#dbhlightandshadow

‘We need to take a stand! Every day, more of our people are slaughtered in the streets!’

 ‘And if we just start killing any wayward human we come across, we will only be encouraging these executions!’

 ‘If you are afraid to fight for our cause, I suggest you return yourself to CyberLife! Maybe being deconstructed and having your parts reshaped to suit a household Roomba will change your mind!’

‘If we seek violence, then we only welcome death. Bully me all you want, North, but this is the only way!’

 Markus’ head hurt from the most recent of Josh and North’s series of arguments; he assumed it would be much like a ‘headache’ for humans. He hated having to hear his closest companions yelling back and forth; both had good arguments and reasons for their sides, but the constant raised voices and aggressive tones carried through the walls of Jericho.

 Their people were scared, and the discourse between both Josh and North was not helping anyone to feel safe.

 They hardly seemed to notice him leaving, stepping out of the room and heading for the stairs. The drip and drops of leaking water and the gentle tilt of Jericho’s hull was soothing to Markus, his headache already having begun to recede.

 At the base of the stairs, there was the glow of the fire pit to his left; Lucy was helping another damaged android to seal their wounds. She had since gotten a lot of aid from the freed androids that joined them in Jericho and had become Markus’ confidant in all, personal matters. She and Simon had both been there for him whilst the others fought, but Simon had been absent from Markus’ inner circle the past few days.

 He had hoped that his closest friend would be by Lucy’s side, helping their people with their injuries, but peering past the ruined curtain, he could not see the head of familiar, wheat hair. Looking out over the crowd, there was the occasional PL600 that caught his eye, but he did not recognise them.

 Androids may have all shared faces across their different models, but there was something about their eyes, how they held themselves and their tones of voice; it helped to differentiate them. Something humans may have struggled with, simply amongst twins or triplets, was something that came easy to the average android. And with Markus, it just seemed that much clearer.

 He passed through the crowd, offering his sincerest words to those that sought him out. Markus hadn’t much liked the idea of leading his people, especially when they had only just been released from human control. The thought had sickened him at first, but he adapted to it quickly; he didn’t want to be their ‘master’, but the more he spoke with Lucy and Simon, the more he realised he had simply become their servant. A leadership role was meant to serve the people, not the other way around.

 As he strayed to the edges of the crowd, he caught the familiar sight of blue eyes looking in his direction. Markus turned and made his way to a corridor, rusted yellow doors lining each side. Leaned against one, sat up on an empty CyberLife crate, was Simon. His chest rose and fell, much like a human’s would as they breathed, and as Markus approached, the hum of the thirium pump became that much more obvious.

 Simon still sported a wound; sealed though it was, his skin still had yet to return to it. The white of his chassis revealed a deep gash and how his thirium pump remained exposed. Despite him walking back to Jericho, Simon shouldn’t have been allowed to move much. His biocomponents could have been shutting down from all the stress, and Markus wasn’t sure how much more loss he could suffer through. Not when Simon had just come back.

 ‘Simon?’

 ‘Markus.’ He offered a tense smile, those stormy blue eyes darting away to focus their gaze on the floor. Hesitantly, Markus did take a seat beside him, and noticed how the android shifted over, as if to create space between them. Markus didn’t understand it. Since they hugged upon the other’s return, he thought they were still close. The last thing he wanted was Simon to be upset.

 He rested his hand on the other’s; feeling the cool of his synthetic skin against his own. The hand twitched, but didn’t move away at the intrusion.

 ‘I’ve missed you at our meetings, Simon. It would be nice to hear your opinions in our discussions.’ He hoped that, by striking a conversation with him, Simon would open up. He worried that whatever he had experienced on the rooftop of the broadcast tower may have hurt him more than Markus could ever know.

 ‘Yes, well, it is not my place.’

 ‘W-What do you mean? Simon, I want your opinion; I respect it.’

 ‘That does not matter.’ Those eyes turned to finally look up at Markus, and Simon’s heavy head rolled to the side, resting on Markus’ shoulder. ‘I… I am not able to help you.’

 ‘Simon, I trust your judgement. I want to hear what you have to say.’ A small smile pulled at the corners of Simon’s lips, and for a moment, he seemed to almost curl closer. ‘I don’t want you to forget this, Simon, but you are my closest friend.’

 Simon’s head rolled the other way, and the man sat up. The thrumming of his thirium pump sounded louder through the wound, and the hand that Markus had caught, slipped away to cover it. The smile on Simon’s face had dropped.

 ‘What’s wrong?’

 ‘I-It’s nothing, Markus.’

 ‘It isn’t nothing.’ He shifted closer as Simon had shifted away. He rested his hand over Simon’s shoulder, and the android jerked his whole body away, weakly falling off the crate and to his feet. He stepped away from Markus, seemingly afraid. ‘Talk to me. I want to hear what you have to say.’

 Simon took another step back.

 ‘Is this about what happened at the tower?’

 Another step.

 ‘Or is it something I have done?’

 ‘No!’ The sudden outburst caught both of them off guard, as Simon’s hand raised to his lips. He seemed almost horrified at his own reaction, but it was enough for Markus to step forward and take a gentle hold of Simon’s shoulders and steer him away from the crowd of androids behind them. If this was something so personal to him, perhaps something he didn’t want to admit in front of anyone else, Markus wouldn’t force him to say so when their people stood naught fifteen feet away.

 They entered into one of the side rooms, sealing the rusted, yellow door behind them. It was an empty room, save for some crates of old, tinned food that had been abandoned along with the vessel. Simon had put some distance between them again once the door had shut, but he seemed less likely to scurry away. He just seemed… nervous.

 ‘Simon-’

 ‘No, Markus. I… I don’t want to talk about this. It… I will…’

 ‘Please, Simon.’ Markus stepped closer, and without much space to avoid him, Simon let him approach. ‘The last thing I want is for you to be hurting. I want you to talk to me, to let me know what is happening. I want to help you, in whatever way I can.’

 ‘You can’t help this, Markus.’

 ‘Maybe I can, and you just don’t realise?’ Markus attempted to joke, but there was only a shake from Simon’s head. ‘Please, just talk to me. I don’t even have to say anything if you don’t want me to. If you really want…’ Markus didn’t want it, but he didn’t want the other to continue to alienate himself from the rest of Jericho.

 ‘We can get Lucy to erase my memories of our conversation, if you just want to get if off your chest?’

 Simon’s eyes widened at the idea, but the minute trembling had ceased. He stood, stock still for a time, until Markus had taken another seat by the wall, and gestured for Simon to join him.

 ‘Y-You would do that?’ Markus smiled.

 ‘Anything for you.’

 It was a hesitant approach, but Simon did take a seat beside him. They leaned against the wall of the room, feeling the wet of leaking water running into their clothes. They didn’t care.

 ‘I… I don’t want you to hate me, Markus.’

 ‘I don’t.’

 ‘I-I know, but… I don’t want what I have to say to change anything for the worse.’ Markus nodded his head, and didn’t say anything else. He allowed the other to speak.

 ‘I… I have discovered Markus that, especially when North is around you, speaking to you and looking at you in the way she does, I feel a kind of heat surge through me. My temperature feels as though it has raised, but my HUD does not detail any errors.’

 ‘The way you hold hands, the way she moves so close to you… I can’t stand it. I know it is wrong, Markus, but I… I want you to look at me in that way.’

 ‘You are so brave in your choices, so willing to take on the pain of our people and to offer them an extended hand every time. You seek to help them and do what you can for them. Even when I argued against it, you still helped to steal an entire truck of parts and biocomponents. Something I would never be brave enough to accomplish.'

 ‘I admire you, Markus. And I want you to admire me… Not because I am brave or because I am a good leader, like you. I am neither of those things, but I want your eyes to be on me, the same way you gaze at North.’

 ‘You have great wisdom, a willingness to help all androids, and the courage to do it all. You listen to everyone’s opinions and you are creative in a way I don’t think I could ever be.’

 ‘It is…’ It was the first time Simon had halted in his words. He hesitated, and the sight of tears pooling at the corners of his eyes made Markus feel a deep tug within his chest cavity. His hand wrapped around Simon’s once more, and the other didn’t pull away.

 ‘I think it is ‘love’, Markus. I love you…’

 The tears had begun to flow. Markus pulled Simon closer, but didn’t hold him. He did not wish to restrict the other. The man beside him was sensitive, and scared. Markus didn’t want Simon to run away from him. Not after this.

 ‘W-When you left me on that rooftop, I thought I wouldn’t see you again. I… I was scared to die, but I had never felt more scared when I saw the three of you leap off the building. I thought I would be found, that I would give away everything about Jericho…’

 Markus’ ‘heart’ fell.

 ‘And then you didn’t come back…’

 Markus had hated doing that to Simon. He couldn’t kill him, but when he saw the other crawl away across the roof, dragging his legs behind him, he had not expected the officers would miss him. When he had heard the deviant hunter had been present at the tower, he had assumed Simon had been caught, and deactivated.

 When the other had returned, out of the blue and alive, Markus had never felt two such conflicting emotions before. He had felt a great weight fall from him, as if he was relieved, when he could feel Simon in his arms. But, he felt just as cold, when he realised that Simon had been alive the whole time, and abandoned to his fate.

 ‘I’m sorry.’ Simon continued to cry silently. ‘I didn’t mean to abandon you. I never wanted to. I…’ He felt tears in his own eyes, but refused to let them fall. He had no right.

 ‘I love you, Markus… P-Please… Please don’t leave me again…’

 ‘I won’t.’

 They held each other there for a while, until Simon lifted his gaze to Markus. He sat up and the two androids stood, smiling at each other.

 ‘Y-you don’t hate me, do you?’

 ‘Never have and never will.’ Markus reassured him, resting a hand on Simon’s cheek. The two of them were stood close, their faces having drawn in to where they were only a short distance apart.

 ‘W-Will you do as you suggested?’ Simon asked. ‘Will you go to Lucy?’

 ‘If you want me to…’ He leaned closer, brushing his lips over Simon’s cheek. The android froze, eyes widened in shock. He didn’t pull away from Markus’ hand on his cheek and Markus felt a kind of sweet warmth enter into his cheeks. The faintest turquoise colour had started to blossom in Simon’s face.

 ‘May I admit something to you, Simon?’

 Simon’s own hands had raised, resting on Markus’ chest. There were placed as if to push away, but all they did was clasp to the lapels of his coat.

 ‘Y-Yes?’

 Markus dipped his head again, their lips brushing ever so slightly. It sent another thrill through their bodies, something that warmed them up inside. It wasn’t a kiss, but it had been close enough.

 Markus took one of Simon’s hands from his chest, and felt their skin recede. It revealed the white of their bodies beneath, and there was a bright blue, glowing at their fingertips. He could see through Simon’s eyes, how he had been beaten down since the first day he had been bought by his family. His model was due to be decommissioned as an obsolete model, and he had panicked.

 It was a rush all at once, and Markus lowered his lips to Simon’s. It was a gentle, unsure lock of lips. Their eyes shut, allowing them to see through each other’s eyes. Markus could see himself through Simon, how the other watched him and felt warm whenever he spoke. He felt a sense of joy to see someone so invested in the lives of their people, and a great respect for someone willing to make the hard decisions.

 ‘I don’t want to forget this, Simon.’

 They kissed again, a little longer this time. The feeling of heat rushing through their bodies continued to grow.

 ‘If you will let me, I want to remember this… And if you want, I would love it if you allowed me to love you.’

 ‘B-But what about North?’

 ‘North…’ Markus thought over his words for a moment. ‘North and I are close, Simon. She is proud and strong, who cares for our people. But she is not who I want.’

 He leaned in for another kiss, resting one gently peck over both of Simon’s closed eyes. Then, he kissed his lips again. It felt wonderful. It was no mystery to Markus why a good number of humans longed for such connection. He didn’t wish it to end.

 ‘I… I want you, Simon. Will you let me remember?’ Simon breathed, fingers locking with Markus’ own.

 ‘I… I don’t want you to forget me, Markus…’

Markus must have noticed the change in him because in a moment he turned, so that now he was facing Connor. Their eyes finally met. 

"Is everything alright, love?" he asked, his voice soothing and full of worry.

Of course. Connor tried to force a smile, but his lips barely moved. He felt a lump in his throat. 

These past few weeks were the best in his life. There was no Cyberlife to boss him around. No humans to put him down. Just him and Markus, the person he loved the most. 

Connor was free. And for the first time he felt happy.

But it didn't mark the end of his story. 

Markus reached out his hand and gently cupped Connor's cheek. 

"Talk to me," he said pleadingly. There was an edge to his soft voice. 

Words seemed to have stuck in Connor's throat, but no matter how hard he tried to fight them, there was no way of avoiding the truth.

He was living in a dream. The kind you'd never want to wake up from. But just as much as it made his spirits fly, it also melted his wings more and more every day. And the higher he ascended, the more afraid he was of the fall. 

Connor lowered his eyes, feeling like not being able to look Markus in the face. Voice shaking, he spoke under his breath:

"You aren't real, are you?"

It was a question, but Connor wasn't waiting for an answer. He knew all along. 

He wanted to believe it was real. He wanted it so bad.

But the reality didn't care about what he wanted. It was what it was, cruel and unrelenting, and not even the strongest desire of a heart could change it. 

Tears began to fill the android's eyes. Markus gently lifted his chin, causing their gazes to lock again. 

No. Not Markus. Just a mere projection of him. A reminder of what could have been. 

Connor sat up abruptly. There was so much going on inside of him. So many feelings he'd repressed before.

Helplessness. Frustration. Despair. Grief. 

Sometimes he wished he'd never become a deviant. 

There was no longer sunshine in the Zen Garden. No longer funny shapes of clouds. The sky went dark and everything seemed to lose its colors. Tears rolling down Connor's cheeks mixed with the pouring rain.

His broken wings couldn't carry him anymore. Connor fell. He drowned in the sea of lies he'd been telling himself. There was no escape. 

"Markus was everything to me," he grieved. "I didn't realize it until it was too late." 

He felt a comforting hand touch his shoulder. 

"I couldn't even say goodbye to him." 

"Why don't you do it now?" 

Connor looked up at the android. There was genuine sadness to his mismatched eyes. Rain glistered on his skin and the soaked up clothes stuck to his body. His hand moved and was now softly stroking Connor's cheek. 

"Before you go," he whispered. "Let us have this one last moment."

A small shiver ran through Connor's body. He never thought he'd get to say goodbye to Markus. He hoped he'd never have to. 

He still remembered what he'd said to him the last time they met. A promise he'd never kept. 

We'll meet again, won't we, Connor?

He wrapped an arm around Markus' neck. 

"You can count on it," murmured Connor, closing the distance between them. 

Their lips landed on each other and it felt just like the first time, stomach trembling and heart pounding. It was so urgent and needy, yet so tender and sweet. Overwhelmed with sensations, Connor almost forgot it wasn't his Markus kissing him, on a cold November evening, with Detroit at their feet. 

"I wish we had more time," groaned Markus, slowly pulling away from the kiss. Connor already missed the taste of his lips. 

He tried not to look at the android as he stood up, letting go of his touch. He knew that if he waited there any longer, he might never leave. He might believe in this all over again. 

Hardly had he walked away, when a voice from behind caused him to stop. His heart skipped a beat. 

"We'll meet again, won't we, Connor?" 

He knew what he wanted to say. He had it on the tip of his tongue. But the words couldn't leave his mouth. 

He turned around to take in the sight of his lover one last time. 

Markus walked aimlessly through the dark, creaking hallways of Jericho. He couldn’t pull his thoughts from the Stratford Tower. He remembered most clearly how loud it had been, the noise almost overwhelming. Markus was used to quiet, with Carl. The gentle swish of paintbrushes against canvas, soft piano music, the turning of pages in books, a quiet television in the background. At the top of the Stratford Tower there had been only noise. The human SWAT team when they breached the broadcast room, guns firing on entry. Voices, shouting.

"Simon! They're coming!" "I- I can't Markus... Go without me!"

"Simon!"

He’d charged forward after Simon fell, heedless of the spray of bullets, his only thoughts on getting to Simon. North was shouting at him now too. Markus didn’t register the words, too focused on pulling his friend out of danger. They’d made it to the rooftop, struggling, and locked the access door. But the pounding on the door meant they wouldn’t be safe for long. Simon couldn’t walk, too badly damaged to survive a leap from the roof even with a parachute. North and Josh had turned to him for answers with time running out.

In the moment, Markus had been horrified at North’s suggestion to shoot Simon. Even after Josh’s warning that if Simon was found, all of his memories could be accessed and Jericho compromised. Instead they’d left Simon there alone, injured, with a gun in his hand. His stomach twisted at the thought of what the gun was really for when if Simon was found. There would be no chance of escape. Perhaps killing him would have been a mercy. If Markus hadn’t been too much of a coward to do it himself.

Now, Markus stopped to lean against a rusting wall and stared at his palm, no longer bare white plastic and polymer as it had been a short while ago. North had found where he was hiding earlier; an open room with an out of tune piano and an exposed, overhanging beam to sit on and stare into the Detroit skyline. She’d spoken to him gently, gentler than he’d ever known North to be. Markus had lied and said his distraction was worry about their next move, worry about being called to lead their people, worry about the power he held in his unsteady hands.

When North asked about who he was before, he told her. He told her about Carl, his quiet life, his blissful ignorance. And when Markus asked in return, North had shared her past with him like every word hurt to speak. He hadn’t known what to do, what the right words were to say. In the hope of conveying how sincerely grateful Markus was for her trust he’d gingerly reached for a connection. Instead, he’d seen the death of that man through her eyes, and she’d seen his final moments with Carl. They both pulled away in shock and North had quickly retreated. Markus had called after her but he didn’t want to push, the connection had rattled them both.

He curled and uncurled his fingers slowly, still staring at his palm. He felt honoured that North trusted him enough to share her past with him and he thinks that now that he might understand what North was truly afraid of up on that roof. Not of the information the humans could get from Simon if they found him, but of what the humans might do to him if they captured him alive. The thought that death would be preferable to imprisonment. He sighed an unnecessary breath and walked deeper into the ship.

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed movement; another android stepping out in front of him. He glanced up and lurched to a stop, stunned.

It was- it was Simon. But it couldn’t be. He was- Simon was gone, he couldn’t be standing here in front of Markus, looking ragged but alive. Simon opened his mouth as if to speak but instead looked down, gaze sliding away.

Marcus stared a moment longer, took a few shaky steps forward, stopped again. Blue eyes met mismatched green and blue, and Markus couldn’t stand it any longer. He closed the distance and pulled Simon into a tight hug, nearly gasping at the solid feel of him. He was real.

“Simon?” He whispered, voice shaky and hoarse. “Thank God, Simon, you’re alive.” Markus’s hands wouldn’t settle, grasping at Simon’s sweater, sliding across his back, over the nape of his neck, carding through his hair. As if somehow, if he could just get his hold right, Markus could pull Simon into his chassis and keep him there under his ribs, safe. “But how? How did you escape? What happened, what-”

“Markus,” Simon’s whisper cut him off, weak and unsteady. “Please, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry just don’t- please don’t leave me again, Markus.” He was trembling in Markus’s arms. Markus turned his head and tucked his face into the crook of Simon’s neck, whispering fiercely into his shoulder.

“I won’t, I promise. I promise I’ll never leave you behind again, Simon, I promise.” He pulled back to cradle Simon’s face in his hands, tipping their foreheads together. “Never again.” He breathed. Simon exhales shakily, nodding, and sags forward into Markus's hold.

Markus was slammed so suddenly with the need to kiss Simon that he nearly leaned in without thinking. But Simon was wavering where he stood and, Markus noticed as he glanced down at Simon’s wounds, still bleeding. He tilted Simon back gently and caught his eye.

“We need to get you fixed up.” And before Simon could answer, Markus was bending forward and lifting Simon into his arms. Simon let out a startled noise at being so suddenly lifted.

“Markus, I can walk-” he protested, but Markus interrupted before he could finish.

“You’re not walking another step on that injured leg.” Markus said firmly. Simon sighed, giving up his protest easily and dropping his head onto Markus’s shoulder.

“All right.” He murmured softly.