Dear God,     It's midterm season, and lately I've been freaking myself out with stress wondering if I was good enough or how will I ever reach the standards I want to achieve- there is so much that I can excel in, but there is too much to do it all. I was panicking especially today because today I had off from practice, so I naturally (naturally being the key word) wanted to rest and work ahead to get a jump on my ever so demanding schedule. When I didn't (or haven't) met my expectations of achieving everything I wanted, I was becoming weary and discouraged, and when people and my teachers say that my next year's schedule isn't rigorous enough, I become even more worried, and worried myself sick with this impossible burden that I was trying to take up all by myself. And the thing I have to remember (and that's what's really been bothering me, I see all these ways to go deeper to improve myself drastically, but I don't have time to go into them), but this is the main thing, the most important thing, the thing I tend to lose sight of, is that I can't do this by myself. Now that sounds cliche, and the cliche thing is what I was feeding off of, and it wasn't working. Think deeper into it, girl, whenever you see a spiritual truth from now on DON'T LOOK AT IT FROM THE SURFACE! You’ve spent hours trying to discern these spiritual truths, so don't revert back to the basic and powerless meaning- APPLY THE POWER GIVEN TO YOU! That is what I probably will still struggle with for awhile, but at least I can start learning.      The second thing, which is more directly involved to my crisis above is this isn't my life to live. REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE DEAD!!! You are only alive in CHRIST, not in you. Remember you gave up your sin nature and killed it? Well, you have exchanged that life- the life dedicated to your purposes- for a life that belongs to Christ. So whatever he wants to do with it is up to Him, not you anymore. The truth is- even if we don't want to admit it and though He still loves us is this- God will never follow our wants. God does what He wants. God doesn't give you what you want. It’s what He wants. So if God wants me to give up my academic life and live as a hobo, that's my life, and it's for Him. If God wants me to be valedictorian and go to college, that's what He wants, and my life is for Him. My job isn't to look into my all-seeing eye and try to discern that. MY FIRST AND PRIMARY CONCERN, REGARDLESS OF WHAT I AM COMPETING FOR AND WHAT IS GOING AROUND ME IS TO BE A CHRISTIAN! I AM A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN! I AM BORN AGAIN INTO HIS LIFE, THAT IS NOW MY LIFE! Every moment, every victory, every defeat, I should be returning back to Him, leaving that world behind and going back where I belong and to where I have been adopted. I will sacrifice time, like now, to do that. And that is where my peace now lies. I have given up my life so I don't have to do anything on my own strength. He will carry me, and we will have our own incredible adventures with the God who loves me more than can be expressed by all the life spans of every star in every universe combined. Thank you for having patience with me, comforting me, and keeping me in perspective. And for your love.