#dcimn

3x16

Danny: Thanks for meeting on such short notice, Mel. I want to amend my will. Melvin: So you no longer wish to leave your estate to Annette Castellano and the Priests of St. Anthony's Defense Fund. Danny: No, I still want to do that. I also want to include Mindy Lahiri to it. Melvin: Why? That woman is terrible with money. She opened up another credit card last week for a free cupcake. Danny: Yeah, well, circumstances have changed, Mel, and I need to make sure she's taken care of.

Cliff: Hey, I heard the big news. Congratulations. Danny: Well, got to tell you, we're really excited. Cliff: Yeah, yeah, and you're the father?  Danny: Yes, of course I'm the father. You know, Cliff, you may not know this, but Mindy and I are a great couple. Cliff: Okay, cool. Hey, you know, she called me the other day. Danny: She did? Wait, why?  Cliff: I don't know. Oh, that's funny. She's calling me again right now. Danny: She is?  Cliff: Yeah. Mindy, hey. Mindy: Hey, Cliff. Hey, do you still have that office space available?  Cliff: My office space? Yeah, it is. Why do you ask?  Mindy: Because I want it. Cliff: You want it?  Danny: Wait, what?

3x17

Mindy: Look, I don't have time to read all your boring parenting books. Danny: You don't have any time because you're always reading the baby name books. Mindy: Oh, by the way, what do you think of the name Femonique?  Danny: Warmer, but no.

Mindy: The position has been filled by someone who would fit in better with our kind of trendy, cosmopolitan office atmosphere.

Mindy: She might have been retired, but guess who got to her. Me, Mindy Lahiri. I got charm and elegance, like a polished debutante. Jeremy: You forgot your barf bucket. Mindy: Oh, God. Yeah, I'm gonna need this. I can feel it coming up.

Mindy: Guys, you're not selling us well. Dr. Phillips, this is the sexiest and coolest office in all of Manhattan, okay? I'm doing this guy(Danny). Plus, I'm always touching everyone. Danny: Okay, okay, stop it.

[raccoon chatters] Mindy: Hey, Pepe. Oh, yeah. My snacks are pretty gross, but Danny's right. I have to eat healthier for the health of my own litter. [Pepe chatters] Want to try some? Maybe you'll like it. I've seen you eat out of the garbage, and you've seen me eat out of the garbage. [Pepe chatters] It's green beans or something. Pepe. Just try it, Pepe. It's not that bad.

Bergdahl: What I meant to say is, I think you're stressing her out. Danny: Me? Okay, that's ridiculous. I'm her rock. Literally. She sits on me to think sometimes. Bergdahl: Oh. Looks like you're trying to kick something too. What's your drug of choice, huh? Is it smack, booze, anorexia? Danny: Oh, come on. I'm super excited for March. It's gonna be a great month. Bergdahl: Whatever, man. All I'm saying is, when that baby comes, all bets are off. You haven't slept in three days. You got this creature screaming at you, won't tell you what it wants. Maybe you ate a little baby poop by accident. You're gonna backslide. You're gonna go back to that vice, and you are definitely gonna want her to cut you some slack.

Danny: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, Adrian. What if I asked you to work here? Jeremy: Danny, can't you see I'm having my supper? You got to run this stuff by me. Danny: Yeah, well, I just trust the guy, I don't know, and so does Mindy. Jeremy: But he looks like the guy who can't sleep in a cold medicine commercial. [sighs] Well, I suppose we are out of options. Dr. Bergdahl, would you like to join the practice on a trial basis?  Bergdahl: Yeah, I'm out of options too, so you got a deal. 

Mindy: Is that a bedazzled barf bucket? Wow, Morgan! It's so beautiful. This is the nicest gift anyone's given me since Danny took me to Bruno Mars.

Morgan: Oh, Bruno Mars and I. Hat brothers.

And did we notice the Melvin’s were ALL older white men?

We did notice. We absolutely noticed. We know that Hired Melvin (I forget his name because they all looked the same anyway) is here for a few eps at least, right? I'm kind of hoping (and this is pure speculation) that he's temporary. Like, I get why Vanessa Williams couldn't stay, but why can't Neepa show up and need a job? WHY NOT?

Peter Prentice

Beverley Something, debuting a brilliant new idea for dealing with all racists.