#dangender

Firstly, I would like to acknowledge that a lot of the people who have been pushing for a dangender reveal are either trans themselves or know at least one trans person, and they've seen or felt how incredible it feels to come out and be who you are. People want to see others embracing the joy of accepting themselves, and that's valid! But assuming you know how someone else feels better than they themselves do is not cool. Dan has said multiple times that he knows who he is and he is comfortable with his gender identity, and that's amazing, and that should be enough. Let him dress however he likes without any expectations.

It takes SO MUCH COURAGE to go against the grain and wear something that society considers unusual, and when you wear something new and you're immediately interrogated about why you're wearing it and what it means for your identity, you are probably not going to wear it again. Don't ask; if there's anything for them to discover, let them figure it out on their own. It's rude and awful to speculate or to out them before they're ready, even to themselves.

When you see someone wearing "feminine" clothing or painting their nails and your immediate assumption is that they're not a man, you are enforcing the gender binary. skirts and dresses and high heels and makeup do not make a man less of a man. It's just fabric and shoes and chemicals. When you assume that a man wearing something feminine isn't a man, you make it harder for men (and trans women!!!!) to explore femininity safely, without expectations or commitments. If a man chooses never to try wearing skirts or makeup because he is scared others will make assumptions, he is never going to find out that he likes the way they make him feel, and isn't that sad? To miss out on something that would bring you joy because you never felt like you were allowed to try it without judgement.

It's worth asking yourself why you want Dan to be trans so badly. Do you feel uncomfortable with the idea of a man exploring femininity without sacrificing his masculinity? Why is that? You want him to be happy, but why are you so sure this will make him happy, when he's already told us he's comfortable identifying as a man even though he feels more like a formless blob inside? I can relate to that, as an agender person, but if i wasn't dysphoric living as a woman I would never have transitioned, and there's nothing wrong with that. You're allowed to decide you don't care, you don't have to do anything about it, and you absolutely do not have to label yourself. Dan has stated multiple times that he prefers ambiguity; let him be whatever he wants to be in peace.

but are you making sure to show up for & make this fandom safe for our transfem sisters too? are you supporting transfeminism or are you falling into fetishization?

thinking dan's fem personas/outfits are hot & throwing in some she/hers to your posting does not automatically make you into someone who's interrogated your ingrained biases. nothing magically makes you safe for transfems to be in community with, so put in the effort to make sure you are!