#dazzledlights

aswium: the mingled feeling of disappointment, frustration, and regret that results from an unsatisfactory situation

The lights were off. Tooru and Hajime had completed their usual getting-ready-for-bed routine: showers had been taken, teeth had been brushed, covers had been pushed back, phones had been put away. There had been none of their usual chatter. Their bedroom seemed anxious for it, as though the air itself longed to hear their laughter, to see messy kisses exchanged as tired minds drifted towards unconsciousness.

Tooru longed for something else. He could only just see Hajime in the dark, but he did not need to look to know that the other was not sleeping. Instead, he stared, unspeaking, at the ceiling, waiting.

Tooru was waiting, too- waiting for a solution to jump out from wherever it was hiding in his mind and say “Haha! Here I am! Use me!”

It did not.

He sat criss-cross on the bed, sheets covering his legs. He fiddled with his fingers, worrying at his nails, and thought about the night they’d had.

“They set a date for the pinning ceremony,” Hajime had said, voice tinted with pride. His scrubs smelled of sweat and hospital, but he joined Tooru on the couch anyway. Their chests rose and fell together as Tooru ran his fingers through Hajime’s hair. He smiled both at the news and the way Iwaizumi’s eyes danced with the satisfaction of a long, wonderful day of hard, tiring work. “May twenty-second.”

They had celebrated with a kiss and a call to the nearest pizza place. They’d toasted with greasy pepperoni slices and drank cheap wine out of tiny paper cups. And then Tooru had gone to mark the special occasion in his calendar.

“Ah.”

“What?”

“I’m supposed to be in California that day. For a tournament.”

“Ah.”

And so they’d gone to bed, the argument they could have had unspoken and tense in the air between them. There was no reason to discuss the matter. Tooru might lose his position as a starter if he missed a practice, let alone one day of a tournament. He’d clawed his way to the court only to find his place there as solid as a footprint in sand. There were so many bright, hungry eyes watching and waiting for a chance to claim their own spot in the professional world. So, so many. And so there could be no skipping, no asking of special favors for Oikawa Tooru.

But the world would not rearrange itself for Oikawa Hajime, either. The date of the one and only ceremony that would ever formally recognize his hardwork and dedication to the field of nursing would not change just because the man he loved most in the world could not attend. And so the day would pass and he would have one less person to lock eyes with in the audience of loved ones as his career officially began.

They would move on. There would be other chances to celebrate and love each other. But this time, this chance, would be missed. It would be an unfortunate stain on an otherwise charming and cherished quilt. A small blip in a life of easy love and sturdy foundations.

Tooru turned to look at his husband. “I’m going to go.”

“You can’t. I know you can’t.”

He couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t. The absolute concreteness of that fact made him want to spike a ball through a window. He kissed Hajime’s forehead instead. “I am so very proud of you.”

Hajime took a strand of Tooru’s hair between his fingers and twirled it. “I know you are.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything.”

No, he hadn’t done anything. But he couldn’t undo anything either.

“We’ll get your sister to FaceTime me in during it. I’ll cheer so loudly at your turn it’ll be just like I’m in the room.”

Hajime smirked. “And she’ll bill you for her new hearing aids afterwards.”

“Exactly.”

hello! <3

that is! very perceptive! and i’m going to put my full answer under a read more in case anyone doesn’t want to be spoilered for archaeology or anything

1. AngstThere’s nothing quite like the way your heart just completely fucking shatters when you see the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with leaning up against the wall at a party with someone else cuddled into their side, laughing happily.

2. AUHajime wonders, for probably the tenth time this morning, how long it will take before he tosses his crown to the floor and bolts out the nearest doorway because there’s no way he’ll be any good at this ruling a kingdom thing - even if it is a ruse - and then the man kneeling at his feet gracefully rises and grins cheekily as he says, “Knight Captain Kuroo at your service, my King,” and suddenly Hajime thinks that maybe this whole ordeal won’t be so horrible after all.

3. Crack“That,” Tetsurou says, eying Hajime and his trophy warily, “is a potato with hands.”

4. Future ficHe wants to march right over and say something stupid like “hey you probably don’t remember me but you were my first kiss when I was seven and I’ve kind of been in love with you since then” but he’s thirty-fucking-one and that’s kind of sad and oh shit Iwaizumi Hajime is walking his way with a sheepish smile and stopping in front of him and opening his mouth and- “Hey this is a long shot and you probably don’t remember me but my name is Iwaizumi and we knew each other when we were kids.”

5. First TimeThey might not be each other’s first anything but that just means that when Kuroo pulls Hajime against his chest and flips them so he’s caging Hajime against the mattress that he knows exactly what he’s doing and that just makes his fumbling fingers all that more endearing.

6. FluffTetsurou yawns, loud and obnoxious, before flopping across Hajime’s chest, humming happily when Hajime reaches out and lightly scratches Tetsurou’s shoulders and it’s only a few minutes before he’s asleep again.

7. Humor“This was not what I expected when I was called to rescue a cat stuck in a tree,” Hajime says as he watches Tetsurou’s face flush and if he didn’t know any better he would swear Tetsurou looks like he’s considering climbing even higher just to try to get away.

8. Hurt/ComfortIt tears Tetsurou apart to simply sit here while the man he loves sobs into his shoulder but all Hajime wants is for him to stay at his side and, really, how can he deny that?

9. SmutHajime pushes Tetsurou into the closet with a wicked grin on his face that only grows when Tetsurou gasps and wraps his long fingers around Hajime’s wrist as he reaches into Tetsurou’s sweatpants.

No, our magazine will have a wide variety of characters from many different teams!

We’re going to use these characters for something special in the future, though :)

Hello petal! It’s been so long since I wrote that post I had to go back and re-read it and honestly I still stand by that hc a lot!!!

For those who want to read it, it was this one (the question was which hq!! boys would start a band and in which position they’d be in):

“Iwaizumi, Kuroo, Bokuto. Aka the rock band with so many guns it should honestly be illegal. Iwa as the leading singer and bass player, Kuroo as the supportive singer, guitar player and proud leather-jacket-skinny-jeans aesthetic carrier, Bokuto as the drummer. In one word: RIP us, but especially their interviewers.”

Oh Dear,this question hits hard and reminds me of all the comics I have and had planned and never drew.My initially plan was to make the Detective Au a comic. This is why I didn’t say too much about the plot and story cause I didn’t want to spoil it. But here we are now one year later and I still don’t have one single comic page.And now I’m already planing a new comic with my ocs.I do have all the plots and scenes…Hip Hop Au, Detective Au, my ocs…I just don’t draw them.Cause I already have them so big and detailed in mind I just get overwhelmed thinking about drawing all this...so I never start..and instead distract myself with other drawings.

As you might have noticed the last chapter of the Hip Hop Au is 2 years old and the story isn’t finished either. By now I’m sure I will never finish the Hip Hop AuBut I still have some hope and plans for the Detective Au. But I also really want to do my ocs comics..and if I’m already overwhelmed with one comic I’m sure I can’t work with 2!!

But who knows. I don’t want to give you any hope that there will ever be a comic. But I still haven’t given up on the Detective Au. And I might start again. Maybe with small scenes and single pics (like the latest) instead of a whole comic.Cause I feel those small pics and single scenery pictures also already tell a story. And maybe I start like this. Small scenes and some text.

We will see