we stopped talking. i dont know where she is now.

and the old askmunchingbrotato was cool too!! we’d roleplay a lot and talk a lot and it was awesome. we’d come up with all sorts of cool things and it was just cool in general. i cherish that person a lot because i admired their skill and looked up to them.

and the askteenssundee (whom is now thetiniestfuck) was around the longest and we still talk from time to time. we had an interesting experience, and they were pretty fun to be around because they had a lot of interesting roleplay partners. things got weird every so often though, but they were really cool!! and still are!!

well technically he's not boy or girl but he's in my life sooooo

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? 

im trying to think who last hurt me?? the most recent arguments i've been in have been over shit that was my fault so they didnt really hurt me....idk tbh

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” 

regret

4: What’s something you really want right now? 

probably like to cuddle someone idkkk

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

nah 

6: Do you like the beach? 

yeah

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? 

yeah this summer, but not in like a sex way more in like a 'it's one am and there is no fucking way we're actually going to be able to get through this episode of doctor who is there'

8: What’s the background on your cell? 

a picture of my dog

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? 

my own, the extra bed upstairs, my sister's, and um idk

10: Do you like your phone? 

yeah, it's kind of old though so the battery dies pretty quickly

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? 

this is such a vague question wtf. like, in life? or??

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? 

ummm im not sure probably one of my friends

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? 

rottweiler

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? 

idk tbh

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? 

zoo maybe?

16: Are you tired? 

yeah

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? 

about 2 years?

18: Are they a relative? 

no

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? 

i dont have any exes

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

i've never kissed anyone 

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? 

ehhhh

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? 

see #20

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? 

1, plus a hair tie

24: Is there a certain quote you live by? 

not really

25: What’s on your mind? 

a lot of stuff at the moment, most importantly makishima in 80s fashion

26: Do you have any tattoos? 

nope

27: What is your favorite color? 

purple

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? 

idk?

29: Who are you texting? 

no one

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? 

see 20

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? 

all the time

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? 

eh

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? 

i hope

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? 

not that i can remember

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? 

see 20

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

yup 

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed? 

fuck these kiss questions

38: What do your friends call you? 

rachel or rae mostly

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? 

yeah

40: Have you ever cried over a text? 

i dont really text that often but i've cried over chat/skype messages before

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

i have like infinite bruises on my legs 

42: What is it from? 

fuck if i know

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? 

at school

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? 

my mom

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

yeah, my green converse and my brown ankle length combat boots 

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? 

no, i just put my hair up

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? 

noo

48: Do you make supper for your family? 

nah man i cant even microwave hot chocolate without fucking up

49: Does your bedroom have a door? 

yessss

50: Top 3 web-pages? 

tumblr, facebook, gmail probably

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? 

yeah, my sister

52: Does anything on your body hurt? 

my right elbow bc i've been leaning on it weirdly, and my neck is kinda sore

53: Are goodbyes hard for you? 

yessss

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? 

fucking mountain dew

55: How is your hair? 

annoying as fuck and usually gross and frizzy

56: What do you usually do first in the morning? 

cry

57: Do you think two people can last forever? 

what

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? 

i was in fucking 4th grade, so yes

59: Green or purple grapes? 

bothhhh

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? 

i dunno

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? 

not really

62: When will be the next time you text someone? 

i dont fucking know

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? 

in my bed

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning. 

sleeping lol

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? 

yep, and it was the same person who i currently like

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

more than one actually 

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? 

no

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? 

fuck i fucked up the hot chocolate i hope my parents dont find out

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? 

yesss

70: How many windows are open on your computer? 

like 20 whoops

71: How many fingers do you have? 

ummm, 10???

72: What is your ringtone? 

just the Verizon default bc im lazy

73: How old will you be in 5 months? 

17

74: Where is your Mum right now? 

asleep i think

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? 

....i am with him thou

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? 

no

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? 

well considering my only friends back then were kira, nikki and alexx and we're still friends, yes

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? 

i dont think i had a crush on anyone in 7th grade

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? 

yeah, my math teacher and this really annoying guy in my comp sci class

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? 

nooooooo i wish

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? 

like 2 idk

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? 

no, unless u count my dog

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? 

yeah

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? 

i dont drink

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

no, as long as they didnt try to pressure me into doing it and it didnt negatively affect our relationship 

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? 

well it was a date sooooooo idk

87: Who was your last received call from? 

my mom

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? 

fuck no

89: What is something you wish you had more of? 

self confidence?? maybe??

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? 

yeah

91: Do you sleep with your window open? 

no

92: Do you get along with girls?

i dont really get along with most people, but yeah its mostly girls that i do get along with

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? 

what

94: Does sex mean love? 

nooo

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? 

havent kissed anyone

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? 

still havent kissed anyone

97: Did you sleep alone this week? 

yeah

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? 

yep

99: Do you believe in love at first sight? 

not really

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

1. boyfriend/girlfriend/relationship: im currently dating alexx joutacujoh and well it’s my first relationship (even thou it’s technically queerplatonic and not actually romantic buut) and idk what to say other than jesus fucking christ we are the biggest fucking nerds but we’re pretty damn cute at least in my opinion

2. fandom: well my first thing that i was obsessed with was harry potter, from third grade to present. when i was in elementary school i was sooo obsessed and i was too young for the internet but i would read all the books so many times and it was a big deal seeing the movies bc they were the only PG 13 movies i was allowed to watch until i was like 15. i remember in like 3rd or 4th grade i used to pretend i was in the harry potter universe and it wasnt even like pretending i was harry or hermione or w/e i just pretended my school was hogwarts and like the swing set was the quidditch pitch and the cafeteria was the great hall and long story short i had no friends. 

3. memory from childhood: i have a pretty bad memory tbh but i do remember when i was like 3 or 4 and my sister was 1 or 2 and we were in the bathtub together and then my mom took us out of the bathtub and we had these little stools in the bathroom with our names on them and she would sit us on the stools after the bath and brush our teeth.

4. kiss: haven’t had one yet lol

5. crush: oh jeez. well i’m not gonna count my best friends william and nikhil from 4th grade bc i didnt actually have a crush on them i just thought i was going to be required to marry one of them. and i was pretty sheltered in elementary school and even middle school so i guess my first crush was alexx in like sophomore year? shit man i think it was. well either him or the random freshman from my math class when i was a sophomore but i think alexx came first actually. shit

6. best friend: i guess technically it would be this girl nicole who i was best friends with in elementary school even thou that only lasted like 2 years. every time i would go over to her house we would pretend to go to bed when her mom put us to bed at like 8 and then we would stay up till midnight and sneak into her brother’s room and watch arthur. and sometimes my mom would make my sister come with me when i went to her house (not on sleepovers though) and we would play this game where me and nicole were 16 year old twin sisters and my sister was our annoying toddler sister who we had to take care of and we would act the way we thought teenagers acted (keep in mind we were like 7) so we shared a boyfriend named james and we did “calculus” and shit. oh man i forgot about nicole we were such good friends like we would take like baths together and shit and one time in first grade my family went to this cabin in the mountains with her family and our parents went skiing but we were too young so we played in the snow and shit

7. time traveling out of my own city/state/country: shit i don’t actually remember it i was a baby at the time bc my mom traveled all over for her job and sometimes she would bring me on her business trips

8. day of school/work this year: i dont really remember the details tbh all i know is everyone was super confused bc our school completely changed the schedule on us and no one knew what classes we were supposed to go to and how long they were supposed to last and stuff

9. celebrity crush: ummmm i think i might’ve had a crush on daniel radcliffe for a while like back in 4th or 5th grade when i was absolutely obsessed with harry potter

10. website I was addicted to: oh man oh man in like 5th grade me and my sister were OBSESSED with webkinz we had like 20 each and one summer my mom did a “summer reading challenge” with us where for every like 1000 pages we read we got a webkinz and we ended up with so many of them. and like my parents didnt let us on the computer that often but we were begging for more computer time so my mom was like “fine if you get up at 5:30 am you’ll get a half an hour each” thinking that we would be like ‘nah forget it’ but let me tell you we were DETERMINED children we woke up at the asscrack of dawn every single morning just to play webkinz and we’d spend like 15 minutes fighting over who got the computer first

11. experience with failure: oh shit umm i think i might’ve like gotten a D in penmanship in like 1st grade and my parents were pissed at me bc in all other areas of my report card i was like off the charts bc i was a fucking genius child and look at me now i wonder where all that intelligence went or alternately my first experience with serious failure was in 9th grade when my history teacher assigned us a take home test and gave us like a week to do it but i procrastinated until the night before and then i couldnt get it done so i told my mom the teacher only gave us a day to do it so she probably wouldn’t be surprised if people didnt finish but then i got an F and my mom found out that we actually had a week bc she emailed the teacher saying it was unfair that she expected the kids to do it all in a day and MAN was my mom angry. it was at the end of the year too so my third trimester grade in that class was like a C- or something but i managed to pull like a B+ overall bc i somehow got a 97% on the final exam

12. experience with success: uhhhh i cant remember tbh i guess u could say the time when i was 8 that i wrote a poem and my parents thought it was so good they made me submit it to some kids magazine and then it got published in the magazine and yeah that was pretty cool i guess???

13. date: my first date was a few weeks ago yoooooo. it was with alexx and it was the day after my birthday and we went to the mall and saw guardians of the galaxy and it was really great

14. time I had sex (if ever): lol nope never had sex

15. enemy/rival at something: ummm idk about rivals but i had quite a few enemies in elementary school. like this girl in 4th grade named kara who was jealous of my friendship with william and nikhil (i think she had like a crush on william or something??) so she would openly diss me and be really rude to me and she’d plan sleepover parties and then uninvite me to them after she’d already invited me and i was so confused why she was doing all that like i just wanted to play dinosaurs with william and listen to nikhil talk about star wars and sci fi and shit i didnt want to deal with this bullshit

16. time I got bullied (or bullied someone): i actually cant remember the first time (and i think i’ve unconsciously suppressed most of my memories of elementary school for this reason) but i mean there was kara and then in 5th and 6th grade there was this girl named jennifer who i was friends with bc my school was really small so there was literally no one else available to be friends with and jennifer was the meanest fucking person. this friend group was me, jennifer, this girl ellie who was nice on her own but was a total pushover so when she was with jennifer she would allow jennifer to throw her under the bus and wouldnt stand up for me ever, and this other girl melina who was really weird and jennifer acted like she hated more than she hated me but i think she actually didnt mind melina as much. there’s probably more but yeah my elementary school days were pretty fucked up man i’ve seen some things

17. time drinking/smoking/doing drugs: lol i’ve never done anything

18. time I lost a friend: i guess it would be in 3rd grade when me and nicole stopped being friends but it wasnt really like a fight or anything we just kind of grew apart

19. breakup: never had a breakup

20. time I questioned my sexuality/gender identity (if ever): wellllllll funny story about that. basically in freshman year when i started going on the internet more often but i was still super clueless about sexuality and shit i met alexx on this young justice OC website. it was fine at first, we became friends and he educated me a little about sexuality and gender and shit but i never really thought about it in terms of me, only like in terms of who he was. then in like sophomore year as we were starting to become closer friends i was thinking about hypothetical situations (bc i do that a lot) and for some reason i started thinking, “what if alexx asked me out? and then i was in love with him? that would probably make me gay” but at this point it was still hypothetical and i went around for a few months comfortably thinking that alternate universe me was gay and in love with alexx. until one day i realized: i fucked up big time. and i had accidentally developed an actual crush on alexx, plus i was actually gay. it all kinda went downhill from there and here i am. 

21. award or achievement I got: ummmm i guess that poem i got published when i was 8 would count??? idk

22. serious injury I had: i’ve never really had any serious injuries, except for like twisting my ankle at soccer practice last year but that’s not really exciting sooo

23. time I fell in love: see number 20

24. video game I beat: i think it was professor layton and the curious village? idk man i’m awful at video games

25. car: i dont drive (even thou i could’ve had my license a year ago lol)

26. tattoo or piercing: i got my ears pierced when i was 9 i think. we were on vacation in san francisco and my whole family got sick with a stomach bug or something over the course of the week and this day my dad was too sick to go anywhere but my mom and sister and i were fine and we were really bored and my sister had been really wanting to get her ears pierced so she convinced my mom to take us to the mall and get our ears pierced. and i was a wimp and i cried

27. pet: i had a fish in like 3rd grade that actually lasted pretty long considering we never remembered to feed it. and then like my freshman year i think i got 2 rats who were so fucking cute and mine was named ivy and he was really fat and scared of everything and my sisters was ace and he was smaller but like really sweet. ivy died of pneumonia when he was like a year and a half and ace actually survived until this summer even though he was pretty sick for most of the time after ivy died. god i love rats so much i miss them oh god they were the cutest

28. street/neighborhood/town I lived in: well i’ve lived in the same place all my life and like i don’t really know anyone on my street/neighborhood bc my house is at the bottom of a long driveway off of the street so the only neighbors we know are the ppl who live at the top of the driveway and then like one of the houses next to ours i think my mom somehow knows the people there??? idk but i know that the house behind ours (like they share a back fence with us i think) has a registered sex offender apparently and i hear him yelling at his kids all the time. and my town is like a small beachy surfer type town which is pretty nice actually even thou im pretty sure my family are the only ppl here who don’t ever surf

29. time I got in serious trouble for something: well idk if this counts as serious but in 2nd grade my teacher hated me and she would always send me to the principal’s office for stupid things so my principal knew me as the poor girl who Mrs. Dunnum had decided to prey on this year. and one time she sent me to the principal’s office but forgot to send someone to come pick me up after an hour or w/e so i was literally sitting in there the entire fucking day

30. time I did something illegal: shit um i guess downloading music counts??????? idkkkk

31. experience with death: idk if this is saying a time i almost died or time someone i know died but apparently when i was like 2 my family was in new york visiting grandparents and we were in a grocery store or department store or something and i was sitting in the shopping cart and i stood up bc i was a dumb kid and fell backwards out of the cart and landed on my head and apparently my parents were really worried i had a concussion or something but i was fine

32. time I learned that Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny wasn’t real: fun story about this actually. even though my family is jewish we used to celebrate christmas when i was little. not really the jesus part more the presents part, like i think my parents just did it so that my sister and i wouldnt feel left out when all the other kids were getting christmas presents. they got us channukah presents too and then when i was like 7 or 8 they eventually decided that enough was enough so they sat me and my sister down and told us that santa wasnt real and since we were jewish we werent going to get christmas presents anymore bc jews arent really on board with the whole jesus thing, and they made us like swear on our lives that we wouldnt tell our friends santa wasnt real

33. house I lived in: well i’ve lived in the same house all my life and there’s not really much to say about it idk? it’s just a fucking house i dk

34. word: straw????? apparently??????????

35. time I discovered something important about myself: uhhhh i guess my sexuality would fall under that category???? or like last year when i figured out i was autistic bc i read a meta about sherlock having aspergers and i thought ‘that kind of sounds like me’ so i read up on it and then when i asked my parents about it they said that i had been diagnosed with aspergers when i was 5 but they never actually planned on telling me for some reason

36. role model: i actually have no idea like i dont really have people that i consider role models

37. time I was betrayed by someone: shit i have no idea i mean im sure a lot of my “friends” in elementary school (read: jennifer and co) probably betrayed me a lot but i dont remember the details

38. time I learned about sex/got the “talk”: i actually never got the talk. my parents had the philosophy that if they didnt tell me about things (sex, swear words, etc) then i would never find out which is complete bullshit and utterly false. i think the first time i really learned about sex was in middle school when we had sex ed, but like i didnt really know much about it until 9th grade when fucking kira deadloxie forced me to read sladin porn (i actually enjoyed it even though it was so fucked up there was like pedophilia and gross abuse and the whole thing was non con and ewwww i regret my 9th grade self so much)

39. sports team I was on: i played pee wee t ball when i was 4. i dont really remember it thou. and i started playing soccer in kindergarten and the coach of my team happened to be the dad of this girl in my class who now is like one of the top athletes in the country or something and has a lacrosse scholarship to like an ivy league school i think

40. club I was in: i dont really remember tbh i guess like in 8th grade i was in this community service club at school. i dont really remember the club at all, just that it was led by my history teacher and me and my friends were the only members and that was just because we hung out in his room every day after school so he would just hold the meeting with us since we were already there.

41. thing I wanted to be when I grew up: i know i wanted to be a writer for most of my life but i dont really remember when i decided that. idk

42. job: i’ve never had a paying job, although i have volunteered at a few different art camps every summer since like middle school

43. school: my elementary school was this really weird tiny private school that went kindergarten through 8th grade but everyone left after 6th (including me) so i think my grade’s graduating class only had like 5 people in it. 

44. concert I went to: i’ve never been to a concert, unless u count like the wiggles when i was like 4

45. play/musical I went to: oh man oh man when i was like 7 or 8 i went to new york to visit my grandma and she took us to see the lion king on broadway and it was soooo good oh my god i still remember it really vividly it was so great

46. time I did something serious that I regretted: shit i….i honestly dont remember i have no fucking clue i cant really think of too many seriously bad things i’ve done IDKKkkk

47. time being on stage: at my elementary school every year from kindergarten until 5th grade there was a play and everyone had to have a role in it so they would always do rly dumb things like my 4th grade play was snow white and we had 4 snow whites and like 14 dwarfs. my kindergarten play was “are you my mother” and i was a white flower and there were 3 other kids who were flowers of other colors and we all had little flower headbands and we stood in a bedframe and when the kid who was playing the baby bird or whatever came over to us my line was “i’m a white flower” and i remember being super jealous of the girl who got 2 lines bc she got to say what color flower she was AND she got to be the one who said “we’re not your mother”

48. favorite band: i guess it would have to be linkin park lol. i started listening to them in like freshman year i think and i still really love them a lot bc deep inside im still an angsty 13 year old loser who hates everything

49. time I didn’t want to be alive anymore: shit i’ve never really actually been suicidal or anything but i guess starting junior year when i started being really stressed and my anxiety started getting really bad there were def. times when i was really done with life

50. time I overcame a major fear: um i guess u could say like the time at camp when i was like 12 or something and i went on the ropes course even though im terrified of heights/falling and there was this one part where u stood up on this high platform and there was this wire thing above you connected to the top of the platform and another pole a ways away and like a few feet out there was a rope hanging down and u had to jump from the platform and try to grab the rope and when i got up to the platform i panicked and almost didnt jump but then i did after like 10 minutes of standing up there.