#deadlookingirl writes

night plunged the street into darkness. yellow lights cast a soft glow over the ground, just enough to see the pavement clearly. as the blocks passed by, the noisy pubs, the excited people talking about the latest match and the laughter turned into a faint murmur, fading away along with the crowds. by the time you reached home, there weren’t many people left on the street; after all, it was late. and as you two walked down the street and his eyes were focused on the darkness of the sky, all you could do was stare at him.

you’d spent that evening with a group of friends in a pub, nothing too wild – just a couple of shots, a couple of pints and lots of laughter. you’d been begging Liam all week to come with you, until he finally agreed. lately, for some reason unknown to you, he hadn’t been keen to hang out much – at least not with you – and had just been spending time with the lads in his band.

after the pub, as always, Liam walked you home, and when you reached your door, you invited him in.

“wanna stay the night? i've got some vodka.”

it was normal to have sleepovers with Liam, even before you moved into your own flat. as you’d been such good friends, practically since childhood, your mum trusted him completely and knew he wasn’t a threat in any way, as you two never acted suspiciously, or flirted or anything like that. just good friends, that’s all. but the truth is, part of that was a lie. nobody knew and nobody was meant to know; it was a secret you were going to take to your grave or confess to Liam one day when you were both old and had families of your own, just as a joke.

you fancied Liam.

practically from the very first moment you saw him years ago. it’s just that he was always very good-looking. nothing happened because you quickly became best friends; it was as natural as the moment flowers bloom in spring. it wasn’t that he had a specific type, but he was always surrounded by pretty girls because he was gorgeous, so he had plenty to choose from. Lots of them – too many, in fact. he was never on his own. so for those reasons, you didn't even bother trying, thinking you didn't stand a chance. you simply tore that page out of the book and remained great friends with Liam. he was a really good friend.

it was such a close friendship that the two of you spent most of your time together. now that you were older and each had your own responsibilities – in your case, studying – perhaps you couldn’t see each other quite as often, but you did remain close. as you grew up, Liam would spend afternoons or even days on end at your house. his mum worked a lot, so she was hardly ever at home and he got bored easily, but the main reason he liked being at your place was the space. since you were an only child, you had your own room at your parents’ house; there was no chaos apart from your own mess. Liam, on the other hand, shared a room with his brother, who was always nagging him about tidiness, even though Noel was just as messy.

“now that’s a good plan,” he’d say whenever you offered him to stay the night. “don’t want to go home to r'kid. he’ll probably be bringing his bird tonight and I’ll end up sleeping on the couch. ” that was a very common line before Noel moved out of their house. things were different now, but him staying over was still a natural habit.

and this time, Liam nodded in agreement to your suggestion, which surprised you for a moment, as lately whenever you’d invited him over he’d said he couldn’t. however, you didn’t say anything, though you were happy that he’d accepted.

as soon as you walked into your house, Liam took off his jacket and shoes and went to lie on the couch. that was an old routine by now; there was no need to go through all that hostess routine or anything – if he needed anything, he’d just go and get it himself. you went straight to have a shower and change into something more comfortable, put off by the smell of cigarette smoke clinging to your clothes and hair. meanwhile, he’d helped himself to the bottle of vodka you’d mentioned, and when you came out of the shower, you gestured for him to come to your room. there they sat on the carpet drinking and listening to some music. neither of you said a word. at this point there wasn’t much to say because Liam knew practically everything about you and vice versa. besides, you were both such chatterboxes that every now and then a bit of silence did you both good.

“are you coming to rehearsal tomorrow?”

at the question, you turned your head to look at him and nodded.

he was starting a band with three friends and his brother, who wrote the songs. the music was good, although they hadn’t quite finished anything yet, but they seemed quite promising in your opinion. he seemed very determined and that impressed you, as he tended to move from one thing to another quite easily.

you shifted to find a more comfortable position, sitting with your back against the side of the bed. “yes, I think so. i’ve finished my final exams, so I’m free.”

he nodded, taking another sip from the glass he’d prepared.

for a moment you watched him, debating whether or not it was worth bringing up the subject that had been causing you so much curiosity and annoyance lately. but your mouth never seems to heed the stop sign, rushing to spurt out the words.

“i’m surprised you’ve invited me,” you said, picking up the glass for a sip, speaking in a calm tone, almost playing it down, as if it were a joking remark. “you haven’t even wanted to go out with me lately.” his first reaction was to roll his eyes and grumble, before looking at you with amusement.

“you’re dead dramatic.”

“it’s the truth! you’re always off with your mates. you’ve completely forgotten about me.” although it was mostly meant to tease him, beneath the joking tone lay a bitter truth. you’d hardly seen him at all over the last few weeks; there was always an excuse not to go out, whether it was to pop round to your place for a cup of tea or for you to go to his. the plans were there—you’d organise them, giving him an endless array of options in case the reason was a lack of money or a lack of desire to go out—but the answer was always no. at some point, you’d stopped believing his reasons. yes, he was focused on the band and all that, but you’d bumped into Guigsy several times walking through the park with his girlfriend on those days when Noel supposedly had them ‘chained to their instruments’. you didn’t say anything to him on any of those occasions, but his lack of honesty in telling you he didn’t want to or that he had something better to do was starting to get on your nerves. besides, if you had to be honest, you knew he was probably seeing some girl, and that weighed heavily on your heart.

“i spend all my time rehearsing with them,” he explained, his words dripping with obviousness, giving you a matter-of-fact look. but then he added: “it’s just that it’s different now.”

“why?”

“because… you’re a girl.”

you let out a huff of laughter. “so?”

“you know what i mean.”

“no, i don’t."

he sighed. “there are things that…” he shook his head from side to side. “you know.”

realising he was referring to the dirty way he and his mates talked, you rolled your eyes. “oh, it’s just that you can’t do the things you do with them with me. you have no shame.”

Liam laughed at the look of utter disgust on your face, as you looked completely repulsed by what ‘the things they did’ implied. to annoy you even more – typical of him – in one swift movement he grabbed your right wrist, snatching your favourite ring from one of your fingers. he used to take it off you and put it on himself, always saying it was very eye-catching and he liked it, even though it didn’t quite fit his finger as his were chubbier than yours.

“anyway, i’m glad you’re rehearsing,” you added, and as he glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, Liam saw as much sincerity in your eyes as in your voice. “you seem really passionate about it.”

he smiled slightly, now looking down at his hands holding your ring between his fingers, examining the little purple amethyst stone set in it.

“it’s because we’re the best band in the world.” simple, like a universal truth being stated. your lips curved into a gentle smile at such confidence, especially because you believed him. “one of these days someone else is going to see it and we’re going to be big, proper big and all.”

“absolutely,” you agreed immediately, with the same certainty, moving closer. although they were just words, your voice cut straight through his chest; the honesty in it was so sharp that it managed to reach right into his heart. you’d always been the one to follow Liam in his endeavours, to support him and be the first to encourage him to do things that might seem too risky—if they were worth it—and that wasn’t new to him; after all, that’s why you were best friends. however, the gentle caress of your trust enveloping him was a sensation that bathed him in joy as if it were something new. “and I hope that by then you won’t forget about me.”

still smiling at your ring, he fell silent for a few seconds, simply letting the words tickle his throat before plucking up the courage to say them.

“i’m gonna get you outta Manchester.”

and so he said them, as if they were a fact, leaving no room for argument or doubt. as certain as opening your eyes in the morning and looking at the sun, as sure that water is wet and birds sing. as sweet as a spoonful of honey after a cup of coffee.

from the centre of your chest, the warmest tingling sensation spread to every extremity of your body, like being wrapped in sunlight. you didn’t want to think beyond the words—such simple words that meant nothing—but when you’re in love, it’s impossible not to look straight at the sun and dare it to blind you. you’re so foolish that you cling to the simplest things to feed the heart’s illusion. but besides that, the mere idea that he’d include you in his dreams… it was like being one and the same being, as if there were still a room for you in the future, even if you were still just a friend. or at least that’s how it made you feel.

despite the whirlwind of love coursing through your body, you looked at Liam with amusement, beneath which lay an eagerness to know more about that remark. “so, I’m part of the plan too?”

with his eyes still fixed on the ring, he shrugged, as if it were no big deal, or perhaps as if it were something everyone knew. “obviously.”

you were glad he wasn’t looking at your face at that moment, because you were sporting the silliest smile ever seen. “right,” you said, nonchalantly, approving of his decision. “i’m going to ride on your coattails, and you’d better buy me nice things.”

“maybe.”

“maybe?”

he finally looked at you, grinning from ear to ear this time, signalling that the tender moment would end as soon as he’d thought of something annoying to say to you. “yeah. it depends on whether you keep bein' as annoyin' as you are right now.”

you both laughed and you rolled your eyes, taking your ring off. “twat.”

after the laughter died down, silence spread through the room for a moment. Liam kept sipping his vodka whilst you blinked up at the ceiling, holding back the storm of emotion that was putting every nerve on high alert. feelings can’t be controlled, so it was impossible for you to stop the warmth that kept spreading through your chest at the mere realisation that you were part of the plan. something so stupid that surely it hadn’t made him think twice.

"i’m going to get you outta Manchester.’

that phrase bounced around in your head like a soft echo.

but that warmth had to be countered immediately, before you did something stupid, like speaking tenderly to him about the plan you had in your head—how you were going to study hard to get a good job and take him everywhere, to lovely places you couldn't afford at the moment.

“stop drinking. i'm not letting you throw up all over my bathroom again.”

Liam burst out laughing and ran his hand over your mouth, letting one of his fingers slip between your lips. he always did that, and although part of you found it disgusting and you’d slap his arm for being so gross, another part felt completely embarrassed by just how much it turned you on when he did that. you slapped his arm, making a sound of disgust, but he didn’t stop laughing.

“shut up,” he replied, immediately taking another swig from his glass and giving you a defiant look, which made you roll your eyes.

“i’m serious!” you exclaimed between laughs. “if you throw up, i'll throw you out. stop drinking now.”

"'m pluckin' up some courage.”

at that reply, you frowned, looking at him amused at the prospect of some ridiculous comment from him, given his joking nature. “what for?”

instead of speaking, Liam simply turned his head to one side and finally looked you in the face. the expression you saw there managed to unsettle you even more. suddenly he was serious. his lips were slightly parted and his tender, deep-sea eyes were dropped, staring intently at your mouth. you almost panicked when you realised.

then.

it finally happened.

it was as if a flash had struck your face; it all happened very quickly and very slowly at the same time, as if you’d suddenly left your body, or as if your gaze had been dazzled by a bright light shining directly into your eyes. a hand cupped your cheek just as a sigh brushed your lips, which parted without you even realising it, and in a second you felt the gentle pressure of a mouth against yours.

yes, his lips were as soft and plump as they looked.

for a second your body went rigid, completely taken aback by the touch, until gently your lips moved over his, kissing him a little hesitantly, unsure whether this was allowed, whether the bubble would burst and Liam would realise it wasn’t what he wanted. but no, quite the opposite. feeling your response – albeit hesitant, still a response – he pulled you towards him, holding your waist firmly, making you sit on his thighs. the kiss deepened as he tilted your head just enough, his lips setting the pace, teaching yours how to kiss him, showing you that it was okay to let yourself go. every heartbeat pounded hard against your chest, almost as if demanding to be set free, longing to fall into the hands of the boy holding you, eager for more affection.

when you pulled apart, you couldn’t help but burst out laughing. perhaps it was nerves, or embarrassment, or the absurdity of having kissed your best friend, but you couldn’t stop laughing. Liam rolled his eyes, yet his lips twitched, fighting back a smile.

“idiot.”

far from coming up with a reply to the nickname – you were far too overwhelmed for that – the word blossomed in your chest like a flower opening in spring under the blazing sun. yes, you were a silly girl, silly for having your heart racing a mile a minute over a lad as daft as Liam, whom you were always teasing because he was so easy to wind up. the thing is, neither is Liam daft nor are you a silly girl, but it made you feel a funny sort of anger at just how much you liked him. then he kissed you again, devouring that laughter—this time not so sweet, but rather hungry, playful—the sort of kiss that made the ground shake beneath you as you realised he’d been waiting for this.

the kisses continued and your body, completely relaxed and without a trace of stiffness, melted in his hands. gently, he laid you down on the floor with his body on top of yours, one hand cupping your cheek and the other resting on the floor. every nerve in your body was tingling with anticipation, causing your lungs to fill rapidly—not out of fear, but out of excitement. no one but you knew how hard it had been to put on a front, to avoid eye contact and to lock away your feelings deep within your heart. seeing Liam with other girls didn’t cause you so much pain as curiosity; what would it be like to kiss him? how would it feel to touch his nose, his eyebrows, his hair? would he touch you with intent? and now, at this very moment, as the hand that had been on your cheek had slid down to squeeze your waist, you felt that you could finally die in peaceful contentment.

due to the need to breathe, you pulled away for a moment, but not far. his eyes scanned your face, searching for any hint of regret, but there wasn’t any. alll he found was a silly smile and a slight blush on your cheeks. it was so intense that you worried you were wearing no make-up, which was ridiculous because Liam had seen you in far worse states thousands of times.

but not like this. not after kissing you like that.

without helping it, he buried his face into your hair, letting the scent fill his nostrils before moving to your neck, where he left soft pecks. it made your breath hitch, even more than kisses on the mouth, making you sigh very softly. there was nothing sexual about that moment; the way his lips traced kisses on your skin was gentle, slow, unhurried. you couldn’t explain it, but it felt as though your bodies were like liquids blending together, as though every time his mouth pressed against your skin, he left a trace of his colour on it. it was like when you mix two paints; as they blend, they create a new colour, melting into one another. you two melting into each other's bodies.

“you smell nice,” he said.

“yeah?”

“yeah. like fruit. i like it.”

“it must be my shampoo.”

“must be,” he replied, slowly leaning in to capture your lips once more.

in the blink of an eye, the intensity of his kisses was overwhelming in the most delightful way, and you found yourself needing to respond just as eagerly as he did. Your hands quickly found their way between your bodies, groping each other without a shred of modesty, consumed by the heat of the moment. yours found their way to his back, sliding down his chest, tugging at his hair, eliciting soft, sweet sounds from him. as for Liam, he squeezed your thighs, raising one of your legs to make room between them. he caressed your hips and waist, squeezing now and then. but when his fingers slipped beneath your shirt and a shiver ran up your spine, there was a breaking point that allowed the tension to finally explode and for you both to grope each other properly.

then your fingers slipped under his t-shirt towards his chest, before touching his back, pressing there to pull him against your chest. at such firm body-to-body contact, his hips pressed between your legs, the friction drawing a moan from both of you. heat meeting heat through layers of clothes, feeling so good. sensing each other’s response, you wrapped your legs around his hips and Liam moved his hips against yours. the most pitiful moans escaped from your throats as you moved your bodies against each other, almost unable to bear how good it felt.

when it became too much and Liam felt he was about to come right there, rubbing against you through his trousers, he pulled away just enough to take off his shirt. youur eyes were wide open, stunned, but your arousal clouded any sense of embarrassment. you both began to undress eagerly, trembling, careless fingers pushing fabric out of the way. socks, shirts, trousers, underwear – everything scattered across the floor of your bedroom in seconds.

as the two of you stood there completely naked, your gazes felt like they were burning into each other’s skin. two pairs of eyes roamed over the other’s body, tracing every line, every shade of skin, every texture, every mark. it was then that the haze of lust cleared enough for both of you to laugh at the situation you found yourselves in – a little embarrassed, but mostly excited.

“cheeky cunt." he teased. “stop looking at me.”

your cheeks burned, but you weren’t going to show weakness. “then you stop looking at my breasts.” you replied with false annoyance and a smile.

“i can’t, they’re so beautiful.”

Liam lifted you off the floor, carrying you to the bed where he positioned himself on top of you. awkwardly, his hands hurried to unwrap the condom and then put it on. you never took your eyes off him, watching intently as his hands slid the latex over his flushed cock. you were so wet it was embarrassing, giving away just how turned on you were by him. though it was only natural, wasn’t it? Liam was gorgeous. but he was your friend…

“right.” once the condom was on, he moved between your legs, making the necessary space. then, holding the base of his cock, he slid the head of his hard cock between your wet folds, slowly coating its length with your wetness. at that, you gasped, unable to help yourself. how desperate you were had made you far too sensitive, and the way his cock was rubbing against your cunt did nothing to help you hold back your moans. meanwhile, he was even worse off, his face all red and biting his lip with his eyes closed.

“please, let me put it in,” he whined.

Liam sounded so, so desperate – a thousand times more pathetic than you – and it sent a shiver down your spine. you nodded eagerly, wrapping your arms around him as he guided the head of his dick towards your entrance. without waiting any longer, he thrust inside, letting out a beautiful moan at the tightness that enveloped him so warmly. your nails dug into his back, adding a little extra pleasure for Liam, who loved the idea of having his back all marked by you.

once he was fully settled inside you, your arms held him tight and his face buried itself in your neck, the skin there muffling his moans and gasps. both of you took a few seconds to catch your breath, simply taking in the sensation of having him inside you, of just how tight you were. for the two of you, it was like a feverish dream. every sensation was more than intense—overwhelming and suffocating—making you both hyper-aware of the heat of your skin, the force of your heartbeats, and Liam’s cock inside you. tenderly, you planted a little kiss on his temple, drawing a sigh from him.

hugging each other, he pulled out halfway before pushing back in again. then he began to thrust, slowly at first, testing the waters, savouring the sheer novelty of it all – something that had once seemed impossible. your eyes rolled back as your grip on Liam tightened, clinging to him whilst his hips began to slam into yours with greater intent, letting you feel every inch slide against your walls. growls escaped his throat, savouring the sound his crotch made against yours, now wet and slick with your arousal.

“yes,” you moaned, scratching at the skin on his back. “oh, fuck, Liam, more please.”

the echo of your voice, dripping with desperation, sent a jolt through him; hearing you moan his name went straight to his cock. so he picked up the pace, completely consumed by the desire to elicit more of those moans from you, each thrust knocking the wind out of your lungs in a way that made your toes curl. he was just starting and already there was no rhythm, but rather sloppy rolls of hips, as if this moment had been waiting far too long for it to happen and so now he simply couldn’t help but act on it. it was essential to concentrate fully, as Liam felt that if he lost himself too much in the sensation of finally being inside you, he’d come in two seconds and embarrass himself forever.

with every thrust, your brain felt itself melting away. desperate gasps rose from the very depths of your body, whilst your half-lidded eyes stared blankly at a spot in the room, almost unable to take in what was happening. as for him, as much as he tried to take it slowly, he couldn’t; his body was begging for more and more, and the way you pleaded between moans for him to please go deeper didn’t exactly help him hold back either. It’s just that when there’s too much pent-up tension, the moment it finds a way to burst forth, the result is like a tornado sweeping through with utter recklessness. worse still, when the tip touched a spot so sweet that it sent shivers through your whole body, your need for more only intensified. your nails practically dug into his pale skin – which, the next morning, would leave Liam with red marks, living proof that no, this time it wasn’t just one of his many dreams after touching himself whilst thinking of you.

"do you like it like this?" he breathed, pulling back slightly to watch the way your face twisted with pleasure, how your eyebrows were furrowed and your mouth wide open, unable to contain your moans. 

completely lost in the moment, you nodded eagerly. "yes, yes, yes," you replied, holding him tighter. "please, more. please."

he didn’t even have to hesitate, obediently continuing the movement of his hips just as you clearly liked it. suddenly, everything was consumed by Liam, as if he was a flame spreading through a forest, taking every trace of lucidity with him. your hands felt his skin burning; your lips were now busy kissing his, savouring the vodka on his tongue; your nose took in the perfume he liked to wear most and a layer of sweat caused by the frantic thrusting of his hips against yours; and your ears were ringing with the noises Liam was letting out, but not just that—also the wet sounds every time his cock slid in and out of your pussy. so, so obscene that it only served to turn you on even more.

as he pulled away from the kiss, Liam immediately attacked your neck, leaving wet kisses on your skin, sniffing the faint scent of your vanilla soap. then he began to suck on your skin, hard enough to leave red marks there, exchanging with you the same act of letting behind a trace of having been there, just as you were doing by scratching his back. 

moaning, he murmured against your neck. “oh, fuckin’ hell, no.”

“what? what’s wrong?”

“i’m going to come.” he whined, never stopping his thrusts. his hands now gripping your hips very tightly, holding back.

you let out a breathy laugh at how pitiful he sounded, lamenting his lack of stamina. In a situation like this, should anyone be annoyed? you didn’t know it, but it certainly hadn’t bothered you in the slightest that Liam was already on the verge of coming. to be honest, it slightly amused you and also boosted your ego, because he was always acting like he was some sort of sexual expert or something, and for him to be so weak with you… plus hearing him talk like that, almost crying, added a bit to the sensation.

“who cares, just keep fucking me.”

“i swear, 'm not usually like this, but you’re not helpin'.” his grip on your hips got firmer as he shifted, angling himself deeper, reaching spots that made your eyes roll. “christ, you’re so hot.” he complained, frustrated at himself for being so weak in front of such a pretty girl.

oh, but he needed that release so badly, he decided to stop worrying and instead focus more on the way you were clenching around him with every thrust – so wet it made him weak at the knees.

and as he groaned, his mind in another state of bliss, practically touching the sky with his fingertips, his face buried in your neck.  such was the overwhelming need that shook his body that his mind completely uninhibited the boy on top of you, leaving him more exposed than the clothes he’d taken off.

“oh, fuck, i love you so much,” he growled, knocking the wind out of your lungs with more intensity than his thrusts.

i love you.

i love you so much.

you didn’t know if it was the heat of the moment or what, and Liam didn’t give you much time to think about it either, because seconds later his body was jerking, then stopping deep inside you, spilling into the condom at the same time as he let out whimpers into your neck.

he stayed like that for a while, growling against your skin whilst his hips twitched and his chest gasped for air. slowly, carefully, he pulled out of you.

but instead of just pulling away and leaving it at that, as you'd thought would happen, after letting out a shaky breath, Liam moved downwards, spreading your legs. without any preamble, his tongue gave a slow lick from your entrance to your clit, making you moan in surprise. your hands flew up to grab his hair, pulling hard just as the tip of his tongue began to circle your most sensitive spot, pressing there whilst two fingers slid inside you. your back arched off the bed, whimpering, your toes curling and your head falling back against the pillow. he was really on a mission, and having finished before you, Liam was determined to make it up to you and ensure you reached that sweet release too. 

“oh, yes” you gasped, feeling your belly tingling. “yes, fuck. Liam, that's– oh, my god, that’s so good...”

your legs clamped around his head at the same time the grip on his hair tightened. each time he sucked your clit, breathy moans spilled out of your mouth, proof of what a delicious job he was doing. Liam was practically drooling all over your folds, getting it even wetter as he ate you out like he was starving. he wanted so bad to make you feel good, to prove he wasn’t a useless prat who came fast and left girls unsatisfied, and it showed in the way his tongue never stopped lapping and circling, making out with your pussy. his fingers thrusted into you with a gentle pace, different than the rythm of his mouth, curling to touch your sweet spot each time.

that delicious tingling was building up in your belly, so intense that your vision was practically blurred. “please,” you cried, pressing his face against your cunt. your head fell to one side, sobbing into the sheets. “Liam, please don’t stop. Liam!”

of course, he had no intention of even breathing. in fact, he quickened the pace of his tongue, pressing it flat against your bundle of nerves, circling firmly whilst his fingers slid in and out of you with a little more force. that was when your body tensed and shuddered, clouding your vision, sending tingles all over your body and making you feel dizzy for a moment, leaving you melted onto the bed with absolute silence in your mind, unable to escape the warm mist enveloping you. he continued licking, even as your body trembled with sensitivity, breathing heavily against your pussy.

you began to whimper, squirming and arching your back. “i can't–” you gasped, your eyes tightly shut. 

Liam didn’t pull away for a second, practically panting as he continued to lick up every last bit of your release he could. your body was hypersensitive, reeling from your orgasm, so your hands instinctively pushed his head away, at this point feeling a sharp tingling sensation.

“Liam!” you whined between giggles. “it’s too much.”

he finally pulled away and withdrew his fingers, laughing breathlessly. you both burst out laughing properly, you still slightly dizzy from your orgasm.

“open your mouth,” he said suddenly, still laughing. 

amused, you frowned, not quite grasping what he meant, but you obeyed. with your lips parted wide, Liam leaned in and slipped the two fingers he’d used to finger you into your mouth. although it took you by surprise, it didn’t take you long to start sucking on them, tasting yourself on them. 

“you're so hot” he murmured. despite the needy tone in his voice, he had such a smug smile it made you roll your eyes and playfully slap his cheek, lightly. he laughed again and pulled his clean fingers out of your mouth, then lay down beside you, both of you staring at the ceiling. 

as your bodies began to cool, the realisation of what had just happened hit you like a bucket of cold water. the only sound was your breathing gradually returning to normal, and perhaps someone passing by outside your house. such serenity allowed your minds to run wild with questions and doubts. you would never, ever have imagined that you’d end up having sex. 

you didn’t know what to do or what to say, as at that moment any comment seemed awkward to make. your heart was pounding, so hard that you thought he might be able to feel it in the silence that enveloped the two of you. going from moaning his name loudly to a deafening silence felt unsettling. you wondered what he might be thinking, whether he’d decide to leave or stay the night, whether everything would be back to normal the next day or whether you’d ruined it completely. 

when you finally plucked up the courage to ask him if he wanted some water – a vague question to test the waters – Liam surprised you by turning towards you and wrapping his arm around your waist, pulling you close against his body. his nose nuzzled your hair, breathing in the scent created by your fruity shampoo and the hint of sweat clinging to your body. you couldn’t move or say a word, just like when a skittish cat comes over to rub against your legs and you don’t even want to breathe for fear of scaring it away. but despite how tense you were, it was impossible not to melt under his touch, so glad that his first reaction hadn’t been to pull away.

fireworks were going off in your chest, spreading a sweet warmth and bringing a smile to your lips. you were so happy it’s hard to put into words, because the love that was overwhelming you at that moment was so intense that thinking was impossible. all that remains is the feeling of loving and being loved, and in that moment you felt that you were loved by Liam—and not just as a friend.

he let out a frustrated sigh through his nose before gently breaking the silence, the same frustration evident in his voice.

“it’s cos you’re pretty,” he murmured simply, leaving you confused. 

“what?”

“you’re pretty, that’s why i didn’t want to hang out with you anymore.”

with confusion written all over your face, you turned your head to look at him. “i don’t understand.”

he sighed, looking at your mouth and then your eyes, his own slightly droopy. “i’ve always liked you. think ever since that night i first stayed over at your house – d'you remember?” you nodded. “that day...i remember it clearly. i stayed awake all night watchin' you sleep. you’re so pretty. and lately… i dunno, it’s like i can’t hold it in anymore, and i didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable cause when i look at you, i feel like you don’t like me in the slightest.”

“what?” you laughed, incredulous. i mean, you’d just had sex.

“you always call me ‘best mate’.”

“because you are my best mate!”

“yeah, i know, but…” he sighed. “you’re really pretty and really great. look at you – you’re gonna do amazing things, d'ya know what i mean?gonna have a degree, a great job doin' something important for society, travellin', meeting people, buyin' yourself everything you’ve always dreamed of… and me? i’m throwing it all away for a band that we don’t even know it’s gonna work out.”

the uncertainty in his words threw you off balance, as it stood in stark contrast to the confidence he usually exuded. “Liam, of course it’s going to work. you always say so.”

“i know that, and I believe it – it’s my greatest conviction – but let’s be realistic: what sort of plan is that? not the one I should have if i wanna be with a girl like you,” he replied, his eyes wandering over your figure, making your heart ache at the sadness in his voice. you wanted nothing more than to make him see how precious he was, how admirable you found it that he was dedicated to making his own dreams come true rather than settling for a mundane life.

“Liam—”

“i swear, i fuckin' swear i'm gonna make it,” he said, not giving you a chance to comfort him, now holding one of your hands to kiss your knuckles gently. “and when I’m up there, bathed in champagne and gold, it’ll all be yours too.”

that uncertainty vanished, replaced by a wave of confidence filling his words. for your part, all you could do was listen intently, melting in his presence.

“i’m going to cover you in diamonds so never again in your life will you have to worry about not having money. wanna buy a thousand of those purple rings you like? go ahead. ten houses? done. it’ll all be yours, everything.”

he enveloped you in a mist of love, as pure as the first breath of the morning. the thought that all this time Liam had adored you just as much as you adored him was overwhelming, and it truly made your heart leap in your chest.

a smile lit up your face. your index finger traced the bridge of his nose reverently, admiring its shape. there was nothing left to say or ask; there were no doubts left, and it was then that you allowed yourself to say what you’d held back for so long in his arms.

“i love you, Liam,” you murmured softly. Liam heard the sweetest of declarations of love. simple and as honest as the sparkle in your eyes illuminating his at that moment. he smiled, ready to put into words the realisation that had been keeping him restless for the past few weeks. 

“i love you more.”

────୨ৎ────

────୨ৎ────

the moment your knees hit the floor, fear washed over you like a summer downpour. Liam looked bigger from where he sat on the sofa, watching you with a mocking smile that said a thousand things at once. I’ve got you at last.

you slapped his knee. “I said don’t take the piss!” but that just made him burst out laughing.

“but I didn’t say anything!”

“you don’t have to,” you scolded him, already feeling your face burning with embarrassment.

you’d already slept together, and done a lot of things, which, to be honest, had been a heavenly experience for you, every time. but there was one thing you hadn’t done, and when he realised you had no intention of doing it, he didn’t press either. 

giving him a blowjob. 

It just… wasn’t your thing, you had told him. but later came the confession: ‘I don’t know how to do it’. it wasn’t that you were some sort of shy girl with your past partners, just never felt like doing it. tried once but felt too awkward. it was left at that and Liam didn’t bring it up again, until today.

it started as a joke to annoy you and start one of those typical playful fights that ended with you laughing your head off while Liam tickled you. you were thanking him for a big favour he had done for you, and he'd said that he deserved a kiss or something. all good up to that point, but then the suggestive comments and cheeky touching between the two of you began until we reached the moment when you told him: I want to learn.

and now, on your knees between his spread legs, with Liam staring intently at you as you unbutton his trousers, you felt like wiping that smug smirk off his face.

"you've seen it plenty of times before, remember?" his voice dripped with amusement and smugness every time he spoke, and he was met with a warning look in response to his comment.

sure, you'd seen his dick before, but it was different now!

"i can never find it." 

he gave you a little tap on the head in response to your joke, making you laugh. "see, it’s not funny? stop joking then."

"right, right... I’ll shut up."

obediently, Liam shut his chatty mouth and watched as your hands, trembling with embarrassment, pulled down his trousers and underwear. as soon as his cock sprang free, your head gave a little thud against his knee, hiding the heat in your face because it was too close. too pink, too shiny with precum and too perfect. as always, but up close? christ. was it possible for a dick to be pretty like that?

his laughter only made it worse, but this time it wasn’t mocking, but tender, which made you even more embarrassed and nervous. and when his hand tenderly stroked your hair in an attempt to calm your nerves, your heart felt like it was going to explode with the urge to give him the best blowjob he’d ever had. but how? you barely knew how to give a handjob, and you weren’t even entirely sure you were any good at that.

oh, but you wanted to be. you wanted to be everything for him. bastard.

“relax, love,” Liam murmured softly, his voice all sweet and gentle, because he could feel your insecurity. “it ain’ difficult at all. not one bit. but it's okay, yeah? let's just–”

the resolve that swelled within you—even as you felt, paradoxically, nervous–spoke out. “i said i wanted to learn,” you remarked firmly with your forehead still pressed against his knee. 

you couldn’t see him, but he smiled, pleased and amused by the trembling confidence in your voice. determination. that was hot.

“brave girl,” he replied, his voice low and tinged with teasing. his praise bloomed in your heart, like the perfect mix of tease and sweetness to heal your broken confidence. then, you huffed a laugh and finally lifted your head to look at him.

“just teach me how, okay?”

the shyness in your voice hit right on his chest. on a normal day, you weren’t shy at all. in fact, you were loud, all smart remarks and mocking smiles. the contrast twisted in his heart. for a moment, Liam was about to insist that you could just forget this and do something else, but it had already been made clear: you wanted nothing more than to learn how to give it to him, and who was Liam to say no? so he nodded firmly, and proceeded to guide your nervous hands around his cock.

“first of all, loosen up a bit f’me, yeah?,” he said gently. “c'mon, breathe slowly. you look almost scared.”

you shot him a look. “i’m not scared, just nervous.”

it amused him, that look in your eye that was nervously stubborn. “I know, I know, relax.” 

how could Liam be so calm? how could he eat you out without a shred of hesitation? how could he do it so well, so easily? and boy, was he good at it… 

your living room was silent; there was no one else at home but you and Liam. it was so quiet you could have sworn your thoughts were leaking out of your head, telling your boyfriend just how scared, excited and nervous you were. to relax, you started taking small breaths, trying to focus on Liam’s lovely scent—the same one he’d worn the first time you two ended up alone in a room when your best friend had arranged for the rest of the group to suspiciously have to go to the kitchen. that time, Liam had bombarded you with questions and jokes because you were suddenly acting all weird and nervous, unlike how you were with the other blokes in the group. 

a smile escaped you at such a beautiful memory, causing your hands to relax around Liam, to which he smiled back and nodded. 

“that’s it, love. relax, yeah? no need to be shy ‘ere, it’s just you and me, innit? and i’m ‘ere to guide ya, yeah?” 

each of his sweet, gentle words caressed your nerves, slowly washing away every trace of tension from your body. Liam knew exactly what to do, what to say. he was so good, you really wanted this to be perfect.

his fingers lovingly brushed away some hairs off your face, keeping a gentle smile.

“right then… you're gonna use your hands, yeah? you’re good at that, proper talented you are, very good with those beautiful hands. let's start slow, with what ya do best.”

he really knew exactly what to say, because the praise filled your heart with pride that he enjoyed it so much when you gave him handjobs, encouraging you to go ahead and do more. you nodded and immediately spat into one of your hands to bring it to his cock and start giving him slow strokes. Liam whimpered and tapped your cheek tenderly.

"ah, very good. that’s it, keep goin’..."

the sweetest moans escaped his lips as your hand gently stroked him. he looked so, so perfect at that moment. the lids of his beautiful blue eyes drooped, almost unable to bear how good your warm hand felt around his throbbing, leaking cock, whilst his chest fell and raised heavily. Liam resisted the urge to simply push your head down and take your mouth, biting his lip, leaving it swollen and shiny as the moans became uncontrollable. 

such a beautiful sight urged you to move closer to his cock, letting an involuntary sigh brush against the reddened tip, causing his hips to buck up instinctively, drawing in a deep breath. he needed it, he needed it now, and you needed to make him feel as good as you possibly could. no, even more.

“c'mon, love,” he pleaded in a faint moan, careful not to pressure you. “don’t be shy, you’ve got it.”

at such reassurance, your chest swelled with a deep breath of confidence and, despite your embarrassment and a thousand doubts (will I like it? what if I don’t like it and leave it half-done? what if i'm bad at it?), you finally leaned in and gave the tip a tentative lick, tasting the pre-cum.

that was all i took for Liam to get lost, groaning as if he’d been shot in the chest with a bullet of love and tenderness and another of heat and need in his cock. “fucking hell, look at what you’re doing to me. one little lick and i'm already losin’ it. gonna cum, fuckin’ swear it.” 

he was being so ridiculous, it made your face burn and a flustered laugh escape your mouth. “you’re so dramatic.” but seeing how affected he was by your still hesitant touches was really stroking your ego.

a faint chuckle escaped him and, just to tease you, he playfully grabbed your head and pushed it towards his crotch, earning a breathy laugh of surprise, even though he was always pulling this sort of prank; of course, never before had his cock been so close to your face.

“tsk, Liam!” you exclaimed, squeezing his dick, causing a moan from him and a loud laugh.

“‘m sorry!” he whined, squirming with a big, amused smile.

laughing, you both looked at each other. your eyes sparkling, shimmering with the kind of love that comes when you're so smitten that it oozes out of every pore. that few seconds of chuckling with your eyes locked on each other were enough to make your body relax, suddenly remembering he's just Liam. he's your love, he's someone to trust. if there's someone on this earth to teach you something, it's him. naturally, he tilted his head at the same time his warm hands cupped your cheeks so lovingly, and kissed you. the kiss was sweet, soft and full of love. his plump lips moving against yours, devouring the huff of laughter you let out. and he hummed, satisfied when your hand gave him a slow stroke.

there was no rush, even though his cock felt like it was about to explode because, oh, how could a girl be so beautiful, and her hands fit so perfectly holding his length, because Liam was so, so happy. he could be annoying at times, even at a moment as serious as this, but his heart melted with love at the simple knowledge that you were his girl and that you’d wanted to do this for him of your own accord – even though he hadn’t asked or mentioned how much he’d been longing for a blow job from you? oh, how lucky he was to be the one who could love this sweet woman.

despite his patience, you knew how much he needed relief and, honestly, curiosity was killing you. his cock was warm and hard, really hard and really warm. that little lick you gave him, the taste... could it be that Liam was so perfect that he even tasted good? bastard. 

so you broke the kiss to get back to business, tilting your head to give the tip a little kiss that made Liam whimper. “you’re the sweetest girl in the world.”

you laughed at his comment and now completely (or at least almost) sure, you went for it. your lips wrapped around the head, sucking tentatively, but your hand stroked with intent around the base now. your other hand squeezed his tigh, taking out your embarrassment on him.

Liam was almost in tears; the way you were using your mouth, so shy yet so determined. he knew very well that you were going to give it your all to please him, and that turned him on even more. unable to help himself, his hands grabbed hold of your hair, finding something to distract him a little so he wouldn’t thrust it all the way into your mouth. he wanted you to explore, to take your time.

“fuck,” he moaned under his breath. “look at you… perfect. best girl in the world, yeah? the sweetest, the smartest. god.”

him choosing this moment to name all your virtues almost made you laugh, it was cute. made you wanna do it right. so, with determination, you took inch by inch into your mouth, enjoying the groans he let out so needy. his cock was warm, heavy in your tongue, and you could feel the way it throbbed inside of you. you didn't have any references, your friends’ stories hadn’t been helpful at all and the little talk you and Liam had before you dropped to your knees was brief and short because you were too embarrassed to ask all the things you actually had in mind. but you remembered his words and tried to follow them.

your cheeks hollowed as your head started bobbing, which gave you a breathy moan from him, so you knew that you’d done it right. 

“yeahhh, proper good that.” he breathed out. his thick eyebrows furrowed, mouth parted. “just keep doin' exactly what you're doin’, that's very good.”

it was still hesitant and all, i mean, you had no idea what you were doing, but Liam seemed to enjoy it, and to your surprise, so were you. he was so warm, heavy, filling your mouth perfectly, and his hands gripping your hair desperately, stopping himself to thrust up the way he wanted. you could feel how desperate he was, because this was something he craved, even if he hadn’t said it out loud.

you closed your eyes, enjoying it. he was so tense, he needed relief. your mouth worked, sucking still gently while your hand stroked the base.

“fuck, fuck…” 

the moment your eyes looked up, they were met with such a beautiful sight. him with his head lolled back, chest raising heavily, and his face all flushed. it gave your lower belly that tingling feeling and heat pool in your underwear. the room was suddenly too small, too hot and heavy and the only thing you could hear were Liam's filthy moans. you wanted more of that.

“god. fuckin’” he panted. each breath a curse. “perfect. so fuckin’ perfect, baby.”

the taste was new, maddening. everything felt too much and not enough at the same time, like Liam was everywhere and still you needed more. you still felt embarrassed and self-conscious, worrying about your mouth being too tense, or your tongue pressing awkwardly against the underside of his dick. so much concern made you go tense again, your head bobbing with awkwardness, as if you weren’t sure what you were supposed to do. no more smoothness in the way you sucked, as if suddenly sucking required a whole technique. uncomfortable for both of you.

he felt it, saw the way your brows furrowed like when you read a book and couldn’t figure what the hell the author was saying. he knew you only needed to relax, to stop worrying about what he needed and more on what felt right for you. it might have been about getting him off, but you were trying to learn and it was important for you to take your time.

a warm hand cupped your cheek, thumb brushing skin in a sweet attempt to sooth all the worrying. 

“relax the mouth a bit,” he indicated. the tone wasn’t demanding, but gentle, guiding you like he had said he would. it was embarrassing for you that he felt you were doing it bad, and even though you felt like stopping everything in that exact moment out of shame, you didn't. you really, really wanted to learn. wanted to make him feel as good as he did to you.

with a deep breath through your nose, you relaxed your jaw, getting your mouth all soft around the shaft.

“yeah” he rasped, his hand still cradling your cheek sweetly. “… that’s it.” the little nod soothed you, and you kept your mouth perfectly wrapped around him. “no tensin’ the jaw now.”

the moment you found the right pace again, a puff of breath slipped out of his mouth. the back of his head hit the couch, stomach tensing. “yeahhh, just like that. good, very good. keep goin’ like that. that’s it, nice an’ slow. jaw all relaxed now."

Liam remained gentle, guiding you through the work. every time you went too fast, he slowed you down with soft thumbs stroking your cheeks. feeling a bit overwhelmed by the heaviness of his cock in your mouth, you pulled back to instead swirl your tongue around the slit of his tip. his hips bucked up at the same time he groaned, gripping your hair tightly now.

“gonna… fuckin’ cum all over that pretty face.” 

your cheeks flushed as you took him into your mouth again, deeper this time, trying to take it all. and when the tip brushed the back of your throat, it was impossible for him not to whimper. you didn't stop, though, couldn't. all your focus was on how pretty he was whining, so you kept sucking all of it.

“easy, love, easy. don’ have to take it all.” he groaned. your throat tight around him as you gagged once, twice. the feeling was too much for him, too good, but he didn’t want you to choke or something. his thick fingers stroked your hair. “gonna finish me off like that.”

at that moment, you couldn’t care less about his warning. you didn't even care you were gagging. you wanted him to cum. curiosity was filling your senses with the need to know how intense it would be to have him spilling down your throat. the mere thought had you all worked up with a throbbing feeling between your legs.

those thick eyebrows furrowed and his mouth fell wide open with a moan. every muscle of his abdomen tensed as heat built up there, intense and overwhelming. he was so close, you knew it, so you redoubled the efforts, going deeper and deeper, the tip grazing your throat each time. you moaned around him and the vibraciones made Liam whine, fully desperate, in need of release. so needy, he gripped harshly your hair now, thrusting up into your mouth twice. as soon as his dazed brain registered what he was doing, he stayed still and softened his grip, murmuring softs “‘m sorry, baby. sorry, got carried away”. what he wasn't expecting was you to pull back, lick from the base till the tip and whine it with the filthiest tilt.

“just fuck my mouth.”

it came out as a demand, as if you were complaining he was going soft on you.

and just like that, you wrapped those glossy lips around the flushed cock just to take it all into your mouth again. so lost in the taste you missed Liam's stunned expression. he couldn't believe it. first you say it's not your thing, and now you're devouring him? impossible. but there you were, sucking him off as if he tasted like honey. 

what else could he do other than enjoy it? so he did. encouraged by your eagerness, his thick fingers gripped your locks and started pulling you onto his crotch at the same time his hips met up your mouth. not too rough, not to make your head hurt, just enough to make you just sit and take it. 

usually, sex was soft, playful. cute missionary with you hugging Liam while he whispered sweet nothings in your ears, or having him between your legs as you kept him trapped there after he begged for an hour to have a taste. there wasn’t a dominant in your relationship, but the times it was implied, it was you. so having Liam fucking your mouth like that, shoving it all the way in till you gagged around it? it was so new, and way too hot. Liam was a lot of things, but a dominant wasn’t one.

and you just found out how much you liked this side of him.

his groans became louder and louder and his thrusts sloppier and desperate, the kind that indicate he was too close and too needy for release. your hands gripped his thighs because of how fast he was making your head go down, and you breathed through your nose, which brushed each time with the hair on his pelvis. the situation was simply overwhelming. every one of your senses was filled with Liam—his taste, his scent, his texture. everything was him. which left you in a daze, simply offering your mouth to whatever he wanted. if you had known how incredible it was, you would have put aside your hesitation from the start, because you had never felt as aroused as you did now. every sound, every thrust of his hips against your mouth and the desperate way he grabbed your hair had every nerve in your body on edge. by this point, your underwear was slick against your folds because of the wetness that had gathered there.

he threw his head back against the couch, just to look back down at you, because he couldn't help but admire how your lips stretched around his dick. how perfectly you were taking it, not even complaining at how hard he was fucking your mouth, but enjoying it as well. “look at you, takin’ it so pretty. gagging on it. lookin’ all pretty.”

each drag of his cock against your tongue became faster, just him chasing the release that was building tightly in his lower belly. he thrusted once, twice.

and then, he stopped, his cock hitting the back of your throat as his body jerked, griding in slow circles as warmth filled your mouth. his head was tipped back, mouth letting out whiny praises. you were wide-eyed, processing the moment, the feeling of his cum heavy on your tongue.

“fuck” he slurred. “don't have to swallow it, love. spit it out, ‘s not a nice taste”

Liam was being nice, of course he was, making sure you didn't feel like you had to do something you might not like. but you wanted the whole experience, all of it, so when you pulled back, you looked at him dead in the eye and swallowed every single drop. his blue ones were droppy, like he was once lick to pass away, and they stared at you stunned as you didn't even hesitate.

your body was burning, arousal and embarrassment all mixed. it had been hotter than you had expected, so much better. your skin felt too sensitive and you hadn’t even been the one getting off, but you felt like it. meanwhile, Liam looked gone. sweat had his fringe stuck on his forehead and his cheeks were red as he kept trying to come down his high with rapid breaths. his head had lolled back against the couch. everything remained silent for a moment, no words, just heavy breathing. you leaned in and rested your cheek on his thigh, looking up at him with warm, curious eyes. now that the heat was gone, your chest was tight with the uncertainty of whether he had liked it or not. it hadn’t been perfect at all and most of the time you weren’t even doing it right, you thought. that’s when he finally looked down, and a smile bloomed in his face, followed by a soft, breathy laugh.

“liar… you really knew what you were doin’, didn’t ya?”

that comment, so him, made you laugh, flustered and content at his teasing. yeah, he definitely was so stupid sometimes, even in this moment he couldn't help but take the piss. oh, you loved him.

his knuckles caressed your cheek, the little smile never fading away. the gesture was so delicate, pouring out the warmth he was feeling at how beautiful you looked with your head resting against his thigh. his eyes sparkled with affection and he swore yours had hearts on them.

“you're so beautiful, have i told you that?”

a tender smile curved the corner of your mouth, bathed in his sweet murmurs.

“you always do”

“its never enough. christ, look at you.” the way he shook his head, as if he couldn't believe you weren't one of his wet dreams, said it all. “you took it so well, like you were made for it. reckon you are, don't you think?”

you rolled your eyes, not at his comment, but at how stupid you were by getting flustered at his words. it wasn’t easy, though, he really was good with his mouth. 

in every sense.

without any warning, his hands lifted you up the floor to make you lie down against the cushions. eagerly, Liam pushed your legs apart and shoved your soaked underwear aside, not minding your amused laughter.

but he did make an excuse. “my girl deserves a reward.” 

“i'm not a pet.”

“i'm glad.” he teased. “c'mon, pup, c'mere” he tugged your legs to pull you closer to his mouth, better access. 

a sound of disgust was the answer to the petname. he just loved to say things like that to annoy you. “Liam, c'mon” but all he did was laugh.

“you're so easy to annoy.”

after his laughter faded, he let out a warm sigh that brushed your wet folds, making you squirm. one hand had your knickers aside, the other kept your leg out of the way, and he nuzzled against the flesh there.

“c'mon, i just wanna… give it a taste. bet you're all soaked.”

without more waiting, he leaned down and licked from your entrance to your clit, finding you exactly the way he expected, all soaked for him. savouring the slick, a whiny moan spilled out of his mouth at the taste, and he hummed as he pressed his tongue flat against your cunt, sucking it lightly.

a sharp gasp from you cut through the silence, your hands pushing his face right into your cunt.

the days dragged on in slow, agonising seconds, forcing him to feel the full weight of his mistakes, of the way he had taken a good woman and stripped her of every last shred of hope. he didn’t fight it, he deserved the sharp pain piercing his chest; he knew that.

and just when it seemed all was lost, that he was going to spend the rest of his life staring at the ceiling, tormenting himself with the memory of your presence, a diary gave Noel one last chance to say goodbye, to set things right, even if only for a brief moment. and flying from a memory of your relationship to another, he did take it.

if we had the chance to do it all again, tell me, would we?

could we?

⋆.ೃ࿔🌸*:･

prologue

g/a: omg my first edit who laughed. i was gonna post the prologue first and all but out of the blue i wanted to show the vibe (???) first.

xoxo gali