#dash:carlos

Why do my professors never believe me when I say that a dog ate my homework? I thought that was supposed to be the oldest trick in the book!

I’m pretty sure until my brain calms down and I actually fall asleep my thoughts are just going to be floating behind my eyelids on those silly Valentine’s conversation hearts. Here’s hoping that you and Dude are getting more peaceful rests tonight than I am! 

I- I didn’t forget, but we’re not exactly friends…are we?

Of course we’re not mcfucking friends. That’s exactly why I should be the heartthrob. I’m like, the unattainable hottie.

Is there really any nice way to murder someone? The least you can do is carry out my last Will and Testament and give him to my friends to take care of. It’s the last piece of me they’ll have left! Or Ben, I guess, since he was technically Ben’s dog first.

I mean, if I manage to stay out of jail, then they clearly thought the murder was justified. But fine, if I’m still roaming free, I’ll give the dog to Ben. Or if he’s already dead, too, my uncle Eric is great with fur balls.