#dane rants

lately ive been getting worse at holding up relationships, it’s like people don’t get me anymore and everytime i try holding on end (family) i end up letting go of the other (friends) over the constant need for recognition through whatever work i have (studies). i mean im sure my family is really proud of me for learning to appreciate the value of work and the importance of working hard for the future but i end up sacrificing the time for friends over the preparedness in work. i feel like i should do something about slowly slipping away from my friends but my parents are finally appreciating my improvement and i finally feel like i should give myself some credit on the improvement. as much as i love being around people, i dont feel like it’s enough to actually make me feel good abt myself. i mean everytime i actually spend time with them i just feel hollow and empty like i dont belong, my studies make me escape the loneliness ive been living with for my whole life. i know escapism is not always the right way to solve problems but i just dont want people to see my emotional instability anymore, im sick and tired of being labelled as super sensitive, people using that weakness against my personal growth and self-esteem. now im putting up defense and am potentially trying to lose all my friends but in the good side, im finally earning respect and have better manipulation over my feelings. whether thats a good thing or bad thing idk but i just hope i figure things out