on being a woman [1] in praia, cabo verde
(small warning: men being gross but nothing too too bad, dw)
i just think it's a little sad that my whole time i've lived in boston i have the urge to live in a society where people are kind, where people help each other when they can, and where people say "hello" and "goodnight" to each other. then i land in this lovely city and a handful of people kinda make me wanna stop participating in society
(a) the concert cab driver
i went to go see neyna w some friends! however bc of some logistical things i had to go alone via taxi. in this 15 min taxi at 1am [2], the driver asks me about where i'm from, i answer, and i talk the way i do to all cab drivers. while i was building up the courage to ask him for his number [3], he offered his number. i thanked him!
he asked me if i like to drink, if i like to smoke, and we laughed about how good the nightlife / beachlife is in praia. in the ten seconds before stopping the car outside the venue, he asks me if i want to go smoke with him after the concert. i nervously laugh no i'll be tired with my friends, pay him, and open the car door. i saw him stretch out his arms. i agreed to the hug (ppl are touchy, i wasn't really surprised at the gesture)
and then he kissed my cheek. not in the latam, descendant-of-the-iberian-peninsula, be-polite-to-your-aunt way. he let out a laugh and said "see you later"
my friends and i leave the concert a few hours later. thankfully a taxi that just dropped off some ppl (going to the venue as a 4am night club lol) picked us up! for whatever reason i sorta hide my phone when i'm in public / crowded places, so when i go into my apartment, i notice i have missed calls. i have unread messages. his name pops up on my screen and i tell him i got home safely, that my friends called a taxi before i could tell them about him
after a sunday morning text, i decided to mute his notifications, and forgot about it
(b) dinner tonight
some of the students are celebrating that it's someone's last night in praia (he and his boyfriend are island-hopping before they head back home). and stories pop up.
my nonbinary friend (that self-describes as being man-presenting and does the gender-binary-at-travel thing too) talked about a taxi driver asking them to sleep with him after the ride.
the white woman phd student talked about getting a cab driver's number, ghosting him, and accidentally getting into his cab a few weeks later (she didn't recognize him). how he was quiet until she realized it was him, how he asked why she didn't respond Halfway through this 10 min ride, and how she had to pretend not to understand him (when she perfectly knows kriolu, port, and eng).
(c) the walks to the beach
the beaver school cohort (all women-presenting) sharing stories about the ways that men approach us and ask for our numbers one day and walk down the street holding their girlfriend's hand the next day. how walking from the beach to our apartment at night became a "no-no" not because of common sense but because of common lived experience.
(d) a conclusion
this is prob common everywhere that has a more "friendly" society [4], but i feel like it's shocking me bc for the past four years i've been used to strangers not caring about each other (disease scares, less catcalling, less help when i drop something on the floor, etc), so idk how to be.
soz for the non-conclusive conclusion, but i wanted to share in case ppl have any tips on how to live as smn who's not a cishet man. tyty
(also pls go to cv! sometimes if ur a tourist ppl give u free things <33)
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[1] much like oomf's vegetarianism, i'm nonbinary ("veg") in the usa and still nonbinary outside internationally but act as a woman ("meat-eater") there. i think it's easier not to correct ppl when in other countries bc language barriers, cultural barriers, and rare (perceived) availability of trans neutrality / acceptance (the "vegan food" of this simile) ... in which i turn invisibility into a privilege (joke) ??
[2] the concert starts at 2am lol
[3] the venue was far-ish from the main part of the city. it's common, even advised, to get a driver's number to make sure that u Have a way back home
[4] how i learned NOT to wear my high school uniform to the local mall once i turned 15
