#dazaran

“What are you doing awake?” Ranpo asked, tapping mute on the laptop. The live show he was watching silenced, but that comments kept wizzing past. Osamu could see Ranpo still keeping an eye on them. 

Osamu smiled a little, a movement Ranpo clearly felt because he dragged his eyes away to drink in the sight. Ranpo loved seeing Osamu smile, a gift of kindness Osamu didn’t truly deserve. 

Ranpo looked away again as Osamu kissed the space between Ranpo’s collarbone and neck. “You had a nightmare, didn’t you.” Ranpo’s words weren’t a question. It was a statement.

Osamu hummed, kissing him again. “You know me so well.”

Ranpo huffed, as if insulted. “Of course I do.”

There was silence for a moment and then Ranpo started to rub small circles in the back of Osamu’s hand. Osamu shuddered, taking a moment to relieve the memory—to move past it. 

“You died in it. I killed you. I didn’t even care.” It was a heavy admission for him. Even after having the same nightmare dozens of times over so many years, every single time it was hard to tell Ranpo. 

Ranpo stopped rubbing circles, stopping to hold Osamu’s hand tight instead. With a gentleness Ranpo rarely shared, he brought the hand to his chest so that Osamu could feel the heart beating under his palm. 

Osamu froze, paying very careful attention. Slowly, his eyes drifted closed as he counted the beats, soft and even. ‘I’m here’ was what Ranpo was trying to say. Osamu heard it loud and clear. 

Ranpo wasn’t entirely sure when he’d first noticed that Osamu tended to squint his eyes when reading. It had to have started when he started to notice everything about Osamu--about a month ago. Nothing in particular had brought it on, other than the way he noticed Osamu staring at him once when he thought no one else was looking.

The squinting had been at the bottom of the list of ‘notices’, so it’d been information sorted away as ‘for later’. There’d been more important things, like how attractive he happened to look when he lounged at his desk, stretching his torso long like he hoped someone would be looking.

However, as Ranpo had been staring at Osamu for the better part of an hour, that information had moved from ‘for later’ to ‘is he okay?' Osamu may be very blurry from this distance without his glasses, but Ranpo could see the crease in his brow every time he picked up a paper only to sigh and shove it aside to procrastinate for another ten minutes.

Ranpo took one last suck of his lollipop, then pulled it out with a pop. “Dazai! Get over here,” he said, shoving the lollipop back in his mouth so that Osamu would know there was no room for argument.

His eyes closed just in time for Osamu to (hopefully) remain unaware of his staring. Osamu let out an annoyed sound, but the sound of him standing and coming closer meant that he didn’t really care that much. “Mr. Ranpo,” Osamu whined, “It’s too hot to be making me walk around.” It was barely above 20°C in the office.

“You’ll thank me,” Ranpo said with a slightly triumphant smile, “I’m being very helpful! Hold still.”

Ranpo debated for a moment whether or not it was worth it to stand, but it was useless to try and reach Osamu’s face from a sitting position he quickly realized.

He leapt to his feet and produced his glasses from his pocket, sliding them gently onto Osamu’s face. “There! All better now!” he said with pride at his generosity.

Ranpo couldn’t see Osamu's reaction, but he could feel it. Every muscle in the man stiffened, and he clearly sucked in a breath and held it. His cheeks were unbelievably warm. Could he be blushing?

Ranpo pulled away instantaneously, shocked by the reaction of his own heart giving nearly painful flutterings he barely understood. His eyes opened a little in surprise as he tried to register the sudden, strong feelings overwhelming his chest.

It was the worst possible thing he could’ve done.

Osamu Dazai was not a logical or entirely predictable man. Even the great genius Ranpo Edogawa understood that the idea of ever understanding him was at best improbable and at worst impossible. One such unpredictable landmine Ranpo had not at all planned to hit today was how stunningly attractive Osamu was in glasses.

Perhaps it was the way it emphasized his golden brown eyes, or how they magnified his soft expression, but whatever it was caused Ranpo’s heart to effectively skip a beat. There was also the slight issue that Osamu was blushing. His cheeks had an unfamiliar red hue, something he must’ve allowed because otherwise Osamu would not be caught blushing right up to the very day he died. Which begged the question, why did he let Ranpo see his blush?

Ranpo swallowed--knowing Osamu would see him staring, knowing that it wasn’t entirely platonic--and then physically had to tear his eyes away.

Oh Hell, why wouldn’t his heart stop pounding?

Ranpo sucked in as subtle a breath as he could manage, willing his cheeks to cool. He couldn’t begin to explain what had just passed between them and that spooked him a bit. He was so rarely lost for words.

“I can’t see a single thing,” Osamu remarked with amusement, breaking the awkward silence Ranpo had initiated.

Ranpo struggled to recover. “That’s not my problem,” he said with a pouty frown, “Get your own glasses.” He flopped down into his seat, arms crossed and looking for all the world like a petulant child.

“Thank you,” Osamu said, humor thick in his voice. Then, a warm hand came to hover over Ranpo’s heart as Osamu slipped the glasses back into his pocket.

There were several moments of panic as Ranpo realized that Osamu must be able to feel his racing heartbeat. And the bigger issue was that the skin below where he touched burned and Ranpo wanted badly to lean into it. To lean into Osamu.

"You’re so helpful, Mr. Ranpo,” Osamu said in a teasing tone, “I don't know what I’d do without you.”

Ranpo floundered, barely able to come up with a cohesive thought for the first time in his life. What was this feeling? What was the tightness in his chest? The ache in his lungs? He let his eyes slide open again and he met Osamu’s gaze, an action that clearly took Osamu by surprise. He stared back expectantly.

But Ranpo didn’t know what to say. His ability didn’t explain anything. Instead, he was just staring into bewitching brown eyes that he was suddenly sure he could drown in if given half a chance.

Was this…?

“You’d die,” Ranpo said plainly, pointedly looking away and closing his eyes once more.

“Huh?” Osamu said, the first time Ranpo had heard him sound confused.

“You’d die without me,” Ranpo said as if it was definitive fact.

There was a long pause and then the slight sound of a soft giggle. “Yes. I suppose I would,” he said.

And then he was gone and Ranpo felt the loss of his warmth so acutely, he thought he must be sick.