#dayfiftytwo

I'm still rolling the dice with my VPN.

It's on now, so I figured I might well post a blog entry.

My head was throbbing all day and Advil doesn't seem to be doing the trick. I can't figure out what's wrong: maybe it's a sinus headache or my low-iron issues.

All I did today was return a package I didn't like. It was for a shower cap and I got a weird, bonnet-styled cap made out of cotton.

Am I trying to churn butter on a farm???

So that had to go.

My head still felt dull after that, so I went to a local bathhouse to get a good soak in. I miss taking long baths back home, so this my go-to whenever I need to de-stress.

I had a nice, long soak in a bath by myself even with a few noisy children coming in and out at various intervals. Then I went to the bath assistance area so a scrubber could get rid of the dead skin on my body. I forgot how vigorous they are! Still, it was very relaxing and my scrubber was really good and nice in a maternal kind of way. My Chinese sucks, but I managed to tell her that she was good in Mandarin at the end of it.

After that, I found a massage chair and sat in the unisex communal area (clothed of course, lol) eating an ice cream and reading more of 'Big Little Lies'. It's a good reading in a subtle way, I'm enjoying the plotline so far.

CI is organising a trip to see a big Buddha statue outside of my city, so we're looking at going on Saturday. I've been in China for two years and still haven't seen it. Since X and I broke, I'm realising more and more how little I've been living while being abroad. So I'm going to take every chance I get to do some exploring and enjoy myself. I asked D if she wants to come with, I hope she'll be able to make it.

My head is still throbbing, even after eating, taking more Advil and having a cocktail. I hope I'm not getting sick. It will be nice to do some writing tonight and get lost in thoughts that have nothing to do with being heartbroken and sad.

Listening to 'Clementine' by Halsey doesn't make me as sad as before when thinking about X. My emotions are heightened these days, I just have to find a way to get used to it and deal with it accordingly. I saw a little girl on the bus earlier and I got choked up thinking about how far away I am from having a family of my own. I wanted that with X and now our chance is gone forever.

If she ever gets her shit together, I think X will make a great mom someday.

As for me and whether I still want it when the right person finally comes along, we'll see.