#dangarang.

just. nothing she is is herself. when she's with junko, she is junko's. when she's with fenrir, she is fenrir's. it's not so much 'disassociation' when she had nothing to associate herself with to begin with. she copies junko in canon, and during their two-year (ab)normal days i bet she did a lot of the same with the other students. not, like, homework, of course; she's scary intelligent on her own. friendly reminder that mukuro lived homeless for some years etc. she can do book work and many cognitive life skills.

but when it comes to people. people that aren't a zoomed-in picture paper-clipped to a dossier. that's when she mentally retreats. if someone invites her to go to the movies or some such, she says yes, but she'll never initiate the asking. in art class, she sketches out something original exactly once, before terrifying the teacher and half the students with, i don't know, something personally-impersonal like a still life of some of her favourite firearms. after that she looks on to what others who do well in the class do and takes a handful of elements from each

SHE'S just been used as a tool her entire life and you don't ask a hammer how it ~feels~ when it pounds in a nail, do you? if anyone asked her how she felt, what she liked, and she had to go beyond holophrastic "... Fine" or "... W... Weapons?" she would just be completely. lost. "... I don't know. Why do you want to know?" is this an interrogation? who are you working for

which just makes the whole. naegi. thing. terrifying for both mukuro and junko. because here's someone who's basically the complete opposite to her in all ways empathy. mister shsl counsellor. and for the first time, she feels herself... caring about him? it... would mean something if he died? (can you imagine her just. telling that to naegi out of some misplaced understanding of appropriate emotion. "Naegi-kun. Happy birthday. [gives him a box. it's a katana.] I would be displeased in the event of your death." "... Th... Thanks? B-Back at you, Ikusaba-san?")

and so now junko has this like competition for her affections and this is new. it's kind of like fakir when mytho started getting his heart shards back only if fakir were an entirely different flavour of ... whatever adjective i'm thinking of. jerkass maybe. i'm running low on fumes by now.

therefore i leave you with this bit from my friend who also adores mukuro to pieces & i hope e chimes in to this

<surskitty> gods I love Ikusaba <surskitty> what a dweeb <surskitty> write me ikusaba sucking at being a high school student <surskitty> 'sensei i lost my homework while i was on break' 'how did you lose your sculpture' 'my squad leader accidentally dropped it on a land mine' <surskitty> 'sensei, may i be excused' 'why' 'i just was informed i need to blow up the tokyo tower' 'y -- WHAT' 'just joking.' <surskitty> 'naegi-kun may i copy your notes; there are bloodstains on mine' '... [ considers asking.  doesn't. ]  of course, ikusaba-san' <surskitty> kirigiri: 'ikusaba-san, may i test whose blood it is?  i want extra credit in science.' 'oh, i already know.' '...' '... of course you can' <surskitty> (It's Junko's last victim's.) <surskitty> (Ikusaba would never be so careless as to get blood on her belongings.) <surskitty> (Except for her knife.) <surskitty> (Her knife does get blood on it.)