#dastory

Hello dear diary! Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

Youko and I are home from our classes today! That means I can tell you more about our snow day!! Because I have so much to tell o(^◇^)oo(^◇^)o

Soooo.....oh yeah! o(^◇^)o After I told my sister about Uncle Kai she hugged me. I was so nervous she would not believe me. But she did! And she hugged me and told me we were going to go get warm drinks before heading off to our classes. (੭ु´･ω･`)੭ु⁾⁾

Youko and I sat in front of a small shop as we drank our warm drinks. We started talking and laughing. But then she got real quiet....I could hear the snow melting on her jacket. 

one way or another, caspar always ended up finding comfort in the arms of another. 

growing up, it had been tamlen. and when it hadn’t been tamlen, it had been fenarel, or one of a number of young men in the sabrae clan. he craved physical affection constantly, and he saught it out wherever he could, in whoever he could. if he was desperate enough, age and attraction barely mattered. he just needed to feel another close to him, touching him, and even just for a brief moment, loving him. 

it certainly wasn’t desperation that had led him to zevran, however. the elf was gorgeous from head to toe. his accent was exotic and attractive and he had stories upon stories to tell. caspar was sure he could listen to zevran talk all day. he was sexy and confident and interesting, and it wasn’t physical attraction alone that had caspar spending most nights in his bed. 

caspar was a little head over heels for the elf. not in a love kind of way, but he was most definitely a little consumed by his affection and attraction for zevran, and as far as caspar could tell, his feelings were returned. it was a puppy crush. nothing serious. and yet it meant a great deal to them both. in times of war, close friendship, and maybe something a little more, was of the highest importance. 

in fact, caspar was so consumed by zevran that he paid little mind to the others. perhaps that was part of the reason caspar allowed himself to feel the attraction so strongly; it distracted him from the stressful, negativities surrounding them, and gave him something more positive to focus on, however superficial. caspar barely paid jamie any mind at all. sometimes he caught the human looking his way, somethings they shared a brief moment, sometimes even a conversation - but caspar felt very little towards the shem. 

and yes, maybe those softly spoken elvish words meant a lot to him. maybe they made him smile sometimes, when it was late and he remembered completely out of the blue. and maybe jamie was one of the most gorgeous humans he’d ever met - but he was a human, and ultimately, caspar wanted nothing to do with him. he wanted nothing to do with any of them.

for now, he was content. but as he watched jamie tug his shirt over his head, and eyed that perfectly toned stomach and chest, caspar couldn’t help but feel a little pang of regret. maybe one day he’d give in to those desires, but he’d have to admit them to himself first. 

the more caspar learned about humans, the more he decided he didn’t care.

getting wrapped up in this civil war was infuriating. caspar couldn’t have cared less about human politics and everything which was now going wrong with it. he didn’t care about  teyrnir ‘s and bann’s and arl’s. he just wanted to fight some darkspawn and return home to his clan.

but still, for whatever reason, caspar humoured jamie as he talked. the shem droned on and on about ferelden’s feudalism, talking as if anything he said was remotely interesting or remotely useful. caspar found human politics to be about as boring as he’d expected, and a lot stupider and more complicated. why jamie felt the need to tell him all of this, caspar had no idea.

“shem politics are strange,” he commented, fingers ruffling through his blonde curls, “the dalish are not as complicated.” jamie cracked a grin and continued to talk, and caspar smiled to himself and continued to listen. he would have much prefered to be discussing assassination and sex with zevran, but alistair had stolen his attention for the time being, and caspar had grown used to having somebody to talk to as they journeyed on. he supposed jamie would do until he could reclaims zevran’s attention.

the shem continued to talk. and caspar listened, until the human dropped a rather unsightly piece of information, saying the words as if it were normal and not at all dispicable and insulting. 

boy, did caspar enjoy getting up to no good. 

he had always been a terrible influence on those around him, but he wasn’t so sure that it was he who was the terrible influence this time round. no. it hadn’t been his idea to ditch the humans the first chance they got. and maybe he had been the one to follow the cryptically worded message, but overall, caspar thought zevran was just as much to blame for this as he was.

 maybe. but either way, this was not something for the shem to ever find out about.

their afternoon had gotten interesting as soon as jamie and alistair left. the two elves slipped away from the rest of the party, and soon found themselves being handed a note from a young boy passing by. caspar would have ignored it, but curiosity always led him to do things he shouldn’t.

and perhaps curiosity didn’t quite explain why they were now dumping three anonymous bodies in a well, but what could he say? he was a sucker for a mystery. and secret notes and seemingly well-connected bartenders definitely classified as a mystery. 

once the job was done, they sought out the bartender from before. he payed them handsomely and offered them more work, but caspar turned him down. with a cocky smirk, the elf turned to zevran and wiggled his eyebrows. he had a much better idea.

a long walk later, they returned to the pearl; a sketchy brothel they had taken a body from only hours earlier. it was a bad idea. a terrible idea. but caspar was all for terrible ideas if it meant getting laid. the fee was paid and a man was chosen, and moments later, they were being led through to a private room. 

well. when in rome, huh?

caspar woke just before sunrise. the dark night sky was beginning to fade, and it was in that early morning light that caspar wandered down to a nearby creek. the grass dampened as he drew closer to the water. muddy blades of grass clung to his feet, and he thought leaving his shoes behind had possibly not been his brightest idea. still, caspar continued the trail down to the creek, keeping an eye on the human who seemed to have beaten him down to the water. 

jamie finished washing up, and caspar watched as the human realised he was there. he hoped no words would need to be exchanged between the two. since zevran’s arrival, caspar had been doing a fine job of avoiding both jamie and alistair, and he had no intention of letting up. humans were insufferable, and caspar was sure he’d made it beyond clear by now that he had no desire to change his mind on that. 

the shem turned his way, and caspar eyed him carefully. it wasn’t quite a glare, but it wasn’t a friendly stare either. more of a warning. don’t even bother. i don’t want to talk to you. he stepped down closer to the water, and then..

“on dhea.” 

the elven phrase took caspar by surprise. he turned around in confusion, but jamie was already walking away. it was a simple phrase, a simple thing, but it meant a lot to caspar. a hint of a smile appeared on the boy’s face, and as he watched jamie walk out of sight, the small smile stretched into a bigger one. where the shem had learned that phrase, caspar wasn’t sure, but he appreciated it nonetheless. 

the smile stayed on caspar’s lips as he washed up by the creek. he berated himself for thinking fondly of a shem, jamie of all of them, but he couldn’t help it. that was the closest any of them had come to showing even a hint of respect for elvish customs, to showing that they didn’t look down on the dalish like caspar thought they did. he appreciated it.

and maybe, as he crossed paths with jamie later that day, the elf gave him a small smile. maybe. but nobody would ever be able to tell for sure, now would they?

was allowing an assassin to join their party a bad idea? perhaps. but caspar was too excited care. an assassin he was, but an elf he was also, and that was more than valuable enough to keep him alive. caspar had found humans to be incompetent and foolish during his short time with them. but an elf? an assassin elf no less? caspar thought they might finally have a chance at winning this. at the very least, he finally had a chance at not going insane.

he’d take what he could get.

zevran’s arrival brought a complete change in caspar’s demenour. he found himself returning to his old self; chatty and cheerful and charismatic as ever. zevran told him about his life with the crows, and in return, caspar told him of life with the dalish and the traditions they still upheld. zevran told of his parents, and caspar told of the woman who raised him. the journey to haven was pleasant and filled with laughter and conversation between the two. 

it was a complete change of pace from the last week. caspar felt relaxed and happier now that he had somebody to talk to, somebody trustworthy to fight alongside, somebody who made him feel a little less alone in this whole thing. it was easy to forget all the shit around them when zevran was talking and flirting with him. his hatred for the human race still burned bright, but it was consuming him no longer.

night fell, and the party set up camp for the evening. caspar and zevran sat by the fire and talked as they ate, laughter bubbling from their side of the camp. on the other side of the fire, caspar noticed jamie and morrigan talking. occasionally, their eyes drifted his way, a clear indicator of what they were talking about, but caspar pretended not to notice.