Lukas gets up from bed as quietly as possible and gets dressed. Once he is ready, he goes downstairs and starts making breakfast. Toasts, coffee, juice, the whole thing. Now that their nightmare was finally over, they loved enjoying all those little things they got to share together, such as having breakfast before going to school.

Lukas is finishing toasting the bread when Philip shows up in the kitchen. Even though he is already dressed for school, he still looks sleepy as fuck.

“Oh, you made breakfast,” Philip says, trying to hold back a yawn but failling miserably. So adorable, Lukas thinks, grinning to himself. “What a considerate boyfriend I have.”

Philip comes closer and pecks Lukas quickly on the lips, which gets him a wide smile from his boy. Lukas is so distracted by the boy’s cuteness, he almost misses it. 

Oh, fuck.

“P-Philip?” Lukas stutters, trying to catch his breath.

“Hm?” Philip answeres absently, paying more attention to his coffee than to Lukas’ frown.

“Are you wearing eyeliner?”

That seems to finally wake Philip up. 

A deep silence feels the kitchen.

“Um, yeah,” Philip finally says. “Thought I’d give it a try.”

Lukas just nods. Why on earth is he so turned on by this?

They both have breakfast without much chatting. Lukas decides to blame it on how tired they both are, not on the fact that he is so fucking aroused by his boyfriend’s eyes. Of course it has nothing to do with the fact that, if he speaks, he might actually let out a loud moan by accident. The breakfast he had made is just too amazing to talk, that’s all. 

The trip to school is tough. They both get on the motorcycle, Philip behind Lukas’ back, just like they always do. Only that this time, having Philip wrapped around his body like that, so close to him, makes Lukas’ mind go dizzy. He is so needy and having such wild thoughts right now and he needs to focus on the road or else he will get them both killed. But dude, how fucking hot could his boyfriend be?

Lukas is surprised to see they make it to school in one piece. Once they are off the bike and inside school, Philip tries to take Lukas’ hand, just like he always does each morning when they arrive. They have been doing that for a while now and, since their relationship was already old news, nobody gave them much of a second look anymore. Only that this time, this morning, Lukas avoids Philip’s grasp.

Lukas sees how his action hurts Philip. He sees the disappointment in the boy’s eyes. But he physically can’t have any contact with Philip right now or else he might not be able to let him go. And he is pretty sure the principal wouldn’t appreciate them having sex in the middle of the school’s corridors.

So Lukas decides to avoid his boyfriend as much as he can. He knows Philip’s time table by heart by now, so it is really not that difficult to anticipate where the boy is going next and so he always heads the opposite direction. The only time they see each other is during lunch, in which Lukas settles with sitting across from Philip. People would notice if he suddenly took a sit at another table after months of dating Philip, and the last thing he needs right now is a bunch of assholes making up rumors about them.

After what feels like an eternity, school is finally over and Lukas feels free. Only that when he reaches for Philip to go back home, Rose tells him that the boy had already left without him. Why did he leave?, Lukas thinks all the way back to his house. 

As soon as he gets home, he takes his phone only to be welcomed by no messages nor missing phone calls. He actually starts getting worried now, did something happen to Philip?

Lukas calls him a few times but there’s no answer, so he settles for a simple text: Hey, is something wrong? Why did you leave without me?

He goes to the kitchen to drink some water and try to calm himself down. Not much time goes by until his phone rings with the arrival of a text. Don’t know, you tell me.

What?

I am coming over, is all Lukas writes before he takes his motorcylce again and rushes to Philip’s house.

As soon as he arrives, he goes inside the house looking for his boyfriend. He finds him leaning against the kitchen’s counter, arms crossed to his chest, looking pissed. 

No, not pissed. Sad. Has he been crying?

“Philip? What happened?” Lukas asks, as worried as ever. He tries to get closer to Philip but the boy takes a step back, keeping his distance.

“Are you for real right now?” Philip’s voice is filled with a bitter tone Lukas can’t quite understand. “You’ve been acting weird all morning. You should be the one explaining what’s going on.”

Lukas stays silent, suddenly ashamed by his behavior. Had he really been such a jerk? Philip exhales, getting frustrated.

“Was it because of the fucking eyeliner?”

Lukas sighs, knowing he has no way out of it.

“Yeah.”

“I knew it. You just can’t deal with it, can you?” Philip snaps. “Look, I get it. You got weird out. You have this whole internalized homophobia inside you, can’t really control it, blah blah blah.” What? “You probably feel threatened by this whole make up deal, not really your fault your masculinity is that fragile. But you know what? I don’t have to deal with your shit.”

Oh. Oh.

“Philip, no.”

But Philip pays no attention to Lukas’ interruption and just goes on and on about Lukas being a dick. Well, he doesn’t use those words exactly, but that is basically the point. So Lukas does the one thing he knows will shut his boyfriend up for good.

He grabs Philip by the hips and pushes him against the counter, crashing their lips together. Philip struggles to set himself free, but Lukas doesn’t soften the grip.

“Listen to me,” Lukas says against Philip’s ear, his voice already deep and dark due to the arousal. “It was not like that. It didn’t ‘weird me out’. It fucking turned me on, you idiot.”

Lukas takes advantage of Philip’s surprise and starts kissing his neck, slowly making his way all over to the boy’s lips. He sees Philip coming down from his rage, starting to melt into Lukas’ grasp.

“Wait, re-really?”

“Yes, really. I didn’t get close to you because I knew that, if I touched you, I wouldn’t be able to let you go. You were driving me crazy.”

Lukas presses his body against Philip’s and kisses him with such intensity that his boyfriend can’t stop himself from groaning. Without breaking the kiss, all hands and gasps and whispers, they make their way to the bedroom.

Thanks god Helen and Gabe aren’t coming back until dinner.

The next morning, since Lukas had to go back home the day before, he tells Philip he is picking him up to go to school. When Philip sees the motorcycle on the doorway, he waves Helen and Gabe goodbye and meets his boy outside.

“Morning,” he says, while grabbing a helmet. Lukas’ heart skips a bit.

“Philip, are you... Did you paint your nails?”

Lukas can swear he sees a smirk printed across Philip’s face before he puts the helmet on.

“Yeah, why?”

it becomes rutine for him, writing every andrew related thought that goes through his head 

he writes during class

he writes after practice

he writes before going to sleep every night

and then the kiss on the roof happens

and he loses it

as soon as it happens he locks himself in his room and starts filling page after page after page

feelings flow out of him through the pen and become words 

he isn’t even thinking anymore, he just lets words do his thing and clear his head from all the confused thoughts and misguided feelings

when he is finished, when no more words come to mind, he reads what he’s written, feeling exhausted

he feels his mouth go dry when he reads the last sentence 

“i think i’m in love with you, and that terrifies me” 

he leaves his notebook on the desk and goes for a run, trying to escape from what he has just written

but he can’t, because his feelings are already out there, and he can’t deny them anymore

he is out for at least two hours, and when he comes back to the dorms and goes into his room... oh man

andrew is already there, notebook in hand, reading the words he had written

reading his feelings, reading all that’s been going through neil’s mind during the past few months

neil freezes

andrew stares

after a few minutes of unbearable silence, neil tries to speak, only managing to say “i...”

andrew gets up and leaves the room, leaving the notebook and neil behind

neil grabs his head and starts panicking 

“fuck!”

what is he supposed to do now, he doesn’t know

so he just lies on bed and tries to sleep, failing miserably 

he writes some more in an attempt to get rid of his thoughts, but the look on andrew’s face haunts him

it was too much too quickly, neil knows, but he doesn’t know how to excuse himself, he doesn’t know what to do to make it better

time passes and neil doesn’t bear this self pitty any longer so he gets up and leaves the room

he is shocked to find andrew sitting on the bean bag, watching tv and eating ice cream

they look at each other until neil finally says “let me explain”

andrew just says “no” and puts his attention back on the screen 

neil heart sinks. he’s ruined it

he manages a small nod and whispers “okay” while walking towards the door

but before he gets to leave andrew says “join me. yes or no?”

a smile cracks neil’s face and he feels like he can breathe again

he inmediatly answers “yes” and walks towards andrew, sitting next to him but leaving a considerate space among them

andrew offers neil ice cream

they silently watch tv for the rest of the evening

neil relaxes

they will make it work