Life’s been kicking me while I’m down lately. I’ve had a lot more losses than wins and it’s been extra tough to find the time, or motivation, to write.
It especially sucks because I have so many WIPS right now that I was genuinely excited about breathing life into—but for my own mental health, it’s needed to go on pause.
Raid Nights is very close to having a full (and extremely smutty) chapter ready. This story has a lot of me in it, though, and I’m working to make sure I separate myself enough that it feels comfortable to share… while remaining fun and interesting (and hopefully a little sexy while we’re at it).
The Dalish Champion has a chapter at about 60%. I’m at a difficult section, so picking it back up has been an exercise in patience. I’d hoped my recent Faire trip would be inspiring and it was… until a whole slew of life things happened on the way home.
I mean look at how Ame’lin coded this is.
The gym trainer AU (that still needs a name) has a smattering of scenes and a very rough outline. A recent gym injury has made this weirdly close to home in the worst way, so it’s not been priority.
To Be Redeemed is a long form Arator piece that has a pretty robust outline now and around 9k of rehabilitated writing from over a decade ago. This is another very large endeavor, so I’m trying to button up other things first before I really dive into it in earnest.
It’s been hard to focus down and pick one to just polish up enough to publish. They all have pros and cons and that’s not to mention a handful of other concepts and outlines I have that I want to get to… but I admittedly thrive off of positive feedback and when you’re not publishing anything…
Yeah you see the cycle I’m in.
I hope to dig myself out of this rut soon. Assuming life gives me a breather, I’d like to fill it with words I care about and want to share with you all. I don’t see myself as a prolific or well known or even really well liked writer… but I know a few of you care about the silly worlds I’ve built so I want you to know I haven’t given them up. I’ve just needed to take a short leave of absence.
I’ll be fine, eventually. I have a wonderful network of friends who have been there for me and a loving and supportive partner. The hobby is what’s taking a hit right now.
I know I’ll get back to writing silly things that make people laugh. I can’t help it; it’s a passion I’ve had my whole life. I hope you’ll enjoy what I have when I get there.
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I won’t get into the hows or whys or details, and the people who know, oh boy do they know. But my creativity and inspiration have kind of hit a brick wall and it’s been difficult to get into the right headspace to create. It is especially difficult at the moment to interact with certain content.
I may be a bit of a passive observer for a while as a result. And I am reviewing my planned slate of projects and making some adjustments. I will get back to it, because I know it will be very healing to do so. I’m looking forward to that.
But right now I need a little break to disassociate and sort some complex feelings.
Please don’t feel like that means you have to stop tagging me in things or checking in! I’m just likely to take a little longer to respond and proactive posts may (continue to) be a bit more sparse. Thank you for understanding while I give myself that space.
We’re gonna go on a bit of a personal journey here. Below is me pictured roughly sometime around the start of July this year. This will be important, I promise.
While I’m not an overweight person, I wasn’t in particularly excellent health at the time. I was good about walking 4-5 times a week, but anything else was hit or miss with me. Working out has never been THE THING for me, you know? It’s always been a chore - committing to it was hard. I didn’t see the point. I didn’t like it, so why would I do it?
But you know what else I started at the beginning of July? My Dragon Age Big Bang piece, A Cascade of Kindness. Here’s the summary:
Ame'lin Lavellan has never been a typical Dalish woman. Skeptical of the Creators and dissatisfied with her role as a warrior, she sees her people's way of living as hypocritical and lackluster. They deserve better, and she yearns to make a difference.
The world changes when, in a chance encounter, she rescues a weak and malnourished stranger who shares unbelievable stories of ancient Arlathan. After waking from uthenera, Solas' first encounter in this new and terrible world is shaped by the unusual Lavellan and her unexpected kindness. Intrigued by her unconventional views, a year of time spent with her reshapes his plans, though whether that is for the better remains to be seen.
A Solavellan What-If that spans the year prior to Inquisition including the events of The Masked Empire. How might Thedas look different if at least one Dalish woman had believed Solas while questioning his motives from the start?
That’s a really flowery way to convey my real agenda, or what you might call the elevator pitch:
Muscle Mommy Lavellan throws Solas around and tells him his ideas are dumb. Solas realizes after taking three seconds to look at his plans in a vacuum that they are, in fact, pretty dumb. Alt timeline ensues.
Really the impetus was to write a Warrior Lavellan because there are so few of them. Normally, my “main” Lavellan is a rogue; I find the relationship between Solas and Lavellan an extra layer of juicy if Lavellan isn’t a magic user. It’s one more thing they don’t have that they would if Solas hadn’t raised the Veil. This gets emphasized in every culture of Thedas in some way; only mages can be Keepers or Firsts. In Tevinter, they are the ruling class and purposefully bred. Everywhere else, they are to be feared and caged.
Being a mage is special in modern Thedas, while Solas sees it as something every elf should have.
Now what the fuck does this all have to do with my exercise routine? I’m getting there.
Well, writing a physically strong character like Ame’lin requires research. Ya’ll don’t know how long my dumb bi ass was putting together muscle mommy Pinterest boards (it was distracting, okay?) when I should have just asked my partner for some of his favorite Instagram accounts. 😂 Needless to say, references were plentiful. More importantly, it reignited my interest in the gym. I’m fortunate to have a home garage gym, as it’s a hobby and stress reliever for my husband. Now I’m just making real use of it myself.
Ame’lin feels a certain way about her strength, because it’s the only thing her people have attributed to her value. So she nurtures it, favors it, and in the process, fails to realize all the other things she has to offer.
But Solas does.
Telling Ame’lin’s story was an exercise in exploring self worth and confidence, something I have struggled with most of my life (and honestly still do). The ways we mask when we lack those things by using bravado or self-deprecation. It made me re-examine how that affects me, and how I’ve never seen myself as a “strong” person.
But what would it be like if I was? What if I already was, but I just couldn’t see it?
I offer a lot of strength; my persistence, my loyalty, my dedication to the people or creations that I love. But my body has often been a weakness. Honing and strengthening it does more than shed fat or build muscle; it becomes a supportive foundation for all the other strengths I offer, like an extra layer of armor that will keep me protected and healthy for years to come. It’s an investment in myself—one that I finally think I’m worth.
So if I talk a lot about Ame’lin, it’s because she has literally changed my life. Exploring her struggles with seeing everything she is forced me to examine the same thing with myself. No amount of listening to feedback or advice or encouragement has been able to do that; it took a dumb egg of a man and an elven muscle mommy who I now aspire to be a little slice of. I’m proud of her, but I’m also proud of me for finally, finally seeing worth in myself. Enough that I don’t feel entirely stupid sharing what I look like now:
I’ve got plenty more work to do, but feeling my body change for the better. At least I started before I hit 40?
The power of fanfiction is incredible. For me, it’s brought me a better relationship with my body and an incredible network of supportive friends whom I adore.
I think that’s pretty neat, and I hope you do too. 💪
I'm coping with life by pretending to be a vampire and owning a hellkitten and I'm pretty sure all ya'll are too.
Now I just have to decide what side of my bisexual scale this version of me lives on:
And no, there is no in between.
You can, of course, come watch me on Twitch Tues/Weds/Fri from 1pm-4pm Pacific for the next few weeks (on Thursdays, it's my Dragon Age: Inquisition run with Ame'lin). Then my schedule will likely be changing.
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Me and Mr. Dayntee. Now that everyone's calling him that, I'm not gonna stop.
A few people were interested, so here it is: a peek into my time at Sherwood Forest Renaissance Faire this year.
How was it? Well...
I joke, because Sherwood is, in fact, one of my absolute favorite faires to attend. But I am also getting older and this trip took a lot out of me. One of those "vacations" you come home from that requires an additional vacation afterwards.
This is a long one, so buckle in.
Full story under the cut:
So we were largely there for the wedding of my brother-in-law. They hosted their ceremony on the campsite grounds, which was a simple and lovely hand fastening ceremony. As it is not my story to tell, I will just confirm it was very pretty and heartfelt and great to watch all the groomsmen cry while all the bridesmaids grinned.
Faire is a magical place and these two met there, in the heart of a community my husband and I hold dear. To get to share it with them was so heartwarming and I'm glad to have been a tiny part of it. 🥰
OKAY ON TO THE ACTUAL FAIRE:
If you have not been to a renaissance faire before, you might not know what to expect. In general, they're a lot like an arts and crafts faire or a county faire mushed together and then wrapped in a renaissance theme. Most of the cast/workers will be in-character and dressed up, but attendees are generally not expected to be (though you can if you want to). I see that as a common misconception. "I can't go because I don't have an outfit!"
Ya'll, look at this crowd. Faire folk do not care. We're just happy to have you. 😂 If you want to have a good time, appreciate traditional craftsmanship, and watch talented folks perform, you'll love it. The faire food is generally pretty good too!
Anyway, day one of faire for me always starts with getting my hair braided. I haven't been to a faire yet that hasn't had a hair braiding service, and it's ALWAYS worth the time and money.
There's usually a book of options to pick from and they range in price based on complexity.
Mine came out fabulous, as you can see.
With a little care and thought (and a hair silk), I kept this style intact the entire three-day weekend with barely a single flyaway. Honestly, it was impressive as hell. I never regret the time spent in the morning and I got compliments on it throughout the whole weekend.
There are typically three things we do at Ren Faire:
Hang out and drink/eat/be merry with our friends
Watch shows and performances
Shop (or at least brows and gawk thoroughly)
🍖 The Food
MAGIC BACON WAND. Yes, it's just a candied piece of bacon on a stick with some seasoning, but it was so worth.
Faire food is all over the place. You can't walk down any aisle of the layout without finding SOMETHING to eat or drink. Vendors with carts stroll up and down the more populated areas too, especially near hot spots like the Joust arena. Highlights this year were the Magic Bacon Wand and the Dragon Ribs (which was actually just one giant beef rib). I failed to take a picture of the latter, but rest assured, it was Texas BBQ certified delicious.
🏕️ Camping
When I say we hang out with our friends, I mean we basically live at Faire the whole weekend. This year, we opted to rent an RV, but normally (and this is specific to Sherwood Forest's Faire) we rent a room in the castle.
This was largely because the castle was booked, but we made it work. We're less campers and more glampers and not afraid to admit it. 🙃 Thankfully, the clan we stay with (shout out to Raven's Fury) is filled with folks who do this on the regular, so when the onboard generator decided not to work we were able to borrow a backup generator in camp.
Given that the temperature was over 100 degrees for the weekend, we're eternally grateful for our friends and family ensuring we did not roast alive.
Camping is part of the experience of this particular faire. There are permanent areas that clans can buy up and build on, which has made the entire campground this ragtag village of bars, restaurants, and party venues. If you go wandering at night there's a very large chance you'll stumble into a rave and be handed a drink (that may or may not be at least part moonshine because Texas). That's just kind of the overall atmosphere.
There's probably at least three raves and one kareoke party happening in this picture somewhere.
✨The Shows & Performers
There's a few shows we always make it a point to go see at Faire. The Washing Well Wenches, who tour nationally, are always a riot and we make sure to catch at least one performance. Check your local faire for them, there's a pretty good chance a couple members will be there!!
It's bawdy, silly, and fun. Definitely volunteer at every opportunity. You might won't regret it. I swear it's not a trap.
At Sherwood specifically, there's a group called Blunt Force Drama that does a comedy combat show. It's also full of wildly inappropriate adult humor, but that's half the fun of it. More importantly, it's always a great laugh and they have a rotating cast so the fights are always a little different. We make sure to go to at least one of these, too:
Don't forget to leave a tip and pick up a copy of Oskar Hasselhoff's Guide to Self-Defense: Grab Them By the Crotch and Throw Them Out the Window. It's more than worth the $5.
We also tend to take up some space at the Lionheart Tavern, one of several taverns spread throughout the fairgrounds. This year we caught a show by The Fortress Dwellers (who have also been touring) and they were absolutely phenomenal.
I was definitely tapping my toes and swinging my hips while I waited for my mead without realizing it. I'll be catching them again anytime they make their way through.
Finally, we have, of course, the Joust. I've yet to be to a faire that does not have a joust or combat tournament of some kind. The Sherwood Faire, however, employs members of the actual competitive jousting circuit in the US. So these shows are full-contact with properly trained warhorses. There's nothing quite like it.
Kudos to these guys wearing full plate in 100-degree weather and then beating the shit out of each other. You are legends.
🛍️ Shopping
We avoid going to faire when money is tight because good god do I want to spend all my money in every shop we come across. Many of the pieces I own I procured from vendors at Sherwood, though Ravenswood Leather is another I shop from and they no longer attend. We did, however, go and visit their brick-and-mortar shop just outside of Houston:
I bought my wedding dress from here. Yep, you read those words right. And I was visiting to ensure I was fitted and sized properly, because I bought it sight unseen given our wedding was in May 2020 and fittings weren't really going to be a thing.
(Turns out I was, I'm just a moron who didn't know how to cinch myself properly. 😓 But hey, at least no alters were needed.)
There are some really incredible vendors at Sherwood that I basically recommend to everyone. Of note are Son of Sandlar (seriously some of the best footwear you can buy and worth every penny; they will last a lifetime), Zootzu (where we get most of our cotton shirts and skirts from), and Wondrous Works in Wood (handcrafted wooden mugs that are guaranteed for a lifetime; you can ship them the broken pieces and if they can't put it back together somehow, they will just send you a new one).
You can buy anything from a full outfit to live weaponry to wooden toys for kids to bath bombs and custom made tea blends... honestly there's too much to list. But it's great to walk around and see these peak crafters and their wares in person. The quality is often incredible
Nerd culture is in full swing at these things, so if you're into anything from comic books to anime to video games, you're bound to find something you'll like or resonate with somewhere. Seriously, cosplay is welcome here too, and often fashioned in a way that fits in with the rest of the Faire vibe:
Just a few familiar faces. 🤔
I genuinely love being at Ren Faire, regardless of where it is, but Sherwood tends to be something special. We can't always go every year (especially because I keep getting laid off 😑), but it's the absolute best time when we can. Some of our fondest memories have been in these woods and we even remember most of them!
We had a wonderful time and I hope we're able to go back next year. If not, then our next stop will be our local event: The Washington Midsummer Renaissance Faire.
Hope you enjoyed this peek into my passion and hobby. I haven't posted much about it before, but it really does fuel me creatively and fill my heart. Perhaps I should change that!
Yeah, alright @luzial, @elfyroot, and @hallahart - I see ya'll wanting to dig into my master plans. 😆 Only for you!
Open tags on this one - I always want to see what everyone's working on, so if you decide to do this and we're moots, please tag me so I can come peep!
Actively Working On:
There are three that are actively being written right now:
Raid Nights is continuing at a good pace and, I'm afraid to say, is actually pretty close to where I plan to end it. It's been a really exceptionally fun piece for me to explore things I really care about while sharing a lot of myself, but it's also occasionally been stressful and left me feeling a little vulnerable at times in the same right. I'd never planned on it being this long (lol I never do), but there's just a couple more relationship and WoW stories I want to tell before I put a bow on it all.
The Dalish Champion is almost ready for its part II! The whole thing is outlined out (it will be 3 parts in total), and this chapter only has one last scene I need to wrap up. It's helping me keep grounded in Ame'lin's voice, which will be useful for my next project.
Unnamed Gym AU is also seeing some active writing and up to around 3k so far? I really don't know what the whole of this thing is going to look like yet (one shot, longfic, something in between), but it *IS* going to exist because we all deserve more Muscle Mommy Lavellan and Sad Pathetic Solas.
Next Projects:
There are about a billion things I have in mind, but the two that are competing for the most brain space are:
The sequel to A Cascade of Kindness. Most of this was outlined out during DABB, but as it basically spans the whole of Inquisition, it was never going to be done in that meager timeline. I've started a new DAI playthrough so I can get a proper vibe for it and I know where I want to start. I've just wanted to ensure I finish The Dalish Champion first before I move on as there's some details from it I need to nail down before I start this piece.
Name TBD but my actual Bellassan piece. See, Bellassan has only ever really appeared as a side pairing in any of the works it's been tagged with (the closest dedicated fic being Eternal Arrow, my collection of smutty one-shots for them). These two deserve their own story, and I want to give it to them. I've dabbled in it a bit, but the TLDR version is a DATV wrapper with Felassan as Rook romancing Bellara and all the fun stuff that comes along with it.
Other Stuff:
The further back stuff on the backburner includes:
The Bodice Ripper, aka, my original Lavellan. I... don't talk about Aliana much because Ame'lin has taken over so much more of my brainspace, but I do have an "original canon" run of DAI I want to turn into this Bodice Ripper-wrapped retelling of DAI/DATV. It will probably only be key events and romance scenes to keep it manageable, but the other stuff I'm doing with it is the exciting part. That is, telling side stories from Bellara's perspective as the author and including snippets from the resources she used to put the whole thing together.
To Be Redeemed is my Arator/OC World of Warcraft piece. I outlined this whole damn thing not too long ago and I really do want to breathe some life into it. I wrapped up the Midnight quest line (at least, as much of it is out right now) very recently and it's given me thoughts, so I may have some new details to mull over. But there's a chunk of content here that already exists and is ready to hit the ground running once I start.
Unnamed Bonus Medieval Bellassan is a piece I have outlined to pair with @opal-apparition's A Crown of Laurels. As it's a gift, I want to take my time with it, so it's been in noodling phase for quite some time. Maybe once I wrap up one or two WIPs I can move this one up the list for more active development. It WILL be done this year though. I swear it! 😤
I am notoriously awful about doing one-shots, but I'd like to challenge myself to do more of them. I just have a tendency to want to talk. and talk. and talk and talk and—
I just spent the last week in Texas at my favorite ren faire watching my brother in law get married, which is why creative content has been… sparse.
I’d be happy to follow up with a more thorough breakdown of Sherwood Forest, my adoptive Texan family (who are all wonderful human beings I’d do anything for if they asked, and they’d do the same for me), and some of the adventures there if there’s interest!
It’s been absolutely a blast (an exhausting and hectic blast, but still), my heart is full, and I have a whole lot of thoughts about lady knights, jousts, and nerds in love that I hope will give me some creative fuel in the weeks to come.
In the meantime I’m going to be asleep in the airport hoping my flight doesn’t get delayed into oblivion. 🤞
