#damesviolet

Sometimes I let my passiveness flow through me, out through my pores into flooding streams. They lead to nowhere, they have no resolve, no dramatic waterfall or sudden drought. My frustration leaves me feeling a sudden disdain about your existence and I ask myself how I can forgive my ruthless thoughts and involuntary bitterness. Your actions leave me bewildered and mundane. I have become a stagnate paradox.

’I'm stuck in the crypt of my indecisiveness and I don’t know what to do. Your deceit is the cause of my restlessness and yet I want to believe your painted mask. You’re a master of your craft and my heart blackens as a result. Trust was stolen in the heat of midnight and the facade was struck with one fatal vow. I feel like I will never be greeted by the warmness of redemption and I’m devastated. I hear my nightmares howl as the realization of what I face dares to look me in the eye. You are my fear realized and I don’t know what to do.

I once thought that love was a fleeting whisper, something to imagine, but not render. A mere glimpse of God I could barely see. However, knowing you has changed my perception, I finally hear the rumble, the ferocity of nature. Love was not the same image I have harboured and relentlessly sought before. With the idea of you, I wanted to be in it more. I finally see the horizon of my quest, and lest I forget the sensation of me at my very best.

My body is a commodity, valued not by it's intellectual worth, but what it can do for it's master, like cattle led to the pastures, I know my life won't be enough to fulfill the masses. You question the definition of value when your life has none, you seem undone, distraught, knowing your freedom will never be bought.  To have hope is a false sense of security, false purity to those who know disappointment all too well.