#dawnsdark

          was he aware his eyes were lovelorn as they gazed over the phoenix ?   or that, should anyone peer closely enough, such affections became as clear as day ?   no, not really. they weren’t rubedo’s to have. he knew that the cultivation of diluc’s romantic intentions, what beautiful words he spun with cinder and ink, were not truly meant for him. but the homunculus is a selfish, dastardly little creature, and he couldn’t help but hoard the letters at night, reading over what had meant to be a deception for deception’s sake   (   and what had accidentally blossomed into something more   …   but things did not blossom for the failed experiment. they festered. they rot.   )

          was it cruelty to keep up this façade, knowing that albedo’s interests lay with the cavalry captain ?   that this was not possibly a lie he could sustain forever ?   maybe. rubedo was still learning the consequences of his actions, and that the burning sensation in the back of his head when he watched diluc gaze at his brother was guilt. he felt it now, along with a cloying feeling like a pressing cloud on his mind he was coming to name   ;   envy.   rubedo was allowed supervised visits, trailing behind albedo’s errands and remaining observant in order to safely observe humankind   (   no avalanches or whopperflowers necessary.   )   what he had not counted on was the ragnvindr brothers in the same vicinity, or the sudden influx of another new and unappreciated feeling. like fear, but smaller, something that came with the burning haze across pale cheeks   …   mmm what was this again ?   oh   ;   shyness.

          he could no longer remember why they were at the winery in the first place. only that this was one of the first times his instinct to flee did not resonate because of immediate danger, but this weighing blanket of shame upon his shoulders. he could hear albedo and the captain talking, could feel diluc’s stare, like the pressure of magma, but nothing was processing except the weight of diluc’s letters tucked into the pages of his own sketchbook, burning a hole in his messenger bag. rubedo was dragged out of his own head by a familiar presence, diluc’s eagle making herself a perch upon his shoulder and proceeding to tug at the homunculus’ ponytail. ah, what an exquisite creature, coaxing forth diamond laughter as he raised gloved finger to stroke the avian’s head with the back of it. a familiar and comforting gesture.

          maybe a touch too familiar.

@dawnsdark: we are what we swore we would not become.

childhood aspirations and promises were always painted in a jaded light, childish ideas and innocent minds were never going to hold solid ground. both of the estranged brothers fell victim to that, and made childish promises to each other that sank the day their father fell to the delusion.

so, to hear diluc reminisce on such a notion, it left kaeya to react by simply letting out a cold, sharp laugh. he knew they were never going to keep a single childhood promise, his history told him that when he promised his birth family he'd be a shining star of their nation. they swore to be honest with each other and be brothers, and promised never to split apart. but this? how is this them being honest, or them even being brothers? withholding secrets, feelings, motivations? what are they now but mere strangers with every revelation they gave.

"it's a cruel reality, master diluc. i do wonder how master crepus looks at us now, seeing those two children he tried to raise become distant and... well, we both know what the other has done, don't we." a jaded tone in his voice, kaeya always knew he was never going to fit in, he just gave up hiding that lately. there was no need to anymore, after all.

✧. ┊    @dawnsdark pulls his hair

𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐄𝐃 , searing white crossing his vision for just a split second. before the regrator had any chance of regaining a semblance of composure, his lips part and a wanton moan slipped out. unabashed, loud, and unmistakable. started as a gasp and almost ended at surprise but its upwards inflection painted it only as desire. as soon as his unprompted confession was released into the world, it was gone.

silence. complete silence. so silent that he could almost hear diluc breathing. with inky black hair still tangled up in his assailant's hand, pantalone suddenly yanked free and brushed his coat down as if brushing off the weight of shame with each swipe of his decorated hands. so disorderly ; betrayed by his own body. he inhaled deep, chest swelling as he closed his eyes, and exhaled, shoulders sinking as he scraped his pride together.