#daolin tabris

“Zev no I just meant. It doesn’t matter, you’re right, I won’t say it again. You just scared me,” “Oh no, my Warden, I know when you are avoiding something and you are not going to avoid this. I scared you? What makes your life so indispensable? What makes you inconsequential to me?” “Love, please, let us drop this. I don’t want to fight with you,” “We have been dropping these since we arrived at Skyhold. Brasca mi amor no puedes esconder este. Tell me, my Warden, what are you so afraid of?” “I’m afraid of the Taint!” “Lo siento.¿Qué?” “The Taint, Zevran. This is what I am so afraid of. This is why you cannot throw your life away for mine for I already threw it away for a cause I didn’t believe in,” “Explain, now,” “I’ve told you of how I received my Warden abilities,” “The blood of darkspawn, you are immune to it now,” “Not quite,” “What do you mean not quite, amor, you cannot stop like that. You’ve been hiding this from me so just, explain!” “The Taint, it eventually, I have learned, eats at us from the inside out. From the moment we ingest it, it settles into our system and starts destroying us. Alistair told me not long before I’d met you, after we had already been on the run. He said I had about thirty years, give or take. Thirty years until finally the corruption has eaten away at my insides until the Blight is the only thing left in me. Then, once it is my time, I am to go to the Deep Roads for my last battle against the darkspawn. ‘In death, sacrifice,’” “Amor, I-” “So that, is why you cannot throw your life for mine, Zevran. If I were to lose you and live my last twenty years alone, I would kill myself before I hit the thirty year mark,” “No, there has to be another way, amor-” “That is why I asked you to come with me to Skyhold, because after the start of the Mage-Templar War, a mage who had previously been counted amongst the Wardens, called this place her home,” “What? She found a cure of some sort? How do you know? Does it actually work? Who is she-,” “It doesn’t matter Zev, she’s gone. Gone with the mages to rebuild somewhere in secret until they can prove they are self-sustaining, as the Inquisitor asked,” “No, I refuse to sit by, not now. How could the Inquisitor just not tell you their location? Surely he knows,” “If he does, he refuses to tell, said I need to show a proficiency for the arcane before I can know the location,” “Brasca! Él es un burro! Nosotros necesitamos encontrar un camino! Por favor, yo puedo no mirarse tu fallecerse,” “I’m sorry Zevran I’ve been trying I swear, I promise. I even thought about finding Avernus’ notes I just, I don’t know what to do anymore,” “Shh shh no no amor, I am not angry with you. That is a lie, I am angry you did not tell me sooner but, I understand why. I have not exactly told you every dirty secret of the Crows now have I? We need a way to find this Warden who is no longer a Warden. We need a mage,” “Shame that Wynne isn’t kicking us around any longer,” “Hush, I am thinking amor, where did Morrigan disappear to?” “She and Kieran disappeared into the eluvians I imagine. I wish I could have talked to him some more,” “You will amor, I promise, we just need a mage who would understand what we are doing and why,” “Well I know Velanna’s still at Vigil’s Keep, but I doubt she’d want to help her runaway knife-ear commander,” “Wait, wait, wait, wasn’t there another mage at Vigil’s Keep you spoke of to me? What was his name? The salaciously cheeky one with all the glittery jewelry he could have been a crow himself? The one who originally took care of the obnoxiously adorable kitten left with the grumpy looking man” “You mean Anders? Love, I have no idea where he is, especially after the mess we heard about Kirkwall,” “You trained him did you not? I remember him to be a creature of habit, he can’t have changed that much since,” “It’s been ten years, I-I don’t know Zev,” “We have to try, perhaps Leliana might have something for us,” “It can’t hurt to ask, no,” “I swear, I am not letting this Taint take you. We will find a cure,” “Just like that, we’re going to find the most wanted man in Thedas?” “Ten years ago, just like that we were going to stop a Blight, I believe this will be a bit easier,” “I love you,” “I know,”

“C’mon, Warden-Commander, time for bed,”

“M’fine Anders! Don’t tell me what to do, stop coming towards me. Nathaniel tell him to stand down. Hey! Don’t take a defenseless man’s drink! What kind of monster are you?!”

“I’m not going to take his place. You’ve had too much. Now unless you want to spend all night hunched over, go to bed-”

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME SHEM!”

“Ow! Andraste what the fuck! Forget this, I’m too squishy, I’m going to go get Oghren. Or maybe Justice. Nathaniel, have fun tying him down to the table or something till I get back,”

“Just try it again, fuckin dare ya,”

“Maker’s sake Warden-Commander, you don’t need to keep drinking yourself in a hole like this. Ser Zevran will come back, as he promised you remember?”

“Yeah?! Then where the fuck is he? Hmmm, Nathaniel?!”

“It is as he said, there are many, many Crows in Antiva, it’s going to take time to clear them all out,”

“No, he’s probably fucking dead, all because he won’t let me come with him, and because I’m stuck here,”

“You could stand to show a little more faith in the man you supposedly love,”

“The first time I met Zevran, I had Alistair bash his nose in,”

“That doesn’t mean he hasn’t improved since, besides, he knows these Crows, having been trained by them and such I’m sure,”

“That also doesn’t mean he’s not dead! I can’t keep waiting around like this, I need to go to him,”

“Well then, boo fucking whoo huh? Like you’re the only one who doesn’t get to see their lovely all the time. You’ve got five fine fingers, now be patient and wait for him to get back ya prissy shit,”

“You’re an asshole Oghren,”

“And you’re going to forget this in the morning. Now go to bed, and tomorrow we can write a sad and sappy letter. Maybe I can even start teachin ya to hold your drinks better,”

“I hold my drinks just fine, ya nug-jerker,”

“Thank you for getting him Anders, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep him from running off to the docks and the fastest ship to Antiva,”

“Well, we can’t just let him run off on us like that now can we? Even if he gave me a nasty punch, if I’m stuck here then so is he. End of story. Now, I should probably figure out where his room key is so he can’t sneak out during the night,”

“You know he could probably pick his way through the lock on his own door if he really wanted,”

“Well then you should come with me Ser Sneak, and ensure the lock is drunken Warden-Commander proofed,”

[A page seemingly torn from a book, likely passed around amongst initiates, College of Enchanters, 9:43 Dragon]

     Today was the strangest occurrence, a little between dinner bell and last class there was a great knocking noise that reverberated through the first floors of the tower. I had to run to the stock room for some extra flasks and was downstairs when it happened and even I heard the knocks. Then, in storms the angriest looking elf I’ve ever seen wearing some very mucked up armor, but I think I might have seen the crest on his chest before. He was then followed by a very, dare I say handsome looking elf and, I must have mistaken him, but it looked like Anders himself, back at last. The once slut of the Ferelden Circle turned terrorist of the Free Marches, still looking absolutely dreadful and in need of a haircut and properly fitting robes. Anyway, Anders was skulking a bit, looking like he’d rather be anywhere but here while the particularly enraged elf went up to Maria and demanded to know where Grand Enchanter Fiona was! Like Maria was anything more than just a potioneer! [Side notes read: Fuck off she’s better than you’ll ever be Zachariah!!] She, of course, stuttered out that the Grand Enchanter’s office was on the top floor and before she could tell him that she was probably holding class at that moment he stormed off in search of the stairs. The pretty elf gave Maria an apologetic smile and sauntered off after the other one and Anders of course just skulked after the two of them. I don’t think the elves were magical at all. They must have made Anders lead them here, we all know the enchantment is undetectable except to other mages. Can’t imagine what they want with Grand Enchanter Fiona, I’ll just have to ask my mentor tomorrow.

[The rest of the page thanks his readers for their support of his work and promises more soon and he condemns the “haters”]

[A conversation between the King of Orzammar and the Hero of Ferelden, transcribed in the Royal Palace, taken from the Shaperate, Orzammar 9:37 Dragon]

King Bhelen Aeducan [KA]: Take notes Vartag, this is an important meeting. The deshyrs will be clamoring all over him if they find out he’s here so we’ll need to make some sort of statement to shut them up and make them feel like they were here. You don’t mind of course do you Warden? Atrast vala, Commander of the Grey.

Daolin Tabris, Hero of Ferelden [HoF]: Of course not, I remember the deshyrs well, your highness. No need for all the formality, it will be a fairly short visit. I’ve come to ask for access to the Shaperate.

[KA]: The Shaperate? What could you possibly want down there? It’s just must and moldy texts down there.

[HoF]: I’ve been led to believe that there may be important information regarding the darkspawn filed away in the Shaperate.

[KA]: Information about the darkspawn? HAH! You must be joking, I’m sure the Grey Wardens have as much information as we do on the subject. Seeing as we both have been fighting them for so long. Stop being vague, it doesn’t suit you.

[HoF]: Fine, yes, information regarding warriors who contracted the Taint and what was done for them.

[KA]: You’re full of sod, even I can tell you that, they were killed out of pity and necessity.

[HoF]: I’d rather check for myself in the Shaperate for any outliers.

[KA]: And I can save you time because there won’t be any, Warden. You remember the stiffs who clogged up the Assembly before I was rightfully crowned. There’s no way any of them would have ordered research on those with the Taint, to cure or otherwise.

[HoF]: Paragon Branka left diaries in the thaigs. I know because we let your Shaperate take them for safe-keeping when we returned.

[KA]: Why would you think there is anything in those rants except information about the Anvil of the Void? She was in it for the honor of restoring the empire, after having gone mad, I wouldn’t be surprised if she blocked out the horrors she committed against her house.

[HoF]: Because if Branka was anything, it wasn’t an idiot. I just need a few hours with them.

[KA]: What good is this going to do you? Why should I let you get access to that information?

[HoF]: There are two exits to Orzammar, one leading out to the Frostbacks entrance, and one through the tunnels. You let me read what I want, I go through the tunnels, clear out any darkspawn I see. Let your troops ride in behind me and reclaim the area and the deshyrs will never know I was here, and you’ll get the glory of securing more of Orzammar.

[KA]: And if I don’t?

[HoF]: I don’t even need to fill in the blanks. You’re going to let me look at those diaries, because we both know there are bigger things on the line. Can you imagine if the Taint had a cure? How many warriors you’d be able to save rather than send back to the Stone? How many deshyrs would bend over backwards for you because you managed to cure their children rather than returning their remains in a box?

[KA]: And you would just give Orzammar the cure, even though that would be actively detrimental to your entire order?

[HoF]: I’d just be reading the same diaries that you yourself have had access to this entire time. If I happen to leave behind a copy of the notes I take I’m sure you might be able to come to a similar solution. That is, if anything is in these diaries that we don’t already know.

[KA]: Vartag, give him the clearance. Send Milldrate to help him. Warden, I know you’ll keep your word, but you understand the sensitivity of this issue I assume.

[HoF]: Of course, your highness. Atrast tunsha.

[KA] Atrast tunsha. Take the palace entrance and avoid the deshyrs.

The fight that followed may have been one of the most difficult I fought in that year. Alistair probably still has a bruise from where you ended up punching him. Though you seemed to be very thankful that his shield didn’t bash your nose into your skull. Looking back it is a wonder that none of us died, I think about that everyday now it seems. It may be because I keep hearing the story repeated in these taverns I find on especially cold nights. Regaled around tables over the warm piss for ale everyone seems to serve.

Remember after the final battle, when my father came up to us, the face you made may be my favorite thus far. How he demanded we sit down for a proper meal, and wouldn’t let you slink away after I said you were the reason fate hadn’t let me get married. Wasn’t surprised when he also demanded the whole story. Glad we glossed over how we actually met. A horde of mercenaries and a trained Antivan Crow, that certainly would have given my father a heart attack had we told him. Glad he thinks you’re a charming devil. You’ll look out for him whenever you’re in Denerim won’t you? Afraid I won’t be in the region for quite some time. Won’t be in the country for quite some time.

That leads to why I actually wrote this letter. You know me, can’t get to the point if my life depended on it. I’m leaving Ferelden my love. Sounds silly to write it like that when you haven’t been here in what feels like years. Without you, I’m not home. Regardless, Ferelden is all I’ve ever known. Not sure for how long I’ll be gone. Not sure if I’ll be back. Not sure if I’ll be able to write as often. Wouldn’t want to bore you with details, just know that I will think of you every day. I think of you daily anyway, but I don’t want you to forget that. I love you, Zevran.

Yours,

Daolin

[The bottom of the draft is rumpled from a small amount of water damage]

[Discarded crumpled bits of paper found amongst the Warden-Commander’s personal belongings 9:41 Dragon]

Grand Enchanter Fiona

-Must find more records of her time as a Warden.

-Montsimmard

-Apparently now serves the Inquisition.

-Redcliffe? Skyhold?

Avernus

-Blood Magic

-DO NOT ATTEMPT

Must figure something out, Weisshaupt will have nothing. Nothing for me to look at, at any rate. Why would they want to cure the Taint if they know that is what keeps half of their men with the Wardens? Zevran is starting to wonder why I haven’t told him what’s going on. He won’t believe I’m acting on Weisshaupt’s orders much longer. He’s not stupid. So clever, too clever. Just knows me too well to ask questions yet. Just need to tell him what is really going on. That I’m scared of the Calling. That I’m scared to become a ghoul. I’m scared I’ll end up hurting him. I’m so scared.

[The rest of the paper grows increasingly scratched on and marked out, as if ideas were written and quickly discarded in anger and frustration]

[A page torn out of the apostate Anders’ journal dating around 9:43 Dragon]

Andraste’s flaming knickers I thought I was being careful. I got found today. Thankfully it was just the Warden Commander. Though I don’t know what he wants so I may not have much to be thankful for soon. The Commander is a ranger however, that may be how he was able to find me despite my best efforts to travel unnoticed. He hasn’t explained why he was looking for me yet. Just came into the cave where I was, drenched to the bone, and demanded I build up a fire. He always did remind me of a cat, especially his hatred for being wet or cold. I remember we were in the Blackmarsh and all of his orders were practically spat at us. Didn’t particularly help things when that spirit showed up in Kristoff’s body. To be fair, Kristoff wasn’t actually using it anymore, but he had a point that the dead deserved respect.

Regardless, we are as far from the Blackmarsh as can be. Practically skirting around the borders of the Tevinter Imperium at this point. There aren’t as many Venatori around here, I suspect they’ve retreated back to their hidey holes in the Magisterium. Though I imagine that even if there were Venatori here, they wouldn’t be for long. In this kind of weather the Commander’s rage wouldn’t be limited to just darkspawn. However, I had heard stories from Oghren that suggest the Commander might not need more reasons to wish death on Tevinters. Apparently they had a slave operation running out of Denerim’s alienage during the Fifth Blight.

Almost makes me think of Fenris. Or maybe Isabela. But then again, Isabela didn’t grow up knowing those people who were about to become slaves. She still freed them though.

The Warden-Commander is starting to unnerve me. He hasn’t said a word since he got here. He was never one for words in the first place but this is getting creepy. He’s just been standing guard near the cave entrance, as if he were waiting on something. Or someone?

[The entry ends there to be picked up an undetermined amount of time later]

Turns out my guess about waiting was correct. Not long after I wrote that, a mabari started barking. Very, very, close to the cave. Scared the piss out of me, but the Warden-Commander just laughed at me but then eagerly stood outside in the rain looking for the mabari. Actually went out into the rain willingly for it. I’ve never seen that man step into the rain for anything less than total annihilation or the threat of darkspawn.

Could barely see a thing through the thick downpour but where I thought the Warden-Commander was he bent down to see this lump I assumed and then the mabari stopped making noise. Then another humanoid figure appeared next to where the Warden-Commander was crouched, I almost shouted a warning but then he surged to his feet and collided with the other person, tackling them into the mud. I almost ran out there assuming that he was being attacked but over the sound of the rain I heard loud laughing, laughing of the kind I hadn’t heard in over a decade.

After standing out in the rain for a moment longer, holding on to my staff, the one Hawke had given me, I started trying to get closer, seeing the lump jumping around where the Warden-Commander had gone down. I called out to the Commander, trying to be quiet so that we wouldn’t get anymore attention drawn to us. The lump stopped and I could finally see that it must have been that mabari who was making all the noise. The laughing died down and then I saw an arm reach into the air and wave from where I guess the Commander was on the ground.

Eventually I gave up and headed back inside the cave. They have to come back inside sooner or later, and knowing the Commander it’ll probably be sooner. I should stop writing, he hates it when it seems like I’m not paying attention.

    “Here, let me try,” Tabris said, his fingertips a light fluttering touch against Zevran’s arm as he bent down to the same level. Zevran barely resisted rolling his eyes as he abruptly stood up and stepped away in order to give Tabris all the room he needed. Within moments, the lock was easily discarded as Tabris opened the chest. Zevran could only huff and look away as the Warden went through the contents of the chest, taking and discarding as he saw fit.

    “Do you want these?” Tabris asked, catching Zevran’s attention again. He held out a few flasks, presumably filled with deathroot extract or something similar. Zevran just nodded and took the offered items, opening one of them to get a waft and figure out what it was for sure, and how strong it may be. Daolin grinned at the sight, seemingly forgetting himself before abruptly turning to their other companions after a moment.

    Zevran didn’t know what to make of the Warden’s behaviour, over the last few weeks he’d been getting increasingly familiar with Zevran. Little touches, grinning haplessly, offering Zevran things. As if Zevran couldn’t tell that the feelings swarming his chest were familiar and unwanted, but was powerless to stop. As if Zevran wasn’t entirely at his mercy, as he already had sworn himself to the Warden’s service. Something that Zevran himself was actually struggling with the concept of recently. What would this Warden do once the Blight was over, Archdemon dead and civil war ceased? What would he do with Zevran?

    His thoughts were broken up with Sten’s fierce battle cry, forcing his attention back to whomever had foolishly tried to sneak up on their group. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tabris jump back, pulling an arrow from his quiver as he moved, and Morrigan began to cast some nasty hex.

-

    Thoughts of his relationship with Tabris, whatever it may be, didn’t resurface until much later, when they were done with their tasks and had come back to their small camp. Dinner had been made and divided up, thankfully it was Leliana’s turn and not Alistair’s, so while Zevran definitely didn’t like Orlesian cuisine, at least it wasn’t Ferelden. Or whatever Alistair swore was Ferelden and not just poor cooking.

    As he pondered his dinner, he could see the Warden making his usual rounds of the camp. It was becoming an increasingly familiar routine for him to check in with each of his companions, sometimes it was a quick check in, other times he spent at least an hour talking to someone. One thing Zevran couldn’t figure out however, was why Tabris always, always, left Zevran himself for last.

    Some time later, Daolin finally made his way over to where Zevran was sitting. He sat himself down next to Zevran, stretching out his legs and groaning obscenely. Rather than amused by it, like he normally would be, Zevran just found himself getting frustrated.

    “I’ve a question, if I may,” he told the Warden, looking over at him, staring him down. Tabris looked only a small amount startled by this but just nodded for Zevran to continue.

    “Well here is the thing: I swore an oath to serve you, yes? And I understand the quest you’re on and all of this is very fine and well. My question pertains to what you intend to do with me once this business is over with. As a point of curiosity,” Zevran said, his throat feeling a little tight. Daolin just sort of stared back for a moment, thinking it over, and Zevran could see some different emotions pass through his face, confusion, understanding, and sadness? Finally Tabris leaned back and looked up at the stars before answering.

    “You could go, anywhere. If you wanted.” Tabris said quietly. Zevran felt the strange tightness start to unravel, just a little bit, and another part of his heart tightened at the words. But Zevran needed to continue asking, needed to be sure.

    “Anywhere is quite a wide choice of options, my warden. One simply assumes that, once your Grey Warden business is finished, you would have no need of an assassin to follow you about. Am I wrong?” Zevran asked, pushing for something, even if he didn’t quite know what answer he wanted.

    “I’ll not hold you to any oath, Zevran. You could leave whenever you like,” Daolin said, looking back at Zevran directly, holding his gaze. The bulk of the thick constricting feeling in Zevran’s chest smoothed away. Tabris looked honest, and hurt at the same time. Did Daolin feel just as hurt about the idea of Zevran going away? Why did Zevran feel hurt about the idea of being sent away? Zevran blinked quickly, breaking their gaze and coming back to himself enough to respond.

    “Oh? Well, I made that oath willingly, but if that’s how you see it, then all the better. For the moment, it’s still best that I stay. Considering my stance with the Crows and all,” Zevran finished, feeling like he suddenly was speaking too quickly, unsure of the thoughts in his own head. Daolin looked relieved to hear that Zevran would stay, but his face became guarded at the mention of the Crows. Something about his face, slightly turned away from Zevran, prompted the assassin to continue.

    “But let’s assume that I didn’t desire to leave, when the time came. What then?” he asked, his voice sounding much more sure than he felt. Tabris looked back up at him then, expression still mostly guarded, but something else was there too, not that Zevran could tell what it meant.

    “Why wouldn’t you go, if you had the chance?” Daolin asked back, clearly trying to not sway Zevran in any way. Zevran only got frustrated by the tactic.

    “You know, you shouldn’t answer a question with a question. It’s rude.” he said, smirking at the other man, trying to lighten the mood a little bit. “I suppose, I don’t entirely know what I could go back to at this point. Unless something is done about the Crows, I will likely be forced to evade them for the rest of my life, however long that may be. Antiva will always be in my heart, but I don’t suppose it would be very smart for me to go back and just try to be a fisherman or something. Can you even imagine?” Zevran said, smiling lightly for Daolin’s sake.

    “You’ve spent so much of your life being told what to do, I can only imagine you doing exactly what you want to do,” Daolin replied, almost sounding pitying. Zevran felt his hackles raise at the comment, he knows Daolin most likely didn’t mean anything by it, but he feels defensive all the same.

    “And I suppose you have spent your whole life deciding things? Deciding to stay in the Alienage and get married off by your only close relative? Deciding to get conscripted to the Wardens after killing the Arl’s son?” Zevran questions, his voice raising only the slightest bit. He immediately wishes he could take it back, as he knows these are still raw wounds. But he hates that Tabris wants to pity him for the hand he was dealt, regardless of the fact that they were all dealt shitty hands. Daolin’s eyes widen at the questions Zevran poses to him, and seems to realize what he said and looks properly admonished.

    “You’re right, I imagine not many of us really do have the choices we like to think that we do. I apologize for my comment,” Tabris said, turning his head back to look back at the stars. “I just find myself hard pressed for any reason why you would want to stay,” he finishes, still staring at the sky. Zevran can see there is a tightness in Tabris’ jaw, keeping him from saying something he is clearly thinking about. Zevran himself is feeling a bit too raw as well at the moment, and decides that they both have probably had enough of these thoughts for the night.

    “Well, it is good to know what my options might be. But that is for another time. For now, it is late, I am exhausted and you should definitely be exhausted,” Zevran deflects, standing up and stretching slightly. He goes to offer a hand to Tabris to help him stand up and just gets looked at by his Warden for a few moments. Zevran is surprised by some of the emotions he sees cross Daolin’s face, disappointment, amusement, and something like fondness? It’s tender and leaves Zevran breathless for a moment, enough so that he doesn’t want to actually name what he knows he saw on Daolin’s face.