May 28
I'm standing in a corner just like when you tried to ride me and it was one of the best days of my life
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I'm standing in a corner just like when you tried to ride me and it was one of the best days of my life
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I calmed down when mommy got home and i hate it
Plurality horror was 2 years ago when i couldn t remember an entire month of speaking to one guy or even who had feelings for him first NOR who is having feelings for him currently and i think it was so overwhelming that i just forgot about it in a week and that s it
Someone s having a theory and they don t know if to share it and that someone is me
I've never felt more violated than when i read comments like this (and i have been sexually harrassed too!)
It just reads like some type of conversion therapy shit, you can t trust your feelings. If you make me imagine being into sth that i m not into, constantly, then i m just gonna feel like puking and ripping apart my insides.
There s no worse feeling that someone telling you what you should be attracted to, and telling you that your enjoyment (attraction) is not actual enjoyment.
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Trying to use those artificial tears like the doctor told me but i m yet again proved that it may not be a good idea - my eyes do feel worse.
I told a doctor this and he told me to push thru for 2 weeks or sth, that artificial tears can t hurt your eyes - and me not wanting my eye condition to get worse, i pushed through
But i don t think it s gonna work pff
I m gonna try compresses more cuz before, i feel like maybe they were too hot or too cold to work appropiately, and also i did not keep them on my eyes enough
And i m gonna go back to the doctor who actually prescribed me the artifical tears and the compresses - she s genuinely the only one who gave me a diagnosis for the treatment - it s appaling to me how so many doctors gave me a supposed treatment without telling me what it s for - she was also the one who told me that i should monitor my glicemia to see if i there s a spike when i m having more bluriness or otherwise uncomfortable eye symptoms
Good news is: i had a health crisis (they re quite common unfortunately, and greatly impair my functioning) on friday. I went to family doctor and it did feel humiliating arriving there
She is a mean woman
But i did tell her why i don t visit her and what i think and while she did believe that it s just my wrong opinion that she s disgusted/dislikes me (it s not really like that; this woman would ask me about jobs or comment on my weight everytime i went there - not only it wasn t her business at some point, after she gave me said advice once, but she did quite literally shame me and said i should “take responsibility/believe it s my fault for being fat and not having a job yet”), just the thought that she knows how i feel changed sth - it made me feel like it s safer now to go there
I told her about the health hazard at home and she said she d talk to my parents
I also said that i do have health crisis quite often and idk what to do, cuz google says everything i have is a crisis, and she said that i should go to her
I also managed to ask her to not make fun of me if she sees sth as a minor issues, but i didn t know
Ughhh i m so filled with RAGE
But at least i got my blood tests done
I feel like i may have created my own hellish landscape altho idk how reliable this evidence is
(i don t mean that i created all my problems, but some)